An important part of maintaining our energy is cultivating a healthy mindset. When we look at our beliefs and promote the ones that serve us and discount the ones that do not, we show up more energetically.
Here are some things to consider:
1. Cultivate conscious leadership. In the book 15 Commitments of Conscious Leadership, Jim Dethmer explains two kinds of leaders, those who operate above the line (from a place of love) or those who work below the line (from a place of fear). If you are above the line, you have a mindset of curiosity and learning, and believe that you have the power to choose the life you want to create. If you function from below the line, you are more interested in being right than learning, mainly see yourself as a victim, and believe life is happening to you; you are choiceless. You think your happiness lies in external circumstances (situations and other people determining your happiness) rather than assuming you can design your path.
The first step to cultivating conscious leadership is self-awareness; at any given time identifying where you are in the moment without judgment or shame or trying to avoid being below the line because as Dethmer notes, 95% of all leaders spend 98% in that space. It is more important to recognize that you are there and think about how you want to make a productive shift. Spending time below the line is a life-draining and disempowering experience because you wonder why bad things always happen to you, and then it becomes a perpetuating cycle because bad things continue to happen. This is compared to being above the line, where you are empowered and living life from a point of choice. Your most important moments are now and your next steps because that is what you can influence.
2. Reframe your experience. Epictetus said, “it is not what happens to you, but how you react to it that matters.” Reframing is when you have a different take on a situation. For example, if you are assigned a task from your boss that you do not want to do, you can agree and feel resentful or you can reframe it by thinking, maybe this person needs assistance, and I have a great opportunity to help and advance my skillset in the process. This is not about discounting reality but about generating additional interpretations which will make you better for it. In the Happiness Hypothesis, Jonathan Haight said the reframe is key to happiness because it can give you a sense of well-being in minutes when you transform negative into positive thoughts.
3. Avoid rumination. This term means to chew continuously and is how cows digest their food. They chew, swallow, regurgitate it back up, chew again, swallow, and repeat. For a human, it is when you constantly replay an unhelpful track in your mind, obsess over an event, and stress out with each replay. For example, you and your colleague worked on a presentation, and your peer presented using “I” and not “we” language to give the illusion that they did all the work without your assistance, and you quickly get upset. You could believe they did it purposely, tried to marginalize you, and instantly feel stressed, angry, and disappointed. You leave work, head to the gym, and continue thinking about it. You go home and tell your partner and share how unfair it was. Each time you mention it, you prolong the negative feelings, and the next day at a team meeting, you erupt, and it devolves into an unproductive blame game. Rumination is a killer to a healthy mindset and the thief of joy; it puts you in a sour mood, keeps you up at night, disrupts your ability to recover and recharge, impairs your executive functioning, and increases your chances of cardiovascular disease. Similarly, co-rumination, where you get with a friend and take them through your loop while they are fueling you with the same negative energy may feel like a bonding experience in the moment, but it is unproductive because it stirs up tension in your mind and body. It reinforces the perception that the world is an upsetting and difficult place with no power to change circumstances. When you ruminate, it is like picking at a scab over and over again, it simply will not heal until you stop.
Here are some of the most effective ways I’ve found to address rumination:
A. Opt for reflection. Reflection is more about gaining insight and understanding, rumination is about stewing in negative thoughts. You can think about what the learning is and what you want to do about it. You may conclude that a lesson you have from working with your coworker: the next time you ask them in advance how they plan to represent the work that gives you both credit. You can take the initiative and offer to present it or divide the work where your coworker presents their parts, and you present your parts. Reflection is powerful and productive because there is a way forward, it does not keep you stuck in your thinking, it keeps you expansive.
B. Create an action step. You can frame the challenge as a problem to solve. Identify what you are upset about and how you want to tackle it. You may want to work backwards, think about what the outcome is and visualize that. Then think about what you can do now and the most direct route to get there. Returning to the example of your coworker taking all the credit, your desired outcome may be for you to share the impact of their actions on you and how it would be great for two things to happen. You email them to set up a time to discuss how the experience impacted you and share your peace. You can say, next time, you will be the one presenting or ask them to talk to your boss and set the record straight. They can send a thank you email to the boss appreciating the positive feedback and how they worked equally hard and were crucial to success even though you did not present. This is a more productive option than stewing and telling the person off. When you supply an action step, think of one thing you can do (gain insight, adopt a new perspective, or have a conversation), then you can start to shift and feel better about the situation.
C. Time box the worry. If you cannot pivot to rest, repair, and recovery because you are still ruminating, you can schedule 15 mins. late in your day or in your work week to worry. It is a brain hack because once you have scheduled time, it is easier for your brain to let go or dismiss it if it knows it will get taken care of at some point.
