More Challenges Holding You Back from Self-Promotion (self-advocacy series 2/7)

In the previous article, we explored two top challenges related to self-promotion. This article will delve into additional common challenges individuals may face in their journey toward effective advocacy.

1. Overcoming Shyness.  Many people are reticent to talk about their accomplishments in front of others because they may not know what to say or how to say it. 

·      Stepping Outside of Your Comfort Zone.  Leadership often involves moving beyond what’s familiar to develop new skills.  You may be good at back-of-the-room leadership, doing great work behind the scenes but it’s also essential to know how to excel when front-of-the-room leadership is required.  While initial awkwardness may occur when you are developing this muscle, it means you are learning and doing hard things, and the long-term personal growth benefits will eclipse the short-term pains.

2. Letting Your Work Speak for Itself.  In How Women Rise, Sally Helgeson labels this career-limiting habit as “expecting others to spontaneously notice and reward your hard work.”  This passive approach can hinder your career progression.

·      Taking Initiative.  People are too busy to notice what you are doing, they are in non-stop meetings, have full agendas, and are working hard to hit their deadlines.  Rather than take this passive approach, speaking about the work and providing context that highlights its quality is better.  Nobody will be able to advocate for yourself the way you can, and how can you get recognized by leadership if they have no visibility into the work you are doing?

3. Managing Busyness.  Some feel like they have a million things going on and do not have the headspace to think about how they will share what they are doing.  This is especially true if you are a high achiever who cares about being a good leader;  you are usually always in action mode and do not have time to reflect, zoom out, and think about how you can position yourself.

·      Viewing Self-Promotion as Essential. Rather than consider self-advocacy as a separate task, view it as an integral part of your job.  When a company develops a new product, that’s only part of their work.  They then have to market it.  If you think you are too busy, you will stay in your current role and not prepare for what’s next.  It is essential to take time to step back and prioritize your career advancement because nobody will manage your career the way you can.

4. Balancing Enjoying Good Work.  Some individuals find great satisfaction in helping others and believe that getting recognized is secondary.   While valuing good work is commendable, recognition is essential for career progression.

·      Reframing Recognition.  The acknowledgment of your contributions can lead to more significant opportunities to make a broader impact.  Avoid being pigeonholed and overlooked for growth opportunities by ensuring your work is noticed and appreciated.

5. Navigating the Double Bind.  In some cultures, stereotypes about gender and leadership may pose unique challenges regarding self-promotion, particularly for women. Traditional ideals of leadership are often associated with qualities such as decisiveness, assertiveness, and independence, which can align more closely with masculinity.  Conversely, women are expected to exhibit traits like nurturing and selflessness. This disconnect places female leaders in a double bind, where they must navigate a delicate balance between demonstrating competence and likability. Research has shown that women excelling in traditionally male-dominated fields may be perceived as competent but less likable than their male counterparts. Behaviors considered self-confidence and assertiveness in men may be viewed as arrogance or abrasiveness in women. On the other hand, women who adopt a conventionally feminine leadership style may be liked but not respected, as they may be seen as too emotional or soft to make tough decisions. These challenges underscore that self-promotion can be more complex for certain groups.

·      Defying Stereotypes.  It's important to acknowledge that these challenges persist, and people may form perceptions of you even when you're not actively self-promoting. Ruth Bader Ginsberg, a former Supreme Court Justice who graduated at the top of her class at Columbia Law School, faced jealousy and derogatory comments from male colleagues. Her response, "better to be called a bitch than mouse (and not ever speaking up)," highlights the importance of not shrinking oneself to conform to others' expectations. Had women in the 70s been overly concerned with meeting societal expectations, the management field would be largely devoid of women. It's crucial not to diminish yourself to please others; instead, approach this challenge with thoughtfulness and intention.

·     Challenging Perceptions.  Another valuable strategy is to challenge others' definitions and perceptions. For instance, if someone labels you ambitious, inquire about their definition. If their definition carries a negative connotation (doing whatever you can to get to the top), provide your interpretation (someone eager to maximize opportunities and rise through the ranks to make a significant impact). By taking control of the narrative and asserting your definitions, you can effectively navigate the complexities of self-promotion in the face of societal stereotypes.

Overcoming these common challenges can pave the way for effective self-promotion and career advancement, ensuring that your accomplishments receive the recognition they deserve.

Quote of the day: "The most important career decision you'll ever make is whether you will promote yourself." - Clare Boothe Luce 

Question:  What effective strategies do you employ to self-promote?  Who do you know that does this well, and what do they do? Comment and share below; we’d love to hear from you!

The next blog in this series 3/7 will focus on specific approaches to elevating your work.

As a leadership development and executive coach, I work with leaders to communicate effectively including strategically self-promoting, contact me to explore this topic further.

How do you promote yourself graciously?

Mastering Self-Advocacy: Overcoming Common Challenges (self-advocacy series 1/7)

Self-promotion can be daunting, often leaving individuals grappling with concerns about how they will be perceived when discussing their accomplishments.  The fear of coming across as arrogant or self-centered can deter people from effectively showcasing their skills and achievements. However, self-promotion is not an all-or-nothing proposition; a third way allows individuals to promote their work artfully and tactfully, thereby advancing their careers. 

This article will explore two common challenges hindering self-promotion and strategies to overcome them.  The second article in this series will delve into additional obstacles that individuals may encounter in the quest for effective self-advocacy.      

1. Avoiding Bragging

Concerns about sounding arrogant or self-centered when self-promoting are valid, especially if you are constantly using “I” and not acknowledging other’s efforts or putting down peers, such as, “Unlike my peers, I exceeded my goals…”. However, there is a way to discuss your work without sounding cocky.

·       Educational opportunity.  Reframe self-promotion as an opportunity to educate others.  By sharing your work, including the challenges and lessons learned, you provide valuable insights to your colleagues.   It also signals to others that they can seek your assistance if you possess specific expertise demonstrated through recent projects.  In the 1990s, Intel faced a similar challenge of insufficient promotion despite being the market leader in microprocessors, renowned for their technical superiority and high-quality products.  Their microprocessors outperformed competitors' chips, offering faster speeds and enhanced capabilities. However, there was a disconnect between their exceptional technology and consumer awareness. To address this issue, Intel launched a successful branding campaign by incorporating its "Intel Inside" logo on computers. This initiative effectively raised Intel's visibility, making it a household name and influencing consumer choices. The lesson here is that, like Intel, individuals should enhance their visibility to ensure their value is recognized.

·       Better Utilization.  Sharing your skillsets helps the company better understand how to leverage your abilities efficiently.  This prevents misaligned job requisitions and ensures your skills are put to their best use.  It also helps them avoid bringing in other people if they have somebody who can already do aspects of the job.

·       Focus on High Achievers.  Companies sometimes pay disproportionate attention to people who are not meeting benchmarks and ignore those blowing it out of the water. There is a real business case for shifting that attention and those resources to the high performers because they will likely be flight risks if they feel underutilized.  At the same time, organizations will be left with average employers.

·       Informing new leaders.  There are times when new leaders come into the company, and they do not know your track record, so it may take a while for them to learn all your capabilities and interests. Having that information on the sooner side is so helpful so they can best leverage your talents.   The more you share what you have done, what you are proud of, what you have learned that might benefit others, and what you want to do next, the easier it is for them to utilize you.

·       Creating an Equitable Playing Field.   Failure to share your accomplishments can disproportionately affect women, as men often get promoted based on potential while women rely on their track record for recognition. 

·       Controlling Efforts and Ignoring Unhelpful Opinions.   You cannot control what others think, but you can control your efforts to share your passions and accomplishments.  Your sharing has the potential to give you visibility and propel your career.  You can choose not to share anything, and they can still think all those things about you anyway, yet you have missed the possible benefit. 

2. Being a Team Player.   Some believe sharing their achievements may overshadow the team's work or negatively impact their image as a team player. However, there is a balance that allows you to highlight both individual contributions and team success.

·      Recognize Great Teamwork.  It is easy to fall into either/or mindset – thinking that sharing your achievements means you aren't a team player.  However, every team comprises individuals who naturally desire recognition for their efforts. With this in mind, you can appreciate the team's great work while also recognizing individual contributions to success. This phenomenon is common in sports, where the team's victory is celebrated alongside specific standout moments like a critical defensive stop, a key goal, or a game-winning pass. It aligns with Social Psychologist Marilynn Brewer's Optimal Distinctiveness Theory, which suggests that at every level, people seek to belong to a team while having a unique role to play. Balancing both individual and collective recognition is essential.

