The Journey Within: Overcoming Challenges and Enhancing Self-Awareness for Better Outcomes (Self-Awareness Series 2/3)

In our previous article, we defined and explored the components of self-awareness.  Now, let's zoom in on the challenges and benefits. 

Challenges of Self-Awareness

1. Ignorance and discomfort.  Plato’s Allegory of the Cave illustrates how ignorance can limit self-awareness and how knowledge leads to liberation.  In the allegory, prisoners chained in a cave see only shadows projected on a wall, believing them to be reality.  When one prisoner is freed, he struggles to take in this new understanding but eventually learns that the shadows are mere reflections of actual objects. Upon seeing the outside world, he grasps a deeper reality.  When he returns to share this knowledge with the other prisoners, he is met with disbelief and hostility.  This underscores the journey of self-awareness: breaking free from ignorance to understand deeper truths can be an enlightening experience.  It can also be challenging because some truths we discover about ourselves can be so uncomfortable that we prefer ignorance as bliss.

2. Varied backgrounds.  Our self-awareness varies significantly due to numerous factors: different generations, upbringing, income levels, values, job markets, incentives, and experiences.  For instance, a person growing up in poverty thinks differently about risk and reward than a wealthy banker.  John F. Kennedy admitted he could not fully understand the impact of the Depression era because he grew up rich.  We've all experienced only a tiny sliver of the world, shaping our unique perspectives.

3. Dunning Kruger Effect.  This cognitive bias occurs when people with low ability or knowledge in an area overestimate their competence.  Identified by David Dunning and Justin Kruger in 1999, it happens because unskilled individuals fail to recognize their deficiencies, leading to inflated self-assessments.  For example, an employee new to software may feel proficient after a brief introduction, assuming they're more competent than others who have used it longer.  This overestimation can lead to mistakes and oversights. 

4. Ego.  An inaccurate self-view can hinder leadership growth. For instance, a leader I was working with had a Direct Report submit a self-assessment on his performance review and wrote “n/a” for what to improve.  When pressed, my client suggested to the Direct the topic of delegation to achieve results through others, rather than doing it all himself.  The Direct dismissed the feedback because he is so talented at getting his work done.  His progress is hampered because he cannot scale by doing all the work himself, he has to get results through his team.  To increase his awareness, the leader then provided a competency framework and clear expectations to get to the next level and help align his self-perception with reality.

5. Defensiveness.  When receiving feedback, we might disagree, believing we’re better than assessed.  For example, someone might think they’re a great listener despite feedback suggesting otherwise. In this case, asking for specific data points and providing evidence from peers, directs, and other stakeholders through anonymous 360 feedback is helpful. Seeing the negative impact can motivate change.  Another form of defensiveness is dismissal.  Some might say, "This is just how I am," or "I've been successful with these behaviors so far, why change?" Marshall Goldsmith says, "What got you here won’t get you there," highlighting that success often comes despite derailing tendencies, not because of them.

6.  Lack of feedback.  Many people lack self-awareness because they seldom receive feedback, especially negative.  People avoid giving bad news or lack the skills to deliver it constructively.  This issue is more pronounced for senior leaders, who receive less accurate self-assessments as they climb higher, mainly due to a shortage of honest feedback and being limited to what you might be able to share with others.  One study showed a leader frequently interrupting others was unaware of it, illustrating the loneliness at the top, where they are often surrounded by yes-people.

Benefits of Self-Awareness 

1. Reduces Stress & Regulates Emotions.  Cognitive psychology shows that one of the most effective methods for reducing stress is to engage in self-reflection, viewing stress as a challenge rather than a threat.  Self-disciplined contemplation of core values, goals, and principles can prevent or manage stress.  Understanding one’s feelings and those of others is more important than IQ.

2. Greater performance, focus, and effectiveness.  83% of high performers are self-aware.  Visionary leaders know what they want to achieve and how their actions affect others.  Self-awareness allows us to focus on the right opportunities and keep emotions from holding us back.

