How to Ask for Help (leadership vulnerability 4/5)

The previous article discussed the hurdles and rewards of seeking help; this blog will delve into practical scenarios and approaches for asking for assistance effectively.

1. When You Have No Idea What You’re Doing: 

1A. Show your work & get clarity.  Be sure to do your homework before just asking because if it is something that you can figure out yourself, you want to stay away from those questions.  Asking somebody and they look on the internet to find the answer in 30 seconds will show you should have taken that step.  Make sure to consider simple options; many people try to break down doors when they have not even checked if it is unlocked.

1B. Start by looking through your available resources – inbox, team folder, and company intranet.  You do not need to spend extensive time here, but briefly perusing may get you the correct information.  Know your limitations; do not torture yourself for hours or days before getting the help because people value efficiency.  Dedicate a reasonable time you want to spend digging into the work yourself. You don’t want your boss to wonder why you did not come to her sooner to get a little help that would have unblocked and expedited the whole process.  Also, if you try to do it yourself when you have no idea, it can turn out wrong, and you will have wasted your time.

When you do ask for help because you have no idea, you can share with them where you looked and what you tried so you are viewed as being resourceful.  You can say, “I’ve explored our resources and consulted with Sam but I still have questions.  I would love to get more clarity on the details of the XYZ project. Could we set a time to sit down, talk through the nuts and bolts of this assignment, and make sure we’re on the same page?”

2. When You Have Too Much on Your Plate.  It happens to the best of us. You say yes to every project because you want to be helpful, and now you’re completely buried.  You’ve reached your limit, and you know there’s no way you’ll finish everything by the deadline, even if you pulled all-nighters for the next three weeks.  Request some assistance from your other coworkers.  You may feel like you’re shirking responsibility.  But everyone has been in this situation at least once in their life. You can say, “I don’t like feeling like I’m trying to pass off work, but I’m swamped.  If you have any extra time, would you mind helping me with the XYZ aspect of this project or  “I know that’s your area of expertise; Would you mind lending a hand or providing guidance?”

3. When You Made a Mistake.  Mistakes are inevitable; when they happen, do not try to cover them up and hope nobody will notice.  If you need help fixing your slip-up, approach the appropriate people immediately.  Mistakes can be meaningful learning experiences, and you build skills when you work with colleagues to resolve such issues.  Asking for help when you make a mistake can also help you develop problem-solving strategies.  “I made an error on the report on this project.  Can you assist me in rectifying it?  Your expertise would be invaluable.”

4. When You Need Additional Expertise or Insight.  So, if you’re working on a projectyou think could greatly benefit from the additional input of your co-workers, do not hesitate to ask them to lend their advice and talents.  It fosters collaboration among your team members and helps make your project the best it can be.  You can say, “I’m working on XYZ project, and I’d love your expert insight into this area.  Can we set up a time to chat and bounce ideas off each other?  I think your input could take this project to the next level!”

4A. Contextualize Your Inquiry When Possible.  Instead of asking, how do I complete this form, you can ask, “I know there has been a change in some processes lately, is this the correct form to complete for this engagement?” 

4B. Prepare Solutions and Attempts.  Your coworkers and supervisors may be more likely to help you if you have tried to resolve the issue and have some possible solutions you can try.  Doing so shows that you have been attempting to manage the challenge independently, giving your colleagues a place to start when they offer suggestions.  Having these prepared as you approach your colleagues for assistance also shows your competence and problem-solving skills while giving them insight into your issue.

4C. Offer Options with Recommendations.  If the question is subjective about what to do next or the best approach, and there are no right or wrong answers, only better or worse approaches, instead of asking open-ended questions, such as what do you suggest, you can provide a menu for them to react to.  For example, “I know this customer has had a pivot and is focused on that.  As such, I narrowed the best approach to this campaign as A, B, and C.  Here are the pros and cons for each.  I recommend A for these reasons.  It would be great to get help on the approach.”  You can also ask, “Am I thinking about it in the right way, or do you feel differently?  Giving them a menu of options enables them to assess your ideas quickly, and, if needed, come up with a few of their own.

Embracing the art of seeking help is a testament to humility and adaptability.  By leveraging our peer’s collective knowledge and experience, we foster a culture of collaboration and continuous improvement.

Quote of the day: "It is a sign of strength, not weakness, to admit that you don't know all the answers." - John P. Kotter

Question:  What strategies have you found most effective in seeking support?  Comment and share below; we’d love to hear from you!  

As a leadership development and executive coach, I work with leaders to strengthen their communication, contact me to explore this topic further.

The next blog in this series 5/5 will focus on top tips to consider when requesting help.

How do you ask for help?

Why Asking for Help Matters (leadership vulnerabilities 3/5)

In our professional journeys, we inevitably encounter moments of uncertainty and challenge.  Though asking for help may initially feel daunting, it unveils many personal and organizational benefits.  Let’s explore the concerns, rewards, and strategies associated with seeking assistance in the workplace.

Concerns with Asking for Help:

1. We can Feel Self-Reliant.  If we are used to being self-sufficient, figuring things out, and getting all things done, suddenly feeling like we want or need assistance from others can be hard and feel humbling, challenging our sense of autonomy and competence.

2. It’s Uncomfortable.  There are social risks we can encounter in asking for help, we may fear rejection, and if we do need help and others do not help us, we can feel disappointed or even resentful if we have assisted in the past.  We also worry about our perception; we want to look good and competent.

The fear of rejection and concerns about perception may deter us from reaching out for support, fostering discomfort and reluctance.

3. We View it as a Sign of Weakness.  We want to put our best foot forward.  If we are starting a new job, we want to ensure they hire us for a reason.  When we ask for help, it is a failure because we should know what to do and how to do it.  We can feel like we have a diminished status because they know something we don’t know.   

4. Worried about Getting the Wrong Kind of Help.  Sometimes, you can ask somebody, and they can offer help in their particular and rigid way rather than in the way you prefer to the point where it does not even feel like help anymore.  It can create more work and stress in the process and have us regret asking in the first place.

5. Don’t Want to Owe Anybody Anything.  If we ask for help, we may feel like we must return the favor or will have something held over our heads.

6. Uncertainty in Seeking Guidance.  You may not know where to start with your help and you do not want to ask the wrong person, thereby exposing your incompetence if you do not have to, so we feel it is better to remain silent than foolish for speaking up in the first place. 

Benefits of Asking for Help

1. Acquisition of New Skills.  Seeking assistance fosters learning and skill development, enabling individuals to expand their knowledge base and enhance proficiency.  By asking, you learn expectations and processes that will allow you to do your job more effectively.

2. Facilitation of Career Progression.  It’s virtually impossible to advance in modern organizations without assistance from others.  Cross-functional teams, fragile project management techniques, matrixed or hierarchy-minimizing structures, and increasingly collaborative office cultures require you to constantly push for the cooperation and support of your managers, peers, and Directs.  Your performance, development, and career progression depend more than ever on seeking the advice, referrals, and resources you need.  Rhonda Morris, Head of Human Resources at Chevron, said that asking for help is a sign of strength because it shows that you are engaged, taking ownership, and signaling that you can deliver the work asked of you.

3. Effective Workload Management.  Sometimes, when you ask for help, you can learn the cause of the overload and overwhelm and redesign your work for more efficient scheduling.  You may also find that some of your coworkers handle tasks better than others, which can lead to a more even distribution of work.

4. Enhanced Productivity and Efficiency.  Asking for help allows your coworkers to recognize your limitations and build most robust workflows for the team, which can improve productivity for the overall company when they are managing resources efficiently.

5. Strengthen Relationships with your Coworkers and Supervisors.  You build camaraderie by acknowledging your colleagues' specializations and expertise while working toward a common goal.  Many enjoy helping their peers; asking for help can build those relationships.  By not asking others for help, you are depriving them of the good feeling they get from helping.  Also, it benefits the person providing help.  When we request help, we allow others to share their knowledge and expertise, which can be incredibly fulfilling for them.  It strengthens relationships and builds trust, creating a culture of reciprocity and collaboration.

6. Build Psychological Safety & A Collaborative Work Environment.  Psychological safety pertains to the belief that one can take interpersonal risks, such as asking questions or for help, or admitting mistakes, without facing negative consequences.  When employees feel safe, they are more likely to seek assistance, enhancing team collaboration and problem-solving.  Recent studies have demonstrated that teams with high levels of psychological safety tend to outperform those with lower levels.  Moreover, employees in these environments experience lower stress levels and greater job satisfaction, leading to increased productivity and overall organizational success.  The process can build goodwill between you and your coworkers as you recognize their expertise and reinforce that your team is working toward the same goals.  In this environment, asking for help becomes a natural part of the learning process rather than something to be feared or avoided.  When people are invested in each other’s success, creativity and innovation blossoms.

Embracing the art of asking for help is not a sign of weakness but a testament to strength, resilience, and a commitment to continuous growth.  We unlock our full potential and foster a culture of collaboration and excellence by harnessing the collective expertise and support within our professional networks.

Quote of the day: "The strong individual is the one who asks for help when they need it." - Rona Barrett

Question:  How do you like to ask for help?  Comment and share below; we’d love to hear from you!

As a leadership development and executive coach, I work with leaders to strengthen their communication, contact me to explore this topic further.

The next blog in this series 4/5 will focus on tactics for asking for help.

The Importance of Help - When do you Ask?

Effective Strategies for Handling ‘I Don’t Know’ Moments (leadership vulnerabilities 2/5)

In the previous blog, we delved into the concerns and benefits of embracing the phrase “I don’t know.” This article will explore practical strategies and scripts for employing those words confidently and gracefully in various scenarios.

Common Scenarios and Responses:

1. When Asked a Factual Question in a Meeting.  It happens to us all, we may be behind on our research, our minds may go blank, or we simply don’t know.  Here are some approaches to take and scripts to use:

·      “That’s exactly what I’m seeking to answer.”  This shows your boss that you are with them, and the information will be forthcoming.

·      “Let me find out” or “Let me look into that and get back to you with what I discover.”  Or “Great question; let me prioritize a response and circle back.”  When expressed in a supportive and self-assured way, you say you are willing to work to locate the answer.  You show yourself as cooperative, valuable, and a resourceful team player.

·      “I want to ensure I have the most updated information, let me confirm with you by 5 pm today,” or “That’s a good question, and I want to give you an accurate response; let me get back to you by the end of day.”   This shows that you are on top of this work, and it is fast moving, so you want to return with all the correct information.

·      If you have a general idea, you can respond at a high level and avoid specifics. 

o   For example, if somebody asks how the campaign went you can say, “Initial numbers showed it went well, but let me dig into it more, run some reports, and send exact figures to you by the end of the day/week.”  This shows you as somebody who airs on the side of providing accurate information.

·      As a leader, you may not know the ins and outs of every project in your department, let alone your function, that’s ok, you can redirect your response to another.

o   “I’m not sure I’m the best person to answer that.”  Then you follow up with the person you think is most appropriate.  If the person is in the meeting, you can turn to them, “Jill, I know you are running lead on this project; what information do you have now that you might share?”  Or you can say, “My information suggests that Jill would have better insights on this topic; let me turn it over to him.” 

o   If the person is not at the meeting, you can say, “let me connect you to Bill.  He has been doing a great job leading this project, and I want him to provide the most updated information.”

2. When Asked an Opinion Question.  For example, “What is your take on remote work,” and you do not have an established perspective yet:

·      If you have no idea, you can say: “That is an interesting and complex question.  I want to ensure I give it the full attention it deserves; let me ponder it a little more and follow up with my thoughts.”  Or “let me flush out my thoughts once I have the headspace to give this more direct consideration.”

·      If you have a vague idea, you can say, “That is a good question, I can briefly share my preliminary thoughts, but I want to reflect on this question longer and get back to you when I organize my ideas even more.”  Or, “I have a vague idea but want to reflect on this question longer to provide a detailed perspective.”

·      If you want to enlist others’ perspectives or if you simply are unsure where to look, you can say, “Thank you for the question; I appreciate you bringing it up.  I do not have a strong perspective on the topic right now, but I’m curious to learn what others think?”  Or “I have that same question, what thoughts do you or the rest of you have?”

·      When you know of the best person to answer, “Why don’t we ask Bob, this is a topic they have been living and breathing so it would be helpful to start with their perspective.

3. When Asked a Question Adjacent to the Topic.  If you are presenting on a topic and know everything about it but get asked a question about something tangential.  For example, “How does the program you’re proposing for one target group impact another?”

·      “We haven’t studied working parents, but here’s what I can tell you / what I know: Seniors, whom the grant designated as the target audience, responded favorably in our initial studies.” This strategy brings the discussion back on topic and ensures that all your hard work and research are not wasted.

·      “My best guess would be this…” You can offer an explanation based on what you know, a working hypothesis or a few ideas that can be a launching point for a brainstorming session.

·      I’ll note this for further investigation; let’s return to our main topic.

4. When You Want to Empower the Team to Find the Answer.  You can ask probing questions to get a clearer picture or guide them toward finding solutions.  Your actions will also have demonstrated your commitment to finding an answer, and your team will respect this.  Such questions include:

·      “What else have they read or been told about the issue?”  

·      “What have you tried to do, and how did it go?”  

·      “How important is the issue and its connection to our key priorities?  

·      “Who is impacted by this the most, and what is the cost if nothing changes?”

·      That’s an interesting concept; how would you go about testing the idea?

·      I’m curious to learn what others think.

5. When Asked a Question that Sort of Makes Sense.  Don’t assume you should know the answer, ask them questions to get more information to possibly react to or you can refer them to another team.  You can say,

·       “Can you provide more context?”

·       “That’s an interesting question.  What’s driving it?”

·       "I'm not entirely sure.  Can you point me in the right direction, or do you know someone who might have the answer?"

·       "I'm not familiar with this topic, but there are experts in our team/department who will likely be able to assist you."

6. If You Already Responded and Were Unhappy with It.

·      You can say, “I tend to be a deeper processor, I do not like to fire off my first thoughts, but instead take my time with concepts to think about.  Let me ponder this more and offer my revised thoughts next time we connect.

·      “Let me take some additional time; my best ideas usually emerge on the drive home or while I’m making dinner, let me get back to you on my point of view a little later.”

·      “My best ideas happen with reflection.  Let me get back to you once I’ve had the time to do that.”