Self-promotion is a crucial skill for career growth, and this article addressed two common challenges: the fear of bragging and concerns about being seen as a team player. You can overcome these obstacles by reframing self-advocacy positively and balancing individual recognition with teamwork.   Stay tuned for more insights in the next article on mastering self-promotion and advancing your career.

Quote of the day: "Don't be afraid to shine; the world needs your light as much as you need it to grow." - Matshona Dhliwayo, Philosopher & Author

Question:  What is the biggest challenge you have in promoting yourself?  Comment and share below; we’d love to hear from you!

The next blog in this series 2/7 will focus on additional challenges and strategies with self-promotion.

As a leadership development and executive coach, I work with leaders to communicate effectively, including strategically self-promoting; contact me to explore this topic further.

How do you advocate for yourself?

Cultivating Commitment: A Guide to Securing Workplace Buy-in (Influence Series 4/4)

When you are successful with influence, you get buy-in or explicit agreement or commitment from others, often toward an idea, proposal, or project.  Buy-in indicates that the stakeholders or team members understand, support, and are committed to the initiative.

Let’s delve into practical strategies for obtaining buy-in with your team.  This same approach can be used with other groups you seek to gain support.

1. Fostering Open Dialogue and Collaboration.  Create space to collect as many voices as possible.  If you bring ideas to a project team and notice they are bouncing around with only a few voices dominating, invite the quieter team members to share their thoughts.  You can request that each member shares once before anybody else goes for a second time. This will validate the presence of all members, possibly solicit winning ideas from unexpected sources, and solidify the buy-in process as you incorporate the collective wisdom in the room and bring others along.

2. Offering Options.  Choice is a powerful motivator.  Consider a scenario where you need to implement a new software system.  By presenting the team with two vetted options and allowing them to select the one they prefer, you are not making a decision but rather empowering the team to shape their work environment. 

3. Encouraging Initiative.  There is something about owning an idea that ignites a drive in people.  When faced with a challenge, asking team members to propose solutions first can lead to innovation and a stronger commitment to the project’s success. For example, when a sales team faces declining numbers, the manager could ask each member to suggest strategies before proposing their ideas.  This can result in a team fully invested in the turnaround plan they helped craft.

4. Clarifying Roles While Encouraging Autonomy.  Clarity breeds confidence.  When everyone knows ‘what’ needs to be done but has the freedom to decide ‘how’, they’re most invested.  Take a software development team: the Team Lead outlines the feature requirements but leaves the implementation approach to the developer’s expertise, enhancing their ownership and accountability.

5. Encouraging Inquiry.  Questions are the pickaxes of understanding.  Allowing team members to ask questions during the decision-making process does not just clarify; it deepens their engagement.  It’s like a product development team querying the specifics of user feedback. It leads to a product that not only meets but exceeds expectations.

6. Practicing Empathy.  Understanding team members' daily experiences and challenges can transform the approach to influence.  For example, a manager considering a shift to remote work takes the time to understand each employee’s home setup and responsibilities, tailoring solutions that work for all.  Buy-in is more easily obtained when you are in touch with their realities.

Securing buy-in is an artful blend of communication, choice, and empathy.  Effective leaders listen actively, provide choices, and practice empathy, weaving individual commitments into a tapestry of collective success. The true measure of influence is the shared enthusiasm and dedication it inspires.

Quote of the day: You can’t inspire people if you are going to be uninspiring’ -Robert Reich

What has worked for you in securing buy-in at work?  Comment and share with us; we would love to hear!

As a leadership development and executive coach, I work with leaders to sharpen their influencing skills for win-win opportunities, contact me to explore this topic further.

Gaining buy-in for your ideas is an essential skill

The Power of Persuasion: Harnessing Cialdini’s Framework for Influential Leadership (Influence Series 3/4)

The last blog explored numerous ways to influence.  This one will focus on one model from renowned author Robert Cialdini, an American Psychologist and Professor who wrote a popular book on persuasion and marketing.  He found that influence is based on six key principles: reciprocity, commitment and consistency, social proof, authority, liking, and scarcity.  A 7th principle of unity was added later.  

Here is what the concepts are all about and their applications to the workplace:

1. Reciprocity:  People have a natural tendency to reciprocate when someone does something for them. If you do a favor for someone, they are more likely to feel obligated to do something in return.  When working on a team or project, offer to help your colleagues when they need assistance.  They are more likely to reciprocate and help you in return and relationships can naturally blossom.

2. Commitment and Consistency: Once people make a commitment or take a stand on a particular issue, they tend to behave in ways that are consistent with that commitment. They want to align their actions with their stated beliefs. When presenting an idea or proposal, highlight how it aligns with the company's mission or previous decisions, emphasizing consistency with past actions to bring others along.

3. Social Proof:  People often look to the behavior of others as a guide for their own actions. When they see that many others are doing something, they are more likely to follow suit. Share success stories or case studies of how others in your organization have achieved positive results using a particular strategy or product.

Use testimonials and reviews to demonstrate that your product or service has been well-received by others in the industry.

4. Authority:  People tend to trust and obey authority figures.  They are more likely to be influenced by someone who is perceived as knowledgeable, credible, or an expert in a particular domain.  When presenting, establish your expertise by citing research, experience, or relevant qualifications.  Collaborate with influential figures or experts in your field to lend credibility to your initiatives or projects.

5. Liking: People are more easily influenced by those they like or feel a connection with so aim to find common interests. Building rapport and establishing a positive relationship can enhance your ability to persuade others, and a great way to do that is by showing genuine interest in their needs and concerns. 

6. Scarcity: The idea that something is scarce or in limited supply can make it more desirable to people.  They may be motivated to take action to acquire it before it's gone.  Create a sense of urgency around important projects or deadlines to motivate team members to prioritize their work.  Offer limited-time promotions or discounts to encourage customers to make purchasing decisions more quickly.

7. Unity: The more we identify ourselves with others, the more we are influenced by them.  Taking time to find commonalities through one-on-one engagements or team-building activities will allow you to build a good rapport and influence others.  You can emphasize common goals and values.

Cialdini’s principles provide a robust framework for ethical persuasion that can be applied to the workplace.  These concepts can enhance your ability to navigate team dynamics and inspire action. Influence, when rooted in authenticity, can drive progress and strengthen bonds within any organization.

Quote of the day: “The key to successful leadership is influence, not authority.” -Ken Blanchard

Which principle do you find to be the hardest and easiest to apply in the workplace?  Comment and share with us; we would love to hear!

The next blog in this series 4/4 will focus on getting buy-in.

As a leadership development and executive coach, I work with leaders to sharpen their influencing skills for win-win opportunities, contact me to explore this topic further.

How are you successful with influencing?

Influence in Action: Strategies Beyond Initial Planning (Influence Series 2/4)

In the previous blog, we navigated the intricate landscape of influence – uncovering the preparatory steps to set the stage for effective persuasion. This article will focus on what comes after the groundwork is already laid.

Let’s jump into some refined strategies for influencing:

1. Adapt your approach depending on the audience.   Influence is not a one-size-fits-all; tailor your style to match the audience, and if you are unsure, ask others their preferred style.

·      When you are trying to work cross-functionally and need to win the support of a peer you may want to opt for a bridging approach, which is all about building coalitions sometimes by making concessions to reach outcomes that satisfy your greater interest. 

·      If you are in crisis and people are relying on you to be decisive, you may want to use an asserting approach where you insist on the importance of your idea, making the call to run a pilot and revisit later.  

·      If you are dealing with a leader who heavily relies on logic, like a CFO, you may want to use a convincing approach based on logic, data, and expertise.  

2. Ask and enroll rather than tell.  Instead of presenting solutions immediately, ask open-ended questions to understand others’ challenges and perspectives and learn best about root causes.  Some questions include: What’s really going on here, how long has it been going on, what have you tried, why didn’t it work, what will be different, etc.  So many times, people will say, I need training on X, but it turns out that it would only treat the symptom because they really need Y. Dive deep to uncover the source and comprehensively understand their needs. 