3. Stronger leadership.  Tasha Eurich’s book "Insight" found that internal self-awareness is critical for successful leaders.  They know their strengths, weaknesses, needs, goals, and how they come across.  This is in contrast to clueless leaders who tend to be ineffective.  Great leaders continuously ask questions to diagnose their needs and goals and wonder what blind spots they may have.  Maslow said, “What is necessary to change a person is to change his awareness of himself.”

4. Enhances Authenticity.  Nancy McKinstry, CEO of Wolters Kluwer said, “You can’t be authentic if you are not self-aware.  How can you be transparent and open, talk about your goals, or share how you influence change without self-awareness?”  It enables transparency, openness, and the ability to influence change. 

5. Increases humility.   Self-aware individuals know what they are good at and what they are not.  Even confident individuals can acknowledge their ignorance in certain areas, fostering curiosity and humility.  Steve Jobs, for example, was aware of his limitations and welcomed disagreements.   He held strong convictions but was willing to change his mind when presented with better information.   Ed Catmull shared a story about Jobs, who wanted Apple to make the iPad before the iPhone.  However, his team convinced him otherwise, and he agreed.  He insisted that Apple provide the app despite his team’s disagreement.   When the iPhone launched, Jobs quickly realized his team was right and changed his mind, demonstrating his ability to adapt and embrace humility.   

Developing self-awareness is crucial for overcoming personal and professional challenges. It allows us to break free from ignorance, understand our unique backgrounds, manage cognitive biases, and receive constructive feedback. By fostering self-awareness, we can reduce stress, improve performance, enhance leadership, and cultivate authenticity and humility.  Embrace these practices to unlock your full potential and achieve greater success

Quote of the day: “If we think of this existence of the individual as a larger or smaller room, it appears evident that most people learn to know only a corner of their room, a place by the window, a strip of floor on which they walk up and down.”  – Rainer Maria Rilke

Question: What do you see as the biggest challenges of self-awareness?  When is ignorance bliss, or is it not?  Comment and share your experiences below; we’d love to hear.

The next blog in this series 3/3 will focus on ways to develop your self-awareness.

As a leadership development and executive coach, I work with leaders to raise their awareness to increase their performance, contact me to explore this topic further

What benefits have you experienced?

The Self-Awareness Gap: Are You As Insightful As You Think? (Self-awareness series 1/3)

Self-awareness is one of the most underrated yet foundational skills necessary to navigate complexity and achieve success. Despite its importance, Author Tasha Eurich in Insight asserts about 95% of people believe they are self-aware, but only 10-15% are, meaning around 80% are deceiving themselves.

The concept of self-awareness is not new.  Socrates exhorted us to "know thyself" as a reminder to reflect on our life’s mission and strategies to attain it.  Similarly, Confucius urged individuals to reflect on their values, followed by action steps to implement those values in interpersonal settings.

Components of Self-Awareness

1 Internal Self-Awareness involves understanding who we are, what is important to us, and recognizing our abilities.  It can be broken down into additional elements:  

·      1A. Desires and motives.  Do we know what drives us when we are really honest with ourselves?  We may often think it is one thing, the aspirational movies (e.g., having an impact), and share that with others, but in reality, it could be something else or something in addition that we conceal (like status, power, belonging, or money).

·      1B. Strengths, weaknesses, and capabilities.  Do we fully understand our abilities and articulate them clearly? Are we aware of our strengths and leverage them to achieve desired results?  Do we know our weaknesses and have a plan to address them?

A relevant story involves a businessman seeking help from a guru. The businessman frequently interrupts the monk, so the monk fills the businessman’s cup of water and lets it overflow. The businessman reacts angrily, calling the monk crazy. The monk explains that the overflowing cup represents the businessman’s mind, which is full of information, preventing him from listening.  This illustrates a weakness the businessman may not have been aware of - his propensity to talk rather than listen, hindering his ability to receive wise counsel.

