Grow Your Authentic Leadership (Authenticity series 3/4)

In the preceding blogs of this series, we explored authenticity and its characteristics.   This article will focus on ways we can be more authentic. 

Leadership is a canvas for self-expression, and attempting to replicate someone else’s style will likely lead to failure. Employees seek guidance from leaders who invest time in crafting their unique approach, those who are honest and unwavering in their message.  Fyodor Dostoyevsky wisely noted, “To go wrong in one’s own way is better than to go right in someone else’s.”  People yearn to be led by individuals who share an honest message deeply rooted in personal conviction, not borrowed words that lack a genuine connection.

Here are some practical steps you can take to cultivate greater authenticity:

1. Know your values.  Many of our woes come from not knowing ourselves, our abilities, fragilities, and virtues.  We walk through life as strangers to ourselves, and that can cause distress in our authenticity and leadership.  What are the top 3-5 beliefs that are important to you?  Some may not know the answer- is it love, money, status, or relationships?  We cannot align our behaviors with our values if we do not know them.  Knowing our values helps us make better decisions.  For example, if we value career goals, when we become a parent, we will know that we will want to make room for work because we will deliver our best selves to all that we do.  Sharing our values is sharing our truth.  Authenticity is intrinsically linked to your values and core beliefs, even if your behavior adapts to changing circumstances.

2. Know your purpose and align it with the organization.  Knowing what you are meant to do in this world is vital for fulfillment, so if we are working for an organization that does not represent who we are and what we stand for, it can be stifling.  But, when we can align any part of our purpose to the organizations, we can live more genuinely by being ourselves and having our values shine through in all places. 

3. Express yourself as a trait, not a role.  Often, we equate our identity with our job titles; if we do marketing for a living, that is how we portray ourselves, but it does not capture all we are.  Maybe we are a learner and conveyors of ideas so there are a lot of roles we could have, like a facilitator for people to mutually explore profoundly impactful ideas, or a professional speaker, or a teacher, or a team leader, or simply an optimist.  Authenticity is the expression of traits you have that can be flexed in different places rather than confined to specific roles.

4. Connect to your past.  Authenticity can find its roots in your origins.  Leaders who maintain a connection between their past experiences and their current selves are more often effective in building and maintaining relationships because they are not worried about hiding aspects of themselves.  Authentic leaders remain focused on where they are going but never lose sight of where they have come from.  Reflect on how your past has shaped you, and identify the common threads that have woven through your life.

5. Build a foundation of self-knowledge.  We can learn about ourselves in many ways, but the best approach is to solicit honest feedback—perhaps a 360-degree review—from coworkers and follow it up with coaching so we learn more about ourselves and how other people see us, and then we can see if the two views are compatible.  Combining personal and professional histories can unveil common themes from our upbringing and work experiences that have shaped our authenticity.   Spend time in introspection, understand your preferences, and explore how they have evolved over time. This self-knowledge serves as a strong foundation for authentic leadership.

Authenticity in leadership is a potent force for engendering trust and nurturing meaningful relationships. To further enhance your authenticity, delve deep into your purpose and values, self-reflect, and express yourself through inherent straight rather than predefined roles.

Quote of the day: “Know yourself, and you will win all battles.” -Lao Tzu, Chinese philosopher

Q: How can we become a more authentic leader?  Comment and share with us; we would love to hear!

The next blog in this series 4/4 will focus on dispelling myths of authenticity.

As a leadership development and executive coach, I work with leaders to explore what authentic leadership means to them and develop their style, contact me to explore this topic further.

Which components would you include?

Characteristics of an Authentic Leader (Authenticity Series 2/4 )

In the previous blog, we delved into the concept of authenticity and its benefits in leadership.   This article will explore the key characteristics of being an authentic leader.

Here are a few traits of authentic leaders:

1. Vulnerability.  Authentic leaders are unafraid to share their thoughts, feelings, and experiences honestly. They willingly expose themselves to emotional challenges but do so without compromising their credibility.   For example, as a leader, you do not want to say to your team, “I want to do this job, but it’s scary, and I don’t know how.”  That candor can backfire, and you can lose trust with people who want and need a confident leader.  Instead, you can say, “I may not have all the answers, but I want to enlist your support as we move forward together.  That approach creates team cohesion and invites the active participation of others.

2. Integrity. This is when your words are consistent with your deeds; otherwise, followers will never accept you as authentic.  Great leaders embody their beliefs and live them unfailingly.  As Ralph Waldo Emerson puts it, “what you do speaks so loudly, I can’t hear what you’re saying.” Words are superficial and prove who you want to be, while actions show who you are.

3. Be transparent and truthful.  As Dostoyevsky wisely observed, “Above all do not lie to yourself, the man who lies to himself and listens to his own lie, comes to a point where he cannot distinguish the truth within him, or around him, so loses respect for himself and others.  And having no respect, he seizes to live.” People are more trusting when transparency and congruency of who you are on the inside are the same as how you portray yourself to the world; there is no secrecy or mystery.  When you operate with dishonesty, it can have a detrimental impact.  Nietzsche’s mentor, Ludwig Feuerbach said, “I would rather be a devil in alliance with the truth than an angel in alliance with falsehood.” Speaking truthfully allows for a more stress-free existence.

4. Self-awareness.  Authenticity begins with self-awareness: knowing who you are—your values, emotions, and competencies, as well as how others perceive them, are better equipped for success.  A study at the Center for Creative Leadership found that self-awareness is the primary quality that distinguishes successful leaders.  Moreover, research shows companies that employ professionals who exhibit high levels of self-awareness tend to perform better financially.  By looking inward and engaging in self-assessment, we can gain a deeper understanding of our emotions, beliefs, and strengths and improve our perception of those held by others. Regular reflection practice is important, whether through meditation, prayer, mindfulness, thinking, writing, or taking long walks to clear one’s head.  This allows us to step back from the whirlwind and set aside the preoccupation with task lists so the urgent does not take precedence over the important aspects of our lives.   Also, we can ensure alignment with our values and a deeper understanding of how we live our lives and engage with the world around us.  The more we know ourselves, the more authentic we can be.

5. Discipline.  Being an authentic leader requires more than just building self-awareness—we need to put it into practice, which requires discipline.  Making it a point to get feedback on our behaviors and being intentional about what we want to practice will help us.

6. Confidence and humility.  Having self-confidence and being comfortable in our skin are essential.  Knowing where we come from and who we are, and knowing how to use our backgrounds to build rapport with others. There is humility in connecting with all people.  Albert Einstein once said, “I speak to everyone in the same way, whether he is the garbageman or the university president.”  That statement reflects Einstein’s comfort with himself and his ability to be consistent in his various interactions.

7. Mission-driven & inspirational.  Knowing your deeply held crucibles and true north will help you stay on track so you can lead yourself authentically.  Similarly, a deep and abiding commitment to a company mission is integral to authentic leadership and business success.  According to a recent survey by EY and Harvard Business Review Analytic Services, 89% of executives said a sense of collective purpose drives employee engagement, and 84% said it leads to tremendous success in transformational efforts.  Some companies discover their mission early and others stumble upon it, but embracing a purpose will help with authenticity because it keeps you focused.  When you help your followers believe the mission is worthy, they will fight for you. 

6. Commitment to self-improvement.  To become more effective at motivating and guiding others, authentic leaders need to first focus on bettering themselves.  “Authentic leaders begin with the will and commitment within to work on themselves,” says Harvard Professor Nancy Koehn.  Abraham Maslow endorses the concept of individuals striving for self-actualization, which is becoming more complete by pursuing personal growth and peak experiences and realizing their potential. 

7. Balancing your internal understanding with your external feedback.  Leaders go on an inner journey of understanding who they are and what they believe and then matching that with their actions.  They also go on an outer trip, realizing that those actions have implications and will invite feedback from others.

We need a combination of listening to others’ opinions and having a strong enough understanding of who we are and what we want to be the final arbiters.  In Robert Keagan’s stages of adult development, self-authoring is about defining who we are, instead of listening to others’ descriptions of us.  We can distinguish the opinions of others from our thoughts and have an internal guide.  The next level of advancement is self-transforming - where your sense of self is not tied to a particular identity or role but is constantly created through exploration.  It is similar to the Buddhist concept of the evolving self.  In the words of E.E. Cummings “to be nobody but yourself in a world that is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else - means to fight the greatest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting.”  When you do not trust a leader it’s because there’s a gap between what they espouse and what they do.

Authentic Leadership means different things to different people.  While there are some common denominators, it is more about showing up in a way that lives your values and makes a positive difference in the lives of others.

Quotes of the day: “You can only find out what you actually believe (rather than what you think you believe) by watching how you act.” - Jordan Peterson

“Today you are you, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is youer than you. - Dr. Seuss

Q: What characteristics do you think are most important for developing your authenticity as a leader?  Comment and share with us, we would love to hear!

The next blog in this series 3/4 will focus on how to be an authentic leader. 

As a leadership development and executive coach, I work with leaders to explore what authentic leadership means to them and develop their style, contact me to explore this topic further.

Just What Does Authenticity Mean? (Authenticity series 1/4)

“Be yourself” is a piece of advice we have all encountered at some point in our lives.  But what exactly does it mean to be authentic, and why is it revered as the gold standard for leadership and navigating life successfully?

The term “authentic” traditionally referred to original works of art instead of copies.  It is about adhering to your true self and being transparent about who you are across all aspects of your life.  A core aspect of you shows up whether at work, with family, in your relationship, or among strangers.  There is something liberating about that consistent expression.  To be authentic is to be the author of your life, to write your story, and to direct your actions rather than feeling compelled to conform to others’ expectations or seek acceptance.

Good leadership requires authenticity

In Authentic Leadership, Author Bill George defined the concept as “understanding your purpose, practicing solid values, leading with your heart, establishing connected relationships, and demonstrating self-discipline.”  In essence, it involves neither projecting a fabricated corporate persona nor emulating the leadership styles of others.  It is being true to your origins, finding your unique path, and evolving into the person you are destined to become.

The Rewards of Authenticity:

In his book Tribe, Sebastian Junger shares the self-determination theory, which holds that humans need three elements to be content: competence in their pursuits, connection with others, and authenticity in their lives.  Introducing authenticity to the workplace is part of the whole person movement, integrating our internal and external selves.  Instead of concealing our values and experiences, we openly share them. Our values and experiences are not hidden but shared.   Otherwise, we risk donning a mask that exhausts us as we struggle to maintain the facade.   The bedrock of authenticity is being seen by others, enabling them to understand your beliefs and intentions.

Authentic leadership also bestows potent benefits upon others. When we are real, we create an environment that encourages authenticity in others.  Research by Vanessa Buote, as cited in the Harvard Business Review, suggests that most employees believe authenticity in the workplace fosters better relationships with colleagues, higher levels of trust, greater productivity, and a more positive work atmosphere.  Furthermore, a study in the Leadership & Organization Development Journal reveals that “employees' perception of authentic leadership serves as the strongest predictor of job satisfaction and can have a positive impact on work-related attitudes and happiness.”

The costs of being inauthentic: 

When we are inauthentic by concealing ourselves from others, the burden of making countless micro-decisisons to bury certain aspects of our identity becomes exhausting.  What we repress ultimately gets expressed; otherwise, we start to lose our way and act in contradictory terms.  Over time, we become strangers to ourselves, transforming into the very mask we originally intended to don temporarily.  When we limit ourselves and fail to bring our full version to work, we lose people’s trust, and our relationships weaken.  It could be challenging to shape the workplace with our vision when we are not forthcoming with it.  Moreover, relying excessively on external validation distorts our self-perception,  as Epictetus astutely noted, “personal merit can’t be derived from an external source.” We need to reconnect with our inner compass.

Authenticity is when we can engage the best and truest part of ourselves and be bold enough to show that side to others.  We can create great relationships at work and better lead our teams to more success.

Quote of the day: “The privilege of a lifetime is being who you are.” -Joseph Campbell

Q: How do you define authenticity? When are you most authentic, and when do you find it most challenging? What does it feel like to be inauthentic? Comment and share with us; we’d love to hear your perspective!

[The next blog in this series 2/4 will focus on the characteristics of an authentic leader]

As a leadership development and executive coach, I work with leaders to explore what authentic leadership means to them and develop their style, contact me to explore this topic further.

A Guide To Burnout Remedies (Burnout Series 2/2)

When somebody is experiencing burnout, we assume that it is an individual issue, and that if they would adjust their habits and figure out how to get a better handle on their work, their problems would be solved.  While there are changes that an individual can make, it is only a tiny part of the problem.  The other part relates to challenges in the system and the environment, and companies are responsible for making alterations to better set people up for success. We miss the mark when we focus on the problem as one for individuals to solve.

While burnout prevention is always ideal (see blog series on having a strong personal management energy system), if you feel like you are experiencing burnout, there are many things you and your company can do to intervene and change course. 

Here are some remedies to consider for both the individual and the company:

1. Reduce Workload.    

1A. Communicate your limits.  How can you communicate your capacity to your managers and aim to handle a reasonable amount of work?  If you have always handled ten things on your plate, your boss may believe that is your comfortable capacity, but if it is really five, you need to communicate that and figure out a plan to keep it within a manageable amount.   