Avoid dictating solutions; rather, involve others in the process. Right before the pandemic, an Executive client of mine told me that he presented to senior leaders a body of evidence that people who can work out of the office part-time tend to be happier, more productive, and will likely stay so he wanted to run a remote Friday experiment.  Immediately, the other leaders responded with reasons why they could not do that, and it was because he came in sounding like a preacher who saw the light and had the answers to a complex problem.  A better approach is to share an observation (“I am interested in the movement for growing flexibility at work”), and ask questions for engagement (“What do you see in your teams and organizations?”  “What are some upsides and downsides?”  “How could we design an experiment to combine the good and eliminate the bad and see if we can get similar results?”). This approach can be more collaborative and appealing and get buy-in.

3. Define the Win and Find Alignment.  It is one thing to say what you want and another thing to say what the win looks like and why it is important now.  Additionally, it is crucial to align your initiative with the other person’s goals and demonstrate how it benefits all parties.  In The Go Giver, one of the Five Laws of Stratospheric Success is a law on influence, which is determined by how abundantly you place other people’s interests first.  Adam Grant in Give and Take supports this idea and offers advice to appeal to their nobler motives, such as, “we all want to move forward and head to this deadline for these stakeholders.  Let’s spend our time today figuring out what’s not working and think about the big picture.”

You can use the Triangle framework (win-win-win).  As a result of this initiative, how does the company, the other team, and your team win?  You can also think about what happens if this does not get done. What’s the cost to the three entities?

4. Speak in “We,” not “I.”  Use inclusive language to convey a sense of collaboration rather than a zero-sum mentality. 

5. Frame the Discussion.  Control the narrative by steering the conversation in the desired direction.  Set the perspective and context to guide the audience’s understanding.  

6. Provide Evidence.  Leverage social proof and data to support your ideas.  Highlighting others' shared options and providing specific testimonials builds credibility.  For example, we surveyed 1,000 of our most loyal customers, and here is what they told us.  You can point to key leaders in the organization who have a lot of credibility and share how they also loved the idea when you shared it with them.  If others know that person is excited about an idea, they will be more likely to listen to it. 

Additionally, sharing data is essential.  If you ran some A/B testing and have data that supports one approach over another, offer that information.  Introducing data points from external companies regarding what is happening in the industry is always helpful.  One of my clients had to make a difficult decision about layoffs, and when she looked around the industry, she realized that 15% was the norm, so her suggestion of 10% was below average, making her influencing attempts easier.

7. Tell a good story.  When you can recast your arguments in an engaging story that touches people’s emotional and logical sides, they will receive your information even more.

8. Surface disagreements.  If you experience resistance, identify disagreements to find a way forward.  There will always be people with different opinions who see things differently and that’s ok.  You can state the disagreement and ask a few questions to uncover the root of the disagreement. For example, you can inquire:

·      What are we optimizing for?  (The goal should be aligned rather than having two different goals).

·      Are we focused on solving for different target audiences (you are designing for power users and I am for the causal user).

·      What are our working assumptions and what goes into forming them? (you may be operating from two fundamentally different assumptions).

At the end of the day, influencing is not about getting what you want or manipulating; it is about finding those win-win opportunities for all to benefit.  You want to be proud of the way you influence because you did it with kindness, respect, authenticity, and integrity.   

Quote of the day: “Smiling unknowingly influences how other people will respond to you.”  -Liam Jackson

How do you influence successfully?  What do you find hard about it?  Comment and share with us; we would love to hear!

The next blog in this series 3/4 will focus on a specific model of influence.

As a leadership development and executive coach, I work with leaders to sharpen their influencing skills for win-win opportunities, contact me to explore this topic further.

What’s your way of bringing others along?

The Art of Influence- for good (Influence Series 1/4)

Whether you need to drive a project forward, inspire a team, or advocate for change will depend on how well you have honed the coveted skill of influencing.  This can be defined as the ability to affect the actions, beliefs, or decisions of others through direct or indirect ways.  It is not about manipulation or coercion, rather, it’s built on genuine relationships and strategic communication aimed at achieving win-win solutions.

Challenges in Effective Influence

1. Working cross-functionally.  In many organizations, pivotal tasks transcend traditional hierarchies as you likely collaborate with peers and teammates outside your direct report line.  Those individuals might be driven by different objectives.  If you are working with 2+ teams, the complexities are compounded as what is beneficial for one team might be less important for another.  The challenge lies in shaping your pitch to resonate with different teams who might have different priorities and who may not want to upvote yours ahead of theirs.

2. Navigating Politics.  Every organization has its political undertones, be it alliances, rivalries, or past grievances.  Even if you bring forth groundbreaking ideas, they might be overshadowed by internal politics.  Some stakeholders, due to past affiliations, might not be receptive, irrespective of the merit of your proposal.

3. Encountering Change Resistors.  Many people gravitate toward predictability and consistency, making them hesitant to embrace new initiatives that might disturb the established routines or make their worklife a little more difficult. Your ideas can be great, but others may be dug in on the status quo.

4. Dealing with Resource Constraints.  Securing buy-in to your idea is just the beginning.  Even if stakeholders align with your viewpoint, the practical execution may fail due to limited resources, be it time, funding, or dedicated personnel.  Convincing teams to act, especially when resources are scarce, poses its own set of challenges.

Influencing starts way before the moment.  There is a lot of prework you can do to be set up for success.

Let’s explore effective strategies for influence:

1. Build good relationships.  Success in any role hinges on building positive, mutually beneficial relationships.  Take time to get to know your colleagues before needing any assistance.  Stephen Covey talks about the importance of building an “emotional bank account,” which is about depositing goodwill and trust into other people’s accounts.  This can be about affirming what others say in a meeting, engaging in deep listening to help others clarify an issue, or having a positive encounter that adds some joy to their lives.  If they have done something for you, thanking them with deep gratitude does wonders for relationship building.  People do business and work on initiatives with those they know and trust.

2. Create a perspective map.  Before attempting to influence, create a map of key stakeholders, such as skip level boss, manager, teammates, cross-functional peers, and identify their priorities.  List their current and future concerns, as well as their desired outcomes.  Consider how you want them to think, feel, and act because of your interaction.   

3. Practice Perspective-Taking.  Building trust and influence often involves empathizing with others and understanding their perspectives and priorities.  Dale Carnegie said, the only way to influence somebody is to find out what they want and show them how to get it.  It is about earnestly seeing from another point of view because ultimately people do things for their reasons and not yours so when you can tap into their intrinsic motivation, it will make a big difference.  Understanding where they are, caring genuinely, and appreciating it will help them move along and get them to where they want to go. 

A big reason why this does not happen is because people are too busy thinking about their next responses that they usually do not listen fully and are not as present to spot potential synergies.   Asking a follow-up question or offering an idea that can advance their initiative makes a big difference.   When you are genuinely curious and asking questions such as, “what are the effects of one approach over another” that allows them to think more deeply about their idea in a safe way, which is helpful.

4. Identify and Onboard Allies.  Identify potential allies of your project early on.  Categorize them as green (supportive) or yellow (open to persuasion but with questions).  At this stage, don’t go after the red (resistant or difficult to change).  When you bring people early on at the outset to join your planning team who feel like they also have a stake in the project, they are more likely going to assist you.  Seek additional sponsors and mentors who can enhance your credibility and social capital.

5. Identify Your Sequence-Sharing Strategy.  Plan the order in which you share information to maximize buy-in.  Every situation is different, but one can start with your manager’s support and gauge if the idea can work and gain more context.  You can ask questions to learn why anybody has not tried this before.  If it was attempted, why didn’t it work?  Through the discussions you can uncover additional pros and cons and field questions you might not have considered.  Then you can bring it to your team to get support to strengthen it even further, then think about the cross-functionals who would benefit from that problem being solved as well. As you continue to spread it to connections that are more distant, at least you have tested it and have initial support for it.

6. Anticipate concerns/rejections.   Sit with your team and anticipate rejections and responses to your initiative.  You can even bring up their concerns first before they do and address them.  If you’re unsure, you can ask chat GPT to steelman your arguments.  Once you get your team on board, you can work together to bring the ideas more widely having already strengthened them by defending them.

