Self-awareness is one of the most underrated yet foundational skills necessary to navigate complexity and achieve success. Despite its importance, Author Tasha Eurich in Insight asserts about 95% of people believe they are self-aware, but only 10-15% are, meaning around 80% are deceiving themselves.
The concept of self-awareness is not new. Socrates exhorted us to "know thyself" as a reminder to reflect on our life’s mission and strategies to attain it. Similarly, Confucius urged individuals to reflect on their values, followed by action steps to implement those values in interpersonal settings.
Components of Self-Awareness
1 Internal Self-Awareness involves understanding who we are, what is important to us, and recognizing our abilities. It can be broken down into additional elements:
· 1A. Desires and motives. Do we know what drives us when we are really honest with ourselves? We may often think it is one thing, the aspirational movies (e.g., having an impact), and share that with others, but in reality, it could be something else or something in addition that we conceal (like status, power, belonging, or money).
· 1B. Strengths, weaknesses, and capabilities. Do we fully understand our abilities and articulate them clearly? Are we aware of our strengths and leverage them to achieve desired results? Do we know our weaknesses and have a plan to address them?
A relevant story involves a businessman seeking help from a guru. The businessman frequently interrupts the monk, so the monk fills the businessman’s cup of water and lets it overflow. The businessman reacts angrily, calling the monk crazy. The monk explains that the overflowing cup represents the businessman’s mind, which is full of information, preventing him from listening. This illustrates a weakness the businessman may not have been aware of - his propensity to talk rather than listen, hindering his ability to receive wise counsel.
· 1C. Recognizing, understanding, and managing emotions. Can we accurately perceive our emotions in the moment, distinguishing between being frustrated, disappointed, or betrayed? Do we understand the causes of these emotions and how they drive our behaviors? Are we in command of our emotions, choosing our behaviors rather than operating on autopilot and ruminating about past events that leave us powerless? Aristotle emphasized emotional skillfulness, such as having agency in motivating oneself, delaying gratification, and controlling urges to act, and that begins with self-awareness.
2. External awareness – involves your assessment of others and how they perceive you.
· 2A. Assessment of others. How good are we at reading the room? Do we have the social competence to understand others’ moods, behaviors, and motives? You may read somebody as being an excellent team player for 1-2 things you noticed have done to help the teams, but really the consensus is that this person is way more self-serving, and only when you are around, they act as a team player. The team dislikes working with this person because they take credit and share none. Accurate assessments of others involve recognizing the difference between the golden rule (treat others the way you want to be treated) and the platinum rule (treat others the way they want to be treated).
· 2B. Awareness of how others perceive you and your impact on others. Are we aware of how others see us and our impact on them? For example, you might think you're good at running meetings, but others may feel you monopolize conversations and your meetings are not inclusive. Because Adam Grant was aware of his high agreeableness on the Big Five personality spectrum, he realized he needed to balance this by being more challenging when appropriate. Instead of just nodding and smiling when students made any comments, he would have a neutral expression, especially if what they were sharing was not correct. He asked his students if they were comfortable being challenged, showing great self-awareness in understanding how his natural tendencies impacted others.
Self-awareness is vital for personal and professional success. Understanding ourselves and how others perceive us enables us to navigate life’s complexities more effectively. Embrace the journey of self-awareness for continuous improvement and greater fulfillment.
Quote of the day: “People overestimate what they can do one year and underestimate what they can do in ten years.” -Bill Gates
Question: How aware are you? How do you know? Comment and share your experiences below; we’d love to hear.
The next blog in this series 2/3 will focus on the challenges and benefits of self-awareness.
As a leadership development and executive coach, I work with leaders to raise their awareness to increase their performance, contact me to explore this topic further.
How Self-Aware Are You?