·      1C. Recognizing, understanding, and managing emotions.  Can we accurately perceive our emotions in the moment, distinguishing between being frustrated, disappointed, or betrayed?  Do we understand the causes of these emotions and how they drive our behaviors?  Are we in command of our emotions, choosing our behaviors rather than operating on autopilot and ruminating about past events that leave us powerless? Aristotle emphasized emotional skillfulness, such as having agency in motivating oneself, delaying gratification, and controlling urges to act, and that begins with self-awareness.

2. External awareness – involves your assessment of others and how they perceive you.

·      2A. Assessment of others.  How good are we at reading the room?  Do we have the social competence to understand others’ moods, behaviors, and motives? You may read somebody as being an excellent team player for 1-2 things you noticed have done to help the teams, but really the consensus is that this person is way more self-serving, and only when you are around, they act as a team player.  The team dislikes working with this person because they take credit and share none.   Accurate assessments of others involve recognizing the difference between the golden rule (treat others the way you want to be treated) and the platinum rule (treat others the way they want to be treated).

·      2B. Awareness of how others perceive you and your impact on others.  Are we aware of how others see us and our impact on them?  For example, you might think you're good at running meetings, but others may feel you monopolize conversations and your meetings are not inclusive.  Because Adam Grant was aware of his high agreeableness on the Big Five personality spectrum, he realized he needed to balance this by being more challenging when appropriate.  Instead of just nodding and smiling when students made any comments, he would have a neutral expression, especially if what they were sharing was not correct.  He asked his students if they were comfortable being challenged, showing great self-awareness in understanding how his natural tendencies impacted others.

Self-awareness is vital for personal and professional success. Understanding ourselves and how others perceive us enables us to navigate life’s complexities more effectively.  Embrace the journey of self-awareness for continuous improvement and greater fulfillment.

Quote of the day: “People overestimate what they can do one year and underestimate what they can do in ten years.”  -Bill Gates

Question: How aware are you?  How do you know? Comment and share your experiences below; we’d love to hear.

The next blog in this series 2/3 will focus on the challenges and benefits of self-awareness.

As a leadership development and executive coach, I work with leaders to raise their awareness to increase their performance, contact me to explore this topic further.

How Self-Aware Are You?

Why Asking for Help Matters (leadership vulnerabilities 3/5)

In our professional journeys, we inevitably encounter moments of uncertainty and challenge.  Though asking for help may initially feel daunting, it unveils many personal and organizational benefits.  Let’s explore the concerns, rewards, and strategies associated with seeking assistance in the workplace.

Concerns with Asking for Help:

1. We can Feel Self-Reliant.  If we are used to being self-sufficient, figuring things out, and getting all things done, suddenly feeling like we want or need assistance from others can be hard and feel humbling, challenging our sense of autonomy and competence.

2. It’s Uncomfortable.  There are social risks we can encounter in asking for help, we may fear rejection, and if we do need help and others do not help us, we can feel disappointed or even resentful if we have assisted in the past.  We also worry about our perception; we want to look good and competent.

The fear of rejection and concerns about perception may deter us from reaching out for support, fostering discomfort and reluctance.

3. We View it as a Sign of Weakness.  We want to put our best foot forward.  If we are starting a new job, we want to ensure they hire us for a reason.  When we ask for help, it is a failure because we should know what to do and how to do it.  We can feel like we have a diminished status because they know something we don’t know.   

4. Worried about Getting the Wrong Kind of Help.  Sometimes, you can ask somebody, and they can offer help in their particular and rigid way rather than in the way you prefer to the point where it does not even feel like help anymore.  It can create more work and stress in the process and have us regret asking in the first place.

5. Don’t Want to Owe Anybody Anything.  If we ask for help, we may feel like we must return the favor or will have something held over our heads.