7. When Asks a Question that Does Not Deserve a Response.  Some people ask questions just to derail the agenda, embarrass, or trap you.  They pose absurd hypothetical questions that are unrelated, so do not feel like you have to play their game and answer them.  You can say:

·      “That question will take us in a different direction, I’m happy to meet with you later to discuss this topic or focus on your specific interest.”

·      “Thank you for the question, let’s connect offline to address it in detail, or I want to be mindful of time and stick to the agenda topics for this meeting.”

8. When you Do Not Know an Answer and Should not be Expected to Know.  You can say.

·      This is out of my purview; I’d recommend consulting with John in Finance for the best response.”

When you say ‘I don’t’ know’ with honesty and confidence, without sacrificing integrity, you seize the opportunity to showcase humility and earn respect from others.

Quote of the day: "The more I know, the more I realize I don't know." - Albert Einstein

Question:  How have you seen others respond in similar situations that might be helpful to you?  Comment and share below; we’d love to hear from you! 

As a leadership development and executive coach, I work with leaders to strengthen their communication, contact me to explore this topic further.

The next blog in this series 3/5 will focus on the concerns and benefits of asking for help.

The Power of ‘I Don’t Know’

Strategies for Reclaiming Recognition after a Credit Robbery (Taking Credit series 2/2)

In our previous article, we discussed the various scenarios where credit theft can rear its frustrating head. This article will empower you with practical strategies and helpful scripts for navigating and reclaiming credit in the workplace.

Strategies for Reclaiming Credit:

1. Correct the Record in Real Time. If somebody appropriates your idea in a meeting, take immediate action and assert your ownership.  Politely interject by saying, “"I'm glad you agree with the idea I shared earlier; I'd be happy to provide more insights into its development." Alternatively, you can thank the person for echoing your idea and elaborate on your thought process, “Thank you for pointing out my idea in a different way, here is what I was thinking when I came up with the idea…”  The goal is to regain control of the narratives and ensure people recognize you as the idea’s owner.  

1A. When your Colleagues Omitted your Credit.  Graciously acknowledge your coworker and highlight your own involvement: "Glad you liked the presentation. Sandra and I worked closely on this project, and she led the way on this aspect."

1B. When your Meeting has been Hijacked. When somebody takes over your meeting because they are leading a part of the workstream, while you are the overall owner, you can reclaim control by clarifying your role.  If the whole room starts following your peer Bob who has a minor role and he is becoming the point person for answering questions, you can say, “Let me jump in and answer this question.  When I started this project, here is the intention and the initial problem statement my team and I put together. I brought on additional stakeholders, including Bob who is running point on this channel but for questions on any of the other channels, I’d be happy to answer them.” Or you can say, “let’s take a moment to zoom out and think about the overall purpose of this project. Here is how I designed it…. and for questions relating to how all the pieces fit together, I’d love to address them before we drill down on one of the channels that you might have specific questions about.”

2. Encourage Peers to Set the Record Straight and Redirect Credit.  Peer intervention can be helpful.  They can clarify the situation by saying, "Just to clarify, Sue brought up this excellent idea ten minutes ago, and I thought it was fantastic.  Sue, could you provide more details about your proposal?"  In a December 2023 Republican debate, Vivek Ramasamy attacked Nikki Haley’s character by saying, “She has no idea what the names of those global provinces are but wants to send our people to go fight in those locations.” Chris Christie swiftly intervened and said, “he has insulted Niki Haley’s basic intelligence (she doesn’t know regions, she wouldn’t be able to find something on a map that his 3-year-old can find), and not her positions.  If you want to disagree on issues, that’s fine, and Nikki and I disagree, but I have known her for 12 years.  She is a smart, accomplished woman, and you should stop insulting her.”  Standing up for others can have a significant impact.

2A. Encourage your Boss to Correct the Record.  If somebody gave credit to somebody else and your boss jumps in to say, “I’m glad you appreciated the idea, but Jenna was the one who came up with it.  I’ll pass the floor to her for more insights.”  It makes a difference.  Be sure to thank them after the meeting or send an email letting them know how much it meant to you to support you in front of everybody.  You can also let them know you are proud to have a leader like them in the company because you make them even more aware of the behaviors they should continue.

2B. Use Amplification to Gain Allies.  This powerful strategy was employed at the Obama White House to ensure recognition of female staffers’ ideas.  When President Obama first took office, 2/3 of his senior staffers were men, and they noticed sometimes women would share their ideas, they would get overlooked, and then moments later, somebody else would share that same idea, and it would get acknowledged by others. To combat this, when female staffers made a noteworthy point, other women would echo their points.  This forced others to recognize their contribution and denied them the chance to claim the input as their own.  For example, if one woman shared an idea and it got lost, another woman would jump in and say, “I want to return us to Jill’s excellent point, here is what she said that was so valuable.”  As a result, President Obama started calling more on women and junior aides to voice their options and women gained more parity with men. 

This strategy has so many benefits.  Amplifiers usually go to the highest rungs of leadership because they are seen as competent and generous, and people want to be in the community with those individuals. We convey a kind of confident and generous leadership that attracts great people to our team.  We also increase our colleague’s sense of value, belonging, and connection to the company and its mission.  We increase positive perceptions of us by linking us in people’s minds to other successful people. We deepen our relationships with clients and create more opportunities to serve them. Adam Gran,t in his book Givers and Takes, talks about those who give away at every opportunity are the oneswhot rise.  You can even amplify people’s voices outside the company.  Invite experienced colleagues to join you on panels or feature your work in their series. 

2C. Believe in & Practice the Shine Theory.  This is where elevating others ultimately benefits you.   When you have privilege and power, you have a greater audience and are better positioned to help others by shining a light on their work.  Deloitte does a great job with this, they have their Conversation with Leaders Series where they showcase senior women on the front lines of the financial service industry through talks, articles, and podcasts. You can also connect colleagues with expertise to other people and opportunities to elevate their credibility. For example, “You mentioned driving innovation in this market, I was just talking to my colleague Beth who is the absolute authority on this topic, I’d love to connect you two.”

If you are in a meeting and there are lots of ideas, all swirl, but nobody is taking a stand, you can move the conversation along and give credit to others by saying, “Hearing everybody’s thoughts has been clarifying for me, here is what I think we should do to move forward.” You can even mention the few parts that stood out and shaped your thinking. These actions show humility, grace, and inclusion in your operations.

3. Set the Record Straight with Colleagues.   If you notice that you are in your boss’ shadows and they are taking credit for your work, you can shed light on your significant contributions to your peers.   Explain your thought process, involvement, and the efforts you and your team invested to drive that body of work.  For example, “When I came up with that idea, I was thinking of this challenge, so my team and I spent months developing an initial prototype before we started recruiting partners.  I am happy to share more about this technique and the broader finders with the team.”  Alternatively, “I was having a great conversation with the CTO when the idea came to me to try this approach.  My team immediately offered support, and here is how we went about it…”. You will be sending a clarifying message that you and your team are the owners of the idea.

3A. Correct the record with Peers in Writing.  If somebody posts on a Slack channel (e.g., your peer Beth) and assumes the credit for your work, you can jump in and gently correct any misattribution by saying, “I’m delighted to see my concept gain traction, we formed the perfect team utilizing Beth’s data expertise to achieve these results.”  Alternatively, “when I initially proposed the idea, it was because Beth inspired me, she immediately saw value in the concept and has been a great collaborator on this project.”  Or, “Thank you Beth for taking a leap on the idea when I pitched it and making it even greater; I could not have done this without your help.”

4. Correct Record with your Boss.  If you worked with John and he told your boss he did all the work, you can say, “I’m so happy you liked the idea, John and I spent hours brainstorming before we landed on the winning idea.” 

If your internal partners try to inaccurately include you in some work when you are not part of the job, you can also share that.  I had a client who was never consulted by her cross-functional partners when they put together a report to give to leadership team that provided key information on her team’s work.  Her peers misrepresented the situation to leadership and acted like they consulted her to give the report more credibility.  When she learned of what happened, she was frustrated because she had made several attempts to collaborate with those stakeholders and was blown off.  She went to her boss and shared, “I wanted you to know there is inaccurate information in that report because my team was never consulted, and I do not want that piece of work to represent my department. I tried to schedule a meeting multiple times with them, but they could never find time.”

5. Have Direct Conversations with Credit Usurpers. Engage in open conversation when you observe someone wrongly attributing your work.  Share your observations and ask for their perspective.  Seek clarity and agreement on how you both can present your contributions more accurately in the future. 

If your boss has taken your idea, you can share that one of your goals is to get visibility with senior leadership, so when you find out that your name was not attributed to the strategy, you are just curious to learn why.  Then, you can say, “Next time there is an opportunity, I’d love to present this body of work to raise my visibility; how does that sound to you?”  Or, “I’d love to own the part of the presentation based on the work I did; Would that be okay?” Get their commitment to you leading the work next time.  You cannot sit around to get opportunities; you have to proactively carve them out for yourself. 

Leadership Expert Liz Wiseman shares a story of when she was putting together a leadership program for new managers and part of that included a binder of materials.  When she was at a meeting with the team, her boss started going through the binder and talking about some of the materials, to Liz’s dismay.  So, she had a direct conversation with him.  She began with questions, “Whose idea was the binder?  Who did the work for it?  Who should be the one to present the binder?”  She shared that it may not have been his intention but when he shared the binder, it made it sound like he did all the work.  She knew she had to speak up because she did not want to establish a precedent that she would do the work and somebody else would take the credit. The boss responded, did not even realize what he had done, and was grateful for her to point it out.  Sometimes, these things will happen, and if it is an accident, after a conversation, there is a greater chance that the person will not do it again.

In other situations, credit theft is done intentionally.  I had a client whose boss once said, “I’m responsible for this team, so I will present the work.”  When that happens, you can say, “I understand that, and it is important to me that the work I do to advance our team is acknowledged.”  Or, “I know you are responsible for the overall project, and would love to present my piece which I dedicated countless hours to, would that be ok?”  

6. Address Mislabeling by Your Boss.  When another client of mine spoke up to get credit for her work, her boss responded, “you are too sensitive; don’t be territorial and not a team player.”  Just because the boss may have anchored a false perception, does not mean you have to take it at face value.  One approach with your boss is to get curious and inquire about their viewpoints and definitions of team players.  Say, “I’m curious, what do you view as a team player? “ Then you can share your approach to teamwork. “I view good teammates as not taking credit for other people’s work but giving credit where it is due.  It is a joy when I highlight others’ work, I love to give credit, here is how I recognized somebody on my team recently….”  Or, “When it comes to my take on teamwork, I take a lot of pride in my work and love to share it, the way I want my team members to share their work and not take credit.”  There is a space for recognizing both the individual and the team.

7. Highlight Unwanted Behavior.  In the example from the previous article, when the colleague introduced my client poorly to the CEO, you can directly talk with the person to clarify your role and importance.  Here are some scripts:

·       “I noticed when you introduced me to the CEO, you said this and neglected all these other things.  I wanted to take a moment to understand how you introduced me in a way that did not capture my bigger and more important role.”

·       "I appreciate the introduction, but I have a more significant role in this project than mentioned. Let me provide a broader perspective so my bio can be more accurately shared next time."

·       You can use the intent and impact framework – “It may not have been your intention to dimmish my role in your introduction, but I was left feeling confused to be described in a way that does not represent my full scope.  I’d love to learn more about that.” 

·       Be sure to share your expectations going forward.  “Let me take a moment to explain my role and provide context in what I bring to the table so you can accurately present my bio.” 

·       “Going forward, please introduce me this way or say this line and turn it over to me, and I’d be happy to share my bio that matches the work I’m doing around here.  Do you have any questions about that?” 

·       “You may not realize this, but I wanted to share with you my role so you can introduce me to people in her office going forward to capture the scope of work best adequately.”  

8. Limit Information Sharing Until Trust is Established.  As entrepreneurs, share information strategically.  Communicate at a high level with few details initially, reserving your unique story and messaging for when trust is firmly established.  While their message may try to be like yours, your authentic passion will be greatly felt more than somebody else’s superficial borrowing.  You can even talk to the person and let them know you were disappointed to see the information they presented without your consent.

These strategies help you navigate situations where your credit is misappropriated, ensuring your contributions are rightfully acknowledged.

Quote of the day: "Individual commitment to a group effort—that is what makes a team work, a company work, a society work, a civilization work." - Vince Lombardi

Question:  Which strategies have you found most effective in confronting others?  Comment and share below; we’d love to hear.

As a leadership development and executive coach, I work with leaders to communicate effectively including strategically self-promoting; contact me to explore this topic further. 

What do you do when somebody takes credit?

Recognizing and Navigating Credit Theft in the Workplace (Taking Credit Series 1/2 )

Have you ever found yourself in a situation where you put in the hard work on a project, only for someone else to take credit for your efforts?  It's an unfortunate scenario that can be demoralizing, but there are effective strategies to set the record straight and address this issue.

This article will delve into common ways credit can be unjustly claimed, and the next one will explore strategies to respond effectively.

Common Scenarios of Credit Theft:

1. Peers who Share your Ideas.  Picture this scenario - you share your innovative ideas with peers, and they either remain silent or attempt to discourage you.  Later, in front of leadership, one of them presents your idea as their own, which is well-received, and they are now put in charge of the project.

2. Colleagues Omitting Credit for Your Work.  When collaborating on a project, a coworker presents to leadership and consistently uses "I" instead of "We" without mentioning your contributions.  It can be frustrating when you added just as much, if not more, and because they were the face of the project, they assumed all the credit, even if you were the more prominent behind-the-scenes player.

3. Boss is Taking Credit For Your Work.  Imagine spending weeks developing a strategy, only for your boss to present it to his leadership team as his own without acknowledging your contribution.  They were even on PTO during part or most of the planning process and were not really clued into all the details, yet they were the mouthpiece for the plan. What’s most egregious is that you only learned that they presented it as their own and gave you no credit when you had a conversation with his peer about getting promoted and they responded that you needed to strengthen your strategy-setting muscle.   You are baffled because you just built the whole strategy for the next year so you conclude that your name was not attached to your body of work.

Credit taken is quite common in politics.  Representative Pete Stauber voted against Biden’s bipartisan infrastructure bill in Nov. 2023.  Yet months later, in January 2024, he bragged how excited he was to have received funding for Minnesota’s 8th Congressional District to improve 29 airports without saying where the money had come from.  He aimed to take credit for other people’s hard work by bragging about something he was directly against.