4. Challenge thoughts and assumptions that are not serving you. In The Work, Byron Katie explains how she suffers when she believes her thoughts so she employs a 4-step process to question her assumptions and promote the belief that there is joy in her all the time. She asks:
1. Is the thought true?
2. Can I absolutely know it’s true?
3. What happens when I believe the thought?
4. Who would I be without that thought?
Once she goes through these questions, she does the work to turn around the thought. Sometimes, it is about letting go of something to make room for something else. For example, if your boss emailed you and said you did not speak up in that meeting, you may think your boss is out to get you. You may ask the second question but realize you cannot be 100% certain, and know that when you believe this, it completely demotivates you. Without that thought, you would be somebody capable of addressing this situation productively. After going through this process, you remain calm and set up a meeting to learn and discuss with your boss the context of that email. You may learn another explanation, that your boss likes when you speak up because you add more value and can increase your visibility. Believing that your boss has no faith in you versus your boss thinking you are not living up to your leadership potential makes a difference in your performance. Breakthroughs happen when we challenge our assumptions because we have limiting beliefs we do not realize, they keep us playing small and in a box. In the workplace, it is easy to spot some of these beliefs when teammates say, “that’s not how we do it here,” or “we tried that once, and it does not work in this industry.” Also when people speak in absolutes and use words and phrases like “I should feel this way,” “I have to do this,” “I must win,” These are signals that people are putting themselves in a box. Believing that you do not have a choice is one of the most common limiting beliefs; we hold ourselves back and operate with diminished energy when we do not confront these unhelpful ideas.
To break this habit, make a list of your limiting beliefs and start to alter your language. Instead of saying, “I have to do this,” you can say, “I get to do this,” and instead of saying, “why is this happening to me,” you can choose, “ this is happening for me because…”. Who would you be and how would you act if you operated from this messaging?
5. Cultivate an “active and rest” and “strive and detach” mindset. Including both active and rest energy are essential, it is like inhaling and exhaling. Descartes savored his rest time, sleeping late, and sitting by a fireplace, reflecting, and writing until late afternoon. Many struggle with balancing being a high performer, having big dreams, and working with their ambitions while also achieving success and being happy, and cultivating a sense of inner peace. A great lesson on this comes from a Tibetan Buddhist tradition involving the creation and destruction of Mandalas (intricate designer circles made from colored sand.) The term is Sanskrit, which means a container/circle of essence. The Buddhist Monks work hard to create something masterful; they start by sketching a circle outline and then meticulously drop individual grains of sand to create a panoply of colors. It is a process that can take hours and days. When completed, they engage in a ritualist process of dismantling the Mandala. They sweep up the sand and let it go into the ocean, symbolizing the transitory nature. It is the concept of striving for something great and then being able to detach and let go; and allow the universe to do what it does because when you hold on so tightly to one thing, you cause yourself stress.
6. Practice the Dichotomy of Control. In life, there are always things in and out of your control and when you can categorize items in their proper place, you can free yourself from unnecessary heartburn. The idea is to release energy around the things you cannot control like determining outcomes, and directing your energy on the things you can control such as your preparation and intentions. For example, if you are giving a Ted talk, you can control what you write and how much you prepare to get ready for the moment, but you cannot control the audience’s reaction or how many views it will receive. Save your energy for things that will move the needle, and be comfortable with the idea that whatever happens to things outside your control, it is ok; it is all part of the human experience.
7. Cultivate a strong identity beyond work. Sometimes our struggles occur when we overidentify with one thing. We may attach our entire self-worth to work, and then when we are experiencing stress at work, our world feels small and in disarray. When we can foster a strong identity outside of work and have multiple sources of joy, it makes us more successful. It is ok if work goes south because we have our salsa dance lessons, cooking classes, painting, and other hobbies that satisfy us because we operate from our strengths. We also have our loved ones that add energy to our lives. We can better get through challenging times and transitions when we have many things in our lives to add small moments of bliss.
8. Cultivate authenticity. When you are who you are in all realms of your life it preserves great energy. In contrast, it takes a toll when you are happy and humorous at home and show up to work serious and strict. Embrace who you are, if you are somebody who asks a lot of questions, do not entirely censor yourself. If you know you are an introvert who gets easily overwhelmed at networking events, take some extended breaks so you can conserve energy and find ways to recharge.
For many of us, having a healthy and robust mindset does not just happen. It takes intentionality and practice to promote excellent habits that will help us be at our best.
Quote of the day: “Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.” – Victor E. Frankl
Q: What are your routines for cultivating a healthy mindset? Comment and share below; we would love to hear from you!
The next blog in this series 4/5 will focus on mind practices that will energize you.
As a leadership development and executive coach, I work with leaders to create effective personal energy management systems for themselves and their teams, contact me to explore this topic further.
Which practices keep your mind strong?