1B. Increase resources and support.  How can you access new resources or additional support to help manage your work?  Maybe peers are searching for a stretch assignment who would be more than willing to help.  A project may be stalled on another team, and some team members are currently underutilized, they can be transferred to another team to pitch in temporarily and gain valuable experience.

1C. Delegate effectively.  How can you enlist the help of your team so you are not doing it all?  Who on your team would jump at the opportunity to grow their leadership and responsibility and expand their scope?  Hoarding work for yourself deprives others of expanding their range and visibility.

1D. Prioritize effectively.  Are you always working on the most important goals and tasks agreed upon by your manager and team?  Some people gravitate towards working on enjoyable, unimportant, and urgent work that steals a lot of their time, but it is the vital work that needs to be prioritized first.  What is your system of saying no to projects so you can keep your focus on the top 3 priorities?

1E. Be comfortable with some incompletions.  Not everything has to get done at the moment. And sometimes, after a scan of all the work you have to do, you can make strategic choices on what you will not do because it is less critical.  I remember my university days when my professors would give me more reading than I could ever do before my next class.  I would devise techniques to read the two most important articles and skim the others to extrapolate 2-3 main points.  Being effective with this approach means that you accept and come to peace that it is not worth getting it all done.   Getting to inbox 0 may not be serving you; instead, leaving unimportant emails and feeling no responsibility to respond is more important, especially regarding cold calls or distant connections to try to take your time but you don’t owe them anything.  Some strategies that may have worked for you previously may not be working now so there is a real need to update our operating systems.

 2.  Create a coverage plan for your team.  If you have an eight-person team and some people are getting routinely sick, which was the case during Covid peaks, what is your plan for how a four-person team handles the work of 8?  It can be exhausting for people who already feel at capacity to assume an additional load.  We sometimes do this for leaves of absence; we create a transition plan and get temporary replacements.  It can be helpful to prepare in advance the plans to handle certain situations for when people are out.  Maybe one person jumps in to help for a week, and then they get rotated out for the next person to assume the tasks for the next week.   There may be some standbys or a temp agency to enlist to deal with the extra work.  Thinking through these thorny challenges will create a sense of ease for your team, and make it so no one ever has to shoulder the burden and feel like they are always covering and doing overtime.

2. Increase control.  Where can you have more agency in your work to increase your quality of work-life? Conducting employee surveys to learn where people want more autonomy over when, how, and with whom they do their work as long as they meet key deliverables can be insightful.  It can be worth it to invest in slight changes that translate to a massive increase in happiness.

3. Rewards.  Regularly recognizing people for a job well done is vital.  You can do a kudos board or something highlighting others’ important work and spread the acknowledgment.  For more ideas, you can read here.    The goal is to inspire and encourage each other.

4. Community.  What are you doing to intentionally build a community where people feel connected to each other?  A good way to do this is to let people know you have heard them.  Too often, companies will send surveys to get people’s ideas on improving culture, engagement, and community, and people take time to complete the questionnaires and never hear anything.  A way to let people know you heard them is to report back on the survey data and share what you learned.  You do not have to share only where there is an agreement, and you can even present conflicting information, but it is most important to convey what you have done with the information and identify the changes you plan to make because it fully honors people’s contributions.  You can read about other ways to build community here.

 5. Ensure fairness.  How fair are your systems and processes?  How do people get rewarded and promoted?  How fairly are colleagues treated?  It can be helpful to survey your employees to get their perceptions and audit your processes so you can get input into improving your processes and workstreams.

To create psychologically safe environments and ensure fairness is to have a process where turn-taking at meetings is common so everybody gets a say.  Each person can speak for 30 seconds in a go-around.  There can also be processes for healthy dissent. 

6. Meaning, purpose, contribution.  Managers talk with their Direct Reports to learn about their values and how they see them connecting or deviating from their work.  It makes a difference if managers can make little tweaks so people are operating more from their strengths or zone of genius.  Research shows if you spend just 20% of your time doing what you love, the other 80% will not burn you out.  When you spend time thinking about work utilizing a creative and problem-solving approach, you get a wave of positive emotions and none of the burnout symptoms that induce stress or disrupt mood.  People desperately want to experience mastery, progression, impact, and contribute, and when they can, their work becomes fulfilling and energizing.  When they cannot, their work becomes tiring and exhausting.  Some job functions are more conducive to burnout because they are not connected to a more profound mission.  If they align their personal mission with the leadership agenda, that can make a big difference in energy levels.

Burnout and Business Impact

Burnout is not an individual problem, it is a collective challenge, and beyond investing in others because it is the right thing to do, there is a clear business case.  When CEOs do not care for their employees, attrition grows, recruitment becomes harder, and customer success can be more difficult to achieve with unhappy employees.  Wellbeing is not a warm and fuzzy option, it is an essential business metric.

Other things companies can do:

1. Reduce meetings, especially virtually.  We spend an excessive amount of time in meetings, especially when most things do not have to be a meeting, they can just be an email. This means we are sitting way more than we have to, likely too close to our computers and experiencing screen fatigue.  It also means we do not have time to do deep work, strategize, innovate, or be intentional about developing ourselves and others.  Carving this type of time can be an energizing experience.  And if meetings must be had, there is no reason to default to 1 hour. Making meetings 50 minutes or 25 minutes and allowing 5-10 minutes for people to pause, take time to consolidate the learnings from the previous meetings and crystalize their action steps, and then think about what they want to do for the next meeting will allow them to be more centered and productive.  These micro-breaks are essential to our wellbeing.

2. Corporate wellness programs.  There are the standard things we see companies do, unlimited time off, meditation and yoga classes, and gym memberships, which can be helpful, but if they are mainly used as coping devices and are not contributing to prevention, then it is insufficient.  Amazon was criticized for installing a Zen booth mediation kiosk in its warehouses without really doing anything else to change the working conditions that were so challenging for people.  If the job design is stress-filled, doing some of these things is not enough to alter the burnout conditions. 

Some more valuable approaches involve giving everybody in the company (or in shifts based on teams) the same week off for vacation so you are not missing out on anything and returning to a mountain of work.  Unfortunately, just having an unlimited time off policy is insufficient and often backfires because most people do not capitalize on it, and worst yet, some managers make others feel guilty for taking that time off.  Flexible schedules allow people to choose where they want to work and when they want to work as long as they get results done.  Some companies have 4 day-work weeks or no meeting Fridays to prioritize space for reflection, creativity, sense-making, and other valuable work.  Incentivizing employees to get a good night’s rest, eat healthy, and utilize time for relaxing can also be helpful.  Companies can monitor absentee rates, check in with others who are not taking any time off or taking too much time off, and have conversations supporting their needs. The Boston Group flags employees who work too many hours. Google’s 20% time allows people to pursue passion projects, flex their creative muscles, and expand their skillsets.   In 2013, Salesforce offered a wellness benefit of 48 hours of paid volunteer work, which can energize and revitalize others’ experiences.

There is no one-size-fits-all, and what would work for one company differs from what works for another. The worst thing a company can do is to put a blanket policy.  The key is to survey the employees to see what they want that will matter to them.  It usually never works out when upper management comes up with a solution, such as putting a volleyball court on the roof of a building, thinking it will solve all issues.

3. Providing coaching.  Many companies provide Executive and leadership coaching to their employees as a way to invest in their growth and development and advance their careers.  Having a coach dedicated to your agenda and a safe space where you can talk about all your career aspirations and worries and devise a plan to move forward can be instrumental to your engagement.

4. Teams and managers can discuss wellness as a priority.  People do not want to work at places where they are not honoring and respecting their wellbeing. 

4A Managers can integrate wellness into their check-ins and teams can include it as a topic of discussion to learn how people organize their lifestyle to enable wellness.  They can provide resources that promote wellbeing, such as nutrition services, gym membership, sleep information, therapists, and other support systems.  You can encourage your people to monitor for signs of burnout regularly by having quick check-ins where they indicate how they are doing with the colors red (drowning), yellow (ok, but if not checked, heading to red), and green (thriving).  The quicker you can identify somebody in yellow, you can intervene and find a way to get you back in the green. The cure for burnout is not just self-care; it’s also about caring for each other.  When a manager takes a coach approach to learn more about people’s potential stressors, they may learn about minor quality-of-life issues that can be changed for the better.  Maybe you find out that a big part of a teacher’s stress is having three different classrooms on three different floors, and they feel like they are driving themselves crazy remembering to carry all their items to teach their classes or the nurse who has vital equipment on one floor but mainly does her job on another floor and simply moving it would help her work dramatically.  It is like having a pebble in your shoes, it’s annoying, and we feel it all the time, so when we can finally remove it, our quality of life improves.  When managers can support the person to think about how to address it together because it is more of a “we” challenge than a “me” challenge, it can make a big difference. Discussing common causes of burnout and mentioning ways to address it can go a long way.

 4B. Creating manuals of me.  Ask people how they like to collaborate to work better.  A significant source of our stress and cynicism is dealing with harmful and unhelpful interpersonal relationships, and if there are things we can discuss and fix, that can be helpful.  Some companies, such as Deloitte, have created “manuals of me,” which build a process to learn how people best operate.  The idea is once you put together how you best work and exchange it with others, it can accelerate communication and collaboration and reduce friction in trying to understand and guess the working style of others.  Some topics to include:

·      Things you need to know about me are

·      Things that prevent me from doing my best are

·      The best way you can check in on me is

·      When I’m dealing with stress, I

·      My best working patterns look like

·      The one thing I need every day to keep me grounded is

·      Taking care of my health and wellbeing looks like

4C. Respecting team boundaries.  Once you know more about the people you work with, respecting their boundaries and supporting their goals are important.  You can also be more mindful of not scheduling meetings during people’s lunch hours and, as a general rule, respecting other people’s calendar blocks designated as busy. If you know your coworker needs to go to the gym by six and they are still at their desk, you can inquire and see if support can be offered. 

4D. Open conversations on personal growth.  Having personal development conversations with each other on things we are doing to maintain our flourishment can be educational for others.  You can also have conversations on resilience and best practices to alleviate stress so you do not feel like you are solving this all by yourself, especially when it is common for others to be going through it.

5. Create a burnout plan.  When you are feeling stressed, you should have a list of micro initiatives you can take to help you regroup before you make your next move.  Box breathing for 30 seconds, going on vacation, and spending time with friends and family can make a difference.

When you are feeling burned out, there are many things you and your company can do to change the environment that reduces the exhaustion and sets you up for thriving.

Quote of the day: “If we cannot disconnect, we cannot lead.” -Arianna Huffington.

Q:   What does your company do to address burnout?  Comment and share below; we would love to hear from you! 

“Burnout is nature’s way of telling you you’ve been going through the motions your soul has departed.” — Sam Keen.

As a leadership development and executive coach, I work with leaders and their teams to prevent and manage burnout so they can do their best work, contact me to explore this topic further.

Find your road to recovery

Here Is What You Can Do When Your Boundaries Are Violated (Boundary Setting series 3/3 )

When we set boundaries, we can better utilize our time.  Unfortunately, there will always be people who test our boundaries, intentionally or accidentally but when they do, we must be ready to respond.

Anticipate the boundary being tested. 

People are human; they may forget your needs or remember and still ask for things anyway.  The onus is on you to restate the boundary and stick to your preference.  You do not need to make their personal emergency a license to steal your time and energy.  One of my clients used to say yes to her colleagues’ requests, even on weekends.  When she transitioned jobs, she knew with a fresh start, she wanted to be clear about her non-work hours and show up differently.  So when her colleagues would send emails on weekends, she would never respond.  She believed that they would be annoyed or offended, but she found that they respected her more, especially after she said she dedicates her weekends to quality family time.  She rarely receives weekend emails now, and when she gets the occasional one, she does not respond.  You cannot blame others for trying to test your boundary, but you can take ownership of keeping yourself accountable and maintaining your boundaries. 

To manage your work capacity, if you know you can only do 10 work items, be prepared for what you will say when an 11th item gets added to your plate.  If you are visiting a family member who is not the nicest to you yet you know they are going to guilt you into spending additional hours with them, get clear on the right amount of hours for you, and if it is 2, let them know in advance that you will be leaving after a couple of hours and be ready with an enforcement mechanism in case you are tested.  Good boundary-setting is all about informing others effectively and being able to stick to your original plan.

Beware of known boundary predators & have approaches to deal with them.

Boundary predators are people who rely on power, authority, or relationships to get what they want, at the expense of your boundaries.  We may have all had bosses who say, “Yes, take vacation!” then call you the morning you’re leaving to ask you to put together “just a few quick bullets” for their upcoming board meeting.  To reduce the seeming intensity of it, they may add, “it’s nothing formal – don’t spend a lot of time on it” (even though it is not even your job!).  Or the client who finishes a consulting package with you and then says, “I had an emergency yesterday – I know we’re done with our package, but I had three quick questions I hoped you could answer.  Just an email is fine!”  Even though they frame the request like this, you know this could be a 2-3 hour investment.  