4. Ideas Taken During Meetings.   You may start to share an idea in a meeting, only to have your audience initially overlook it.  Later, another person repackages and presents your idea as their own, receiving a positive response from the attendees.  Something similar to this situation happened recently with one of my clients; she was the idea’s originator and brought in partners along the way for others to pitch in on small areas when needed. During one meeting, when she was presenting, one of the partners spoke up and added information and ended up assuming control of the meeting because all the future questions were directed to him.  He provided the answers like he had been working on it from the beginning, even though he led only a small part and was not the overseer and was brought in well after the projects started.

5. Appropriation in Professional Networks.  Entrepreneurs and independent contractors may face this in a professional network group that aims to support each other.  You may be sharing some ideas, perhaps, a workshop you want to run, and you want to get feedback from the group.  You later learn that your peer has packaged that program and started offering a version on their website without your permission. This feels hard because a lot of trust has been betrayed; you offered your ideas to get supported and not copied for others to profit.   Or, if you are doing an exercise on defining your mission and niche and others have shared their first draft and they seem really unclear, then you share yours, which is well articulated and thought out and you realize as the program continues, people are now using your niche because your work has influenced their thinking.  This can be quite frustrating because you put so much time and effort into getting clear on your authentic messaging and having it on your website, and they come in and try to take some of that language and shortcut the process for themselves.

6. Ideas Taken in Interviews.   During interviews or proposal submissions, you share ideas on workshops you want to deliver with the hiring manager. You do not get hired for the job but later learn that big pieces of your presentation were used by their internal team to deliver the content and exercises. It almost felt like the meeting was taken just to get fresh perspectives on what to do with no intention of procuring an outside contractor.

7. Diminished Introductions by Others.   Sometimes, peers or colleagues may introduce you in a reduced capacity, downplaying your role or contributions to a project.  I had a client who was running a project and was designated as the primary liaison for the visiting CEO.  Her peer who initially received the CEO introduced my client in a reduced capacity, basically saying she was helping to take care of some local logistical pieces even though she had a much bigger role. She has been misrepresented, and I would love to correct the record, but I do not want to seem petty.

Credit theft in the workplace is an unfortunate reality that many individuals face. It occurs for various reasons, ranging from insecurity and competitiveness to a lack of awareness about the importance of giving credit where it's due. By recognizing the common scenarios in which credit theft occurs, we can better prepare ourselves to respond.

Quote of the day: "Real integrity is doing the right thing, knowing that nobody's going to know whether you did it or not." - Oprah Winfrey

Question: Do you have examples of when somebody took credit for your work?  How did you respond?  Comment and share your experiences below; we’d love to hear.

The next blog in this series 2/2 will focus on strategies for reclaiming credit after a robbery. 

As a leadership development and executive coach, I work with leaders to communicate effectively including strategically self-promoting, contact me to explore this topic further.

Has somebody taken credit for your ideas? What did you do?

Elevate Your Team’s Success (Self-advocacy series 7/7)

In addition to ensuring your contributions are visible, consider doing the same for your exceptional yet often unnoticed teammates and colleagues, particularly those who belong to underrepresented groups.

Let's explore ways to highlight other’s work:

1. Acknowledge Their Achievements. Recognize your teammates' accomplishments through thoughtful gestures such as gift cards, congratulatory lunches, or public acknowledgments on a Kudos board. When you celebrate their successes, you not only incentivize continued excellence but also convey their value to the team. Leadership Author Kevin Cruz highlighted that this recognition can significantly enhance performance and engagement.

2. Invest in Their Professional Development. Encourage and support your team members’ professional growth.  Provide opportunities for training, workshops, or courses that can enhance their skills and knowledge. Investing in their development benefits them, strengthens the team's capabilities, and advances the organization.

3. Provide Stretch Assignments. As a leader, identify your team members' strengths and assign them tasks or projects where they can showcase these abilities. Matching skills to opportunities for growth can profoundly impact their careers.  Columbia Law professor Alexander Carter shared a story of when all the lawyers from her class got together one month into their jobs to give talks.   The professor in the back of the room pulled her aside and let her know she was a fantastic speaker.  She said she would like to put her on a committee that gives legal presentations, and that allowed her to have so much more practice, which led to her incredibly successful career.

4. Offer Them Visibility with Leadership. Invite your teammates to meetings with you to increase their exposure. In leadership gatherings, amplify your team's voices and ensure their ideas receive proper credit. For example, you can say, "Jill's innovative approach to this event significantly improved employee satisfaction and connection. Jill, could you elaborate on this?" Or, “Bill came in with the winning idea that helped us gain the client’s trust.  Bill, can you share your strategy?” This practice elevates your team's contributions and highlights their significance.  You can take it a step further and put them on a substantial project so they can play a significant role by presenting to the executive team.

5. Endorse Them Privately.  Even when they are not present, endorse your teammates to your peers by discussing their achievements and sharing valuable insights your team has gained from them. Reference their ideas and represent their perspectives to contribute to their credibility. Incorporate any testimonials from key stakeholders or customers to reinforce their reputation.

6. Share Credit on Projects. Always acknowledge the team members who contributed to a project's success. Similar to the acknowledgments in a book or an Oscar winner's acceptance speech, emphasize that your success is a collective effort. Mention how your team played a pivotal role in making this happen. People appreciate success stories more when credit is attributed where it's deserved.

7. Express Appreciation of Your Team to Your Boss. When your teammates excel, send appreciation emails and consider copying your boss. This practice not only recognizes their accomplishments but also highlights their value within the team. 

8. Publicize your Team’s Efforts on Your LinkedIn.  Randelle Lenoir, VP Branch Leader at Fidelity Investments is a pro at this.  After speaking to her mentor, she set a goal for herself to post one thing on LinkedIn each week:  a photo of the team doing important work, a recent win they collectively had, or just an individual achievement.  One of the most popular posts was when a younger member held his certificate and announced that he had just passed his series 7 exam.  She usually has good engagement with other team members, chiming in during the celebrations. The impact this has had is that she has developed a pipeline of great people who want to work for her because they see how excellent the culture is.  This allows her to be agile in creating movement for current members, if they want to move on and do something else, she can pull from her waiting list.

By implementing these strategies, you can actively contribute to the success and recognition of your team members, creating an environment where everyone's contributions are acknowledged and celebrated. 

Quote of the day. "Great things in business are never done by one person; they're done by a team of people." - Steve Jobs

Question. How do you effectively promote your team?  Comment and share below; we’d love to hear! 

As a leadership development and executive coach, I work with leaders to communicate effectively including strategically self-promoting, contact me to explore this topic further.

How do you promote your team’s successes?

Shifting Perceptions for a Promotable Future (Self-advocacy series 6/7)

If you find yourself passed over for a promotion but are determined to enact meaningful changes, there are effective strategies to shift perceptions and prepare for future opportunities.

According to Carol Kauffman, Founder of the Harvard Institute of Coaching, there can be a significant time lag between making behavioral improvements and others recognizing these changes, especially if prior behavior was viewed negatively. This transition can take several months, even up to a year. In cases where you've been labeled as challenging, stubborn, or self-centered, it may feel as if you're trapped in this perception.

Here are actionable steps to signal your growth and alter the way your supervisors and colleagues perceive you:

1. Promote Your Growth. Just as companies announce forthcoming product upgrades or service enhancements, market your efforts and substantiate your transformation with evidence. When a retail store undergoes renovation, they immediately inform customers, display a "coming soon" banner, and provide glimpses of the improved storefront or layout. You can apply this concept by openly sharing your personal development goals so they can begin to collect evidence to support those changes.  If you've received feedback about missing deadlines, communicate your commitment to meeting all deadlines without reminders.  If your manager sees you as someone who avoids problems instead of solving them, and you quietly change your behavior but don’t communicate what you are doing, they may not notice.  You can offer comments to show your proactively, such as, “I’m working on this challenge and maintaining full ownership until it is resolved. Here are some steps I’ve already taken; I’ll circle back when there is more to convey.”  If the same challenge arises in a larger team meeting, you can jump in and share that you are on the case and offer one thing you have done and your next step so they see you as having a good grasp of the situation.  You can also be diligent in your written communication.  If an email is sent to you and your manager, it is helpful to respond as soon as possible, letting them know you are on top of it and offering some next steps so they restore faith in your abilities.  When you alter your underlying behavior and showcase it, you start to create a new reputation. 

Bradley Cooper embarked on a similar issue of altering his reputation.  He is famous for being an incredible actor with hits like American Sniper and the Hangover Series and has received numerous academy awards, and is one of the highest-paid actors.  While his reputation was strong as an actor, he felt underutilized and wanted to Direct so when he pitched A Star Is Born to Warner Brothers, it was a big leap.  He got the job, received many Oscar nominations, and is widely recognized for being much more than a skilled actor.

2. Consistent Demonstrated Behavior. Consistently demonstrate the desired behaviors or qualities that you want others to perceive in you. For example, if you want to be seen as a proactive problem solver, consistently take the initiative to address challenges and find solutions. Send email updates without reminders to inform others of what’s going on. Over time, your actions will reinforce the new perception you're aiming for.

3. Demonstrate Leadership. Take on leadership roles and responsibilities within your organization or community. Leadership positions often have opportunities to showcase your abilities and qualities to a broader audience. Being a proactive leader who leads by example can change perceptions about your capabilities and potential for growth. 

3. Seek Feedback. Actively seek feedback to keep your changes at the forefront of others' minds. If you are working on improving your meeting management skills, engage your colleagues by informing them of your objective and requesting their input. Afterward, follow up with them to gather feedback on your progress. Regularly checking in on your goals will make others more aware of your efforts.

4. Seek Mentorship and Role Models. Seek mentorship from individuals with the qualities or skills you want to be known for. Learn from their experiences and let their guidance help shape your behavior and mindset. Having role models can provide real-life examples to emulate and inspire positive changes in how others perceive you.

5. Evaluate Alternative Paths.  In cases where the gap in perception seems insurmountable or when you lose motivation to change the situation, consider exploring new opportunities elsewhere. Sometimes, a fresh start in a different environment can offer the best path to advancement.

By focusing on these strategies, you can effectively change how others perceive your professional skills, capabilities, and potential.  

Quote of the day: “The only person you are destined to become is the person you decide to be." - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Question:  How do you best shift perceptions? Comment and share below; we’d love to hear from you.

The next blog in this series 7/7 will focus on promoting your team. 

As a leadership development and executive coach, I work with leaders to communicate effectively including strategically self-promoting, contact me to explore this topic further.

How do you shift perceptions?

Mastering the Art of Promotion Requests: More Tips and Strategies (Self-advocacy series 5/7)

In the previous article, we delved into three crucial factors for seeking a promotion: accomplishments, vision, and passion.  This article will expand on these aspects and explore additional valuable tips.

1. Seek Endorsements from Allies.  Harness the power of endorsements from colleagues who can vouch for your leadership potential.  Approach them in advance to gauge their support and ask how they would describe your qualifications for a promotion. This not only strengthens your case but also provides insights for improvement.

2. Identify Decision Makers.  Promotions often involve a committee, especially at the higher levels. Discover their criteria and seek opportunities to collaborate with key decisionmakers on projects to showcase your capabilities and gain their support.

3. Have a Plan B.  If a promotion is not immediately available, consider alternative benefits. Request support for professional development, executive or leadership coaching, training opportunities, tuition reimbursement, or membership into professional organizations. Maybe they can connect you with a mentor so you can learn another part of the business, or you can ask to attend key executive meetings so you can gain greater visibility to the broader part of how the company operates, or push for a flexible schedule so you can enhance your skills and value.

If they say no to your promotion because of promotion freezes by the company and not because you are not ready, you can ask if you would have their support next time and get that verbal agreement in advance.

If they say no because they feel you are not ready, try not to leave the conversation unless you are clear on the 2-3 things to focus on to get promoted in the next cycle. You can ask what are two skills that people in that position demonstrate so you can start working on them.  Or, is there something you should stop doing that would help you advance in your career?

4. Cultivate and Leverage Authentic Relationships.   Before vying for a promotion, you should build a reputation as somebody who builds good relationships and is a team player.  Be willing to jump in for others, offer support, build on their ideas, and celebrate them.  When you realize that somebody is having trouble with a new program, volunteer to jump in and share so you can fast-track their learning; those gestures go a long way.  Maybe you hear another leader having trouble finding certain information, and that’s your area of expertise; you can email the information even without being asked to do so.

Also, it is okay to leverage relationships which are at the heart of building many successful careers. Madeline Albright got to know Bill Clinton and wrote him a recommendation, and then he returned the favor and nominated her to a critical political position; of course, she was qualified, but many other people were as well.  Men are good at exchanging favors, whereas women tend to give their time to help without expecting something in return.  This is what a typical exchange can look like for many women, your coworker John says, “Can you fill in the meeting for me tomorrow?” You respond, “I don’t think so, I have a lot going on.” He pushes and says, “I have another meeting where a key decision needs to be made and if I don’t show, that project will be delayed by weeks.  You relent and say, ok and he says thanks.  That should not be the end of the exchange.  It would help if you then signaled reciprocity.  “Sure, I’ll fill in, but I need your help on Thurs. morning to get this part of the work done.”   If you have no upcoming work that needs to get done, you can say, “You owe me one if I need coverage later on.  Sound good?”

5. Speak confidentially. Don’t be tentative in describing your skills and experience.  For example, “I’ve never held a position like this before so I’m not sure if my skills are an exact match.”  It seems like more of an issue for women because less qualified men are much bolder.  They may say, “I have exactly the skills you seek and easily meet the requirements because I’m excellent in x, y, and z.”  Replace your tentative language: “I think I can contribute,” with stronger language: “Here is how I plan to contribute;” “My track record shows that I’ll be able to…”

6. Define Your Desired Role.  You should know the role you are going for to make your case.  If the organization has created a new role, it is an excellent opportunity to define it as you cocreate the details.  If you suggest a new position, map out a job description while leaving space for them to add their thoughts, generating greater buy-in.  You are trying to make it easy for the other person to say yes, and if they have yet to learn the specifics of the role, they are more likely to say no because there are too many factors to consider.

7. Increase Market Rate Awareness.  Research market rates for similar roles at other companies to understand your value.  Internally, research on compensation packages of peers in comparable positions with similar team sizes should be gathered to negotiate effectively. 