Wielding influence effectively hinges on more than just a moment of persuasion – it’s about cultivating trust, practicing empathy, and understanding the organizational ecosystem. By engaging with colleagues proactively, anticipating challenges, and thoughtfully mapping out communication strategies, you can navigate complex dynamics and secure the necessary buy-in. True influence is achieved through persistent and authentic connection, paving the way for collaborative success.

Quote of the day: One of the best ways to influence people is to make them feel important. Most people enjoy those rare moments when others make them feel important. It is one of the deepest human desires.
– Roy T. Bennett

How do you begin to build great relationships with others?  Comment and share with us; we would love to hear!

The next blog in this series 2/4 will focus on refined strategies for influencing. 

As a leadership development and executive coach, I work with leaders to sharpen their influencing skills for win-win opportunities, contact me to explore this topic further.

What’s your intention to influence?

Dispelling Myths of Authenticity (Authenticity series 4/4)

In this final installment of our authenticity series, we confront prevalent misconceptions that often color our understanding of authenticity. Let’s unravel the truth behind these myths.

Myth #1 – Authetncity means never changing your personality

A misunderstanding with being authentic is thinking that we must always be true to ourselves and display that version.  But, which true self is that?  Walt Whitman said, “Do I contract myself?  Very well then, I contradict myself, I am large, I contain multitudes.”  To be authentically human is to exercise all our mini-selves, it does not mean resisting the evolution that occurs with personal growth.

New managers struggle when they define authenticity in strict terms.  When asked to make changes they may feel it is a stretch from their natural personality, and they equate that with inauthentic.  For example, a humble manager who values others’ ideas is told by their boss to be more assertive and sell their concept more aggressively.  That can feel fake.  Going against our natural inclinations can make us feel like impostors, so we tend to latch on to authenticity as an excuse for sticking with what’s familiar.  But as we advance in our careers, demands and expectations change, and we need to expand and develop new muscles and add more tools.   By viewing ourselves as works-in-progress and evolving our professional identities through trial and error, we can create a personal style that feels right to us and suits our organizations’ changing needs.  If we adhere too much to what we think and feel, it may counter what the situation demands, and we deprive ourselves of tremendous growth.  The aspects that are most challenging for us can teach us the most about leading effectively.  In an interview with Adam Grant, Indra Nooyi, Former CEO of PepsiCo shared advice that while you maintain your authenticity, do not expect others to accept 100% of who you are.  She talked about being the only female on executive calls, and all the men would talk about sports she did not follow.  The one sport she did follow, Cricket, nobody else was interested.  She decided to flex her authenticity and learn about other sports and get involved with sports talk with her coworkers before the meetings. She found that these efforts went a long way to building rapport and doing better business. Being able to bend to have stronger connections was quite valuable to her.

Myth #2: Authenticity gives you a free pass to behave however you want

Being authentic does not justify hurtful or self-centered and irresponsible behavior.  Some chronically uncivil people or those with disagreeable personalities like to say they are just being their authentic selves.  For example, you may yell at a teammate because you view yourself as prone to anger, but you do not have the right to unload your feelings on others whenever you want and in the way you want.  Family and friends may be able to handle that and will be there for us after sharing our short tantrums and emotional speedbumps.  You may be somebody who curses a lot and will want that same right in the workplace to express your authenticity.  But, we can be both authentic and respectful or agreeable to create harmony in the workplace.  Authentic leadership is about mastering the skill of being a shapeshifter.  Somebody can change styles depending on what the situation demands, without straying from core values and goals or relinquishing their genuineness.  It is not about the person who expresses themselves regardless of the impact they may have on others.  You must be mindful and emotionally aware of how your energy is radiating and how others are experiencing you.  

Myth #3: Authenticity means behaving the same way in every situation

We have a kaleidoscope of personalities and may activate specific personas under different conditions.  For example, when we are in performance mode, we present our most polished selves, showcasing our leadership prowess.  In learning mode, we experiment and accept failure as part of our growth journey. Authenticity can manifest differently in these varied contexts, and that’s perfectly normal.  Shakespeare’s famous words: “All the world’s a stage …and one man in his time plays many parts,” captures this reality.  Adapting your behavior to fit the situation does not make you fake or insincere; it demonstrates versatility.   Common sense says that we do not reveal every side of ourselves in every situation, but understand the context we are in and the style we can adapt because we have versatility.  You do not show up the same way in the board room when you give a briefing as you do with your family at a dinner party or the gym with your friends.  We have many facets, and while we are adapting to others, we are still always staying true to our values which is what authenticity is all about.

How do we know when you’re being inauthentic?  It happens when your actions diverge from your professed beliefs and values.  Like chameleons, leaders can adjust to better serve their teams while staying true to their authentic identities.

Quote of the day: "Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."  - Dr. Seuss (Theodor Seuss Geisel) (alternatively attributed to Sir Mark Young and/or Bernard Baruch)

Q: How do you adapt your style to fit the context you are in but are still authentic?  Comment and share below; we would love to hear from you!

As a leadership development and executive coach, I work with leaders to explore what authentic leadership means to them and develop their style, contact me to explore this topic further.

Which myths do you want to dispel?

Grow Your Authentic Leadership (Authenticity series 3/4)

In the preceding blogs of this series, we explored authenticity and its characteristics.   This article will focus on ways we can be more authentic. 

Leadership is a canvas for self-expression, and attempting to replicate someone else’s style will likely lead to failure. Employees seek guidance from leaders who invest time in crafting their unique approach, those who are honest and unwavering in their message.  Fyodor Dostoyevsky wisely noted, “To go wrong in one’s own way is better than to go right in someone else’s.”  People yearn to be led by individuals who share an honest message deeply rooted in personal conviction, not borrowed words that lack a genuine connection.

Here are some practical steps you can take to cultivate greater authenticity:

1. Know your values.  Many of our woes come from not knowing ourselves, our abilities, fragilities, and virtues.  We walk through life as strangers to ourselves, and that can cause distress in our authenticity and leadership.  What are the top 3-5 beliefs that are important to you?  Some may not know the answer- is it love, money, status, or relationships?  We cannot align our behaviors with our values if we do not know them.  Knowing our values helps us make better decisions.  For example, if we value career goals, when we become a parent, we will know that we will want to make room for work because we will deliver our best selves to all that we do.  Sharing our values is sharing our truth.  Authenticity is intrinsically linked to your values and core beliefs, even if your behavior adapts to changing circumstances.

2. Know your purpose and align it with the organization.  Knowing what you are meant to do in this world is vital for fulfillment, so if we are working for an organization that does not represent who we are and what we stand for, it can be stifling.  But, when we can align any part of our purpose to the organizations, we can live more genuinely by being ourselves and having our values shine through in all places. 

3. Express yourself as a trait, not a role.  Often, we equate our identity with our job titles; if we do marketing for a living, that is how we portray ourselves, but it does not capture all we are.  Maybe we are a learner and conveyors of ideas so there are a lot of roles we could have, like a facilitator for people to mutually explore profoundly impactful ideas, or a professional speaker, or a teacher, or a team leader, or simply an optimist.  Authenticity is the expression of traits you have that can be flexed in different places rather than confined to specific roles.

4. Connect to your past.  Authenticity can find its roots in your origins.  Leaders who maintain a connection between their past experiences and their current selves are more often effective in building and maintaining relationships because they are not worried about hiding aspects of themselves.  Authentic leaders remain focused on where they are going but never lose sight of where they have come from.  Reflect on how your past has shaped you, and identify the common threads that have woven through your life.

5. Build a foundation of self-knowledge.  We can learn about ourselves in many ways, but the best approach is to solicit honest feedback—perhaps a 360-degree review—from coworkers and follow it up with coaching so we learn more about ourselves and how other people see us, and then we can see if the two views are compatible.  Combining personal and professional histories can unveil common themes from our upbringing and work experiences that have shaped our authenticity.   Spend time in introspection, understand your preferences, and explore how they have evolved over time. This self-knowledge serves as a strong foundation for authentic leadership.

Authenticity in leadership is a potent force for engendering trust and nurturing meaningful relationships. To further enhance your authenticity, delve deep into your purpose and values, self-reflect, and express yourself through inherent straight rather than predefined roles.

Quote of the day: “Know yourself, and you will win all battles.” -Lao Tzu, Chinese philosopher

Q: How can we become a more authentic leader?  Comment and share with us; we would love to hear!