6. Uncertainty in Seeking Guidance.  You may not know where to start with your help and you do not want to ask the wrong person, thereby exposing your incompetence if you do not have to, so we feel it is better to remain silent than foolish for speaking up in the first place. 

Benefits of Asking for Help

1. Acquisition of New Skills.  Seeking assistance fosters learning and skill development, enabling individuals to expand their knowledge base and enhance proficiency.  By asking, you learn expectations and processes that will allow you to do your job more effectively.

2. Facilitation of Career Progression.  It’s virtually impossible to advance in modern organizations without assistance from others.  Cross-functional teams, fragile project management techniques, matrixed or hierarchy-minimizing structures, and increasingly collaborative office cultures require you to constantly push for the cooperation and support of your managers, peers, and Directs.  Your performance, development, and career progression depend more than ever on seeking the advice, referrals, and resources you need.  Rhonda Morris, Head of Human Resources at Chevron, said that asking for help is a sign of strength because it shows that you are engaged, taking ownership, and signaling that you can deliver the work asked of you.

3. Effective Workload Management.  Sometimes, when you ask for help, you can learn the cause of the overload and overwhelm and redesign your work for more efficient scheduling.  You may also find that some of your coworkers handle tasks better than others, which can lead to a more even distribution of work.

4. Enhanced Productivity and Efficiency.  Asking for help allows your coworkers to recognize your limitations and build most robust workflows for the team, which can improve productivity for the overall company when they are managing resources efficiently.

5. Strengthen Relationships with your Coworkers and Supervisors.  You build camaraderie by acknowledging your colleagues' specializations and expertise while working toward a common goal.  Many enjoy helping their peers; asking for help can build those relationships.  By not asking others for help, you are depriving them of the good feeling they get from helping.  Also, it benefits the person providing help.  When we request help, we allow others to share their knowledge and expertise, which can be incredibly fulfilling for them.  It strengthens relationships and builds trust, creating a culture of reciprocity and collaboration.

6. Build Psychological Safety & A Collaborative Work Environment.  Psychological safety pertains to the belief that one can take interpersonal risks, such as asking questions or for help, or admitting mistakes, without facing negative consequences.  When employees feel safe, they are more likely to seek assistance, enhancing team collaboration and problem-solving.  Recent studies have demonstrated that teams with high levels of psychological safety tend to outperform those with lower levels.  Moreover, employees in these environments experience lower stress levels and greater job satisfaction, leading to increased productivity and overall organizational success.  The process can build goodwill between you and your coworkers as you recognize their expertise and reinforce that your team is working toward the same goals.  In this environment, asking for help becomes a natural part of the learning process rather than something to be feared or avoided.  When people are invested in each other’s success, creativity and innovation blossoms.

Embracing the art of asking for help is not a sign of weakness but a testament to strength, resilience, and a commitment to continuous growth.  We unlock our full potential and foster a culture of collaboration and excellence by harnessing the collective expertise and support within our professional networks.

Quote of the day: "The strong individual is the one who asks for help when they need it." - Rona Barrett

Question:  How do you like to ask for help?  Comment and share below; we’d love to hear from you!

As a leadership development and executive coach, I work with leaders to strengthen their communication, contact me to explore this topic further.

The next blog in this series 4/5 will focus on tactics for asking for help.

The Importance of Help - When do you Ask?

Effective Strategies for Handling ‘I Don’t Know’ Moments (leadership vulnerabilities 2/5)

In the previous blog, we delved into the concerns and benefits of embracing the phrase “I don’t know.” This article will explore practical strategies and scripts for employing those words confidently and gracefully in various scenarios.

Common Scenarios and Responses:

1. When Asked a Factual Question in a Meeting.  It happens to us all, we may be behind on our research, our minds may go blank, or we simply don’t know.  Here are some approaches to take and scripts to use:

·      “That’s exactly what I’m seeking to answer.”  This shows your boss that you are with them, and the information will be forthcoming.