8. Demonstrate Competencies.  Showcase how you already possess the competencies required for the next level. If there are some that you are not doing, you can offer your plan to fill those gaps.   

9. Address Concerns. Proactively address any concerns or reservations that decisionmakers may have. Offer practical solutions and share your vision for overcoming potential challenges.  For example, they may be worried that you have never run a team more than 10 so 30 is too big of a stretch.  You can walk through your vision of how you would manage that challenge.  Or, if you now have to start a partnership with the engineering team but have little exposure, you can talk about your plan to build relationships and collaborate efficiently.

10. Be Tactful in Disclosing Weaknesses.  Sharing your development gaps can be helpful, especially when you have an environment of trust and support.  When somebody has power over your pay and promotion, you can also be cautious, especially if you are unsure about the trust and depths of your relationship.  Instead of saying, “I have imposter syndrome running this team that are more experienced and older than me.” I would frame it in seeking advice.  “You have always been so helpful; I would love to learn your approach to running teams that have more experience than you?”

11. Correcting Misconceptions.  If you encounter misinterpretations or inaccuracies in feedback, address them promptly.  I was working with a leader once who was asking questions about a new vision that was rolled out.  The HRBP, who was in the meeting, labeled him as not quick to get on board.  There were no other data points to support that statement, yet feedback followed him for a long time.  When that happens, be sure to correct the record.  Schedule time with the person who gave the feedback to try to understand it better.  See if there are examples they can provide.  Share what you have been doing to bring people along.  Provide context for your approach. e.g., “At the beginning of a new initiative, I tend to ask many questions to gain greater understanding. It is so I am better prepared to answer questions that I will get from my team. The number of questions is more related to deeply understanding it than questioning your vision.”

12. Interview Elsewhere.  This is helpful because you learn about other opportunities, better understand your worth, and refine your self-presentation.  If you get an offer, you can take it to your boss as a powerful negotiating tool.  Sometimes, companies are reluctant to promote from within too quickly, but when faced with losing you, they magically find money because letting you go is more expensive than paying the extra money you want.  In fact, it can cost companies up to 100k or more to bring somebody in and onboard them.

13. Avoid Bluffing.  Honestly is essential. Never claim to have another offer unless you genuinely intend to accept it. Bluffing can damage your credibility and future promotion prospects. 

By incorporating these additional strategies into your promotion request process, you can effectively enhance your chances of success and navigate the complexities of career advancement.

Quote of the day: "If you don't ask, you don't get." - Mahatma Gandhi

Question.  Who do you know that is great at asking for a promotion?  What was their approach and why were they effective? Comment and share below; we’d love to hear from you!

The next blog in this series 6/7 will focus on ways to showcase your growth to shift perspectives. 

As a leadership development and executive coach, I work with leaders to communicate effectively including strategically self-promoting, contact me to explore this topic further.

How do you gain allies before you ask for a promotion?

Making your promotion case: Preparing for Career Advancement Conversations (Self-advocacy series 4/7)

Asking for a promotion or raise can be intimidating, often causing individuals to shy away from a potentially uncomfortable conversation. However, it's crucial to advocate for yourself and seize opportunities for professional growth. In this article, we will explore three key steps to put your promotion case together and be ready for the conversation.

1. Document Your accomplishments.  Before approaching the conversation, document your top 3-5 achievements across various work areas.  Specify the strategies you employed, the results achieved, and the context in which you operated. For instance, describe how when you took over the customer success team at the beginning of the year, they lacked infrastructure and fell short of their targets.  You restructured the team, defined clear roles and responsibilities, introduced new metrics and processes, and achieved a 10% customer growth during layoffs and fewer resources. 

You can document your wins as a leader and the impact on teams and culture.  Maybe you have created a high-performing team that receives consistent positive feedback from key cross-functional partners and have gotten your people promoted and recognized throughout the organization.   For culture, perhaps you led successful offsites that resulted in more cohesive teams and the reduction of silos or put in place a series of cultural practices that have increased engagement and morale, innovation, retention, and high performance.  Or, you are a great culture carrier and can be relied on to do the right thing and represent the organization the way it wants.

It is helpful to keep a running list of accomplishments that you add to monthly so that when it is time for your promotion, you already have the information; it is just a matter of packaging it into three big advancements.  If you are not delivering your results, it may be challenging to get promoted.  In that case, do not just evaluate the last six months to a year, but look at a longer horizon to see how the context and global factors have played a role.  Maybe the expectations have shifted, and your new bar for success should be just maintaining the current customer base rather than gaining 5% additional customers because this is in the context of your competitors seeing a norm of 10% loss.  You could have set your goals when the context was much different, so you must adjust expectations. 

2. Share Your Vision & Benefits.  If your track record and accomplishments are about the past, the other focus should be on your future potential and how you show you are a franchise player.  What is your vision for your role and the department in the short and long term?  Where do you want to take it?   Connect the dots to demonstrate how your promotion can benefit your unit, other teams, and the entire organization.   Explain how the promotion will empower you to accomplish more.  Consider how it will enhance your ability to collaborate with other department heads because they want to work with their title peers.  If you are already great at people management, a bigger team will allow you to have more impact in bringing out people’s best, contributing to engagement and retention, and the goal of entering new markets.  Always tie your case back to the business benefits and the advantages for the team and company.

2A. Use the “I /We” Formula.  Alexander Carter, Columbia Law Professor & Negotiation Expert advocates using this formula to emphasize multiple benefits.  “Here’s what I’m asking, and here’s how we, as an organization, will benefit from my enhanced role.”   “If you bring me in at the VP level, we, as an organization will benefit from the combination of operational and technical experience.”  Making a case that is just about you is a losing proposition.  For example, “I really need this because my kid is entering college this year.”  Aim to maintain your objectivity.

2B. Identify Your Successor.  In your vision, name your potential successor.  Ideally, you have been grooming them to step into your role seamlessly.  If this is not the case, perhaps your possible appointment recently took a job elsewhere, outline a plan to prepare an internal candidate or consider external hiring to bridge any skill gaps needed for the team’s growth.   

3. Convey Passion.  Express your enthusiasm and passion for a more extensive scope and opportunity. Make it clear why you're driven to take on more responsibility and how it will invigorate your work. Demonstrating your eagerness reduces uncertainty and inspires confidence in those who support your advancement and may be taking risks. Let your passion shine through to energize yourself and also those around you.

When it comes to requesting a promotion, preparation is critical.  Have a concise statement highlighting your current achievements, aspirations, and the reasons driving your pursuit. 

Quote of the day. “Opportunities don’t happen. You create them.” -Chris Grosser

Question of the Day. What lessons have you learned about asking for a promotion?  What worked and what hasn’t? Comment and share below; we’d love to hear from you!

The next blog in this series 5 /7 will focus on refined strategies for influencing. 

As a leadership development and executive coach, I work with leaders to communicate effectively including strategically self-promoting, contact me to explore this topic further.

What’s your approach to asking for a promotion?

More Challenges Holding You Back from Self-Promotion (self-advocacy series 2/7)

In the previous article, we explored two top challenges related to self-promotion. This article will delve into additional common challenges individuals may face in their journey toward effective advocacy.

1. Overcoming Shyness.  Many people are reticent to talk about their accomplishments in front of others because they may not know what to say or how to say it. 

·      Stepping Outside of Your Comfort Zone.  Leadership often involves moving beyond what’s familiar to develop new skills.  You may be good at back-of-the-room leadership, doing great work behind the scenes but it’s also essential to know how to excel when front-of-the-room leadership is required.  While initial awkwardness may occur when you are developing this muscle, it means you are learning and doing hard things, and the long-term personal growth benefits will eclipse the short-term pains.

2. Letting Your Work Speak for Itself.  In How Women Rise, Sally Helgeson labels this career-limiting habit as “expecting others to spontaneously notice and reward your hard work.”  This passive approach can hinder your career progression.

·      Taking Initiative.  People are too busy to notice what you are doing, they are in non-stop meetings, have full agendas, and are working hard to hit their deadlines.  Rather than take this passive approach, speaking about the work and providing context that highlights its quality is better.  Nobody will be able to advocate for yourself the way you can, and how can you get recognized by leadership if they have no visibility into the work you are doing?

3. Managing Busyness.  Some feel like they have a million things going on and do not have the headspace to think about how they will share what they are doing.  This is especially true if you are a high achiever who cares about being a good leader;  you are usually always in action mode and do not have time to reflect, zoom out, and think about how you can position yourself.

·      Viewing Self-Promotion as Essential. Rather than consider self-advocacy as a separate task, view it as an integral part of your job.  When a company develops a new product, that’s only part of their work.  They then have to market it.  If you think you are too busy, you will stay in your current role and not prepare for what’s next.  It is essential to take time to step back and prioritize your career advancement because nobody will manage your career the way you can.

4. Balancing Enjoying Good Work.  Some individuals find great satisfaction in helping others and believe that getting recognized is secondary.   While valuing good work is commendable, recognition is essential for career progression.

·      Reframing Recognition.  The acknowledgment of your contributions can lead to more significant opportunities to make a broader impact.  Avoid being pigeonholed and overlooked for growth opportunities by ensuring your work is noticed and appreciated.

5. Navigating the Double Bind.  In some cultures, stereotypes about gender and leadership may pose unique challenges regarding self-promotion, particularly for women. Traditional ideals of leadership are often associated with qualities such as decisiveness, assertiveness, and independence, which can align more closely with masculinity.  Conversely, women are expected to exhibit traits like nurturing and selflessness. This disconnect places female leaders in a double bind, where they must navigate a delicate balance between demonstrating competence and likability. Research has shown that women excelling in traditionally male-dominated fields may be perceived as competent but less likable than their male counterparts. Behaviors considered self-confidence and assertiveness in men may be viewed as arrogance or abrasiveness in women. On the other hand, women who adopt a conventionally feminine leadership style may be liked but not respected, as they may be seen as too emotional or soft to make tough decisions. These challenges underscore that self-promotion can be more complex for certain groups.

·      Defying Stereotypes.  It's important to acknowledge that these challenges persist, and people may form perceptions of you even when you're not actively self-promoting. Ruth Bader Ginsberg, a former Supreme Court Justice who graduated at the top of her class at Columbia Law School, faced jealousy and derogatory comments from male colleagues. Her response, "better to be called a bitch than mouse (and not ever speaking up)," highlights the importance of not shrinking oneself to conform to others' expectations. Had women in the 70s been overly concerned with meeting societal expectations, the management field would be largely devoid of women. It's crucial not to diminish yourself to please others; instead, approach this challenge with thoughtfulness and intention.

·     Challenging Perceptions.  Another valuable strategy is to challenge others' definitions and perceptions. For instance, if someone labels you ambitious, inquire about their definition. If their definition carries a negative connotation (doing whatever you can to get to the top), provide your interpretation (someone eager to maximize opportunities and rise through the ranks to make a significant impact). By taking control of the narrative and asserting your definitions, you can effectively navigate the complexities of self-promotion in the face of societal stereotypes.

Overcoming these common challenges can pave the way for effective self-promotion and career advancement, ensuring that your accomplishments receive the recognition they deserve.

Quote of the day: "The most important career decision you'll ever make is whether you will promote yourself." - Clare Boothe Luce 

Question:  What effective strategies do you employ to self-promote?  Who do you know that does this well, and what do they do? Comment and share below; we’d love to hear from you!

The next blog in this series 3/7 will focus on specific approaches to elevating your work.

As a leadership development and executive coach, I work with leaders to communicate effectively including strategically self-promoting, contact me to explore this topic further.

How do you promote yourself graciously?

Mastering Self-Advocacy: Overcoming Common Challenges (self-advocacy series 1/7)

Self-promotion can be daunting, often leaving individuals grappling with concerns about how they will be perceived when discussing their accomplishments.  The fear of coming across as arrogant or self-centered can deter people from effectively showcasing their skills and achievements. However, self-promotion is not an all-or-nothing proposition; a third way allows individuals to promote their work artfully and tactfully, thereby advancing their careers. 

This article will explore two common challenges hindering self-promotion and strategies to overcome them.  The second article in this series will delve into additional obstacles that individuals may encounter in the quest for effective self-advocacy.      

1. Avoiding Bragging

Concerns about sounding arrogant or self-centered when self-promoting are valid, especially if you are constantly using “I” and not acknowledging other’s efforts or putting down peers, such as, “Unlike my peers, I exceeded my goals…”. However, there is a way to discuss your work without sounding cocky.

·       Educational opportunity.  Reframe self-promotion as an opportunity to educate others.  By sharing your work, including the challenges and lessons learned, you provide valuable insights to your colleagues.   It also signals to others that they can seek your assistance if you possess specific expertise demonstrated through recent projects.  In the 1990s, Intel faced a similar challenge of insufficient promotion despite being the market leader in microprocessors, renowned for their technical superiority and high-quality products.  Their microprocessors outperformed competitors' chips, offering faster speeds and enhanced capabilities. However, there was a disconnect between their exceptional technology and consumer awareness. To address this issue, Intel launched a successful branding campaign by incorporating its "Intel Inside" logo on computers. This initiative effectively raised Intel's visibility, making it a household name and influencing consumer choices. The lesson here is that, like Intel, individuals should enhance their visibility to ensure their value is recognized.

·       Better Utilization.  Sharing your skillsets helps the company better understand how to leverage your abilities efficiently.  This prevents misaligned job requisitions and ensures your skills are put to their best use.  It also helps them avoid bringing in other people if they have somebody who can already do aspects of the job.

·       Focus on High Achievers.  Companies sometimes pay disproportionate attention to people who are not meeting benchmarks and ignore those blowing it out of the water. There is a real business case for shifting that attention and those resources to the high performers because they will likely be flight risks if they feel underutilized.  At the same time, organizations will be left with average employers.

·       Informing new leaders.  There are times when new leaders come into the company, and they do not know your track record, so it may take a while for them to learn all your capabilities and interests. Having that information on the sooner side is so helpful so they can best leverage your talents.   The more you share what you have done, what you are proud of, what you have learned that might benefit others, and what you want to do next, the easier it is for them to utilize you.

·       Creating an Equitable Playing Field.   Failure to share your accomplishments can disproportionately affect women, as men often get promoted based on potential while women rely on their track record for recognition. 