The next blog in this series 4/4 will focus on dispelling myths of authenticity.

As a leadership development and executive coach, I work with leaders to explore what authentic leadership means to them and develop their style, contact me to explore this topic further.

Which components would you include?

Characteristics of an Authentic Leader (Authenticity Series 2/4 )

In the previous blog, we delved into the concept of authenticity and its benefits in leadership.   This article will explore the key characteristics of being an authentic leader.

Here are a few traits of authentic leaders:

1. Vulnerability.  Authentic leaders are unafraid to share their thoughts, feelings, and experiences honestly. They willingly expose themselves to emotional challenges but do so without compromising their credibility.   For example, as a leader, you do not want to say to your team, “I want to do this job, but it’s scary, and I don’t know how.”  That candor can backfire, and you can lose trust with people who want and need a confident leader.  Instead, you can say, “I may not have all the answers, but I want to enlist your support as we move forward together.  That approach creates team cohesion and invites the active participation of others.

2. Integrity. This is when your words are consistent with your deeds; otherwise, followers will never accept you as authentic.  Great leaders embody their beliefs and live them unfailingly.  As Ralph Waldo Emerson puts it, “what you do speaks so loudly, I can’t hear what you’re saying.” Words are superficial and prove who you want to be, while actions show who you are.

3. Be transparent and truthful.  As Dostoyevsky wisely observed, “Above all do not lie to yourself, the man who lies to himself and listens to his own lie, comes to a point where he cannot distinguish the truth within him, or around him, so loses respect for himself and others.  And having no respect, he seizes to live.” People are more trusting when transparency and congruency of who you are on the inside are the same as how you portray yourself to the world; there is no secrecy or mystery.  When you operate with dishonesty, it can have a detrimental impact.  Nietzsche’s mentor, Ludwig Feuerbach said, “I would rather be a devil in alliance with the truth than an angel in alliance with falsehood.” Speaking truthfully allows for a more stress-free existence.

4. Self-awareness.  Authenticity begins with self-awareness: knowing who you are—your values, emotions, and competencies, as well as how others perceive them, are better equipped for success.  A study at the Center for Creative Leadership found that self-awareness is the primary quality that distinguishes successful leaders.  Moreover, research shows companies that employ professionals who exhibit high levels of self-awareness tend to perform better financially.  By looking inward and engaging in self-assessment, we can gain a deeper understanding of our emotions, beliefs, and strengths and improve our perception of those held by others. Regular reflection practice is important, whether through meditation, prayer, mindfulness, thinking, writing, or taking long walks to clear one’s head.  This allows us to step back from the whirlwind and set aside the preoccupation with task lists so the urgent does not take precedence over the important aspects of our lives.   Also, we can ensure alignment with our values and a deeper understanding of how we live our lives and engage with the world around us.  The more we know ourselves, the more authentic we can be.

5. Discipline.  Being an authentic leader requires more than just building self-awareness—we need to put it into practice, which requires discipline.  Making it a point to get feedback on our behaviors and being intentional about what we want to practice will help us.

6. Confidence and humility.  Having self-confidence and being comfortable in our skin are essential.  Knowing where we come from and who we are, and knowing how to use our backgrounds to build rapport with others. There is humility in connecting with all people.  Albert Einstein once said, “I speak to everyone in the same way, whether he is the garbageman or the university president.”  That statement reflects Einstein’s comfort with himself and his ability to be consistent in his various interactions.

7. Mission-driven & inspirational.  Knowing your deeply held crucibles and true north will help you stay on track so you can lead yourself authentically.  Similarly, a deep and abiding commitment to a company mission is integral to authentic leadership and business success.  According to a recent survey by EY and Harvard Business Review Analytic Services, 89% of executives said a sense of collective purpose drives employee engagement, and 84% said it leads to tremendous success in transformational efforts.  Some companies discover their mission early and others stumble upon it, but embracing a purpose will help with authenticity because it keeps you focused.  When you help your followers believe the mission is worthy, they will fight for you. 

6. Commitment to self-improvement.  To become more effective at motivating and guiding others, authentic leaders need to first focus on bettering themselves.  “Authentic leaders begin with the will and commitment within to work on themselves,” says Harvard Professor Nancy Koehn.  Abraham Maslow endorses the concept of individuals striving for self-actualization, which is becoming more complete by pursuing personal growth and peak experiences and realizing their potential. 

7. Balancing your internal understanding with your external feedback.  Leaders go on an inner journey of understanding who they are and what they believe and then matching that with their actions.  They also go on an outer trip, realizing that those actions have implications and will invite feedback from others.

We need a combination of listening to others’ opinions and having a strong enough understanding of who we are and what we want to be the final arbiters.  In Robert Keagan’s stages of adult development, self-authoring is about defining who we are, instead of listening to others’ descriptions of us.  We can distinguish the opinions of others from our thoughts and have an internal guide.  The next level of advancement is self-transforming - where your sense of self is not tied to a particular identity or role but is constantly created through exploration.  It is similar to the Buddhist concept of the evolving self.  In the words of E.E. Cummings “to be nobody but yourself in a world that is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else - means to fight the greatest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting.”  When you do not trust a leader it’s because there’s a gap between what they espouse and what they do.

Authentic Leadership means different things to different people.  While there are some common denominators, it is more about showing up in a way that lives your values and makes a positive difference in the lives of others.

Quotes of the day: “You can only find out what you actually believe (rather than what you think you believe) by watching how you act.” - Jordan Peterson

“Today you are you, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is youer than you. - Dr. Seuss

Q: What characteristics do you think are most important for developing your authenticity as a leader?  Comment and share with us, we would love to hear!

The next blog in this series 3/4 will focus on how to be an authentic leader. 

As a leadership development and executive coach, I work with leaders to explore what authentic leadership means to them and develop their style, contact me to explore this topic further.

Just What Does Authenticity Mean? (Authenticity series 1/4)

“Be yourself” is a piece of advice we have all encountered at some point in our lives.  But what exactly does it mean to be authentic, and why is it revered as the gold standard for leadership and navigating life successfully?

The term “authentic” traditionally referred to original works of art instead of copies.  It is about adhering to your true self and being transparent about who you are across all aspects of your life.  A core aspect of you shows up whether at work, with family, in your relationship, or among strangers.  There is something liberating about that consistent expression.  To be authentic is to be the author of your life, to write your story, and to direct your actions rather than feeling compelled to conform to others’ expectations or seek acceptance.

Good leadership requires authenticity

In Authentic Leadership, Author Bill George defined the concept as “understanding your purpose, practicing solid values, leading with your heart, establishing connected relationships, and demonstrating self-discipline.”  In essence, it involves neither projecting a fabricated corporate persona nor emulating the leadership styles of others.  It is being true to your origins, finding your unique path, and evolving into the person you are destined to become.

The Rewards of Authenticity:

In his book Tribe, Sebastian Junger shares the self-determination theory, which holds that humans need three elements to be content: competence in their pursuits, connection with others, and authenticity in their lives.  Introducing authenticity to the workplace is part of the whole person movement, integrating our internal and external selves.  Instead of concealing our values and experiences, we openly share them. Our values and experiences are not hidden but shared.   Otherwise, we risk donning a mask that exhausts us as we struggle to maintain the facade.   The bedrock of authenticity is being seen by others, enabling them to understand your beliefs and intentions.

Authentic leadership also bestows potent benefits upon others. When we are real, we create an environment that encourages authenticity in others.  Research by Vanessa Buote, as cited in the Harvard Business Review, suggests that most employees believe authenticity in the workplace fosters better relationships with colleagues, higher levels of trust, greater productivity, and a more positive work atmosphere.  Furthermore, a study in the Leadership & Organization Development Journal reveals that “employees' perception of authentic leadership serves as the strongest predictor of job satisfaction and can have a positive impact on work-related attitudes and happiness.”

The costs of being inauthentic: 

When we are inauthentic by concealing ourselves from others, the burden of making countless micro-decisisons to bury certain aspects of our identity becomes exhausting.  What we repress ultimately gets expressed; otherwise, we start to lose our way and act in contradictory terms.  Over time, we become strangers to ourselves, transforming into the very mask we originally intended to don temporarily.  When we limit ourselves and fail to bring our full version to work, we lose people’s trust, and our relationships weaken.  It could be challenging to shape the workplace with our vision when we are not forthcoming with it.  Moreover, relying excessively on external validation distorts our self-perception,  as Epictetus astutely noted, “personal merit can’t be derived from an external source.” We need to reconnect with our inner compass.