·      “Let me find out” or “Let me look into that and get back to you with what I discover.”  Or “Great question; let me prioritize a response and circle back.”  When expressed in a supportive and self-assured way, you say you are willing to work to locate the answer.  You show yourself as cooperative, valuable, and a resourceful team player.

·      “I want to ensure I have the most updated information, let me confirm with you by 5 pm today,” or “That’s a good question, and I want to give you an accurate response; let me get back to you by the end of day.”   This shows that you are on top of this work, and it is fast moving, so you want to return with all the correct information.

·      If you have a general idea, you can respond at a high level and avoid specifics. 

o   For example, if somebody asks how the campaign went you can say, “Initial numbers showed it went well, but let me dig into it more, run some reports, and send exact figures to you by the end of the day/week.”  This shows you as somebody who airs on the side of providing accurate information.

·      As a leader, you may not know the ins and outs of every project in your department, let alone your function, that’s ok, you can redirect your response to another.

o   “I’m not sure I’m the best person to answer that.”  Then you follow up with the person you think is most appropriate.  If the person is in the meeting, you can turn to them, “Jill, I know you are running lead on this project; what information do you have now that you might share?”  Or you can say, “My information suggests that Jill would have better insights on this topic; let me turn it over to him.” 

o   If the person is not at the meeting, you can say, “let me connect you to Bill.  He has been doing a great job leading this project, and I want him to provide the most updated information.”

2. When Asked an Opinion Question.  For example, “What is your take on remote work,” and you do not have an established perspective yet:

·      If you have no idea, you can say: “That is an interesting and complex question.  I want to ensure I give it the full attention it deserves; let me ponder it a little more and follow up with my thoughts.”  Or “let me flush out my thoughts once I have the headspace to give this more direct consideration.”

·      If you have a vague idea, you can say, “That is a good question, I can briefly share my preliminary thoughts, but I want to reflect on this question longer and get back to you when I organize my ideas even more.”  Or, “I have a vague idea but want to reflect on this question longer to provide a detailed perspective.”

·      If you want to enlist others’ perspectives or if you simply are unsure where to look, you can say, “Thank you for the question; I appreciate you bringing it up.  I do not have a strong perspective on the topic right now, but I’m curious to learn what others think?”  Or “I have that same question, what thoughts do you or the rest of you have?”

·      When you know of the best person to answer, “Why don’t we ask Bob, this is a topic they have been living and breathing so it would be helpful to start with their perspective.

3. When Asked a Question Adjacent to the Topic.  If you are presenting on a topic and know everything about it but get asked a question about something tangential.  For example, “How does the program you’re proposing for one target group impact another?”

·      “We haven’t studied working parents, but here’s what I can tell you / what I know: Seniors, whom the grant designated as the target audience, responded favorably in our initial studies.” This strategy brings the discussion back on topic and ensures that all your hard work and research are not wasted.

·      “My best guess would be this…” You can offer an explanation based on what you know, a working hypothesis or a few ideas that can be a launching point for a brainstorming session.

·      I’ll note this for further investigation; let’s return to our main topic.

4. When You Want to Empower the Team to Find the Answer.  You can ask probing questions to get a clearer picture or guide them toward finding solutions.  Your actions will also have demonstrated your commitment to finding an answer, and your team will respect this.  Such questions include:

·      “What else have they read or been told about the issue?”  

·      “What have you tried to do, and how did it go?”  

·      “How important is the issue and its connection to our key priorities?  

·      “Who is impacted by this the most, and what is the cost if nothing changes?”

·      That’s an interesting concept; how would you go about testing the idea?

·      I’m curious to learn what others think.

5. When Asked a Question that Sort of Makes Sense.  Don’t assume you should know the answer, ask them questions to get more information to possibly react to or you can refer them to another team.  You can say,

·       “Can you provide more context?”

·       “That’s an interesting question.  What’s driving it?”

·       "I'm not entirely sure.  Can you point me in the right direction, or do you know someone who might have the answer?"