·       Controlling Efforts and Ignoring Unhelpful Opinions.   You cannot control what others think, but you can control your efforts to share your passions and accomplishments.  Your sharing has the potential to give you visibility and propel your career.  You can choose not to share anything, and they can still think all those things about you anyway, yet you have missed the possible benefit. 

2. Being a Team Player.   Some believe sharing their achievements may overshadow the team's work or negatively impact their image as a team player. However, there is a balance that allows you to highlight both individual contributions and team success.

·      Recognize Great Teamwork.  It is easy to fall into either/or mindset – thinking that sharing your achievements means you aren't a team player.  However, every team comprises individuals who naturally desire recognition for their efforts. With this in mind, you can appreciate the team's great work while also recognizing individual contributions to success. This phenomenon is common in sports, where the team's victory is celebrated alongside specific standout moments like a critical defensive stop, a key goal, or a game-winning pass. It aligns with Social Psychologist Marilynn Brewer's Optimal Distinctiveness Theory, which suggests that at every level, people seek to belong to a team while having a unique role to play. Balancing both individual and collective recognition is essential.

Self-promotion is a crucial skill for career growth, and this article addressed two common challenges: the fear of bragging and concerns about being seen as a team player. You can overcome these obstacles by reframing self-advocacy positively and balancing individual recognition with teamwork.   Stay tuned for more insights in the next article on mastering self-promotion and advancing your career.

Quote of the day: "Don't be afraid to shine; the world needs your light as much as you need it to grow." - Matshona Dhliwayo, Philosopher & Author

Question:  What is the biggest challenge you have in promoting yourself?  Comment and share below; we’d love to hear from you!

The next blog in this series 2/7 will focus on additional challenges and strategies with self-promotion.

As a leadership development and executive coach, I work with leaders to communicate effectively, including strategically self-promoting; contact me to explore this topic further.

How do you advocate for yourself?

Cultivating Commitment: A Guide to Securing Workplace Buy-in (Influence Series 4/4)

When you are successful with influence, you get buy-in or explicit agreement or commitment from others, often toward an idea, proposal, or project.  Buy-in indicates that the stakeholders or team members understand, support, and are committed to the initiative.

Let’s delve into practical strategies for obtaining buy-in with your team.  This same approach can be used with other groups you seek to gain support.

1. Fostering Open Dialogue and Collaboration.  Create space to collect as many voices as possible.  If you bring ideas to a project team and notice they are bouncing around with only a few voices dominating, invite the quieter team members to share their thoughts.  You can request that each member shares once before anybody else goes for a second time. This will validate the presence of all members, possibly solicit winning ideas from unexpected sources, and solidify the buy-in process as you incorporate the collective wisdom in the room and bring others along.

2. Offering Options.  Choice is a powerful motivator.  Consider a scenario where you need to implement a new software system.  By presenting the team with two vetted options and allowing them to select the one they prefer, you are not making a decision but rather empowering the team to shape their work environment. 

3. Encouraging Initiative.  There is something about owning an idea that ignites a drive in people.  When faced with a challenge, asking team members to propose solutions first can lead to innovation and a stronger commitment to the project’s success. For example, when a sales team faces declining numbers, the manager could ask each member to suggest strategies before proposing their ideas.  This can result in a team fully invested in the turnaround plan they helped craft.

4. Clarifying Roles While Encouraging Autonomy.  Clarity breeds confidence.  When everyone knows ‘what’ needs to be done but has the freedom to decide ‘how’, they’re most invested.  Take a software development team: the Team Lead outlines the feature requirements but leaves the implementation approach to the developer’s expertise, enhancing their ownership and accountability.

5. Encouraging Inquiry.  Questions are the pickaxes of understanding.  Allowing team members to ask questions during the decision-making process does not just clarify; it deepens their engagement.  It’s like a product development team querying the specifics of user feedback. It leads to a product that not only meets but exceeds expectations.

6. Practicing Empathy.  Understanding team members' daily experiences and challenges can transform the approach to influence.  For example, a manager considering a shift to remote work takes the time to understand each employee’s home setup and responsibilities, tailoring solutions that work for all.  Buy-in is more easily obtained when you are in touch with their realities.

Securing buy-in is an artful blend of communication, choice, and empathy.  Effective leaders listen actively, provide choices, and practice empathy, weaving individual commitments into a tapestry of collective success. The true measure of influence is the shared enthusiasm and dedication it inspires.

Quote of the day: You can’t inspire people if you are going to be uninspiring’ -Robert Reich

What has worked for you in securing buy-in at work?  Comment and share with us; we would love to hear!

As a leadership development and executive coach, I work with leaders to sharpen their influencing skills for win-win opportunities, contact me to explore this topic further.

Gaining buy-in for your ideas is an essential skill

The Power of Persuasion: Harnessing Cialdini’s Framework for Influential Leadership (Influence Series 3/4)

The last blog explored numerous ways to influence.  This one will focus on one model from renowned author Robert Cialdini, an American Psychologist and Professor who wrote a popular book on persuasion and marketing.  He found that influence is based on six key principles: reciprocity, commitment and consistency, social proof, authority, liking, and scarcity.  A 7th principle of unity was added later.  

Here is what the concepts are all about and their applications to the workplace:

1. Reciprocity:  People have a natural tendency to reciprocate when someone does something for them. If you do a favor for someone, they are more likely to feel obligated to do something in return.  When working on a team or project, offer to help your colleagues when they need assistance.  They are more likely to reciprocate and help you in return and relationships can naturally blossom.

2. Commitment and Consistency: Once people make a commitment or take a stand on a particular issue, they tend to behave in ways that are consistent with that commitment. They want to align their actions with their stated beliefs. When presenting an idea or proposal, highlight how it aligns with the company's mission or previous decisions, emphasizing consistency with past actions to bring others along.

3. Social Proof:  People often look to the behavior of others as a guide for their own actions. When they see that many others are doing something, they are more likely to follow suit. Share success stories or case studies of how others in your organization have achieved positive results using a particular strategy or product.

Use testimonials and reviews to demonstrate that your product or service has been well-received by others in the industry.

4. Authority:  People tend to trust and obey authority figures.  They are more likely to be influenced by someone who is perceived as knowledgeable, credible, or an expert in a particular domain.  When presenting, establish your expertise by citing research, experience, or relevant qualifications.  Collaborate with influential figures or experts in your field to lend credibility to your initiatives or projects.

5. Liking: People are more easily influenced by those they like or feel a connection with so aim to find common interests. Building rapport and establishing a positive relationship can enhance your ability to persuade others, and a great way to do that is by showing genuine interest in their needs and concerns. 

6. Scarcity: The idea that something is scarce or in limited supply can make it more desirable to people.  They may be motivated to take action to acquire it before it's gone.  Create a sense of urgency around important projects or deadlines to motivate team members to prioritize their work.  Offer limited-time promotions or discounts to encourage customers to make purchasing decisions more quickly.

7. Unity: The more we identify ourselves with others, the more we are influenced by them.  Taking time to find commonalities through one-on-one engagements or team-building activities will allow you to build a good rapport and influence others.  You can emphasize common goals and values.

Cialdini’s principles provide a robust framework for ethical persuasion that can be applied to the workplace.  These concepts can enhance your ability to navigate team dynamics and inspire action. Influence, when rooted in authenticity, can drive progress and strengthen bonds within any organization.

Quote of the day: “The key to successful leadership is influence, not authority.” -Ken Blanchard

Which principle do you find to be the hardest and easiest to apply in the workplace?  Comment and share with us; we would love to hear!

The next blog in this series 4/4 will focus on getting buy-in.

As a leadership development and executive coach, I work with leaders to sharpen their influencing skills for win-win opportunities, contact me to explore this topic further.

How are you successful with influencing?

Influence in Action: Strategies Beyond Initial Planning (Influence Series 2/4)

In the previous blog, we navigated the intricate landscape of influence – uncovering the preparatory steps to set the stage for effective persuasion. This article will focus on what comes after the groundwork is already laid.

Let’s jump into some refined strategies for influencing:

1. Adapt your approach depending on the audience.   Influence is not a one-size-fits-all; tailor your style to match the audience, and if you are unsure, ask others their preferred style.

·      When you are trying to work cross-functionally and need to win the support of a peer you may want to opt for a bridging approach, which is all about building coalitions sometimes by making concessions to reach outcomes that satisfy your greater interest. 

·      If you are in crisis and people are relying on you to be decisive, you may want to use an asserting approach where you insist on the importance of your idea, making the call to run a pilot and revisit later.  

·      If you are dealing with a leader who heavily relies on logic, like a CFO, you may want to use a convincing approach based on logic, data, and expertise.  

2. Ask and enroll rather than tell.  Instead of presenting solutions immediately, ask open-ended questions to understand others’ challenges and perspectives and learn best about root causes.  Some questions include: What’s really going on here, how long has it been going on, what have you tried, why didn’t it work, what will be different, etc.  So many times, people will say, I need training on X, but it turns out that it would only treat the symptom because they really need Y. Dive deep to uncover the source and comprehensively understand their needs. 

Avoid dictating solutions; rather, involve others in the process. Right before the pandemic, an Executive client of mine told me that he presented to senior leaders a body of evidence that people who can work out of the office part-time tend to be happier, more productive, and will likely stay so he wanted to run a remote Friday experiment.  Immediately, the other leaders responded with reasons why they could not do that, and it was because he came in sounding like a preacher who saw the light and had the answers to a complex problem.  A better approach is to share an observation (“I am interested in the movement for growing flexibility at work”), and ask questions for engagement (“What do you see in your teams and organizations?”  “What are some upsides and downsides?”  “How could we design an experiment to combine the good and eliminate the bad and see if we can get similar results?”). This approach can be more collaborative and appealing and get buy-in.

3. Define the Win and Find Alignment.  It is one thing to say what you want and another thing to say what the win looks like and why it is important now.  Additionally, it is crucial to align your initiative with the other person’s goals and demonstrate how it benefits all parties.  In The Go Giver, one of the Five Laws of Stratospheric Success is a law on influence, which is determined by how abundantly you place other people’s interests first.  Adam Grant in Give and Take supports this idea and offers advice to appeal to their nobler motives, such as, “we all want to move forward and head to this deadline for these stakeholders.  Let’s spend our time today figuring out what’s not working and think about the big picture.”

You can use the Triangle framework (win-win-win).  As a result of this initiative, how does the company, the other team, and your team win?  You can also think about what happens if this does not get done. What’s the cost to the three entities?

4. Speak in “We,” not “I.”  Use inclusive language to convey a sense of collaboration rather than a zero-sum mentality. 

5. Frame the Discussion.  Control the narrative by steering the conversation in the desired direction.  Set the perspective and context to guide the audience’s understanding.  

6. Provide Evidence.  Leverage social proof and data to support your ideas.  Highlighting others' shared options and providing specific testimonials builds credibility.  For example, we surveyed 1,000 of our most loyal customers, and here is what they told us.  You can point to key leaders in the organization who have a lot of credibility and share how they also loved the idea when you shared it with them.  If others know that person is excited about an idea, they will be more likely to listen to it. 

Additionally, sharing data is essential.  If you ran some A/B testing and have data that supports one approach over another, offer that information.  Introducing data points from external companies regarding what is happening in the industry is always helpful.  One of my clients had to make a difficult decision about layoffs, and when she looked around the industry, she realized that 15% was the norm, so her suggestion of 10% was below average, making her influencing attempts easier.

7. Tell a good story.  When you can recast your arguments in an engaging story that touches people’s emotional and logical sides, they will receive your information even more.

8. Surface disagreements.  If you experience resistance, identify disagreements to find a way forward.  There will always be people with different opinions who see things differently and that’s ok.  You can state the disagreement and ask a few questions to uncover the root of the disagreement. For example, you can inquire:

·      What are we optimizing for?  (The goal should be aligned rather than having two different goals).

·      Are we focused on solving for different target audiences (you are designing for power users and I am for the causal user).

·      What are our working assumptions and what goes into forming them? (you may be operating from two fundamentally different assumptions).

At the end of the day, influencing is not about getting what you want or manipulating; it is about finding those win-win opportunities for all to benefit.  You want to be proud of the way you influence because you did it with kindness, respect, authenticity, and integrity.   

Quote of the day: “Smiling unknowingly influences how other people will respond to you.”  -Liam Jackson

How do you influence successfully?  What do you find hard about it?  Comment and share with us; we would love to hear!

The next blog in this series 3/4 will focus on a specific model of influence.

As a leadership development and executive coach, I work with leaders to sharpen their influencing skills for win-win opportunities, contact me to explore this topic further.

What’s your way of bringing others along?

The Art of Influence- for good (Influence Series 1/4)

Whether you need to drive a project forward, inspire a team, or advocate for change will depend on how well you have honed the coveted skill of influencing.  This can be defined as the ability to affect the actions, beliefs, or decisions of others through direct or indirect ways.  It is not about manipulation or coercion, rather, it’s built on genuine relationships and strategic communication aimed at achieving win-win solutions.

Challenges in Effective Influence

1. Working cross-functionally.  In many organizations, pivotal tasks transcend traditional hierarchies as you likely collaborate with peers and teammates outside your direct report line.  Those individuals might be driven by different objectives.  If you are working with 2+ teams, the complexities are compounded as what is beneficial for one team might be less important for another.  The challenge lies in shaping your pitch to resonate with different teams who might have different priorities and who may not want to upvote yours ahead of theirs.

2. Navigating Politics.  Every organization has its political undertones, be it alliances, rivalries, or past grievances.  Even if you bring forth groundbreaking ideas, they might be overshadowed by internal politics.  Some stakeholders, due to past affiliations, might not be receptive, irrespective of the merit of your proposal.

3. Encountering Change Resistors.  Many people gravitate toward predictability and consistency, making them hesitant to embrace new initiatives that might disturb the established routines or make their worklife a little more difficult. Your ideas can be great, but others may be dug in on the status quo.

4. Dealing with Resource Constraints.  Securing buy-in to your idea is just the beginning.  Even if stakeholders align with your viewpoint, the practical execution may fail due to limited resources, be it time, funding, or dedicated personnel.  Convincing teams to act, especially when resources are scarce, poses its own set of challenges.

Influencing starts way before the moment.  There is a lot of prework you can do to be set up for success.