Here are a couple of ways to deal with boundary predators:

1. Get a clear, concrete agreement up front on terms and boundaries.  They will not always “remember,” but you can reinforce the boundary when you have an objective way to remind them.  For example, when somebody is trying to engage in scope creep, that is, you have agreed to 10 hours, but they keep trying to add more, you can say, “Our agreement covers 10 hours of work, and here is how I defined that, this request would add another 2-3 hours, shall we update the agreement?”  Then they can weigh their options and decide.

2. Ask questions.  Sometimes boundary “predators” act the way they do because they have poor personal boundaries.  Asking questions helps you to diagnose possible broken systems.  For example, your boss is about to go on vacation, and their boss dumped something last minute on their plate, they do not know how to say no so they kick the can to you.   You can ask questions such as, “tell me more about their expectations and time investments and your concerns with this waiting until after your scheduled vacation?” That may give your boss a chance to go back to their leader for further clarity or to realize the project can wait.

3. Bargain.  When you feel like it is hard to say no, you can aim to compromise.  Referring to the example above, when your boss requests a few bullets, you can respond and say, “I’m glad I make it look effortless, but bullets will take too long.  Let’s jump on a 10-minute call to discuss it and then I’ll leave for vacation.”  Or for the example referring to the client that asks a few last-minute questions, you can say, “These are fantastic questions! I can answer #1 (or here is a short answer to #1), but we need to start a new package for the rest.  Shall I go ahead and send the agreement?”  Again, they can decide the best way to proceed.

It is helpful to think in advance about three boundary violations that might be the hardest for you to stick to and then prepare a short script on how you would respond to those requests, so you do not have to be pressed at the moment, especially if you have lower energy and willpower.   For example, if you know that your boss is going to ask you to stay late for a project, you can say, “I have a family commitment for this evening, but excited to tackle this first thing in the morning.”  If a peer asks you to help by attending a meeting and offering your input but it cuts into your personal time, you can say, “I have a prior commitment, but is there anything I can share with you now briefly to offer help, I’d be happy to?”  Keep the statements brief.   You should also prepare a script for when a boundary gets violated.  You can meet with the person to clarify expectations and reshare your work and non-work hours.   For example, if your peer asks you to do work after your work hours and complains when it is not done, you can respond by saying, “I just wanted to let you know that my availability is from 9-5, I’m happy to tackle this work during my work hours, thanks for your patience.”  Continue to reiterate your message and keep your behavior consistent, so others know what to expect and can adjust.

It is common for your boundaries to be tested and in that case, be prepared with how you want to uphold your commitment to yourself so you can maintain your balance and energy levels.

Quote of the day: “If you’re a giver, remember to learn your limits because the takers don’t have any.” -Henry Ford

Q: How do you respond to your boundaries being tested?  Comment and share below; we would love to hear from you!

As a leadership development and executive coach, I work with leaders to create winning personal energy management systems for themselves and their teams, contact me to explore this topic further.

Maintaining Your Boundaries Is Necessary

Mentors and Sponsors- What’s the difference? (Support Series 2/2)

When you are seeking assistance, it is helpful to know where to turn.  The last blog covered the difference between therapists and coaches as excellent systems of support.  This one will jump into mentorship and sponsorship as tremendous resources to bolster your career growth.

Mentorship

Mentorship is a relationship where the focus is on supporting the growth and development of the mentee.  They are excellent resources because they are usually seasoned leaders with industry knowledge who can guide less experienced people to help them raise their potential by achieving career goals and success.     

Mentors support mentees through formal or informal discussions about building skills, qualities, and confidence for career advancement.  Since they have “been there, done that,” they could show you the ropes and provide information that can offer shortcuts so you can avoid mistakes and pitfalls they have experienced along their career journey. They can discuss strategically with you how to best position yourself for a promotion. If you are about to have a conversation with a skip level, a mentor can share vital intel if they have it; for example, this person likes information in bullet points rather than paragraphs, and if you send an email with an agenda and include these two topics, that will help you stand out. The best mentors provide those practical tips to set you up for success and do not just speak conceptionally. Mentors usually act as trustworthy confidants fluent in reading between the lines of corporate emails and complex management and can share the “unwritten rules” for advancement in their organization because they understand the challenges you are facing.  Every cadence is different, but usually, mentors volunteer their time to do monthly check-ins. 

A mentor can share potential contacts with you to bypass gatekeepers, they can also connect you with other potential mentors since helping your career usually takes multiple guides.  We tend to make the erroneous assumption that just because a mentor has a fancy title that they have wisdom in every area, but similar to investing, we get the most benefit when we diversify.  Having multiple mentors can help because each person has different values, ambitions, insights, connections, and industry specialties.  

It might seem as though the benefits of mentoring are a one-way street, but when done right, it is an equally rich partnership.  While the mentee gains insights and experience in their field, the mentor can take pride in their protégé’s successes, help to develop another and learn from their mentees.  The best relationships are authentic ones, so be aware of downplaying potential issues because you are trying to impress your mentor.  Also, if your organization provides you with a mentor, it is ok not to click off the bat because the best relationships take time to cultivate. And the truth is, organizations may not always get their matches right, and that’s ok; there should be options to get rematched for the best possible fit. To read more on this topic of creating excellent mentorship relationships, check out my 3-part blog series.

Sponsorship

A sponsorship is similar to mentorship, but in some cases, it can be more effective in advancing your career.  A sponsor is someone in a position of power who uses their influence to endorse and advocate on your behalf by communicating with other high-status leaders in the company.  A sponsor could be your boss, your skip level, or anyone who is in a position to influence others and who knows you well enough to use their power and political capital for your benefit.

While there can be overlaps and some can play dual parts, a simple difference between mentors and sponsors is that mentors talk with you to help level up your skill and give advice, whereas sponsors talk about you to help you move up and get your next position.  Sylvia Ann Hewlett, CEO of the Center for Talent Innovation (CTI) says, “If you want to advance your career, having a mentor isn’t enough anymore, if you aspire to climb higher in this modern and competitive climate, you’ll need a sponsor as well.”  CTI has tracked the sponsor effect since 2010 in four U.S. and global studies and the results show that sponsorship, not mentorship, is how power is transferred in the workplace.

What do sponsors do and how to get one?

A sponsor can share successful strategies with their sponsee relating to staying on top of new, required skills for your desired position and new opportunities.  Then, they inform you of these requirements and prospects to help prepare you for a title change. They are invested in their protégé’s career success and will use their influence and networks to connect them to high-profile assignments, people, pay increases, and promotions.  Every organization has mission-critical work associated with revenue generation or contact with key clients and partners; they are the plum assignments that people vie for. Sponsors can advocate for you to get these strategic projects. The truth is, many important decisions about your career - compensation, promotion, and new assignments happen in a room that you are not in. Sponsors can carry your papers and use their currency on your behalf.

To get a sponsor, you first want to identify who they are and intentionally create quality moments. Carla Harris, Senior Client Advisor at Morgan Stanley said you can study the organization for a few weeks and note the people who have a seat at the decision-making table. And if you cannot figure that out, ask someone. Aim to build relationships with 1-2 people, and one way to do that is to have frequent touchpoints. Harris talked about how she would find ways to interact with them; she would come in at 7:15 am and be sure to say good morning, have a conversation in the elevator, and bring occasional coffee. Any good relationship starts with those light touch points and develops further. Then when your name comes up, it can be as simple as that person saying, “I like that person; they are good,” or “how about that person sets up the client meeting?” And if there is no other data about you in the room, that comment will travel far because it implants a positive first impression among the other senior leaders.

If you can collaborate with the sponsor, doing great work often formalizes the relationship. You want to impress them so they can take on the risk of advocating for you.  According to Joann M. Eisenhart, Senior Vice President of Human Resources at Northwestern Mutual, “Sponsorship is earned.”  This differs from some organizations where mentors are assigned; sponsors cannot be compelled to spend their political capital on you. Only when a person knows your work, trusts you, and can attest to your character will they likely be an advocate for you.  Most people will not risk their reputation for anything less.  They may ask you to work on aspects of your career development before they are willing to go to bat for you.

If you already have a mentor and continue to build trust and authentically nurture the relationship, it can take on sponsorship characteristics.

And if you do not have any of those opportunities for collaboration with mentors and sponsors, find ways to stand out. If you are at a company town hall, get involved. Alison Wood Brooks, Harvard Business School Professor said, if you ask thoughtful questions, you come across smart and likable. You don’t need to have the answers, but good questions can set somebody else up for success. You can make the extra effort to attend events where you know leaders will be and interact with them; as Stephen Hawking once said, “Showing up is half the battle.”

How do Sponsors decide to take on Sponsees?

To determine if you will take on a sponsee, you can give them mini-projects to see how they do.  You can connect the sponsee with somebody else and see how they handle the interaction. For example, if you know your sponsee wants to move from a client-facing role in 3 years to a strategic facing Senior Director role, you can link them with the Head of Strategy and if they run with that connection, grab takeaways, and integrate into the next steps, you know your work will be put to good use. 

Some sponsors can be nervous because they might think sponsoring the wrong person can ruin their reputation. Carla Harris said, “if that is your fear, you are not sponsoring enough people.” When it is done right, developing and retaining talent by enriching more junior workers is a crucial part of their job, and the best way to grow your power is to give it away. In any given year, you can sponsor two or three people, but can mentor more than that.

What is the Sponsee’s Role?

Similar to a mentorship, good sponsorship is a two-way street.  While a sponsor sticks their neck out for you and gives advocacy, it is good for you to show your reliability to them, live up to your potential, and deliver on your promises.  Keep your sponsor in the loop with your successes and aim to exceed their expectations.  Also, you can make your sponsor’s job easier to advocate for you by providing them with talking points so they can best represent your accomplishments.

As you think about breaking through your feeling of being stuck or eager to climb to new heights in your life and your career, you tend to go farther and faster when you go with others.  While mentors and sponsors can offer assistance, they each have specialties.   Mentors volunteer their time to provide wisdom and guidance and sometimes skill-building.  Sponsors talk about you highly when you are not in the room to rise in your career.  No rule says you only need one of these supports, if you have access to it, you can enlist as many people as you need.

Q: Who do you go to when you need help rising in your career?  Comment and share your ideas.  We would love to hear!

Quotes of the day: “We make a living by what we get, we make a life by what we give.” -Winston Churchill

“No one has ever become poor by giving.” -Anne Frank

As a Leadership and Executive Coach, I partner with others to help create powerful relationships to advance in your career, contact me to learn more.

Which supports do you use for your career growth?

What stage is your team in? ( Team Composition Series 3/3)

Teams go through different phases and stages.  Dr. Bruce Tuckman published his 4-stage model in 1965 – Forming, Storming, Norming, and Performing and added a fifth stage, Adjourning in the 1970s. The theory explains the predictable and evolving formative periods most teams experience.  As a leader, your job is to recognize what stage your team is at and think about the right interventions to move them along the team development continuum to reach peak performance and achieve more than they thought possible.  

Let’s jump into Tuckman’s five stages:

Stage 1: Forming.  When a team first assembles, there can be excitement, they may not be sure how things will turn out but some know it can be a great experience.  People spend time getting to know each other and understanding each other’s best attributes.  Respect is granted where you listen to others and share your thoughts, some may offer some goodwill and trust.

There should be a high dependence on the leader for guidance and direction during this phase.  Instead of being reactive to problems that come your way, the leader has the responsibility to be proactive and help their team think about what systems and processes are needed to build a foundation for their best performance.   

Here are some crucial questions the leader should reflect on and be able to answer to some degree before getting input from the team and co-creating the collective culture and structure:

·      What is the team’s purpose?  Why are we here and what are we meant to do? What is the vision that inspires people to jump out of bed every day to partake? What have our stakeholders commissioned us to do? What value are we depositing into the world?

·      What are the team goals, objectives, and KPIs? How can we turn the purpose and vision into a quarterly roadmap?

·      What are everybody’s roles and responsibilities, and how can we best contribute?  How can we share that information so everybody knows other people’s job descriptions and so they know who to turn to for assistance?

·      What are the expectations and agreements that will govern our best work?  What are the ways to weigh in and offer best practices and processes to enhance communication and coordination? How do we want to create psychological safety so we can take risks and reach peak innovation? You can lay out the best way to handle conflict and the process for decision-making get feedback and collectively agree on what would be best for the team.

·      What are the style differences?   How can we improve our understanding of individual preferences, strengths, and weaknesses, and increase our knowledge of working with different types of people?  This one does not need to be fully developed and can unfold as the team moves through the stages.

Stage 2: Storming.  In this phase, team members begin to show their entire colors, and conflict typically arises as there are clashes between work styles, beliefs, values, relationships, and personalities.  Decision-making is more complicated as people become more comfortable challenging each other and the leader.  As team members vie for positions to establish themselves in relation to other team members, they second guess coworkers and wonder, "I thought I trusted you, but now I'm not so sure."  If progress is not being made, they have more questions and concerns, assert their opinions and compete for power and attention.  If the team is too big, subgroups and cliques form, and there may be power struggles and blaming of others.   If not handled well, many teams do not move beyond this stage; they stay underperforming, and it turns out to be a relatively disappointing experience.