·       "I'm not familiar with this topic, but there are experts in our team/department who will likely be able to assist you."

6. If You Already Responded and Were Unhappy with It.

·      You can say, “I tend to be a deeper processor, I do not like to fire off my first thoughts, but instead take my time with concepts to think about.  Let me ponder this more and offer my revised thoughts next time we connect.

·      “Let me take some additional time; my best ideas usually emerge on the drive home or while I’m making dinner, let me get back to you on my point of view a little later.”

·      “My best ideas happen with reflection.  Let me get back to you once I’ve had the time to do that.”

7. When Asks a Question that Does Not Deserve a Response.  Some people ask questions just to derail the agenda, embarrass, or trap you.  They pose absurd hypothetical questions that are unrelated, so do not feel like you have to play their game and answer them.  You can say:

·      “That question will take us in a different direction, I’m happy to meet with you later to discuss this topic or focus on your specific interest.”

·      “Thank you for the question, let’s connect offline to address it in detail, or I want to be mindful of time and stick to the agenda topics for this meeting.”

8. When you Do Not Know an Answer and Should not be Expected to Know.  You can say.

·      This is out of my purview; I’d recommend consulting with John in Finance for the best response.”

When you say ‘I don’t’ know’ with honesty and confidence, without sacrificing integrity, you seize the opportunity to showcase humility and earn respect from others.

Quote of the day: "The more I know, the more I realize I don't know." - Albert Einstein

Question:  How have you seen others respond in similar situations that might be helpful to you?  Comment and share below; we’d love to hear from you! 

As a leadership development and executive coach, I work with leaders to strengthen their communication, contact me to explore this topic further.

The next blog in this series 3/5 will focus on the concerns and benefits of asking for help.

The Power of ‘I Don’t Know’

Embracing the Power of ‘I Don’t Know’ in Leadership (leadership vulnerability 1/5)

Why do we find it challenging to utter the phrase, ‘I don't know?’ In leadership roles, there's often a pressure to have all the answers, as if uncertainty is a sign of weakness.  However, hiding our lack of knowledge can lead to hastily provided, potentially inaccurate responses.  Let's explore the challenges and concerns of admitting ignorance and the remarkable benefits of embracing this vulnerability.

Challenges and Concerns with Using the Phase.

1. Overcoming the Fear of Incompetence.  Admitting not knowing can make us feel vulnerable, especially when we think we should have the answers.  Some of us carry childhood experiences of being shamed for not knowing; a fellow classmate or teacher who made an example of us, so we may have a reluctance to appear unprepared or inexperienced.

2. Dealing with Vulnerability.  It's uncomfortable to operate from ignorance, as we often prefer to showcase our strengths.  Acknowledging gaps in our knowledge can sting our pride and challenge our sense of competence. 

Despite these genuine concerns, the upsides of saying "I don't know" far outweigh the downsides.  Let’s explore the benefits of embracing uncertainty:

1. Casts a Perception of Being Genuine and Trustworthy.  Admitting uncertainty comes across as sincere.  Conversely, pretending to know when we do not erode trust.  Some people speak so much and show an abundance of confidence, but that should not be confused with competence.  The babble hypothesis proposes that people who talk more in groups, no matter what they say, are more likely to be considered leaders by group members.  So extroverted people will talk more and consequently be considered leaders, but it is only a matter of time before people are on to their empty assurances.  To gain respect, it is better to show yourself as a straight shooter and not someone who makes things up along the way.