Let’s explore effective strategies for influence:

1. Build good relationships.  Success in any role hinges on building positive, mutually beneficial relationships.  Take time to get to know your colleagues before needing any assistance.  Stephen Covey talks about the importance of building an “emotional bank account,” which is about depositing goodwill and trust into other people’s accounts.  This can be about affirming what others say in a meeting, engaging in deep listening to help others clarify an issue, or having a positive encounter that adds some joy to their lives.  If they have done something for you, thanking them with deep gratitude does wonders for relationship building.  People do business and work on initiatives with those they know and trust.

2. Create a perspective map.  Before attempting to influence, create a map of key stakeholders, such as skip level boss, manager, teammates, cross-functional peers, and identify their priorities.  List their current and future concerns, as well as their desired outcomes.  Consider how you want them to think, feel, and act because of your interaction.   

3. Practice Perspective-Taking.  Building trust and influence often involves empathizing with others and understanding their perspectives and priorities.  Dale Carnegie said, the only way to influence somebody is to find out what they want and show them how to get it.  It is about earnestly seeing from another point of view because ultimately people do things for their reasons and not yours so when you can tap into their intrinsic motivation, it will make a big difference.  Understanding where they are, caring genuinely, and appreciating it will help them move along and get them to where they want to go. 

A big reason why this does not happen is because people are too busy thinking about their next responses that they usually do not listen fully and are not as present to spot potential synergies.   Asking a follow-up question or offering an idea that can advance their initiative makes a big difference.   When you are genuinely curious and asking questions such as, “what are the effects of one approach over another” that allows them to think more deeply about their idea in a safe way, which is helpful.

4. Identify and Onboard Allies.  Identify potential allies of your project early on.  Categorize them as green (supportive) or yellow (open to persuasion but with questions).  At this stage, don’t go after the red (resistant or difficult to change).  When you bring people early on at the outset to join your planning team who feel like they also have a stake in the project, they are more likely going to assist you.  Seek additional sponsors and mentors who can enhance your credibility and social capital.

5. Identify Your Sequence-Sharing Strategy.  Plan the order in which you share information to maximize buy-in.  Every situation is different, but one can start with your manager’s support and gauge if the idea can work and gain more context.  You can ask questions to learn why anybody has not tried this before.  If it was attempted, why didn’t it work?  Through the discussions you can uncover additional pros and cons and field questions you might not have considered.  Then you can bring it to your team to get support to strengthen it even further, then think about the cross-functionals who would benefit from that problem being solved as well. As you continue to spread it to connections that are more distant, at least you have tested it and have initial support for it.

6. Anticipate concerns/rejections.   Sit with your team and anticipate rejections and responses to your initiative.  You can even bring up their concerns first before they do and address them.  If you’re unsure, you can ask chat GPT to steelman your arguments.  Once you get your team on board, you can work together to bring the ideas more widely having already strengthened them by defending them.

Wielding influence effectively hinges on more than just a moment of persuasion – it’s about cultivating trust, practicing empathy, and understanding the organizational ecosystem. By engaging with colleagues proactively, anticipating challenges, and thoughtfully mapping out communication strategies, you can navigate complex dynamics and secure the necessary buy-in. True influence is achieved through persistent and authentic connection, paving the way for collaborative success.

Quote of the day: One of the best ways to influence people is to make them feel important. Most people enjoy those rare moments when others make them feel important. It is one of the deepest human desires.
– Roy T. Bennett

How do you begin to build great relationships with others?  Comment and share with us; we would love to hear!

The next blog in this series 2/4 will focus on refined strategies for influencing. 

As a leadership development and executive coach, I work with leaders to sharpen their influencing skills for win-win opportunities, contact me to explore this topic further.

What’s your intention to influence?

Dispelling Myths of Authenticity (Authenticity series 4/4)

In this final installment of our authenticity series, we confront prevalent misconceptions that often color our understanding of authenticity. Let’s unravel the truth behind these myths.

Myth #1 – Authetncity means never changing your personality

A misunderstanding with being authentic is thinking that we must always be true to ourselves and display that version.  But, which true self is that?  Walt Whitman said, “Do I contract myself?  Very well then, I contradict myself, I am large, I contain multitudes.”  To be authentically human is to exercise all our mini-selves, it does not mean resisting the evolution that occurs with personal growth.

New managers struggle when they define authenticity in strict terms.  When asked to make changes they may feel it is a stretch from their natural personality, and they equate that with inauthentic.  For example, a humble manager who values others’ ideas is told by their boss to be more assertive and sell their concept more aggressively.  That can feel fake.  Going against our natural inclinations can make us feel like impostors, so we tend to latch on to authenticity as an excuse for sticking with what’s familiar.  But as we advance in our careers, demands and expectations change, and we need to expand and develop new muscles and add more tools.   By viewing ourselves as works-in-progress and evolving our professional identities through trial and error, we can create a personal style that feels right to us and suits our organizations’ changing needs.  If we adhere too much to what we think and feel, it may counter what the situation demands, and we deprive ourselves of tremendous growth.  The aspects that are most challenging for us can teach us the most about leading effectively.  In an interview with Adam Grant, Indra Nooyi, Former CEO of PepsiCo shared advice that while you maintain your authenticity, do not expect others to accept 100% of who you are.  She talked about being the only female on executive calls, and all the men would talk about sports she did not follow.  The one sport she did follow, Cricket, nobody else was interested.  She decided to flex her authenticity and learn about other sports and get involved with sports talk with her coworkers before the meetings. She found that these efforts went a long way to building rapport and doing better business. Being able to bend to have stronger connections was quite valuable to her.

Myth #2: Authenticity gives you a free pass to behave however you want

Being authentic does not justify hurtful or self-centered and irresponsible behavior.  Some chronically uncivil people or those with disagreeable personalities like to say they are just being their authentic selves.  For example, you may yell at a teammate because you view yourself as prone to anger, but you do not have the right to unload your feelings on others whenever you want and in the way you want.  Family and friends may be able to handle that and will be there for us after sharing our short tantrums and emotional speedbumps.  You may be somebody who curses a lot and will want that same right in the workplace to express your authenticity.  But, we can be both authentic and respectful or agreeable to create harmony in the workplace.  Authentic leadership is about mastering the skill of being a shapeshifter.  Somebody can change styles depending on what the situation demands, without straying from core values and goals or relinquishing their genuineness.  It is not about the person who expresses themselves regardless of the impact they may have on others.  You must be mindful and emotionally aware of how your energy is radiating and how others are experiencing you.  

Myth #3: Authenticity means behaving the same way in every situation

We have a kaleidoscope of personalities and may activate specific personas under different conditions.  For example, when we are in performance mode, we present our most polished selves, showcasing our leadership prowess.  In learning mode, we experiment and accept failure as part of our growth journey. Authenticity can manifest differently in these varied contexts, and that’s perfectly normal.  Shakespeare’s famous words: “All the world’s a stage …and one man in his time plays many parts,” captures this reality.  Adapting your behavior to fit the situation does not make you fake or insincere; it demonstrates versatility.   Common sense says that we do not reveal every side of ourselves in every situation, but understand the context we are in and the style we can adapt because we have versatility.  You do not show up the same way in the board room when you give a briefing as you do with your family at a dinner party or the gym with your friends.  We have many facets, and while we are adapting to others, we are still always staying true to our values which is what authenticity is all about.

How do we know when you’re being inauthentic?  It happens when your actions diverge from your professed beliefs and values.  Like chameleons, leaders can adjust to better serve their teams while staying true to their authentic identities.

Quote of the day: "Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."  - Dr. Seuss (Theodor Seuss Geisel) (alternatively attributed to Sir Mark Young and/or Bernard Baruch)

Q: How do you adapt your style to fit the context you are in but are still authentic?  Comment and share below; we would love to hear from you!

As a leadership development and executive coach, I work with leaders to explore what authentic leadership means to them and develop their style, contact me to explore this topic further.

Which myths do you want to dispel?

Characteristics of an Authentic Leader (Authenticity Series 2/4 )

In the previous blog, we delved into the concept of authenticity and its benefits in leadership.   This article will explore the key characteristics of being an authentic leader.

Here are a few traits of authentic leaders:

1. Vulnerability.  Authentic leaders are unafraid to share their thoughts, feelings, and experiences honestly. They willingly expose themselves to emotional challenges but do so without compromising their credibility.   For example, as a leader, you do not want to say to your team, “I want to do this job, but it’s scary, and I don’t know how.”  That candor can backfire, and you can lose trust with people who want and need a confident leader.  Instead, you can say, “I may not have all the answers, but I want to enlist your support as we move forward together.  That approach creates team cohesion and invites the active participation of others.

2. Integrity. This is when your words are consistent with your deeds; otherwise, followers will never accept you as authentic.  Great leaders embody their beliefs and live them unfailingly.  As Ralph Waldo Emerson puts it, “what you do speaks so loudly, I can’t hear what you’re saying.” Words are superficial and prove who you want to be, while actions show who you are.

3. Be transparent and truthful.  As Dostoyevsky wisely observed, “Above all do not lie to yourself, the man who lies to himself and listens to his own lie, comes to a point where he cannot distinguish the truth within him, or around him, so loses respect for himself and others.  And having no respect, he seizes to live.” People are more trusting when transparency and congruency of who you are on the inside are the same as how you portray yourself to the world; there is no secrecy or mystery.  When you operate with dishonesty, it can have a detrimental impact.  Nietzsche’s mentor, Ludwig Feuerbach said, “I would rather be a devil in alliance with the truth than an angel in alliance with falsehood.” Speaking truthfully allows for a more stress-free existence.

4. Self-awareness.  Authenticity begins with self-awareness: knowing who you are—your values, emotions, and competencies, as well as how others perceive them, are better equipped for success.  A study at the Center for Creative Leadership found that self-awareness is the primary quality that distinguishes successful leaders.  Moreover, research shows companies that employ professionals who exhibit high levels of self-awareness tend to perform better financially.  By looking inward and engaging in self-assessment, we can gain a deeper understanding of our emotions, beliefs, and strengths and improve our perception of those held by others. Regular reflection practice is important, whether through meditation, prayer, mindfulness, thinking, writing, or taking long walks to clear one’s head.  This allows us to step back from the whirlwind and set aside the preoccupation with task lists so the urgent does not take precedence over the important aspects of our lives.   Also, we can ensure alignment with our values and a deeper understanding of how we live our lives and engage with the world around us.  The more we know ourselves, the more authentic we can be.

5. Discipline.  Being an authentic leader requires more than just building self-awareness—we need to put it into practice, which requires discipline.  Making it a point to get feedback on our behaviors and being intentional about what we want to practice will help us.

6. Confidence and humility.  Having self-confidence and being comfortable in our skin are essential.  Knowing where we come from and who we are, and knowing how to use our backgrounds to build rapport with others. There is humility in connecting with all people.  Albert Einstein once said, “I speak to everyone in the same way, whether he is the garbageman or the university president.”  That statement reflects Einstein’s comfort with himself and his ability to be consistent in his various interactions.

7. Mission-driven & inspirational.  Knowing your deeply held crucibles and true north will help you stay on track so you can lead yourself authentically.  Similarly, a deep and abiding commitment to a company mission is integral to authentic leadership and business success.  According to a recent survey by EY and Harvard Business Review Analytic Services, 89% of executives said a sense of collective purpose drives employee engagement, and 84% said it leads to tremendous success in transformational efforts.  Some companies discover their mission early and others stumble upon it, but embracing a purpose will help with authenticity because it keeps you focused.  When you help your followers believe the mission is worthy, they will fight for you. 

6. Commitment to self-improvement.  To become more effective at motivating and guiding others, authentic leaders need to first focus on bettering themselves.  “Authentic leaders begin with the will and commitment within to work on themselves,” says Harvard Professor Nancy Koehn.  Abraham Maslow endorses the concept of individuals striving for self-actualization, which is becoming more complete by pursuing personal growth and peak experiences and realizing their potential. 

7. Balancing your internal understanding with your external feedback.  Leaders go on an inner journey of understanding who they are and what they believe and then matching that with their actions.  They also go on an outer trip, realizing that those actions have implications and will invite feedback from others.

We need a combination of listening to others’ opinions and having a strong enough understanding of who we are and what we want to be the final arbiters.  In Robert Keagan’s stages of adult development, self-authoring is about defining who we are, instead of listening to others’ descriptions of us.  We can distinguish the opinions of others from our thoughts and have an internal guide.  The next level of advancement is self-transforming - where your sense of self is not tied to a particular identity or role but is constantly created through exploration.  It is similar to the Buddhist concept of the evolving self.  In the words of E.E. Cummings “to be nobody but yourself in a world that is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else - means to fight the greatest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting.”  When you do not trust a leader it’s because there’s a gap between what they espouse and what they do.

Authentic Leadership means different things to different people.  While there are some common denominators, it is more about showing up in a way that lives your values and makes a positive difference in the lives of others.

Quotes of the day: “You can only find out what you actually believe (rather than what you think you believe) by watching how you act.” - Jordan Peterson

“Today you are you, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is youer than you. - Dr. Seuss

Q: What characteristics do you think are most important for developing your authenticity as a leader?  Comment and share with us, we would love to hear!

The next blog in this series 3/4 will focus on how to be an authentic leader. 

As a leadership development and executive coach, I work with leaders to explore what authentic leadership means to them and develop their style, contact me to explore this topic further.

A Guide To Burnout Remedies (Burnout Series 2/2)

When somebody is experiencing burnout, we assume that it is an individual issue, and that if they would adjust their habits and figure out how to get a better handle on their work, their problems would be solved.  While there are changes that an individual can make, it is only a tiny part of the problem.  The other part relates to challenges in the system and the environment, and companies are responsible for making alterations to better set people up for success. We miss the mark when we focus on the problem as one for individuals to solve.

While burnout prevention is always ideal (see blog series on having a strong personal management energy system), if you feel like you are experiencing burnout, there are many things you and your company can do to intervene and change course. 

Here are some remedies to consider for both the individual and the company:

1. Reduce Workload.    

1A. Communicate your limits.  How can you communicate your capacity to your managers and aim to handle a reasonable amount of work?  If you have always handled ten things on your plate, your boss may believe that is your comfortable capacity, but if it is really five, you need to communicate that and figure out a plan to keep it within a manageable amount.   