Leaders can play an essential role in pushing the team forward.  They can normalize conflict and seek to resolve it productively instead of shying away from it.   For example, when a co-worker says or does something that's not aligned with the team culture, step in and ask them to explain their approach and how it matches with the team’s purpose or culture.  You can revisit the original agreements about having an open and safe forum to exchange and pressure test ideas, even if not in alignment with others. Leaders can then allow team members the space to express different opinions and “clear the air.”  If you do not put ideas on the table, you cannot do anything about them.  They can establish and reinforce processes for effective communication, efficient meetings, solving team issues, and building trust to get teams to see that solving these interpersonal challenges is worth the investment.  Leaders can coach members to take ownership of the success of the team and help them design the changes they want to see. Leaders can ask how each member wants to be a resource for others’ development.  They can reconfirm the vision and get people excited to focus on critical collective goals where the intensity of the emotional and relationship issues is overshadowed by something way more meaningful that will have a substantial impact.

Stage 3: Norming.  When you understand that conflicts can arise and resolve issues amicably, you get rewarded with a genuinely healthy working relationship in the norming stage.  Roles and responsibilities are clear, accepted, and appreciated.  The team builds on processes and understands effective working styles.  Big decisions are made by group consensus or another more effective method agreed upon by the group. More minor decisions may be delegated to individuals or small, self-organizing teams within the larger group as responsibility and ownership are distributed.  There is a rhythm of addressing issues and appreciating differences and strengths as people work toward a common goal.  The impact is that morale and productivity increase, trust builds, commitment and unity strengthen and care for each other, and the work grows.  There is general respect for each other and the leader.  The team may engage in fun social activities and people are generally set up to do the work that everybody agreed upon.

Leaders can create success in this stage by empowering behaviors that allow people to be on the same page, giving and receiving feedback for development, sharing leadership responsibilities, and managing change collaboratively.  At this stage, groupthink can seep in; there could be the temptation that members could feel that they need to get along to go along because there is the fear of going back to the conflict stage when things were not fabulous.  The leader can be on the lookout for this unhelpful development and invoke processes to draw out multiple perspectives and normalize productive disagreement, leverage the strengths of each, take quick action, settle conflicts, and maintain a positive, productive climate.

Stage 4: Performing.  This is an incredible work experience where you are thriving on multiple levels producing excellent results, and having great relationships; it is a 1 + 1 = 3 type of equation; it's an intoxicating feeling.  The team is more strategically aware; knows clearly why it is doing what it is doing.  They have a high degree of autonomy as they go after the shared vision; they tend to overachieve and collaboratively make decisions with the leader.  Even with a high degree of freedom, they know they can depend on each other at any point.  Disagreements are resolved within the team positively, and necessary changes to processes and structures are made by the team regularly to serve the evolving needs best. They are comfortable asking for help and offering it because it is about the team-first approach, and there is a level of safety where people can bring their authentic selves, both their successes and struggles.

A leader can foster this successful stage by allowing even more flexibility in team roles, so people feel like they are being challenged. Leaders can create future leadership opportunities, offer development and support to help people achieve their career aspirations.  Leaders can leverage the learning and spark additional team creativity to attain new heights as they collectively advance. Leaders can also pay attention to momentum building and stalling moments. Daniel Pink also offers some interesting research about midpoints, which is the phenomenon of how teams tend to lose steam mid-project.  With this knowledge, leaders can offer galvanizing interventions to work with this dynamic to keep the momentum unbroken.

Stage 5: Adjourning.  This was added by Tuckman two years after his initial research.  Adjourning is the team’s break-up, hopefully when the task is completed successfully, its purpose fulfilled; everyone can move on to new things, feeling good about what's been achieved and ready to contribute elevated skills to their next body of work.  From an organizational perspective, recognition of and sensitivity to people's vulnerabilities is helpful, particularly if members have been closely bonded and feel a sense of insecurity or threat from this change.

Leaders can mark the occasion and adequately reflect on all the excellent work capturing each person’s contributions and making them feel proud for being a part of a memorable experience.  They can create hope for the future that they have skills and abilities and effective work practices that they can transfer to their next project.

 As a leader joining a new team, it is useful to find out what stage your team is in because if you enter their high-performing stage and treat them like they are in the forming or storming stage, they will be unhappy. It’s helpful to begin with a lot of listening and observation so you can spot where they are.  You can ask questions such as - what’s happening on the team, where is everybody, what are the best aspects of this team that you want to leverage going forward, what tweaks would you like to make, if any, to do even better work, how can I be most helpful to advance the team?  Instead of thinking you have the right diagnosis, they can tell you what they want without knowing the details and history.  Once having a deeper understanding, you can co-create the work together so all parties have a stake.

These five stages can progress and regress depending on team makeup, leadership, and client work changes.  When that happens, it is helpful to revisit the forming stage, even briefly, so you can put together a clear roadmap that will add eventual speed to the process. Knowing where your team is and how to support them will allow them to do their best work.

Quotes of the day:  Coming together is a beginning, staying together is progress, and working together is a success." – Henry Ford

Q: What stage is your team in?  As a leader, how would you like to support your team?  As a team member, how would you like to contribute? Comment and share with us; we would love to hear!

 As a Leadership and Team Coach, I partner with leaders and teams to cultivate a flourishing team culture, contact me to learn more.

Bruce Tuckman’s Team Model

What Is A Team? (Team Composition Series 1/3)

The word team is frequently used to describe any group of people loosely working together. The term is often evoked even when there are divergent agendas and little reliance on each other.  There are leadership teams, management teams, work teams, cross-functional teams, and more. Depending on the kind of team you are, you can make decisions to determine how to run it for maximum success and to meet the complex business demands in the modern workplace.

A team is not a bunch – a group of people who coexist.  If we find ourselves on the subway with a bunch of people, we are merely occupying the same space; each person is independent of everybody else, some traveling in the same direction and some not, but there is no kind of coordination.  We may not have much in common and are just in the same place at the same time using the same resource.  Of course, if the subway broke down in between platforms for an extensive period, there could be the potential for a team to form as more coordination would have to occur for all people to reach the same goal of getting out safely. 

A team is not a group – a collection of people who can have some common interests but are not aligned toward the same goal.  For example, maybe a leadership coach is working with a group of lawyers in different industries or companies, which can have many overlaps in their practice such as in their experiences, skills, and challenges.  Still, they are not working together to achieve an outcome so there is no need to align.

A team is not a pseudo team, described by Michael West and Joanne Lyubovnikova as “A group of people working in an organization who call themselves or are called by others a team; who have differing accounts of team objectives; whose typical tasks require team members to work alone or in separate dyads towards disparate goals.” There is usually an inability to collaborate effectively and the sum of the team is less than the parts; they could be performing even better independently.

A team, defined by Jon Katzenback, a recognized expert on teams is “A small number of people with complementary skills, who are committed to a common purpose, set of performance goals and shared approach for which they hold each other mutually accountable.” Peter Hawkins, author and expert on teams adds “and which has ways of effectively meeting and communicating that raise morale and alignment, effectively engaging with all the team’s key stakeholder groups and ways that individuals and the team can continually learn and develop.” In other words, real teams consist of a group of people working toward a common purpose and have a degree of interdependence in a shared context.  There is defined membership where they combine resources, competencies, and bandwidth as they carry out their collective mission and achieve outcomes.  They accomplish tasks that are too large or complex to be done by anyone.  A team only forms in response to a purpose and to stakeholder needs and usually operates within a system.

The best teams synergize; they know that the output of a team will be greater than the sum of individual contributions.  They complement each other, collaborate, coordinate, communicate effectively, have team spirit, and subordinate their personal goals to the larger objectives if they are at odds.  There are clear roles, well-defined outcomes, and norms or working agreements for peak performance.  They know why the team exists and have aligned that purpose with the organization, and to a degree, their own.  Ideally, they can connect that mission with having a meaningful and positive impact on others.  Author David Burkus argues that the definition of a great team has three qualities – intellectual diversity (diverse thinkers), psychological safety (the comfort in expressing your ideas), and a purpose or noble cause.  While each team includes different ingredients that make up their success, there are underlining commonalities.  To read more about successful team ingredients, feel free to read my blog on the topic.

Leaders play a tremendous part in the success of a team.  While they have their vision, they know how to collect meaningful input from the members to shape it collectively.  Great teams do not just happen; there has to be a degree of intentionality and thought in the design, purpose, values, and contribution of individual strengths.  Doc Rivers, NBA championship-winning coach and recipient of the NBA Coach of the Year award uses the South African concept Ubuntu to drive and define his team, which means “I am because we are.”   It is the idea that there are no solitary humans because a person is who they are as a result of their interactions with others.  He says, “the better you are, the better I am.”   The best leaders strike a balance in coaching teams for who they are today and who they will be someday and extracting the best from each to advance the team unit as a whole.

When you are building a team, there are many considerations to design the best kinds of teams, which look very different than groups and bunches.  What type of team do you intend to build?  What will be the philosophy that governs your team?  How will you learn the stakeholders’ needs for you to be successful? How will you incentivize your team to collaborate?  These are the kinds of questions that pop up in the formative stages of a team.

Quote of the day: "None of us is as smart as all of us." -Ken Blanchard

Q: What does a team mean to you?  Comment and share with us; we would love to hear!

[The next blog in this series 2/3 will focus on the types of teams]

 As a Leadership and Team Coach, I partner with leaders and teams to cultivate a flourishing team culture, contact me to learn more.

What’s distinct about your team?

Top 8 Tips for Habit Change (Habit Series 7/7)

The previous blogs in this series have covered various topics relating to how habits work and how we can make them work better.  This blog will offer several tips to further optimize your habit changes.

1. Have Systems, not Goals.  Scott Adams, in his book “How to Fail at Almost Everything and Still Win Big,” says when you are trying to make changes, it is better to have systems versus goals.  He states how goals can be vague, such as I want to lose 10 pounds, but systems - what you will eat, how you will exercise, what research you will put into your plan, how consistent you will be - will determine the results you want.  Sports coaches understand this distinction, you may have the goal of winning a championship, but it is a system of how you recruit players, run practices, and manage assistant coaches to get you to that result.  Goals are about one moment, such as cleaning my house, but that’s temporary if you do not have a system in place of immediately putting things where they belong.  It is essential to have both –set a goal so you know the direction you are going in and build the system to support your journey.

2. Get a partner.   Sometimes when we are thinking of making changes, it can be easy to talk about it but hard to live.  We are all human with weaknesses and willpower lapses and cannot always do it alone.  Enlisting help, whether a supportive partner or a coach, can help us make sustainable changes.  It is the reason why many people work with personal trainers.  If all we needed were more information on diet and exercise, we would all be walking around super fit, but when we partner with an expert, we are held accountable and can feel more motivated to do the work.

No matter how disciplined you are, you can go further when you go together.  Marshall Goldsmith is one of the top coaches in the business and even he has somebody that he calls every night so he knows he’s doing his ideal behaviors and can be held accountable.  You can make it a two-way street and find a success buddy who wants to devote time to habit changes as there’s nothing more powerful than walking arm in arm with someone to go after your objectives.  If it is the same goal like exercising more, you can take walks and workout classes together and even introduce a little competition to rev the engines.  An accountability buddy allows you to report your goals, share your plans to get there, and help each other with information, connections, and motivation. 

3. Recover from your mistakes.  Let’s say you put in the most incredible systems, but somehow you get pulled off track.  One crazy day in a busy week slams you and you are unable to do your exercise routines.   It’s fine, you are human, the key is to return to the path.  Because some people try to be perfect, when they break their chain, it stays broken, and the next thing you know you have been off your exercise routine for two weeks and now you do not know if you can resume.  The answer is that you can always return at any moment.   Be mindful to prevent a slip from turning into a downward spiral… first, you stop exercising, you feel sluggish, you have low energy at work, are unproductive with your assignments, feel irritable, don’t spend time with your family, and so on. Be patient with yourself, if you fall off the wagon, brush yourself off, and keep going.  Try another strategy, reinforce your commitment, and press on. You got this!

Another reason why people get pulled off track is because they get to a certain level of success and then get too comfortable.  We stop doing what we did to get us there and we slowly degrade like frogs in boiling water, warming so incrementally that they do not realize they are getting cooked.

5. Be quick to eliminate bad habits. A good way to think about habits is to think about cultivating a garden. There will be a variety of flowers, trees, and plants, which are the good habits you will want to nurture and then there will be the weeds, the unwanted habits, which should be ripped out before they grow too large. As Ben Franklin warned, it’s easier to prevent bad habits than to break them. Warren Buffet would agree as he adds “The chains of habit are too light to be felt until they are too heavy to be broken.” Taking a preventative approach can save you tremendous energy.

6. Permit yourself to break your routine. Routine and consistency are good, but sometimes the things that used to energize us can lose their effects.  In that case, it is helpful to shake things up and interrupt your routines.  Instead of going for a run every day, maybe you take a bike ride.   When you deliberately take a break or challenge yourself with a new activity, it can reenergize your commitment.  Travel is the ultimate activity because it forces you to do so many new things– figuring out how to navigate a city, where to explore, what to eat, who to meet, and so on.

7. Check-in with your habits. It is also important to recognize that sometimes habits have their seasons. Maybe you were intentional about eating oranges every day for 6 months but it is no longer serving you, so you can introduce another habit for another season in your life. Just because you decide to take one thing on, does not mean it is the thing you will do for the entirety of your life. Periodically check in with your habits to make sure it is the right match for where you are in life.