2. Increases Credibility and Relationships.  People tend to trust individuals who are honest about their limitations.  Saying ‘I don't know’ can strengthen trust with colleagues, clients, and superiors.  When you pretend, you can harm relationships.  Wharton Professor and Author Adam Grant tells a story of when he was in his mid-20s and was asked to teach a class on motivation to about 50 Air Force Generals. At the end of the first session, he got harsh feedback.  One person said, “There was more knowledge in the audience than on the podium.”  Another added, “I got nothing from this session, but I trust the instructor got useful insights.”  Grant was devastated and wanted to quit but already committed to a second session with another group a week later.  He asked around to find out the one thing he could change in the next session, and they all said how he introduced himself.   Instead of pretending he knew everything in a room full of experts, he showed himself as somebody trying to establish his credentials.  So, when he introduced himself, he opened with, “I know what you are thinking: what can I learn from this professor who is 12 years old.”   After a long silence, somebody broke the ice and said, “You got to be at least 13.”  The room laughed and created a much better beginning, which led to higher ratings the second time.  It is because it is better to admit what he did not know than to claim he knows a lot of stuff or provide speculative information because that would damage his credibility. 

3. Empowers Others.  By recognizing boundaries, we invite others to step up and contribute their expertise.  It encourages others to think critically and share their knowledge, which leads to more robust discussions and better decision-making.  Also, when we feel like we do not need to have all the answers and our team is taking on more of the work, we can be freed to focus on unblocking and engaging in more strategic work that only we can do, and that pushes the organization forward.  Alan Mullaly, CEO of Ford Motor Company and Former President of Boeing, said that the job of a leader is not to come in with all the answers.  It is to find the people in the organization who have the answers and make a path clearer so they can excel.

4. Cultivates Teamwork.  Acknowledging we lack answers creates an environment where colleagues feel comfortable doing the same.  This open environment invites various people to share and be free with their disclosures, even if they are unorthodox or outlandish, which usually leads to the most creative and innovative ideas.  A culture of teamwork is created, where individuals support each other and collectively seek solutions, ultimately enhancing organizational effectiveness. 

5. Avoids Giving Wrong Information.  Offering inaccurate information can lead to misunderstandings, miscommunications, and costly mistakes.  Saying ‘I don't know’ prevents the spread of incorrect information.  Most people are not expecting immediate answers, so we can take that pressure off ourselves and trade fast answers with sound decision-making and more accurate ones, which will build credibility.

6. Alleviates Stress. Pretending to know something when we do not can lead to unnecessary stress. We can worry ourselves with these questions: Are they going to ask a follow-up question? Are they going to offer contradictory information? When am I going to get exposed, and what will be the consequences? Admitting uncertainty relieves this pressure, allowing us to focus on finding accurate solutions rather than maintaining a facade. 

7. Fosters Learning and Humility.  Admitting your limitations can be a catalyst for personal and professional growth.  It creates opportunities to seek answers, learn from others, and improve your skills and knowledge.  The truth is, no matter how knowledgeable we are, the business world is too complex and nuanced to know it all.   Acknowledging your lack of knowledge reflects humility and garners respect from colleagues and superiors who appreciate your openness to new information.  We show others that we are building more of a culture of knowledge seekers than a know-it-all culture.

While admitting ‘I don't know’ may initially feel uncomfortable, it offers numerous benefits for effective leadership and organizational success.  By embracing vulnerability and prioritizing honesty, leaders can foster trust, collaboration, and innovation within their teams.

Quote of the day: “I am the wisest man alive, for I know one thing, and that is that I know nothing.” ―Socrates

Question:  Tell us about a time when you shared how you didn’t know something; how did it impact the situation?  Comment and share below; we’d love to hear from you!

As a leadership development and executive coach, I work with leaders to strengthen their communication, contact me to explore this topic further.

The following blog in this series 2/5 will focus on practical strategies for sharing when you don’t know.

How do you say, ‘I don’t know?’

Dispelling Myths of Authenticity (Authenticity series 4/4)

In this final installment of our authenticity series, we confront prevalent misconceptions that often color our understanding of authenticity. Let’s unravel the truth behind these myths.