Authenticity is when we can engage the best and truest part of ourselves and be bold enough to show that side to others.  We can create great relationships at work and better lead our teams to more success.

Quote of the day: “The privilege of a lifetime is being who you are.” -Joseph Campbell

Q: How do you define authenticity? When are you most authentic, and when do you find it most challenging? What does it feel like to be inauthentic? Comment and share with us; we’d love to hear your perspective!

[The next blog in this series 2/4 will focus on the characteristics of an authentic leader]

As a leadership development and executive coach, I work with leaders to explore what authentic leadership means to them and develop their style, contact me to explore this topic further.

A Guide To Burnout Remedies (Burnout Series 2/2)

When somebody is experiencing burnout, we assume that it is an individual issue, and that if they would adjust their habits and figure out how to get a better handle on their work, their problems would be solved.  While there are changes that an individual can make, it is only a tiny part of the problem.  The other part relates to challenges in the system and the environment, and companies are responsible for making alterations to better set people up for success. We miss the mark when we focus on the problem as one for individuals to solve.

While burnout prevention is always ideal (see blog series on having a strong personal management energy system), if you feel like you are experiencing burnout, there are many things you and your company can do to intervene and change course. 

Here are some remedies to consider for both the individual and the company:

1. Reduce Workload.    

1A. Communicate your limits.  How can you communicate your capacity to your managers and aim to handle a reasonable amount of work?  If you have always handled ten things on your plate, your boss may believe that is your comfortable capacity, but if it is really five, you need to communicate that and figure out a plan to keep it within a manageable amount.   

1B. Increase resources and support.  How can you access new resources or additional support to help manage your work?  Maybe peers are searching for a stretch assignment who would be more than willing to help.  A project may be stalled on another team, and some team members are currently underutilized, they can be transferred to another team to pitch in temporarily and gain valuable experience.

1C. Delegate effectively.  How can you enlist the help of your team so you are not doing it all?  Who on your team would jump at the opportunity to grow their leadership and responsibility and expand their scope?  Hoarding work for yourself deprives others of expanding their range and visibility.

1D. Prioritize effectively.  Are you always working on the most important goals and tasks agreed upon by your manager and team?  Some people gravitate towards working on enjoyable, unimportant, and urgent work that steals a lot of their time, but it is the vital work that needs to be prioritized first.  What is your system of saying no to projects so you can keep your focus on the top 3 priorities?

1E. Be comfortable with some incompletions.  Not everything has to get done at the moment. And sometimes, after a scan of all the work you have to do, you can make strategic choices on what you will not do because it is less critical.  I remember my university days when my professors would give me more reading than I could ever do before my next class.  I would devise techniques to read the two most important articles and skim the others to extrapolate 2-3 main points.  Being effective with this approach means that you accept and come to peace that it is not worth getting it all done.   Getting to inbox 0 may not be serving you; instead, leaving unimportant emails and feeling no responsibility to respond is more important, especially regarding cold calls or distant connections to try to take your time but you don’t owe them anything.  Some strategies that may have worked for you previously may not be working now so there is a real need to update our operating systems.

 2.  Create a coverage plan for your team.  If you have an eight-person team and some people are getting routinely sick, which was the case during Covid peaks, what is your plan for how a four-person team handles the work of 8?  It can be exhausting for people who already feel at capacity to assume an additional load.  We sometimes do this for leaves of absence; we create a transition plan and get temporary replacements.  It can be helpful to prepare in advance the plans to handle certain situations for when people are out.  Maybe one person jumps in to help for a week, and then they get rotated out for the next person to assume the tasks for the next week.   There may be some standbys or a temp agency to enlist to deal with the extra work.  Thinking through these thorny challenges will create a sense of ease for your team, and make it so no one ever has to shoulder the burden and feel like they are always covering and doing overtime.

2. Increase control.  Where can you have more agency in your work to increase your quality of work-life? Conducting employee surveys to learn where people want more autonomy over when, how, and with whom they do their work as long as they meet key deliverables can be insightful.  It can be worth it to invest in slight changes that translate to a massive increase in happiness.

3. Rewards.  Regularly recognizing people for a job well done is vital.  You can do a kudos board or something highlighting others’ important work and spread the acknowledgment.  For more ideas, you can read here.    The goal is to inspire and encourage each other.

4. Community.  What are you doing to intentionally build a community where people feel connected to each other?  A good way to do this is to let people know you have heard them.  Too often, companies will send surveys to get people’s ideas on improving culture, engagement, and community, and people take time to complete the questionnaires and never hear anything.  A way to let people know you heard them is to report back on the survey data and share what you learned.  You do not have to share only where there is an agreement, and you can even present conflicting information, but it is most important to convey what you have done with the information and identify the changes you plan to make because it fully honors people’s contributions.  You can read about other ways to build community here.

 5. Ensure fairness.  How fair are your systems and processes?  How do people get rewarded and promoted?  How fairly are colleagues treated?  It can be helpful to survey your employees to get their perceptions and audit your processes so you can get input into improving your processes and workstreams.

To create psychologically safe environments and ensure fairness is to have a process where turn-taking at meetings is common so everybody gets a say.  Each person can speak for 30 seconds in a go-around.  There can also be processes for healthy dissent. 

6. Meaning, purpose, contribution.  Managers talk with their Direct Reports to learn about their values and how they see them connecting or deviating from their work.  It makes a difference if managers can make little tweaks so people are operating more from their strengths or zone of genius.  Research shows if you spend just 20% of your time doing what you love, the other 80% will not burn you out.  When you spend time thinking about work utilizing a creative and problem-solving approach, you get a wave of positive emotions and none of the burnout symptoms that induce stress or disrupt mood.  People desperately want to experience mastery, progression, impact, and contribute, and when they can, their work becomes fulfilling and energizing.  When they cannot, their work becomes tiring and exhausting.  Some job functions are more conducive to burnout because they are not connected to a more profound mission.  If they align their personal mission with the leadership agenda, that can make a big difference in energy levels.

Burnout and Business Impact

Burnout is not an individual problem, it is a collective challenge, and beyond investing in others because it is the right thing to do, there is a clear business case.  When CEOs do not care for their employees, attrition grows, recruitment becomes harder, and customer success can be more difficult to achieve with unhappy employees.  Wellbeing is not a warm and fuzzy option, it is an essential business metric.

Other things companies can do:

1. Reduce meetings, especially virtually.  We spend an excessive amount of time in meetings, especially when most things do not have to be a meeting, they can just be an email. This means we are sitting way more than we have to, likely too close to our computers and experiencing screen fatigue.  It also means we do not have time to do deep work, strategize, innovate, or be intentional about developing ourselves and others.  Carving this type of time can be an energizing experience.  And if meetings must be had, there is no reason to default to 1 hour. Making meetings 50 minutes or 25 minutes and allowing 5-10 minutes for people to pause, take time to consolidate the learnings from the previous meetings and crystalize their action steps, and then think about what they want to do for the next meeting will allow them to be more centered and productive.  These micro-breaks are essential to our wellbeing.

2. Corporate wellness programs.  There are the standard things we see companies do, unlimited time off, meditation and yoga classes, and gym memberships, which can be helpful, but if they are mainly used as coping devices and are not contributing to prevention, then it is insufficient.  Amazon was criticized for installing a Zen booth mediation kiosk in its warehouses without really doing anything else to change the working conditions that were so challenging for people.  If the job design is stress-filled, doing some of these things is not enough to alter the burnout conditions. 