8. Reflect & celebrate.  Evaluate your habits, what is going well, what is not, and what might need to change?  Becoming the best version of yourself requires you to continuously review your behaviors and beliefs so you know you are spending time on the right things based on where you are.  Comedian Chris Rock will test 100 jokes and record which bits went well in his notebook so he can repeat that specific behavior.

Reflections can happen at multiple levels - daily, weekly, monthly, and annual reviews so you can track your most important habits and measure your progress. Here is one way to reflect… on an excel spreadsheet, in the first vertical column, write a list of important things in your life, such as family, friends, and virtues you are cultivating.  Across the top, list the days of the week. At the end of each day, complete the column by writing a simple yes or no.  At the end of the week, review your scores. If you say your family is your top priority but they do not appear in your busy calendar and you have not checked their boxes, that’s valuable data for you to act on. It is only this reflection time that will allow you to discover the inconsistencies.

Don’t forget to stop and take the time to celebrate.  Give yourself new rewards daily, weekly, or monthly.  Read something fun, go for a hike, book a massage, eat the best icecream, or do any preferable activity that will add the benefit of disrupting your routine.

Some change is hard, but when we can create systems, enlist help, reflect, and celebrate our wins, we can make the process a little less difficult.  And if it is still hard despite our best efforts, do them anyway, it will be a road you can travel to success.

Quotes of the day: “All our life is but a mass of habits.”  -William James 

Q: When was the last time you enlisted help to enact positive change in your life?  What worked? Comment and share below, we would love to hear from you!

As a leadership development and executive coach, I work with people to cultivate habits that serve them, contact me to explore this topic further.

What’s your favorite tip for habit change?

Consistency is the secret to changing habits (Habit Series 6/7)

The best way for your habit change to take root is to be consistent with your behaviors.  Even when you cannot see the benefits, big dividends will be eventually paid when you put a system in place to follow. 

When you make the slightest adjustments to your daily routine, it can alter your life.  Let’s say you want to exercise more, and you start with 10 minutes a day, it does not sound like a lot, but it adds up.  Jerry Seinfeld, one of the most successful comedians of all time, brought a level of consistency to his daily work that most of us would envy. He said the way to be a better comic was to create better jokes, and the way to create better jokes was to write every day.  He used a wall calendar that had a whole year on one page hung in a prominent spot.  For each day he writes, he puts a big red X over the day.  After a few days, he would have a chain that would keep growing, the goal is not to break the chain. This method of daily tracking is hugely beneficial for many, but it doesn’t work for all because if you find yourself staring at blank spots that you missed, you can begin to feel bad about your inability to follow a plan and start to get demoralized and give up. Decide if tracking works for you.

Consistency is a competitive advantage.  None of us get where we want to overnight, it is a disciplined process, over time of small intentional steps.  Jim Rohn says, “what simple to do is also simple not to do.”  Successful people are willing to do what others are not.  They schedule time in their calendar every day for their habits.  Practice allows you to rewire your brain and create new mental maps on how to think and behave.  As Tony Robbins says, “Knowledge is not power… it’s potential power.  Execution will trump knowledge any day.”  It is like a light switch, we have to turn it on to enjoy the effects.

Here are two tips to help with consistency:

1. Control your mornings and evenings.  An excellent way to have more control over your day is to have a non-negotiable morning and evening routine so your most important habits are done at the beginning or end of the day, depending on the time that matches your best energy.  A million things can spring up during the day that you may have to react to, but designing the beginning or the end of your day will allow for that protected habit time and fewer if any interruptions.

2. Log your progress. The most effective form of motivation for habit change is progress.  Each small win feeds your desire, and even if the results take longer to see, you can visualize the work you put in. At age 20, Ben Franklin carried a small booklet and used it to track 13 personal virtues and goals such as avoiding wasting time and trifling conversation and would open his book and record his progress.  Following the habit creates a satisfying feeling and a desire to repeat the behavior.  Research shows that those who kept a daily food log were twice as likely to lose weight. It keeps us honest because sometimes we have a distorted view of what we do until we see the paper that puts things into a more realistic light.  The key is to focus on the process and the progress of whom you are becoming as you move toward your destination.  Measurement is useful when it guides you and adds context to a larger picture, not when it consumes you and stresses you out.

Progress leads to momentum,  one of the most influential and enigmatic forces of success.  Newton’s first law states that objects at rest tend to stay at rest unless impacted by an outside force and objects in motion stay in motion unless something stops the momentum.  It’s why couch potatoes can feel like they are in a rut for a while and why the rich get richer, and the happy people get happier.

These steps will lead to the compound effect.  When you are consistent, control your time, and log your progress, you ignite the miracle of the compound effect.  In the book by the same title, Darren Hardy defines the compound effect as “Changes that seem small and unimportant at first, but will compound into remarkable results if you are willing to stick with them for years.”

Even when you do not see the changes, the benefits are delayed.  James Clear offers a striking ice cube metaphor.  He says, “Imagine an ice cube as a room heats up in 1-degree increments. 26... 27...28... to 31 and still nothing has happened. Then at 32, the ice begins to melt.  A 1-degree shift, seemingly no different from the previous ones, but this one unlocked a huge shift.”  The hard work you do is never being wasted, just stored. It’s natural to get frustrated with running for a month and not seeing results, but like all things, you need to give it time and the amount of time can vary from one person to the next.

Habits can compound for or against you.  When you are consistently doing your disciplines and tracking your progress, you will be on a growth path, even if it is not noticeable at first, it will yield massive long-term results.  If you choose the status quo or feed negative behaviors, you will accrue a deficit.  It’s a multiplying effect in whichever direction - and, you get to choose.

Quotes of the day: “ I will win, not immediately but definitely.” -Anonymous 

“The secret to success is found in your daily routine.” -Author John Maxwell

Q:  How do you support your best habits?  How do you log your progress?   Comment and share below, we would love to hear from you! 

[The next blog 7/7 will focus on maintaining systems for habit change]

As a leadership development and executive coach, I work with people to cultivate habits that serve them, contact me to explore this topic further.

How do you track your progress on habit change?

A Closer Look at Habits (Habit Series 1/7)

The quality of our habits makes up the richness of our lives.  Habits are rituals or behaviors that we perform automatically.  The good ones, such as daily flossing, exercise, and mindful eating, contribute to a healthier life.  In contrast, the less envious ones like consuming junk food, binging on Netflix, and skipping workouts can detract from our potential. 

These vital mental shortcuts allow us to glide more efficiently throughout our day.  A lot of what we do is mindless; we are constantly reacting to situations without having the time to conduct elaborate mental trials.  One paper published by a Duke University researcher in 2006 found that more than 40% of the actions people performed each day were not actual decisions, but habits.  Without them, we would be overwhelmed and simply nonfunctional at times because we are bombarded with millions of bits of information and lack the time and cognitive resources to decipher all of the data.  By not thinking about routine actions such as how we are going to brush our teeth, what breakfast we will have, and how we will commute to work, allows us to conserve energy on recurring events so we can use our thinking power for more significant decisions.  

How long does it take to change a habit?

The research on this question is varied.  In the preface to his 1960 book Psycho-cybernetics, Dr. Maxwell Maltz, a plastic surgeon turned psychologist, wrote: “It usually requires a minimum of about 21 days to effect any perceptible change in a mental image.”  According to recent research by Phillippa Lally, the typical average is about 66 days.  But in that study, the range was wide, anywhere from 18-254 days because it depended on the kind of habit.  Drinking 8 glasses of water each day is much easier than going for a daily run, which could take closer to 7-8 months to cement for some people.  In reality, habit work never stops because if we do not maintain them, we lose the routine and the benefit.

Other variables can impact the timeline, such as how long the habit has been ingrained in our mind, how compelling the reason for the change, how big the payoff will be, how dire the consequences if we stick with the status quo, how positive the emotions connected to the behavior change, and the surrounding circumstances.   For example, if we have witnessed a friend die of lung cancer, that may prompt us to quit smoking immediately. If we feel incredible going for a daily walk and we start to notice progress shortly thereafter, we are more likely to implant that habit into our lives.

How do habits work?

In two common frameworks, Charles Duhigg in “The Power of Habit,” describes a habit loop consisting of 3 elements, while James Clear’s “Atomic Habits” explains 4 steps in the process by subdividing the second step. 

Here is how they explain it:

1. Cue.  A trigger that initiates the behavior because you are conditioned to notice the reward.

2. Routine.  The behavior you use in response to the cue.  James Clear subdivides the routine into the craving (the motivational force behind the habit) and the response (the actual practice you perform).

3. Reward.  The satisfying feeling you get when you address the cue.

When putting it together, it looks like this:  You wake up (cue), you want to feel alert (craving), you drink coffee (response), you satisfy your craving of feeling alert (reward).  Therefore, drinking coffee becomes associated with waking up.

Habit loops are important because our brains would shut down due to the overwhelm of the everyday minutiae without them.  When we break a habit into its parts, we can understand them better and zoom in to a specific area to triage. 

Knowing our habits can improve the quality of our lives.  Instead of running on autopilot and accruing behaviors that may not serve us, we can be more deliberate.  When we build good habits, we create freedom for the things that we want to do the most.   

Quote of the day:  “For the first 30 years of your life, you make your habits.  For the last 30 years of your life, your habits make you.”  -Hindu Saying  [This was reportedly a favorite of Steve Jobs who sent it out to friends on invitations to his 30th birthday party].

Q:  What cue or trigger starts one of your habits?   What can you do to interrupt the loop?  Comment and share below, we would love to hear from you!

[The next blog in this series 2/7 will focus on increasing your awareness to change your habits better]

As a leadership development and executive coach, I work with people to cultivate habits that serve them, contact me to explore this topic further.

When was the last time you examined your habits?

How Is Your Executive Presence?

The term executive presence can be vague and mean different things to different people, like the concept of leadership.  Is it about how you show up by what you wear, how concise and convincing you are in meetings, how great you present, how much credibility you have, or how strong your decision-making and strategic thinking skills are?

When you ask a group of managers who aspire to the C-suite what it takes to get there, they invariably mention executive presence, even if they may not be clear on what it means.  In a survey conducted by Coach Source, Dr. Brian Underhill shares that from a manager’s perspective, 42% of people who seek a coach want to develop their executive presence.

So, what are these “make or break” factors in considering whether to promote somebody into the upper leadership rank?  Executive presence is not just about one or two factors, such as how you look or dress, but about the whole person.  It may seem like some people either have it or not, but they likely worked hard to achieve it, and it can be developed with intention.  Executive presence, or I would extend the concept to also include leadership presence is about inspiring confidence in others because of character, capabilities, and reliability.  These leaders can handle complex and unpredictable situations, make tough decisions quickly, and hold their own with talented and strong-willed team members.

The Bates Executive Presence Index, a research-based, scientifically validated assessment measures executive presence according to 3 big categories: character, substance, and style.  I’m going to borrow aspects of that framework and include my categories based on commonalities from clients I’ve coached on this topic.

Components of Executive/Leadership Presence:

1. Character.  Arguably one of the most important is about the personal traits and values that define you.  Two key components include:

·      Integrity - Acting authentically, transparently, sincerely, and in accordance with your actions and beliefs.  You live up to ethical standards because you care about doing the right thing for yourself and others, even when it is unpopular.  You are credible, trustworthy, professional, dependable, and know how to keep your promises.

·      Humility - Part of being humble is being self-aware – you have a good sense of your strengths, weaknesses, and the impact that you want to make.  At the same time, you know you do not know it all, so you seek out diverse perspectives and feedback, you listen inclusively to others, and you believe that all people have worth regardless of title or position.

2. Substance.  This relates to depth and overall maturity and can be split into practical wisdom and emotional intelligence.

·      Practical Wisdom – Having those hard skills and competencies in getting the job done.  You also exercise good insight, judgment, vision, strategic thinking, and collaborative skills in bringing teams and stakeholders aligned and along with you as you achieve results.   

·      Emotional Intelligence – You show calm and balance when under pressure because you know how to manage your own emotions.  You do not have erratic and unpredictable outbursts or become emotionally unhinged when you clash with others or receive pushback on your ideas; instead, you use your emotional strength to understand the situation better.  You are also attuned to others’ emotions because you listen, ask questions, factor in other perspectives.   You show care and build great relationships because you can read the room, receive data, and make pivots to fit the moment better.

3. Style – This is about how you present yourself and how others see and experience you quickly, if not immediately.  It is the first impression.  Two critical aspects include presence and effective communication.

·      Presence – This is more than the right clothes, firm handshake, eye contact, or voice projection; it is about exuding confidence, being calm in hectic times, and adapting your demeanor to serve the situation better.

·      Effective Communication – Relates to talking with intentionality.  You are clear, brief, direct, and speak with authority.  You do not bog others down with the details or open the floodgates and blast them with information; you know how to get to the bottom line swiftly.  You use your communication to empower, inspire, and bring out your best.  That may entail providing a forum where others feel safe, expressing themselves, asking questions, and feeling stretched in their growth because of your high expectations in their development and support. 