1B. Increase resources and support.  How can you access new resources or additional support to help manage your work?  Maybe peers are searching for a stretch assignment who would be more than willing to help.  A project may be stalled on another team, and some team members are currently underutilized, they can be transferred to another team to pitch in temporarily and gain valuable experience.

1C. Delegate effectively.  How can you enlist the help of your team so you are not doing it all?  Who on your team would jump at the opportunity to grow their leadership and responsibility and expand their scope?  Hoarding work for yourself deprives others of expanding their range and visibility.

1D. Prioritize effectively.  Are you always working on the most important goals and tasks agreed upon by your manager and team?  Some people gravitate towards working on enjoyable, unimportant, and urgent work that steals a lot of their time, but it is the vital work that needs to be prioritized first.  What is your system of saying no to projects so you can keep your focus on the top 3 priorities?

1E. Be comfortable with some incompletions.  Not everything has to get done at the moment. And sometimes, after a scan of all the work you have to do, you can make strategic choices on what you will not do because it is less critical.  I remember my university days when my professors would give me more reading than I could ever do before my next class.  I would devise techniques to read the two most important articles and skim the others to extrapolate 2-3 main points.  Being effective with this approach means that you accept and come to peace that it is not worth getting it all done.   Getting to inbox 0 may not be serving you; instead, leaving unimportant emails and feeling no responsibility to respond is more important, especially regarding cold calls or distant connections to try to take your time but you don’t owe them anything.  Some strategies that may have worked for you previously may not be working now so there is a real need to update our operating systems.

 2.  Create a coverage plan for your team.  If you have an eight-person team and some people are getting routinely sick, which was the case during Covid peaks, what is your plan for how a four-person team handles the work of 8?  It can be exhausting for people who already feel at capacity to assume an additional load.  We sometimes do this for leaves of absence; we create a transition plan and get temporary replacements.  It can be helpful to prepare in advance the plans to handle certain situations for when people are out.  Maybe one person jumps in to help for a week, and then they get rotated out for the next person to assume the tasks for the next week.   There may be some standbys or a temp agency to enlist to deal with the extra work.  Thinking through these thorny challenges will create a sense of ease for your team, and make it so no one ever has to shoulder the burden and feel like they are always covering and doing overtime.

2. Increase control.  Where can you have more agency in your work to increase your quality of work-life? Conducting employee surveys to learn where people want more autonomy over when, how, and with whom they do their work as long as they meet key deliverables can be insightful.  It can be worth it to invest in slight changes that translate to a massive increase in happiness.

3. Rewards.  Regularly recognizing people for a job well done is vital.  You can do a kudos board or something highlighting others’ important work and spread the acknowledgment.  For more ideas, you can read here.    The goal is to inspire and encourage each other.

4. Community.  What are you doing to intentionally build a community where people feel connected to each other?  A good way to do this is to let people know you have heard them.  Too often, companies will send surveys to get people’s ideas on improving culture, engagement, and community, and people take time to complete the questionnaires and never hear anything.  A way to let people know you heard them is to report back on the survey data and share what you learned.  You do not have to share only where there is an agreement, and you can even present conflicting information, but it is most important to convey what you have done with the information and identify the changes you plan to make because it fully honors people’s contributions.  You can read about other ways to build community here.

 5. Ensure fairness.  How fair are your systems and processes?  How do people get rewarded and promoted?  How fairly are colleagues treated?  It can be helpful to survey your employees to get their perceptions and audit your processes so you can get input into improving your processes and workstreams.

To create psychologically safe environments and ensure fairness is to have a process where turn-taking at meetings is common so everybody gets a say.  Each person can speak for 30 seconds in a go-around.  There can also be processes for healthy dissent. 

6. Meaning, purpose, contribution.  Managers talk with their Direct Reports to learn about their values and how they see them connecting or deviating from their work.  It makes a difference if managers can make little tweaks so people are operating more from their strengths or zone of genius.  Research shows if you spend just 20% of your time doing what you love, the other 80% will not burn you out.  When you spend time thinking about work utilizing a creative and problem-solving approach, you get a wave of positive emotions and none of the burnout symptoms that induce stress or disrupt mood.  People desperately want to experience mastery, progression, impact, and contribute, and when they can, their work becomes fulfilling and energizing.  When they cannot, their work becomes tiring and exhausting.  Some job functions are more conducive to burnout because they are not connected to a more profound mission.  If they align their personal mission with the leadership agenda, that can make a big difference in energy levels.

Burnout and Business Impact

Burnout is not an individual problem, it is a collective challenge, and beyond investing in others because it is the right thing to do, there is a clear business case.  When CEOs do not care for their employees, attrition grows, recruitment becomes harder, and customer success can be more difficult to achieve with unhappy employees.  Wellbeing is not a warm and fuzzy option, it is an essential business metric.

Other things companies can do:

1. Reduce meetings, especially virtually.  We spend an excessive amount of time in meetings, especially when most things do not have to be a meeting, they can just be an email. This means we are sitting way more than we have to, likely too close to our computers and experiencing screen fatigue.  It also means we do not have time to do deep work, strategize, innovate, or be intentional about developing ourselves and others.  Carving this type of time can be an energizing experience.  And if meetings must be had, there is no reason to default to 1 hour. Making meetings 50 minutes or 25 minutes and allowing 5-10 minutes for people to pause, take time to consolidate the learnings from the previous meetings and crystalize their action steps, and then think about what they want to do for the next meeting will allow them to be more centered and productive.  These micro-breaks are essential to our wellbeing.

2. Corporate wellness programs.  There are the standard things we see companies do, unlimited time off, meditation and yoga classes, and gym memberships, which can be helpful, but if they are mainly used as coping devices and are not contributing to prevention, then it is insufficient.  Amazon was criticized for installing a Zen booth mediation kiosk in its warehouses without really doing anything else to change the working conditions that were so challenging for people.  If the job design is stress-filled, doing some of these things is not enough to alter the burnout conditions. 

Some more valuable approaches involve giving everybody in the company (or in shifts based on teams) the same week off for vacation so you are not missing out on anything and returning to a mountain of work.  Unfortunately, just having an unlimited time off policy is insufficient and often backfires because most people do not capitalize on it, and worst yet, some managers make others feel guilty for taking that time off.  Flexible schedules allow people to choose where they want to work and when they want to work as long as they get results done.  Some companies have 4 day-work weeks or no meeting Fridays to prioritize space for reflection, creativity, sense-making, and other valuable work.  Incentivizing employees to get a good night’s rest, eat healthy, and utilize time for relaxing can also be helpful.  Companies can monitor absentee rates, check in with others who are not taking any time off or taking too much time off, and have conversations supporting their needs. The Boston Group flags employees who work too many hours. Google’s 20% time allows people to pursue passion projects, flex their creative muscles, and expand their skillsets.   In 2013, Salesforce offered a wellness benefit of 48 hours of paid volunteer work, which can energize and revitalize others’ experiences.

There is no one-size-fits-all, and what would work for one company differs from what works for another. The worst thing a company can do is to put a blanket policy.  The key is to survey the employees to see what they want that will matter to them.  It usually never works out when upper management comes up with a solution, such as putting a volleyball court on the roof of a building, thinking it will solve all issues.

3. Providing coaching.  Many companies provide Executive and leadership coaching to their employees as a way to invest in their growth and development and advance their careers.  Having a coach dedicated to your agenda and a safe space where you can talk about all your career aspirations and worries and devise a plan to move forward can be instrumental to your engagement.

4. Teams and managers can discuss wellness as a priority.  People do not want to work at places where they are not honoring and respecting their wellbeing. 

4A Managers can integrate wellness into their check-ins and teams can include it as a topic of discussion to learn how people organize their lifestyle to enable wellness.  They can provide resources that promote wellbeing, such as nutrition services, gym membership, sleep information, therapists, and other support systems.  You can encourage your people to monitor for signs of burnout regularly by having quick check-ins where they indicate how they are doing with the colors red (drowning), yellow (ok, but if not checked, heading to red), and green (thriving).  The quicker you can identify somebody in yellow, you can intervene and find a way to get you back in the green. The cure for burnout is not just self-care; it’s also about caring for each other.  When a manager takes a coach approach to learn more about people’s potential stressors, they may learn about minor quality-of-life issues that can be changed for the better.  Maybe you find out that a big part of a teacher’s stress is having three different classrooms on three different floors, and they feel like they are driving themselves crazy remembering to carry all their items to teach their classes or the nurse who has vital equipment on one floor but mainly does her job on another floor and simply moving it would help her work dramatically.  It is like having a pebble in your shoes, it’s annoying, and we feel it all the time, so when we can finally remove it, our quality of life improves.  When managers can support the person to think about how to address it together because it is more of a “we” challenge than a “me” challenge, it can make a big difference. Discussing common causes of burnout and mentioning ways to address it can go a long way.

 4B. Creating manuals of me.  Ask people how they like to collaborate to work better.  A significant source of our stress and cynicism is dealing with harmful and unhelpful interpersonal relationships, and if there are things we can discuss and fix, that can be helpful.  Some companies, such as Deloitte, have created “manuals of me,” which build a process to learn how people best operate.  The idea is once you put together how you best work and exchange it with others, it can accelerate communication and collaboration and reduce friction in trying to understand and guess the working style of others.  Some topics to include:

·      Things you need to know about me are

·      Things that prevent me from doing my best are

·      The best way you can check in on me is

·      When I’m dealing with stress, I

·      My best working patterns look like

·      The one thing I need every day to keep me grounded is

·      Taking care of my health and wellbeing looks like

4C. Respecting team boundaries.  Once you know more about the people you work with, respecting their boundaries and supporting their goals are important.  You can also be more mindful of not scheduling meetings during people’s lunch hours and, as a general rule, respecting other people’s calendar blocks designated as busy. If you know your coworker needs to go to the gym by six and they are still at their desk, you can inquire and see if support can be offered. 

4D. Open conversations on personal growth.  Having personal development conversations with each other on things we are doing to maintain our flourishment can be educational for others.  You can also have conversations on resilience and best practices to alleviate stress so you do not feel like you are solving this all by yourself, especially when it is common for others to be going through it.

5. Create a burnout plan.  When you are feeling stressed, you should have a list of micro initiatives you can take to help you regroup before you make your next move.  Box breathing for 30 seconds, going on vacation, and spending time with friends and family can make a difference.

When you are feeling burned out, there are many things you and your company can do to change the environment that reduces the exhaustion and sets you up for thriving.

Quote of the day: “If we cannot disconnect, we cannot lead.” -Arianna Huffington.

Q:   What does your company do to address burnout?  Comment and share below; we would love to hear from you! 

“Burnout is nature’s way of telling you you’ve been going through the motions your soul has departed.” — Sam Keen.

As a leadership development and executive coach, I work with leaders and their teams to prevent and manage burnout so they can do their best work, contact me to explore this topic further.

Find your road to recovery

What Burns Us Out? (Burnout Series 1/2)

Covid has delivered rapid changes in the past few years, leaving us figuring out the best way to navigate this different terrain.  One big challenge is dealing with burnout, which is on the rise in many industries.  Dr. Zeina Ghoussoub, Relly Nadler, and Dr. Naim El Aswad posit how common it is in the helping professions, defined as those jobs that nurture the growth of, or address the problems of a person’s physical, intellectual, emotional, or spiritual wellbeing including medicine, nursing, psychotherapy, psychological, counseling, social work, education, life coaching, and ministry.   

Defining Burnout

The World Health Organization defines burnout as an occupational phenomenon resulting from chronic workplace stress that has been unsuccessfully managed.  It is characterized by three interrelated components: exhaustion, a negative view of the job, and oneself.  It is mainly related to an occupational context, and some would argue should not be used to describe experiences in people’s lives related to personal issues like parental or caretaker burnout.

Let’s explore the three components of burnout further:

1. Feeling of energy depletion or exhaustion.  Excessive fatigue of the mind, body, and soul is the natural stress response.  It is the feeling of running on a battery in the red because it will shut down at any time whether you want it or not.  This can contribute to insomnia, high blood pressure, vulnerability to illness, and mood disorders.  But burnout is more than working long and hard and feeling spent; there are two other components.

2. Negative, hostile, or cynical feelings related to the job.  You become more distant from the job; you may do the bare minimum; you know you are not doing your best because you have reduced your level of care for the work.  This dislike, disengagement, and disconnection directly lead to increased mistakes, decreased productivity, loss of vitality, and poor performance.  The mental distance from the job has you doing the bare minimum rather than your best.

3. Negative evaluation of your effectiveness.  You can make it personal, think your struggles are about you, and have nothing to do with the job or context.  You may think, what is wrong with me, why can’t I handle my overwhelming situation, and not want to let anyone know that you cannot deal with the intensity.  The implication is that you have to somehow make it work rather than change the circumstances.  These feelings of despair can lead to a loss of motivation, anxiety, and even depression.

How burnout differs from stress, languishing, and depression

Burnout is not the same as stress.  We can be stressed about a situation and not have burnout, especially if we do not have the presence of all three components. 

Burnout is not the same as languishing.  Author Corey Keyes coined this term, prevalent during the peak of Covid, because it triggered a loss of our beloved routines, connection to others, and a sense of emptiness and stagnation.  We feel aimless, joyless, and experience an absence of wellbeing because we are not functioning at full capacity.  When we are languishing, it seems like we are muddling through, similar to the feeling captured in the movie Groundhog Day.  We have dampened focus, motivation, and excitement for the future.  This general feeling of blah is not just related to work, but to our personal lives as well.  Instead of bouncing out of bed early, we lie there aimlessly.  It can be a risk factor for depression because it stays under the radar and can slowly slip without intervention.

Burnout is not the same as sadness or depression.  Sadness is usually temporary and tied to one specific event, your friend has moved, your kids are going to college, you change jobs, and you feel loss. This is normal.  It is also not the same as depression, which is a medical or clinical diagnosis where you feel sad in many areas of your life; you have a gloomy filter through which you view the world, all is gray, and you have lost all interest, nothing seems intriguing, engaging, or hopeful.  You can feel despondent, drained, and worthless.  It can be debilitating to have a functioning life; one of the best interventions is to speak to a professional to get proper help. 

Burnout Causes

Christina Maslach, a Burnout pioneer, points out six causes or mismatches in a person’s life that can lead to burnout. 

1. Excessive Workload.  This is when the job demands are so high that they exceed your human limits.  No matter what you do, there is this pervasive feeling that you cannot keep up, and are always in over your head.  Your resources (time, equipment, information) are insufficient, so it feels like an impossible gap to close. 