Some more valuable approaches involve giving everybody in the company (or in shifts based on teams) the same week off for vacation so you are not missing out on anything and returning to a mountain of work.  Unfortunately, just having an unlimited time off policy is insufficient and often backfires because most people do not capitalize on it, and worst yet, some managers make others feel guilty for taking that time off.  Flexible schedules allow people to choose where they want to work and when they want to work as long as they get results done.  Some companies have 4 day-work weeks or no meeting Fridays to prioritize space for reflection, creativity, sense-making, and other valuable work.  Incentivizing employees to get a good night’s rest, eat healthy, and utilize time for relaxing can also be helpful.  Companies can monitor absentee rates, check in with others who are not taking any time off or taking too much time off, and have conversations supporting their needs. The Boston Group flags employees who work too many hours. Google’s 20% time allows people to pursue passion projects, flex their creative muscles, and expand their skillsets.   In 2013, Salesforce offered a wellness benefit of 48 hours of paid volunteer work, which can energize and revitalize others’ experiences.

There is no one-size-fits-all, and what would work for one company differs from what works for another. The worst thing a company can do is to put a blanket policy.  The key is to survey the employees to see what they want that will matter to them.  It usually never works out when upper management comes up with a solution, such as putting a volleyball court on the roof of a building, thinking it will solve all issues.

3. Providing coaching.  Many companies provide Executive and leadership coaching to their employees as a way to invest in their growth and development and advance their careers.  Having a coach dedicated to your agenda and a safe space where you can talk about all your career aspirations and worries and devise a plan to move forward can be instrumental to your engagement.

4. Teams and managers can discuss wellness as a priority.  People do not want to work at places where they are not honoring and respecting their wellbeing. 

4A Managers can integrate wellness into their check-ins and teams can include it as a topic of discussion to learn how people organize their lifestyle to enable wellness.  They can provide resources that promote wellbeing, such as nutrition services, gym membership, sleep information, therapists, and other support systems.  You can encourage your people to monitor for signs of burnout regularly by having quick check-ins where they indicate how they are doing with the colors red (drowning), yellow (ok, but if not checked, heading to red), and green (thriving).  The quicker you can identify somebody in yellow, you can intervene and find a way to get you back in the green. The cure for burnout is not just self-care; it’s also about caring for each other.  When a manager takes a coach approach to learn more about people’s potential stressors, they may learn about minor quality-of-life issues that can be changed for the better.  Maybe you find out that a big part of a teacher’s stress is having three different classrooms on three different floors, and they feel like they are driving themselves crazy remembering to carry all their items to teach their classes or the nurse who has vital equipment on one floor but mainly does her job on another floor and simply moving it would help her work dramatically.  It is like having a pebble in your shoes, it’s annoying, and we feel it all the time, so when we can finally remove it, our quality of life improves.  When managers can support the person to think about how to address it together because it is more of a “we” challenge than a “me” challenge, it can make a big difference. Discussing common causes of burnout and mentioning ways to address it can go a long way.

 4B. Creating manuals of me.  Ask people how they like to collaborate to work better.  A significant source of our stress and cynicism is dealing with harmful and unhelpful interpersonal relationships, and if there are things we can discuss and fix, that can be helpful.  Some companies, such as Deloitte, have created “manuals of me,” which build a process to learn how people best operate.  The idea is once you put together how you best work and exchange it with others, it can accelerate communication and collaboration and reduce friction in trying to understand and guess the working style of others.  Some topics to include:

·      Things you need to know about me are

·      Things that prevent me from doing my best are

·      The best way you can check in on me is

·      When I’m dealing with stress, I

·      My best working patterns look like

·      The one thing I need every day to keep me grounded is

·      Taking care of my health and wellbeing looks like

4C. Respecting team boundaries.  Once you know more about the people you work with, respecting their boundaries and supporting their goals are important.  You can also be more mindful of not scheduling meetings during people’s lunch hours and, as a general rule, respecting other people’s calendar blocks designated as busy. If you know your coworker needs to go to the gym by six and they are still at their desk, you can inquire and see if support can be offered. 

4D. Open conversations on personal growth.  Having personal development conversations with each other on things we are doing to maintain our flourishment can be educational for others.  You can also have conversations on resilience and best practices to alleviate stress so you do not feel like you are solving this all by yourself, especially when it is common for others to be going through it.

5. Create a burnout plan.  When you are feeling stressed, you should have a list of micro initiatives you can take to help you regroup before you make your next move.  Box breathing for 30 seconds, going on vacation, and spending time with friends and family can make a difference.

When you are feeling burned out, there are many things you and your company can do to change the environment that reduces the exhaustion and sets you up for thriving.

Quote of the day: “If we cannot disconnect, we cannot lead.” -Arianna Huffington.

Q:   What does your company do to address burnout?  Comment and share below; we would love to hear from you! 

“Burnout is nature’s way of telling you you’ve been going through the motions your soul has departed.” — Sam Keen.

As a leadership development and executive coach, I work with leaders and their teams to prevent and manage burnout so they can do their best work, contact me to explore this topic further.

Find your road to recovery

What Burns Us Out? (Burnout Series 1/2)

Covid has delivered rapid changes in the past few years, leaving us figuring out the best way to navigate this different terrain.  One big challenge is dealing with burnout, which is on the rise in many industries.  Dr. Zeina Ghoussoub, Relly Nadler, and Dr. Naim El Aswad posit how common it is in the helping professions, defined as those jobs that nurture the growth of, or address the problems of a person’s physical, intellectual, emotional, or spiritual wellbeing including medicine, nursing, psychotherapy, psychological, counseling, social work, education, life coaching, and ministry.   

Defining Burnout

The World Health Organization defines burnout as an occupational phenomenon resulting from chronic workplace stress that has been unsuccessfully managed.  It is characterized by three interrelated components: exhaustion, a negative view of the job, and oneself.  It is mainly related to an occupational context, and some would argue should not be used to describe experiences in people’s lives related to personal issues like parental or caretaker burnout.

Let’s explore the three components of burnout further:

1. Feeling of energy depletion or exhaustion.  Excessive fatigue of the mind, body, and soul is the natural stress response.  It is the feeling of running on a battery in the red because it will shut down at any time whether you want it or not.  This can contribute to insomnia, high blood pressure, vulnerability to illness, and mood disorders.  But burnout is more than working long and hard and feeling spent; there are two other components.

2. Negative, hostile, or cynical feelings related to the job.  You become more distant from the job; you may do the bare minimum; you know you are not doing your best because you have reduced your level of care for the work.  This dislike, disengagement, and disconnection directly lead to increased mistakes, decreased productivity, loss of vitality, and poor performance.  The mental distance from the job has you doing the bare minimum rather than your best.

3. Negative evaluation of your effectiveness.  You can make it personal, think your struggles are about you, and have nothing to do with the job or context.  You may think, what is wrong with me, why can’t I handle my overwhelming situation, and not want to let anyone know that you cannot deal with the intensity.  The implication is that you have to somehow make it work rather than change the circumstances.  These feelings of despair can lead to a loss of motivation, anxiety, and even depression.

How burnout differs from stress, languishing, and depression

Burnout is not the same as stress.  We can be stressed about a situation and not have burnout, especially if we do not have the presence of all three components. 

Burnout is not the same as languishing.  Author Corey Keyes coined this term, prevalent during the peak of Covid, because it triggered a loss of our beloved routines, connection to others, and a sense of emptiness and stagnation.  We feel aimless, joyless, and experience an absence of wellbeing because we are not functioning at full capacity.  When we are languishing, it seems like we are muddling through, similar to the feeling captured in the movie Groundhog Day.  We have dampened focus, motivation, and excitement for the future.  This general feeling of blah is not just related to work, but to our personal lives as well.  Instead of bouncing out of bed early, we lie there aimlessly.  It can be a risk factor for depression because it stays under the radar and can slowly slip without intervention.

Burnout is not the same as sadness or depression.  Sadness is usually temporary and tied to one specific event, your friend has moved, your kids are going to college, you change jobs, and you feel loss. This is normal.  It is also not the same as depression, which is a medical or clinical diagnosis where you feel sad in many areas of your life; you have a gloomy filter through which you view the world, all is gray, and you have lost all interest, nothing seems intriguing, engaging, or hopeful.  You can feel despondent, drained, and worthless.  It can be debilitating to have a functioning life; one of the best interventions is to speak to a professional to get proper help. 

Burnout Causes

Christina Maslach, a Burnout pioneer, points out six causes or mismatches in a person’s life that can lead to burnout. 

1. Excessive Workload.  This is when the job demands are so high that they exceed your human limits.  No matter what you do, there is this pervasive feeling that you cannot keep up, and are always in over your head.  Your resources (time, equipment, information) are insufficient, so it feels like an impossible gap to close. 