Like many intangible leadership traits, these skills can be grown, especially if you have a baseline level of self-confidence and a willingness to deal with unpredictable situations that come with the territory at the executive level.

Let’s jump into some things you can do to develop executive presence:

1. Skill build.  Understand where you want to go, assess your starting point with your current skill set, determine the new proficiencies you will need, and pick one capability to grow.  You can raise your awareness by reading about it and then practicing the skill.  Perhaps, you want to begin with style and specifically your public speaking.  You want to stand and deliver confidently, clearly, and concisely to large groups, answer questions effectively by maintaining curiosity and not becoming defensives, and handle pressure calmly.  You can start with the headline, provide some more details, and hold space for others to jump in with questions, then go deeper on topics that interest them.  Being comfortable with releasing some control means that they can drive the conversation, and you can handle whatever comes your way.  Speaking in shorter bursts is helpful because it is more of an exchange and not a lecture.

2. Get support from others. You can work with a coach to get clear on who you are, what you want to work on, what it will take to work on it, and be held accountable along the way.  You can also work with advocates, managers, peers, colleagues, mentors to let them know that you are actively focusing on this one thing.  If they have tips or suggestions and can be mindful of sharing feedback when they see you doing the behavior, you can gain their support for your growth.  Receiving helpful feedback from them can allow you to adjust along the way.

Expressing your executive presence is unique to each person.  You make an impression through the values you bring to the organization, the results you deliver, the way you connect, and how you communicate your points.  It is a worthy skill to invest in because it can lead to more career advancements and opportunities.  When you lead with character, substance, and style, you can positively influence and inspire greatness in others. 

Quote of the day: “How you act (gravitas), how you speak (communication), and how you look (appearance) count for a lot in determining your leadership presence.” -CEO Sylvia Ann Hewlett

Q: How do you define executive presence?  What’s one essential feature of it?  Comment and share below; we would love to hear from you!

As a leadership development and executive coach, I work with leaders to help develop their executive and leadership presence, contact me to explore this topic further.

How do you show up? Is it the way you want to?

The Strength of Making Decisions in Teams (Decision Series 8/8)

Every organization consists of teams that face grave challenges – how to innovate faster, build better relationships with clients, respond to competitive threats, decide which products to invest time into and which ones to abandon. How do you decide the best direction?

Here are some tips that help teams make the best decisions together:  

1. Get on the same page.  In 1999 NASA had a mission to study the climate on the planet Mars.  After 10 months of travel and 125 million, the spacecraft burned due to a navigational mistake, which was entirely preventable.  It turns out, multiple teams were working on the project, one group used the metric system, while the other used inches, feet, and pounds.  Some of the smartest people forget to check that both teams were using the same unit of measurement, and the consequences were catastrophic.  Before you embark on the decision-making process, take some time to cover the basics, get the small details right, and properly understand the problem before deciding on something and be sure to level set on the expectations, processes, and tactics.

2. Take time for independent thinking.  Spend some time individually to consider the problem and solutions so your ideas are not heavily influenced by anybody else’s.  This will allow for more variety in creativity and innovation because there will be an even larger pool of plans in which to choose. A common mistake that many people make is that they may share their idea with their teammate and then ask for their opinion, but they have already tainted the person’s thinking and may create an environment where the person does not want to disagree with you, especially if you are the boss. This is why as a leader it is important to go last so you can hear as many raw ideas as possible for you to share your perspective.

3. Share in small groups.  Form a series of small groups of 4-6 people within the larger team so all opinions can be put on the table and a consensus can be reached on the best way that the team can solve the problem.  According to a Ted Talk by Mariano Sigman, a leading figure in the neuroscience on decision-making space, he shows how crowds are wiser when they can talk to other people in small groups.  He ran an experiment where people provided an answer to a question about how tall the Eiffel Tower was and then they had a chance to discuss and debate.   The result was that the average of the group was more accurate than the average of the individuals.

4. Share in big groups.  Have a big group discussion where each team presents their ideas and then gets outside perspectives.  It allows you to go for a “robust average”  which gives a rough estimate of all the members’ answers while discrediting outliers. The old saying, “Two heads are better than one” is most true when you can extract each person’s untainted thinking first and then combine it with others to form even deeper insights.

5. Time for thoughtful disagreements.  If three groups within the team put forth their ideas, they can exchange in the thoughtful back and forth, while others can ask questions for clarity and provide a challenge to the ideas.   When you engage in quality discussions, people’s thinking can evolve and the best collective decision can be reached.   Ray Dalio uses a technique like this.  His goal is to attain an idea meritocracy, where the best ideas win out and have nothing to do with politics, personalities, status, or other influencers. 

6. Decide on a tiebreaker. You may have strong ideas, energy, and evidence for two dominant positions, but in the end, you need to decide once you have carefully considered all sides of the discussion. Usually, when there is a deadlock in ideas, the leader should weigh in and break the tie. However, use the approach that works best for your team, if it is strictly by consensus, you can opt for that method.

7. Disagree and commit. Used widely by Andy Grove and Jeff Bezos, they believed that once a decision has been made, regardless if it was yours or not, as a team player, you need to be behind it and hope for its success rather than being indifferent or worse, aiming to sabotage the idea.

8. Use timeframes. To facilitate the decision-making process, it is helpful to use timeframes. For example, maybe you allocate a week for the first phase which is about gathering information and discussing openly. For the second phase, you can allocate the necessary time to make the decision. Without timelines, you could get stuck in endless discussions and fail to move to the execution phase.

There are many techniques that you can use to make the best group decisions. By having clear processes that allow each person to contribute their best input, hard decisions become a little less hard.

Quote of the day: "My opinion, my conviction, gains immensely in strength and sureness the minute a second mind has adopted it." -Novalis, German Author and Philosopher

Q:  How do your teams make decisions?  What processes do you use?  Comment and share below, we would love to hear from you!

As a leadership development and executive coach, I work with leaders to help them make hard decisions, contact me to explore this topic further.

What’s the best way to make group decisions?

What Comes After You Have Made a Decision? (Decision Series 7/8)

Congratulations, you have taken careful steps to make the decision that is right for you.  You got clear on your values, utilized effective informational and creative strategies, followed systems, and took action.  Now what?

Depending on your goal, whether it is about improving your decision-making skills, enhancing your current situation by reversing the decision, or just enjoying your peace of mind, you may consider the following:                                                                                                     

1. Reflect.  If you are interested in improving your decision-making abilities, carve out the necessary time to reflect.  After the choice, monitor it.  What is working?  What approaches, criteria, metrics, and systems did you use that were successful?  What did you overlook and may want to include next time you choose?  Mark Twain described the complicated nature of decision-making as follows: “Good decisions come from experience, but experience comes from making bad decisions.”  This is not to say that the only way to become a great decision-maker is to make a ton of mistakes; it just means that it is important to keep past decisions in the front of your mind to capitalize on the learning moment.

You can also do long-term reflection. You can do an annual review by asking - what was your best and worst decision you made last year? How do you know they were your best or worst? To answer these questions, most people follow a concept that Annie Duke describes as “resulting” - a decision was good if the outcome was good, but that is an incomplete way to evaluate. Just because you got home safely after drunk driving does not mean you made a good choice to jeopardize your life and the lives of others. Instead, what you can do is map out a few other choices you could have made and then evaluate them against the choice that you actually made. What did you wish you would have known at the time, how could you have found out that information, what will you do differently next time? Asking these kinds of questions will improve your decision-making processes.

2. Choose to reverse a big decision.  We think that when we make a selection, we have lost all agency, but we can always choose to course-correct if we have given it enough time and decided with all our minds and hearts that it is not right for us at this time.  Decisions are not permanent sentences and when we can get creative about having the confidence to tweak our choices or even reverse them, we can attain more happiness.

3. Enjoy the peace of mind of making a small, lasting decision.  Making some irrevocable determinations can bring more happiness.  Daniel Gilbert ran a study where at the end of his photography course, students had to choose which photo of the many to keep.  Group A was told that if they changed their mind later, they could swap the photo.  Group B was told their choice was final.  You would think that many people were happy in the first group because they preserved their options, knowing they could always trade their photo.  The study found that when people made an irrevocable decision, they rationalized it easily move forward.  Once something is gone forever, the mind gets to work, figuring out why what it has is better than what it lost.  But when a decision is irrevocable, you ruminate and think, do I like this photograph, maybe the other one goes better in my living room, I should take it back and upgrade.  When it comes to smaller decisions, set yourself up for ones that do not leave you with an out, at the end of the day, it is just a picture.

Depending on your goal, there are things you can do after a decision is made.  If you are trying to be a better decision-maker, you can reflect on your choice and monitor how it works out and what you did well in the process leading up to the decision.  If you are aiming for happiness, you may choose to alter or reverse the selection.  If you are interested in attaining peace of mind relating to small decisions, you may want to make irrevocable ones.

Quote of the day: “All life is an experiment.  The more experiments you make, the better.”  -Ralph Waldo Emerson

Q: How do you reflect on your decisions once you made them to improve your future decisions?  What was your best and worst decision of last year? Comment and share below, we would love to hear from you!

[The next blog in this series 8/8 will focus on decision-making in teams.] 

As a leadership development and executive coach, I work with leaders to help them make hard decisions and reflect on their process, contact me to explore this topic further.

How do you make decisions that make you proud?

As a leadership development and executive coach, I work with leaders to help them make hard decisions, contact me to explore this topic further.

Systems For Better Decision-Making (Decision Series 6/8)

To what degree do you think our decisions determine our lives?  Should we stay in a city we have known and enjoyed for a decade-plus or move elsewhere to shake things up? Take a high visibility job with additional responsibilities or focus more on enjoying a balanced and relaxed life? Know when it is time to quit our side hustle or persist? To be human is to be jostled by choice.  I have found that to have an edge in decision-making, we want to have a few systems in place to better guide us.

Here are some helpful systems to consider when we are contemplating making big decisions:

1. Expand your time horizons.   Suzy Welch, a former editor at the Harvard Business Review recommends conducting a 10-10-10 analysis.  For every choice we’re considering, ask ourselves: how will I feel about having done this 10 minutes, 10 months, 10 years from now?   This tool helps create psychological distance when you expand the time horizon and imagine how we would feel in the future.  A challenge we have when making a decision is the emphasis we place on immediate emotions so we avoid doing unpleasant things like asking for a promotion or breaking up with our partner because we may be blinded by the short-term fallout.  By considering how we will feel in the future, we can reduce the intensity of our current emotions and make sounder decisions.  You only have to deal with the short-term once, but the long run for the rest of your life.

A similar idea is to think about 2nd and 3rd order consequences or the downstream ramifications of your actions, which are not always obvious at first. You can decide to take up running and endure the initial pain of working out for the medium-term benefits of getting in shape and feeling great. You may also look further ahead to consider the joint pains you might incur from running on the pavement so perhaps you will want to have a plan to switch to a less impactful exercise such as yoga or swimming at some point since it will be lighter on your body but still help you attain your goal of healthy living. It is about being mindful of the long game.

Ask yourself, what advice would I give my friend.  Another way to gain distance from the problem is to imagine that your friend told you the same dilemma, what would you tell them to do?  This approach can help because when you picture yourself not involved, those highly charged emotions reduce their intensity.  You can see the problem more clearly for what it is minus the strong feelings.  Andy Grove, the former Intel CEO had a similar technique he used, which was to ask the question, “If I were replaced tomorrow, what would my successor do”?

2. Run an experiment.  In Stumbling Upon Happiness, Daniel Gilbert asserts that when we are thinking about making a decision and factoring in our happiness, we tend to be pretty lousy at predicting what will make us happy.  We may think to ourselves, “once I move out of the city and to the suburbs, it will be quieter, I will not hear the ambulance sirens, trucks, and unrelenting construction disturbances.”  But when we do it, we realize it is boring, we do not like it, and in fact, those background noises provided the occasional rushes. So, the best thing to do is to conduct small experiments.  Spend weekends or months simulating how we would be living.  If moving also means a job change, testing the assumption while we have a paycheck is most helpful because we will have an exit plan.

3. Do a pre-mortem.  It is human nature to strategize an approach and formulate all the ways we will be successful, but few people talk about what could go wrong.  The pre-mortem considers what failure would look like before even beginning the project.  This approach could have come in handy during the British colonization of India when officials were concerned with the number of venomous cobra snakes in Delhi.  To solve the problem, the government gave cash for every dead cobra.  While the plan was initially successful, ultimately it was a failure because they did not think about all the entrepreneurs who got into the business of breeding snakes to generate additional income.  When the government scrapped the idea, the cobra breeders let the snakes loose, and the population blossomed.  The solution was worse than the problem, and with a proper pre-mortem, maybe this could have been prevented.  It could be helpful to invest in the upfront time to generate a list of the ways a solution can fail.  A good question to ask to kick off this inquiry is: If this decision was a debacle one week, one month, or one year from now, what would be the causes of the failure?

4. Take a break.  When we find ourselves mulling over a decision and we feel like we have expended all our energy, hit pause.   Either do something else you enjoy like going for a run or playing catch with your kids or simply allow yourself to be bored so you can review the problem in new ways.  Einstein turned to his violin whenever stuck.  Woody Allen changed rooms and took multiple showers.  Beethoven took hour-long strolls.  When you get distance from the problem and do something completely different, you broaden your focus.  Author Ron Friedman says, “It’s only then, when you have some distance, that loose connections suddenly appear, making creative insights more likely.”  Our brain continues to mull over unresolved problems, even when we turn our attention elsewhere, and we can bring that additional insight into making better decisions.