Myth #1 – Authetncity means never changing your personality

A misunderstanding with being authentic is thinking that we must always be true to ourselves and display that version.  But, which true self is that?  Walt Whitman said, “Do I contract myself?  Very well then, I contradict myself, I am large, I contain multitudes.”  To be authentically human is to exercise all our mini-selves, it does not mean resisting the evolution that occurs with personal growth.

New managers struggle when they define authenticity in strict terms.  When asked to make changes they may feel it is a stretch from their natural personality, and they equate that with inauthentic.  For example, a humble manager who values others’ ideas is told by their boss to be more assertive and sell their concept more aggressively.  That can feel fake.  Going against our natural inclinations can make us feel like impostors, so we tend to latch on to authenticity as an excuse for sticking with what’s familiar.  But as we advance in our careers, demands and expectations change, and we need to expand and develop new muscles and add more tools.   By viewing ourselves as works-in-progress and evolving our professional identities through trial and error, we can create a personal style that feels right to us and suits our organizations’ changing needs.  If we adhere too much to what we think and feel, it may counter what the situation demands, and we deprive ourselves of tremendous growth.  The aspects that are most challenging for us can teach us the most about leading effectively.  In an interview with Adam Grant, Indra Nooyi, Former CEO of PepsiCo shared advice that while you maintain your authenticity, do not expect others to accept 100% of who you are.  She talked about being the only female on executive calls, and all the men would talk about sports she did not follow.  The one sport she did follow, Cricket, nobody else was interested.  She decided to flex her authenticity and learn about other sports and get involved with sports talk with her coworkers before the meetings. She found that these efforts went a long way to building rapport and doing better business. Being able to bend to have stronger connections was quite valuable to her.

Myth #2: Authenticity gives you a free pass to behave however you want

Being authentic does not justify hurtful or self-centered and irresponsible behavior.  Some chronically uncivil people or those with disagreeable personalities like to say they are just being their authentic selves.  For example, you may yell at a teammate because you view yourself as prone to anger, but you do not have the right to unload your feelings on others whenever you want and in the way you want.  Family and friends may be able to handle that and will be there for us after sharing our short tantrums and emotional speedbumps.  You may be somebody who curses a lot and will want that same right in the workplace to express your authenticity.  But, we can be both authentic and respectful or agreeable to create harmony in the workplace.  Authentic leadership is about mastering the skill of being a shapeshifter.  Somebody can change styles depending on what the situation demands, without straying from core values and goals or relinquishing their genuineness.  It is not about the person who expresses themselves regardless of the impact they may have on others.  You must be mindful and emotionally aware of how your energy is radiating and how others are experiencing you.  

Myth #3: Authenticity means behaving the same way in every situation

We have a kaleidoscope of personalities and may activate specific personas under different conditions.  For example, when we are in performance mode, we present our most polished selves, showcasing our leadership prowess.  In learning mode, we experiment and accept failure as part of our growth journey. Authenticity can manifest differently in these varied contexts, and that’s perfectly normal.  Shakespeare’s famous words: “All the world’s a stage …and one man in his time plays many parts,” captures this reality.  Adapting your behavior to fit the situation does not make you fake or insincere; it demonstrates versatility.   Common sense says that we do not reveal every side of ourselves in every situation, but understand the context we are in and the style we can adapt because we have versatility.  You do not show up the same way in the board room when you give a briefing as you do with your family at a dinner party or the gym with your friends.  We have many facets, and while we are adapting to others, we are still always staying true to our values which is what authenticity is all about.

How do we know when you’re being inauthentic?  It happens when your actions diverge from your professed beliefs and values.  Like chameleons, leaders can adjust to better serve their teams while staying true to their authentic identities.

Quote of the day: "Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."  - Dr. Seuss (Theodor Seuss Geisel) (alternatively attributed to Sir Mark Young and/or Bernard Baruch)

Q: How do you adapt your style to fit the context you are in but are still authentic?  Comment and share below; we would love to hear from you!

As a leadership development and executive coach, I work with leaders to explore what authentic leadership means to them and develop their style, contact me to explore this topic further.

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