2. Lack of Control.  This relates to how much control (actual or perceived) you have over your work, and how you pick your assignments and choose your work.  How much decision-making power do you have to do things you think are right, effective, and necessary?  How you can improvise, innovate, course correct, and find better ways of doing things.  It can be demoralizing when you do not feel empowered to exercise your best judgment; you feel micromanaged or the weight of rigid policies holding you down.  When there are all kinds of changes made to your project, and you find out that nobody has ever asked you, it can feel demoralizing. 

3. Insufficient rewards.  When you feel like your efforts are not fully matched with the right rewards – not being promoted to the correct title commensurate with your work, not getting paid fairly, and not having access to the leadership team and decision-making.  It is also about not getting recognized by leadership for a job well done or receiving positive feedback.  You may not believe there are social or intrinsic rewards for doing something well.

4. Unfairness.  It is a basic human need to be treated fairly, we yearn for it in our roles, policies, and practices, so if we perceive that this is not the case, it is a cause for burnout.  If we believe there is a glass ceiling, discrimination, and unethical behavior of people getting ahead or promoted by lying and cheating or just by connections and charm rather than by merit, it frustrates us to our core; it makes us feel disrespected and cynical.  If we are innovating and others are coasting, yet we are being treated the same or worse, and they are moving forward, that can be painful.  It is the classic case of you and your peer getting promoted, but they get the corner office, and your office does not change.   It is hard for us to feel engaged by an unjust system.

5. Lack of Community.  Your relationships matter more than you might think.  Do you feel you have a good social support, somebody to turn to when you need help?  Do you trust that others will do the right thing and act respectfully toward each other?  When the opposite is true, and you feel like you are working in a toxic environment where everybody is just out for themselves, nobody helps or shares information, people are two-faced and throwing each other under the bus to get ahead, there is bullying, and bad behavior, it is stifling environment.  If you feel like you are working in a silo and do not have that many positive connections to your peers, bosses, clients, and partners, your engagement will be dampened. 

A big part of community is having psychological safety where you feel comfortable taking interpersonal risks and sharing your ideas and concerns without feeling like you will be dismissed or attacked.  If you see something is wrong, you feel at ease to speak up and offer your ideas to improve things and do not have to think you will be retaliated against.  Your leadership team listens to you and, even if they disagree, provides reasons for their decisions.

6. Mismatch in meaning, purpose, and values.  People want to work at a place with others who share similar values.  They want to find meaning in their work and have pride in thinking they are doing a good job and contributing to something.  If the job requires you to have conflicts with your values and principles, it will be a losing proposition.

From the work I’ve done with my clients, there are a few more areas that I notice:

7. Lack of development.  Experiencing a development plateau, being in a job for too long without encountering the revitalizing effects of your growth.  You have the right to expect that working at a company will allow you to be a bigger and better version of yourself, and when that does not happen, it is disappointing.  Not feeling like you are progressing can lead to burnout.  This is not to say that you should not be proactive in managing your career advancement and expect your manager to do all the work, but there is something to be said for leaders partnering with you in your growth path.

8. Unmet expectations.  If you do not have clear expectations for your role from your manager and find yourself constantly guessing and never knowing how you are doing, that can be dramatically draining and can cause you to feel frustrated.  It is helpful when a leader provides clear expectations and transparency on your performance without surprises so you can be efficient with your work because you know what’s on the checklist.

9. Personality tendencies.  Some people can be more prone to burnout than others.  People who do not have good coping mechanisms, people more disposed to anxiety and depression, and some women who are the primary caretakers.  If you generally have a hard time saying no to people, if you possess a compulsion to prove yourself, or if you prefer to work hard consistently and do not know how to switch off, you can find yourself neglecting your basic needs of sleep, healthy eating, and social interaction, which is a recipe for burnout.

Being aware of the causes of burnout is only the first step.  Thinking about taking preventative measures before reaching that point will contribute to a much healthier existence.

Quote of the day: “Burnout is what happens when you try to avoid being human for too long.” – Michael Gungor, Author.

Q: Where are your biggest job stressors that can most likely lead to burnout for you?  Comment and share below; we would love to hear from you!

The next blog in this series 2/2 will focus on burnout remedies.

As a leadership development and executive coach, I work with leaders to address burnout and create energizing team experiences, contact me to explore this topic further.

How does burnout show up for you?

Therapists and Coaches: What’s the difference? (Support Series 1/2)

Navigating life is not without its challenges.  There are times when we need help to accelerate our progress.  Former President Barack Obama reminds us, “Don’t be afraid to ask for help when you need it.  I do that every day.  Asking for help isn’t a sign of weakness; it’s a sign of strength.  It shows you have the courage to admit when you don’t know something, and to learn something new.”  If you feel stuck in some part of your life or just navigating a tricky situation, partnering with an ally could be just the thing that helps you breakthrough.

This series will explore four common sources of life and career assistance and the differences between each.  The first blog will cover support offered by therapists and coaches, and the second will review mentors and sponsors.   While they all have commonalities in helping you go after something you want in life, each has its particular focus, which may relate to what you need at the time.

Therapy

As a coach, I am often asked about the difference between coaching and therapy and while I am not a therapist, in putting together this information, I have conducted research and spoken to various therapists to learn more. Here is my coach's perspective.

While there are many different kinds of therapists and specialties, I’ll focus on a general description. A therapist, or trained mental health professional, must have a license to treat mental health and focus on emotional healing.  They can lead you out of a type of dysfunction that is getting in your way of operating soundly on a day-to-day basis.  Most people go to a therapist because of a presenting problem, such as a panic attack or crushing anxiety that makes them less effective on the job and in their lives.

We all have a past, and sometimes previous unaddressed emotional issues and key experiences have framed who we are today.  Therapists can help examine your history and seek to undo unhelpful thoughts or process trauma so you can move forward.  You may discover that you had an interaction with a teacher early on that made you feel ashamed, and even though it has been decades, you play that record in your mind like it just happened and haven’t shared that struggle with anybody else.  Carl Jung said that secrets are psychic poison; we can better heal by processing repressed experiences.  Therapists explore any family links that may have had a more significant impact on you that you never gave credit to, but it sits in your subconscious and settles as nerves in your body.  Maybe your parents told you that you were never good enough, or not as good as your sibling, and it is connected to the lack of confidence you are now exhibiting, which prevents you from going after a promotion.  Maybe you only received love from your family when you were achieving something, so you have some self-limiting behavior of burying your head in work to produce results rather than collaborating with your teammates because you find the former to be a more valuable method to prove your worth to your boss, it’s your conditioning from when you were young.  A therapist can help you navigate those emotions and illuminate the present better to move forward. 

The goal of therapy is to release any places where you are blocked to be happier, more settled, and at peace.  At its core, it works on the psychological problems from its source and does healing work, sometimes spanning an extended period.  Tiffany Louise, Social Worker and Professional Coach says, “People generally seek therapy because they are feeling blocked, experiencing maladaptive emotional and behavioral health symptoms, and are otherwise not functioning optimally in their lives.”  This trauma can cause people not to follow through with agreements or assignments and be resistant and stay stuck.  Therapists can help you develop coping mechanisms so you do not get derailed in your day by the incessant ups and downs that can create imbalance.

There are also times when we are experiencing complex life events and are overwhelmed and have a crushing worry that consumes us, so we need to talk about it to process and heal.  In a comment to the Huffington Post, David Spiegel, Associate Chair of Psychiatry and Behavioral Sciences at Stanford University said "We're social creatures, fundamentally, so talking to people can be a real source of support, and therapy can be an interpersonal laboratory. It's a way of working with cognition, emotion, and interpersonal relationships in a way that helps you manage your emotions and learn to see it from a different perspective."  In other words, you do not have to go through a huge life transition or trauma to benefit from therapy.  Talking with a professional allows you to get a sense of how you appear to other people, helps you get feedback on whatever you're feeling, and offers insight into how those emotions are affecting your everyday life. 

When should you seek a therapist?

You can work with a therapist when you want to gain emotional healing from your upbringing, past trauma, or need assistance with an overwhelming situation. When there are consistent interruptions to your functioning, maybe you feel chronic anxiety or stressed-induced pains, have trouble sleeping, experience changes in appetite, or feel depressed, you can get support.  In general, humans are not meant to keep things inside, and therapy can help us in all sorts of ways and can be whatever we want it to be.

Coaching

Coaching is a creative alliance designed to help people move forward in their personal and professional lives and be the best.  A coach helps you define what you want to achieve, strategize how to get there, and support you as you take action to achieve extraordinary and sustainable results.

Coaching helps you clarify who you are, who you want to be, and dedicate time to inner work and reflection.  As a Leadership Development and Executive Coach, I have helped clients define their purpose and rediscover their passions to have great fulfillment and meaning.  Some of my clients feel like they have a lot to be grateful for, yet something is still missing; they need that extra processing with a trained coach who can help them piece the puzzle together.  I’ve helped clients create a vision for their lives, so they know that when they take steps, they are meaningful ones because they are in the direction of their worthy goals.  Together, we explore their values or enduring beliefs that guide all their decisions and set goals aligning with their purpose, vision, and values.  When life feels complex, knowing these crucial elements can serve as a steady and reassuring guide, steering us through the mayhem.

Coaches work with people who feel like their lives are on autopilot and they want to challenge themselves or break out of their comfort zones and stretch to play bigger.  They want to tap their inner motivation for a major goal, such as being promoted to senior leadership.  A coach offers tremendous accountability for others to get what they want out of life.  Just recently, I was working with a senior leader who aimed to be a Vice President. When I asked her what she needed to do to get ready for that position, she was grateful for the question because she never thought about it methodically so she made a list and created a roadmap. Asking her about what her leadership needed to see from her expanded her viewpoint beyond her perspective and created even more nuance to her plan. Coaching is about helping others discover their dreams and uncover the motivation to go after them deliberately.

If you feel confused about the next chapter in your life (i.e., struggling with career decisions, major life choices) and would like guidance on what would best serve you, coaches can help.  If your thoughts represent puzzle pieces, coaches help to take them out of your mind and place them on the table so you can see the map to explore the territory better.  Coaching is not about focusing on what’s wrong, but on what’s possible so you can get more out of your life and live from a point of choice and fulfillment.

As an Executive Coach, I work with others to improve their mindset and skillset to accelerate their career and have a bigger leadership impact.  Common topics I’ve covered with leaders include communication (how to speak with executive presence, how to give and receive meaningful feedback, how to advocate for yourself and negotiate effectively, how to have courageous conversations, how to listen to understand and not reply), how to delegate for results, run meetings, prioritize, plan, organize, have work-life flow, make better decisions, be a strategic thinker, among others   I’ve also helped leaders run high-performing teams by creating agreements, defining mission, vision, and values, putting in place systems and processes for peak performance and having productive conflict.  I help leaders discover their philosophy and principles that will guide their actions, know their strengths, and plan to address their weaknesses or find workarounds. I also do a lot of work around career coaching by helping clients do the work to get clear on what they want in their next role; I help them create their leadership branding and their narrative so they can speak about themselves profoundly. Sure, we cover tactical aspects like updating their resume and LinkedIn, but I assist them in being strategic about their outreach so they know whom they want to contact to connect with and what they want to say to maximize their time in a win-win fashion so it is an energy-building experience.

Through coaching, I help clients be better learners, raise their self-awareness, and potentially have mindset shifts to upgrade their human operating system.  We explore blocks such as nasty messages from their inner critics that keep them from their best life or limiting beliefs and derailing habits that do not serve them, so we replace them with productive alternatives.  A coach helps you remove unnecessary obstacles and barriers that you have created for yourself to move forward.  We work on improving your confidence and self-esteem and overcoming feelings of self-doubt by revisiting old scripts and updating them.  Similar to the sport of curling, we are clearing the path so the client can direct their stone where it needs to be, although the difference is that he client does the work.  A coach helps clients discover their blind spots because it is hard to see the spinach in our teeth and it is nice when a trusted advocate kindly draws our attention to something that would be helpful to know.  When emotions are strong, we need someone else to see how we think. Neuroscientists call these disruptors.  We need people to interrupt our thinking patterns to prompt us to stop and to look at them differently, somebody to help us revisit and expand our stories.  Big shifts can happen when somebody else reflects your beliefs to you to see how they serve you and what you want to do about them.

How does the coach operate?

Many sessions begin with a goal or topic to explore and end with action steps and accountability, but it all depends on the client’s needs.  It usually includes asking empowering questions to connect people to their passion and purpose, raising awareness of their inner blocks, challenging their thinking, and discovering new viewpoints and possibilities.  As a certified leadership coach and thought partner, I’m trained to listen and reflect deeply, always asking more of them than they ask of themselves. I reflect to them what I hear but slightly shifted language.  I hold space for others to process what they really think and feel because we do not often create reflection time for ourselves. They have a container to utter unformed thoughts to a coach dedicated to helping them make discoveries to fuel their growth. I also use a lot of frameworks so clients can have set models to work from.

When should you seek a coach:

If you need a skilled thought partner to help you advance on your personal and professional short and long-term goals and you want to be held accountable for projects that you are pursuing, a coach can help.  If you are eager to rise in your career and navigate all the pieces involved in the process, a coach can help.

Therapy and coaching are two ways that can help support your growth for greater understanding.  While therapy tends to focus more on the past and working out previous experiences, coaches dip into the past but are mainly interested in how it informs the present and uses that information to guide them to their destination.  With that being said, many therapists are coach-like, they see clients as naturally creative, resourceful, and whole, and they work on goals to deepen the learning and forward the action.  There are also many coaches who are not afraid to explore the client’s full context, including how the past has influenced their current outlook and actions and how they may want to address the wounds.  While the brain is a marvelous complicated mess, and sometimes the lines can be blurred, we need different things at different times.

Q: Who do you go to when you need help?  How do you see working with either a therapist or a coach supporting your goals?  Comment and share below; we would love to hear from you!

Quote of the day: “Your vision will become clear only when you can look into your own heart.  Who looks outside, dreams, who looks inside, awakes.” -Carl Jung, psychiatrist.

[The next blog in this series 2/2 will focus on two other supports – mentors and sponsors]

As a Leadership and Executive Coach, I partner with others to help you achieve your goals, contact me to learn more.

Who do you turn to for support?