5. Time-box your decisions.  Once you have gathered your information, instead of waiting for the moons to align, give yourself a window of time to make up your mind and set a date because then you will be more motivated to act.  In an article in the Harvard Business Review, Mark Chussil, Founder of Advanced Competitive Strategies, recounts wise words from his friend who said, “you should not spend your life making up your mind because things change, values change, and dreams change.  What broke your heart or made your day at age 25 is inconsequential at age 45.”  If the issue on the table has been reasonably vetted and the choices are equally attractive, it is time to decide, take action, and break the impasse. That dreaded feeling of being stuck could be corroding other areas of your life and draining your energy.

6. Avoid decision fatigue by automating.  Some decisions are minor, like what to eat and what to wear.  Others are more difficult, like deciding between two job offers; if you should move to a new country for someone you love; if you should cut a toxic friend out of your life, even though you share a rich history.  With so many decisions taking up your day, when you can turn the small ones into a routine, you can save your mental resources for the complex decisions.  It is the reason why Steve Jobs wore black turtlenecks, and Mark Zuckerberg dons hoodies.  Both men have stated that these decisions are the simple result of daily routines intended to cut down on decision fatigue.  Barack Obama said, "You'll see I wear only gray or blue suits. I'm trying to pare down decisions. I don't want to make decisions about what I'm eating or wearing, because I have too many other decisions to make."  Routines can prime your mental state for the best decision-making.

7. Make one big decision at a time.  Some people try to make 2-3 decisions at once.  How about just making one, waiting, and then seeing how the landscape changes.  You do not need to solve everything before you take action.  Similar to riding a bike, it is easier to steer and make turns once you are moving.  We cannot plan life just from the sidelines; we need to participate and adjust on the go.  Is there one decision you can make that can be a lead domino for three others?

8. Make decisions in advance.  When you decide now how you will act in the future, you set yourself up for success.  For example, if you want to go for a run in the morning, you can lay out your clothes in advance and be mentally prepared to know that you are going first thing in the morning.  You do not have to think about it at the moment when you may be sleepy and unmotivated.  With advanced planning, you can even anticipate the fatigue that you may feel, and how you will overcome it.

9. Aim for 80% or a good enough choice.  Many things we can be deciding on could relate to wicked problems with changing requirements that are often hard to recognize and numerous unintended consequences. Even with all the best research and strategies, there will always be information that eludes us.  Steven Covey says that trying to be perfect prevents action.  If you feel about 80% confident in your decision, go for it.  Any difficult decision may not be ideal, but we can go for a good enough choice. Choices are made depending on the estimation of how things will be in the future, but the future is ever-changing so decisions made today can be based on faulty information. In that case, it could be helpful to choose a direction rather than a destination because you become open to the possibility of adjusting as you go to better match the realities you will be given.

10. Examine tradeoffs.  Ray Dalio, Author of Principles said, “I learned that if you work hard and creatively, you can have just about anything you want, but not everything you want.  Maturity is the ability to reject good alternatives to pursue even better ones.”  When faced with a choice between two things that you need and that are seemingly at odds, try and figure out how much of each you can get and know when you say no to one thing, you can say yes to another in which you are more enthusiastic.

11. Avoid indecision.  When we are in the deliberation stage, we have stress and anxiety, but when we move into phase two of pulling the trigger, our mind moves into action mode; it convinces us that the thing we have is better than the thing we left behind.  We sometimes wonder, after the fact, how we were even having a tough time deciding in the first place.  The energy you save by not deliberating pointlessly will be useful for other things, so put a timer on your decision and go for it.

Hard decisions are hard when we are in the process of making them, but after that, it is just life.  When we have systems in place to help us with decision-making, we can find ways to make the process a little less strenuous on ourselves, so we can spend more time in action with the things we love, and less time stuck in deciding.

Quote of the day: “[People are] born to live and not to prepare to live” - Boris Pasternak, Russian Poet

Q: What is your favorite system that you rely on for good decision-making? Comment and share below, we would love to hear from you!

[The next blog in this series 7/8 will focus on the aftermath of a decision.]

As a leadership development and executive coach, I work with leaders to help them make hard decisions, contact me to explore this topic further.

What’s your system for making decisions?

Use Your Head and Heart for the Best Decision-Making (Decision Series 5/8)

How wise are you at making decisions?  In choosing, do you rely more on cognition or intuition?  While some people would advocate for the evidence-based, logical approach, others would endorse the way of emotions and gut instinct.  Who’s right?

Let’s take a closer look at each:

For some people, rationality is the easy answer.  When entangled in a decision, they may make a long list of pros and cons, weigh their choices against a pre-determined set of criteria, evaluate their options objectively, step back, and decide.  After all, isn’t the Prometheus gift of reason precisely what separates humans from other animals, so shouldn’t we rely on that?

Plato has a great metaphor of the mind; he compares it to a charioteer controlling horses, which are representative of our emotions.  The best people or the Philosopher Kings in his time were the ones who kept the tightest reigns on their emotional horses, which can be impulsive and impetuous beasts that lead us astray.  Simply distilled, reason is good, emotions not so much.

The problem with rationality is that it can be faulty.  In Thinking Fast and Slow, Daniel Kahneman discovered cognitive biases, showing that humans systematically make choices that defy clear logic. He explains, “When humans are left to their own devices, they are apt to engage in several fallacies and systematic errors.”  To be better at decision-making, we need to be aware of these biases and seek workarounds.

In Favor of Emotions 

Those who love to be steered by their emotions in deciding would say that it is the superior method.  Our emotions are wise, especially when we have a good relationship with them.  We can recognize when we are in a bad mood and might lash out at others who are simply trying to help, or when we are feeling overconfident and might take more risks.  We have gut instincts, and when we listen to them, they can guide us carefully and diligently.  We already know the answer or at least one version of it because it is the accumulation of our memories and experiences, revealed unconsciously at speed.  So much of what we believe and do is driven by the unconscious; it is rooted in emotions that we sometimes cannot articulate, yet strongly feel.

In Johan Lehrer’s How We Decide, he recounts a story of Michael Riley, a radar operator in the British Navy during the Persian Gulf War.  On his second day, he picked up a blip on his screen, which could have been an incoming Iraqi missile or an American Fighter Jet, even though the two signals looked identical.  In seconds, he had to decide to receive a potential strike or destroy his fellow brothers.  He fired two missiles and single-handedly saved the battleship.  Initially, he could not explain why he felt confident that it was enemy fire.  It was not until years later that he discovered how he did it – that he unconsciously picked up a subtle discrepancy in the timing of the radar signal.  When we listen to our gut, we are rightly guided.  As explained by John-Dylan Haynes, a Cognitive Neuroscientist at the Bernstein Center for Computational Neuroscience in Berlin, “the unconscious brain is intelligent enough to select the best options.” 

While our emotions can be inexplicably powerful, there is a problem when we solely rely on them to guide our decisions.  This old saying rings true: “Don’t make permanent decisions based on temporary emotions.”  When we are overwhelmed by passions, it can cloud our abilities to make clear decisions.  Believe it or not, most managers are not good at even recognizing their emotions, let alone not being consumed by them.  TalentSmart has tested more than a million people and found that only 36% of us can accurately identify our emotions as they happen.  If we are unaware of our feelings or cannot properly label them, we may not be able to use them to our advantage.

Reaching the nexus of thought and feeling

The secret to good decision-making is to harness the power of both our cognitive and instinctual forces.  The world is a complex place, especially for any one-purpose solution, so how we decide should depend on what we are thinking about and in what context.  

You can cycle back and forth between cognition and emotions.  For example, we may start with cognition to analyze data, make a pro and con list, assign weight to each aspect, analyze charts and patterns, and then use the emotional and intuitive side to see what feels right.  After the passage of some time, we can step back into the rational mode and see how those feelings impact the way we are looking at the decision.  Finally, after some more thinking, we can check back in with our hearts. This neurological see-sawing can be most effective because usually when one side of the brain is activated, the other side is turned off so it forces us to have a more comprehensive consideration. For example, you may just be thinking logically when you want to fire your employee because sales are down dramatically and you need to cut costs. But how can you tap into the emotional side and be thinking about the person’s livelihood? If you decide the layoff is the right way to go, you can be sure to let the person go with grace and compassion and provide support as the person journeys to their next endeavor.

We have wisdom deep inside of us that we can access to guide our decisions when it most counts. 

Quotes of the day: "The essential difference between emotion and reason is that emotion leads to action while reason leads to conclusions." -Donald Calne, Canadian Neurologist

"Emotions have taught mankind to reason." -Luc de Clapiers, Marquis de Vauvenargues, French Moralist and Writer

Q: In making a decision, do you allow more of your emotions or reasoning to guide you?  What process do you put in place to cycle between the two to get all their benefits?  Comment and share below, we would love to hear from you!

[The next blog in this series 6/8 will focus on exploring systems for better decision-making]

As a leadership development and executive coach, I work with leaders to help them make hard decisions, contact me to explore this topic further.

How do you utilize both sides of the brain for the best decision-making?

The Art Of Using Creativity In Your Decision-Making (Decision Series 4/8)

We make thousands of decisions each day, and we are always looking for an edge, a specific way to improve our decision-making abilities so we can have more life satisfaction.  

One way to improve our information strategy for better decision-making is to get creative about the problem.  Here’s how:

A. Challenge the limitations.  Matthew Confer, VP of Strategy at Abilitie offers a tip before deciding to challenge the constraints.  He argues that too many teams jump into solving a problem without first considering it.  He recommends starting by thinking about what barriers are holding you back and then see what is possible. At Sandford, students in an entrepreneur class were given $5 and a challenge to turn it into the most money possible and then present their ideas in the following class.  The winning team did not even use 1 cent; they sold the rights to their presentation to a company in town who were happy to pitch to Stanford students to recruit them post-graduation.  They challenged the constraints of that 5 bucks and maximized the real opportunity, the presentation.  Next time you are deciding, how can you question the limitations before you even begin?

B. Reframe the decision.  Sometimes a tweak in the wording of the question can jolt a new way of thinking.  Going from, “What can I do to cause the outcome I want,” to “What are the best and worst outcomes I can expect” can lead you down a more creative path.  You can also think “AND” not “OR.”  If you are contemplating a career shift, you might keep your current job AND volunteer a few hours somewhere else to gather more data before pivoting too hastily.

C. Consider the opposite.  This approach helps you think about the problem differently.  For example, if you are struggling to decide who to hire and are leaning toward one candidate, consider why that person is not the most appealing option.  If you are thinking about Iceland as your next place to visit, make a quick list of why this will be a bad idea and this step will lead you to more research in addressing those concerns, and ultimately more confidence in your decision.  

Another way to employ creativity for better decision-making is to find the sweet spot between widening and contracting your options.

A challenge with decision-making is that sometimes we can think in binary terms, especially when we are overwhelmed with emotion, our thinking becomes more rigid.  I get married or a breakup; I move to NYC or I stay in the suburbs.  When we expand our options to a manageable amount, it changes the problem and can enable us to decide more confidently.  To reach this end, we can think about the following: 

A. Create a Top 10 list of your best options.  Once generated, you can compare and contrast to spot patterns.  You can then narrow your choices to 2-3 by cobbling together the best features from the alternatives.

B. Crowdsource.  If you are trying to expand your choices, tap into the power of the collective.  In 2008, Starbucks created “mystarbucksidea.com,” a submission website where anybody could send their ideas.  About 10,000 ideas were submitted and 100 implemented, including a free beverage for every pound of coffee, unlimited brewed coffee, and free coffee on birthdays.  Sometimes when we are so close to the problem, we can be blinded by love and emotion, but when we invite outside views, we get ideas we could have never imagined.

C. Scrap your options.  You can throw out the current set of selections and create a new list.  Maybe you have an employee who is excellent with administration work but not socially friendly; binary thinking would be – fire her or deal with the mountain of paperwork, or keep her and deal with her social challenges.  You can throw those options out and come up with new ones.  What if we moved her away from interacting with others and just had her doing administration work and allowed the rest of the team to contribute one day at the front desk so they can be closer to the work by interacting with the customers?  What if you partnered her with somebody skilled with social interactions so she can learn from excellent examples. What other options are there to consider?

D. Contract options.  As the Paradox of Choice goes, the more alternatives we are given, the less satisfied we become with what we choose because we are aware of all the other opportunities we are forfeiting.  Once we have gone wide, we want to narrow down our options to a manageable amount – usually 3-5. 

To help with decision-making, you want to get creative about your strategy.  This may include challenging the constraints, reframing your options, or finding the sweet spot between widening and contracting your decisions. 

Quote of the day: “We are the creative force of our life, and through our own decisions rather than our conditions, if we carefully learn to do certain things, we can accomplish those goals” —Stephen Covey.

Q: How do you apply creativity in your decision-making? Comment and share below, we would love to hear from you!

The next blog in this series 5/8 will focus on the role of the mind and the heart in decision-making.

As a leadership development and executive coach, I work with leaders to help them make hard decisions, contact me to explore this topic further.

How do you apply creativity to decision-making?

Enhance your decision-making with strategy (decision series 3/8)

When you are thinking about a big decision, how do you decide?  What information strategy do you use?  Once you have done all the work in clarifying your values, style, and optimal energy state, how do you utilize your external resources to be in a better position to choose? 

Here are tips to strengthen your information strategy:

1. Learn more about the things you do not know by tapping into the collective intelligence of others.

A. Talk to people in your network who made that exact decision.  If you are thinking about leaving a big corporate job to start your practice, find somebody who traveled that path, and learn those lessons.  People do some version of this all the time, think about right before you go to a restaurant, you will check the Yelp reviews and see how satisfied people were with the meals.  Approach it with humility, do not rely on what you think something will be like, ask a range of questions, such as what are my blindspots around this decision so you can get the information you have not considered.

In an interview, Harvard Professor Daniel Gilbert shared with Shankar Vedantam of Hidden Brain that some people might dismiss this approach due to the “illusion of diversity,” which is the idea that we think we are utterly unique, that other people's experiences might tell us a little bit about ourselves, but not very much.  Gilbert disagrees with this assertion because we are more similar than we think.  This concept of surrogation, seeing how others like something, and allowing that to guide us can be a constructive way to decide.  Even spending time on internet searches can yield powerful results.  According to a study in the New England Journal of Medicine, 58% of tricky clinical diagnostic cases could be solved using internet search and surrogation.  If your dilemma is more common, the chances increase. It could be good to aggregate the opinions of people who have made the decision you are pondering as a guide for what is right for you.

B. Tap extended networks.  Chip and Dan Heath offer this method - send an email to 5 people in your circle who are not close friends or colleagues.  Describe your dilemma and ask if they know anyone who might have some insights.  The goal is to enter different systems since most of your friends and close colleagues probably know each other and have linked associations.  Plus, you probably already know what they know through your conversations so you want to explore those weak ties for fresh ideas.

C. Seek contrarian perspectives.  When approaching a decision, we tend to pick something and then find additional information to support it, which is known as confirmation bias.  Based on one study in the book Decisive, when doctors were sure of their diagnosis, they were wrong 40% of the time.  In another study, when university students believed that they had a 1% chance of being wrong, they were wrong 27% of the time.  We have a false sense of certainty because we avoid evidence that challenges our entrenched beliefs. 

A great way to avoid confirmation bias is to seek outside opinions from people who bring different perspectives to weigh your options more objectively and spot your subjective or irrational tendencies.  Who do you know that you trust and is an entirely different thinker than you or somebody who could occupy a devil’s advocate role to tell you why your leading decision is wrong?  In her study of Silicon Valley firms, Kathy Eisenhardt found that the CEOs who made the quickest, most effective strategic decisions had a senior counselor who knew the industry well and could provide trustworthy guidance.  When asking those experts for advice on your choices, do not just ask them, “What do you think?” or “Do you like my idea?” How about asking disconfirming questions: “What’s the biggest obstacle you see to what I’m trying to do?” “If I fail, what would be the cause?”

D. Triangulate responses.  A chief enemy of good decisions is the lack of sufficient perspectives on a problem. 

Maybe you are considering taking your business into the European markets, how about getting three area experts committed to their right answers, and having them make their case.  You can listen to the discussion, triangulate their responses, glean lessons, and make more comprehensive decisions.  The quality of your synthesis can determine the quality of your decision-making. 

When it comes to decision-making, there are things we do not know (known unknowns), and then there are things that we do not know what we do not know (unknown unknowns).  When we can spend some time seeking out other resources, both in and out of our network, it can help us learn more about the challenge and make decisions more easily.

Quote of the day: "Stay committed to your decisions, but stay flexible in your approach." -Tony Robbins 

Q: When was the last time you sought out people in and out of your network to help with a big decision?  How did it go?  Comment and share below, we would love to hear from you!

[The next blog 4/8 will focus on utilizing creative strategies for better decision-making.]

As a leadership development and executive coach, I work with leaders to help them make hard decisions, contact me to explore this topic further.

What’s your strategy for making sound decisions?

To Make Better Decisions, Start With Knowing Yourself (Decision Series 2/8)

How confident are you in your decision-making skills?  Which principles guide you most when choosing?

Part of the struggle that we have in making decisions is that we do not know much about ourselves.  By taking time to explore our values, decision-making style, and optimal state for making choices, we will be much better at deciding with satisfaction. 

Getting clarity about ourselves in these areas can make decisions easier:

1. Know your values.  What is your vision for life?  Have you put in the work to carefully articulate your value system?  How can those decisions get you closer to what you want more of and away from what you want less of?  For example, if you know you value having a career and are planning to start a family, how can you still be able to work part of the time because that will fulfill you and make you an even better parent?  The best decisions reflect our values, and when they are aligned, choices are more comfortable.  When we are caught up in a decision, we may have our emotions pulling us in multiple directions.  Successful people know how to stick to their values and trust their guidance during stressful events fraught with fear and doubt.

If it aligns with your values and creates excitement, go for it!  If it does not, do not do it.  When deciding to do an event or to put something in his calendar, Derek Sivers has a simple rule – it is either hell yes or no, nothing in between.  Is there a rule you can use to make this type of decision easier?

2. Know your style.  When it comes to decision-making, are you a maximizer or satisficer?  Maximizers seek the ultimate benefit or highest utility; they aim to make the most intelligent decisions possible.  Satisficers, on the other hand, are looking to make choices that they are minimally comfortable with, perhaps determined by more modest criteria.  The concept was first proposed by U.S. Nobel Prize-winning economist Herbert Simon who combined satisfying and sufficing as a way of describing this form of decision-making.  For example, suppose you are looking to purchase a TV, you might spend significant time reviewing many other TVs, comparing price and quality until you find the absolute best one on the market, determined by a set of criteria.  In contrast, satisficers will review a few options within a given time and then decide because they got something they can enjoy, and that’s enough.

It may seem like maximizers are the way to go because they aim for the absolute best option, but the research points to the opposite.  Satisficers will be more content with their decision, even if it is not the best they could have hoped.  In contrast, maximizers experience pressure from the high expectations they impose; they are more prone to doubt because they fear that a better choice is always out there.  They envision their life if they had chosen a different path.  Using this framework, which style are you, and how is it serving you to bring peace to your decisions?

3. Know your optimal state for decision-making.  Our mood, energy, and willpower significantly impact decision-making and are heavily influenced by these crucial factors: sleep, exercise, and diet.

A. Sleep.  When you experience deep restorative sleep, you can tackle a problem with fresh eyes and have the clarity to make sound decisions; otherwise, if you are sleep-deprived, you could be moody, emotional, and reactive.  When making a decision, Jeff Bezos talked about prioritizing 8 hours of sleep to make better executive decisions otherwise he will be tired and grouchy.

B. Exercise.  The stress of a significant decision naturally produces cortisol, the chemical that triggers the fight-or-flight response.  Cortisol clouds our ability to think clearly and rationally.  When we find ourselves stressing about a decision, we can exercise to recharge and refresh the mind.  As little as 30 minutes is all it takes to get an excellent endorphin-fueled buzz and return to mental clarity.  Exercise also helps you get past that fight-or-flight state by putting the cortisol to practical use.  Research shows that long-term exercise improves the overall functioning of the brain regions responsible for decision-making.

C. Diet.  Similarly, your decisions are likely to be sounder after a meal.  In a study led by psychologists at Columbia Business School, researchers found that judges were significantly more likely to issue favorable rulings when they made their decisions first thing in the morning or right after lunch.  But the longer they waited to decide after they ate, the more likely the judges were to deny prisoners parole.  The reason is because the more decisions we have to make over the day, the worse we get at making decisions.  We are prone to taking shortcuts when we are tired or hungry.  For a judge, it’s easier to deny parole than to do the mental work of having to think about whether bail is justified, so they took the easy route, which was to default to a denial.  

If we want to make sensible decisions, we want to be at our best, but that time of day differs for everybody.  In the book, When by Daniel Pink, he argues that our energy levels and cognitive abilities are not the same throughout the day but change in dramatic and unpredictable ways.  Some people feel their best in the morning and should choose that time slot to tackle complex decisions while others’ energy levels dip in the afternoon, and that slot should be used to make small decisions when fatigue is greatest.  When our willpower is low, we fall back to our default setting; it is why we go for chips over carrots and why the judges denied parole.  You can manage your willpower better by sleeping well, exercising, and eating healthy.

Part of being an excellent decision-maker is knowing yourself, which can include your values, style of decision-making, and optimal state for choosing.

Quotes of the day: “When your values are clear to you, making decisions becomes easier.” -Roy E. Disney

"The truth of the matter is that you always know the right thing to do. The hard part is doing it." General Norman Schwarzkopf

Q: When do you make your best decisions?  Comment and share below, we would love to hear from you!

[The next blog in this series 3/8 will focus on enhancing your decision-making with strategy] 

As a leadership development and executive coach, I work with leaders to help them make hard decisions, contact me to explore this topic further.

You can get clear with how you decide

Why are some decisions just so hard? (Decision Series 1/8)

Throughout our lives, we will make our fair share of difficult decisions - what school to attend, career to pursue, who to marry, where to live, how many children to have? And there will be infinitely more smaller daily decisions – what takeout to order, what to wear to an important event, which gym to attend, how much time should be spent on watching tv or reading and so on.

Indeed, our days can sometimes seem like they are filled with a constant stream of decisions.  A Columbia University survey conducted by Sheena Iyengar, a Professor of Business at Columbia found that we are bogged down by 70 conscious decisions a day. 

How do we handle all of those decisions, and more importantly, how satisfied will we be with our choices?  According to Dan and Chip Heath in their book Decisive, it is common for people to make decisions they regret.  When people decide to go to law school, there is a 44% chance that they will not recommend becoming lawyers.  When the Philadelphia school system examined teacher retention rates, they found that teachers were twice as likely as students to drop out.  Knowing that a lot of people regret their decisions speaks even more to the challenge of deciding well.    

Let’s explore 3 key reasons why decision-making is just so hard:

1. We lack a strong understanding of ourselves.  Believe it or not, many of us walk through life not knowing what is most important to us - is it love, money, family, learning, fun, exploration, or something else.  What are our core values?  Where do they come from?  Do we have those values because it is what we feel we SHOULD or MUST be emphasizing or it is because of what we genuinely want?

When we know our values, it becomes so much easier to make a decision that aligns with them. For example, you value family so when you are presented with a new position that involves a two-hour commute each way, you realize that your quality family time will drop significantly.  If your family value is non-negotiable, the decision becomes clear on whether to take the job.  When we make decisions that support our values, we experience less stress and more happiness. 

2. We have a faulty information strategy.  When you feel like you do not have enough information or are still really confused about a problem, what methods do you pursue to gather more data and broaden your horizons?  Believe it or not, people rarely consider more than two options when making a decision.  In a study led by Ohio State University Professor Paul Nutt, he examined 168 decisions of big organizations and found that 69% only had one alternative.  Two-option decisions lead to unfavorable results 52% of the time.  But when they considered more than two options, they had a favorable outcome of more than 66%.  When our information strategy includes only two choices, we feel trapped and fail to see all the possibilities genuinely available to us, and that can create struggle, stress, and lead to decisions in which we are not proud. 

We also do not want to overload ourselves with too many choices because then we would suffer from what Barry Schwartz labels a Paradox of Choice.  The more alternatives we are given, the less satisfied we become with what we choose because we are aware of all the other opportunities we are forfeiting.  For example, the American Scientist Sheena Iyengar looked at behavior in supermarkets and found that if there are too few choices, we do not like to shop there because we wonder if another place has more items.  If we have too many selections, we look but do not buy because we experience choice overload.  When it comes to low-level decisions like which cereal to buy, the right amount of items that the human mind likes to choose between is 3 and 6.  Of course, life is not a supermarket, especially when it comes to the monumental decisions we need to make so when do we know when we know enough? This question will be covered later in the series.

3. We lack decision-making systems to guide us.  Some people make decisions out of gut instinct, and while emotions can give strong direction, it may be an incomplete way of pulling the trigger because we could be blinded by short-term satisfaction over long-term value attainment.  Having processes and systems in place can help us take a more comprehensive approach.  Methods such as gaining psychological distance, conducting experiments, and running a pre-mortem will be explored later in the series to make better decisions.

Decisions are hard, and for a good reason; some of them can significantly alter our lives and happiness.  I must confess, I struggled with deciding how to organize this blog series, but once I took action, got clear in my values, utilized an effective information strategy, and relied on some of my trusty systems, things seemed to fall into place.  Here’s hoping that a little regret does not seep in later on.

Quote of the day: “Most of the problems in life are because of two reasons: we act without thinking, or we keep thinking without acting.” -anonymous

Q: What are some other challenges you notice with decision-making?  Comment and share below, we would love to hear from you!

[The next blog in this series 2/8 will focus on knowing yourself to make the best decisions.] 

As a leadership development and executive coach, I work with leaders to help them make hard decisions, contact me to explore this topic further.

How do you make tough decisions?