2. Lack of Control.  This relates to how much control (actual or perceived) you have over your work, and how you pick your assignments and choose your work.  How much decision-making power do you have to do things you think are right, effective, and necessary?  How you can improvise, innovate, course correct, and find better ways of doing things.  It can be demoralizing when you do not feel empowered to exercise your best judgment; you feel micromanaged or the weight of rigid policies holding you down.  When there are all kinds of changes made to your project, and you find out that nobody has ever asked you, it can feel demoralizing. 

3. Insufficient rewards.  When you feel like your efforts are not fully matched with the right rewards – not being promoted to the correct title commensurate with your work, not getting paid fairly, and not having access to the leadership team and decision-making.  It is also about not getting recognized by leadership for a job well done or receiving positive feedback.  You may not believe there are social or intrinsic rewards for doing something well.

4. Unfairness.  It is a basic human need to be treated fairly, we yearn for it in our roles, policies, and practices, so if we perceive that this is not the case, it is a cause for burnout.  If we believe there is a glass ceiling, discrimination, and unethical behavior of people getting ahead or promoted by lying and cheating or just by connections and charm rather than by merit, it frustrates us to our core; it makes us feel disrespected and cynical.  If we are innovating and others are coasting, yet we are being treated the same or worse, and they are moving forward, that can be painful.  It is the classic case of you and your peer getting promoted, but they get the corner office, and your office does not change.   It is hard for us to feel engaged by an unjust system.

5. Lack of Community.  Your relationships matter more than you might think.  Do you feel you have a good social support, somebody to turn to when you need help?  Do you trust that others will do the right thing and act respectfully toward each other?  When the opposite is true, and you feel like you are working in a toxic environment where everybody is just out for themselves, nobody helps or shares information, people are two-faced and throwing each other under the bus to get ahead, there is bullying, and bad behavior, it is stifling environment.  If you feel like you are working in a silo and do not have that many positive connections to your peers, bosses, clients, and partners, your engagement will be dampened. 

A big part of community is having psychological safety where you feel comfortable taking interpersonal risks and sharing your ideas and concerns without feeling like you will be dismissed or attacked.  If you see something is wrong, you feel at ease to speak up and offer your ideas to improve things and do not have to think you will be retaliated against.  Your leadership team listens to you and, even if they disagree, provides reasons for their decisions.

6. Mismatch in meaning, purpose, and values.  People want to work at a place with others who share similar values.  They want to find meaning in their work and have pride in thinking they are doing a good job and contributing to something.  If the job requires you to have conflicts with your values and principles, it will be a losing proposition.

From the work I’ve done with my clients, there are a few more areas that I notice:

7. Lack of development.  Experiencing a development plateau, being in a job for too long without encountering the revitalizing effects of your growth.  You have the right to expect that working at a company will allow you to be a bigger and better version of yourself, and when that does not happen, it is disappointing.  Not feeling like you are progressing can lead to burnout.  This is not to say that you should not be proactive in managing your career advancement and expect your manager to do all the work, but there is something to be said for leaders partnering with you in your growth path.

8. Unmet expectations.  If you do not have clear expectations for your role from your manager and find yourself constantly guessing and never knowing how you are doing, that can be dramatically draining and can cause you to feel frustrated.  It is helpful when a leader provides clear expectations and transparency on your performance without surprises so you can be efficient with your work because you know what’s on the checklist.

9. Personality tendencies.  Some people can be more prone to burnout than others.  People who do not have good coping mechanisms, people more disposed to anxiety and depression, and some women who are the primary caretakers.  If you generally have a hard time saying no to people, if you possess a compulsion to prove yourself, or if you prefer to work hard consistently and do not know how to switch off, you can find yourself neglecting your basic needs of sleep, healthy eating, and social interaction, which is a recipe for burnout.

Being aware of the causes of burnout is only the first step.  Thinking about taking preventative measures before reaching that point will contribute to a much healthier existence.

Quote of the day: “Burnout is what happens when you try to avoid being human for too long.” – Michael Gungor, Author.

Q: Where are your biggest job stressors that can most likely lead to burnout for you?  Comment and share below; we would love to hear from you!

The next blog in this series 2/2 will focus on burnout remedies.

As a leadership development and executive coach, I work with leaders to address burnout and create energizing team experiences, contact me to explore this topic further.

How does burnout show up for you?

Here Is What You Can Do When Your Boundaries Are Violated (Boundary Setting series 3/3 )

When we set boundaries, we can better utilize our time.  Unfortunately, there will always be people who test our boundaries, intentionally or accidentally but when they do, we must be ready to respond.

Anticipate the boundary being tested. 

People are human; they may forget your needs or remember and still ask for things anyway.  The onus is on you to restate the boundary and stick to your preference.  You do not need to make their personal emergency a license to steal your time and energy.  One of my clients used to say yes to her colleagues’ requests, even on weekends.  When she transitioned jobs, she knew with a fresh start, she wanted to be clear about her non-work hours and show up differently.  So when her colleagues would send emails on weekends, she would never respond.  She believed that they would be annoyed or offended, but she found that they respected her more, especially after she said she dedicates her weekends to quality family time.  She rarely receives weekend emails now, and when she gets the occasional one, she does not respond.  You cannot blame others for trying to test your boundary, but you can take ownership of keeping yourself accountable and maintaining your boundaries. 

To manage your work capacity, if you know you can only do 10 work items, be prepared for what you will say when an 11th item gets added to your plate.  If you are visiting a family member who is not the nicest to you yet you know they are going to guilt you into spending additional hours with them, get clear on the right amount of hours for you, and if it is 2, let them know in advance that you will be leaving after a couple of hours and be ready with an enforcement mechanism in case you are tested.  Good boundary-setting is all about informing others effectively and being able to stick to your original plan.

Beware of known boundary predators & have approaches to deal with them.

Boundary predators are people who rely on power, authority, or relationships to get what they want, at the expense of your boundaries.  We may have all had bosses who say, “Yes, take vacation!” then call you the morning you’re leaving to ask you to put together “just a few quick bullets” for their upcoming board meeting.  To reduce the seeming intensity of it, they may add, “it’s nothing formal – don’t spend a lot of time on it” (even though it is not even your job!).  Or the client who finishes a consulting package with you and then says, “I had an emergency yesterday – I know we’re done with our package, but I had three quick questions I hoped you could answer.  Just an email is fine!”  Even though they frame the request like this, you know this could be a 2-3 hour investment.  

Here are a couple of ways to deal with boundary predators:

1. Get a clear, concrete agreement up front on terms and boundaries.  They will not always “remember,” but you can reinforce the boundary when you have an objective way to remind them.  For example, when somebody is trying to engage in scope creep, that is, you have agreed to 10 hours, but they keep trying to add more, you can say, “Our agreement covers 10 hours of work, and here is how I defined that, this request would add another 2-3 hours, shall we update the agreement?”  Then they can weigh their options and decide.

2. Ask questions.  Sometimes boundary “predators” act the way they do because they have poor personal boundaries.  Asking questions helps you to diagnose possible broken systems.  For example, your boss is about to go on vacation, and their boss dumped something last minute on their plate, they do not know how to say no so they kick the can to you.   You can ask questions such as, “tell me more about their expectations and time investments and your concerns with this waiting until after your scheduled vacation?” That may give your boss a chance to go back to their leader for further clarity or to realize the project can wait.

3. Bargain.  When you feel like it is hard to say no, you can aim to compromise.  Referring to the example above, when your boss requests a few bullets, you can respond and say, “I’m glad I make it look effortless, but bullets will take too long.  Let’s jump on a 10-minute call to discuss it and then I’ll leave for vacation.”  Or for the example referring to the client that asks a few last-minute questions, you can say, “These are fantastic questions! I can answer #1 (or here is a short answer to #1), but we need to start a new package for the rest.  Shall I go ahead and send the agreement?”  Again, they can decide the best way to proceed.

It is helpful to think in advance about three boundary violations that might be the hardest for you to stick to and then prepare a short script on how you would respond to those requests, so you do not have to be pressed at the moment, especially if you have lower energy and willpower.   For example, if you know that your boss is going to ask you to stay late for a project, you can say, “I have a family commitment for this evening, but excited to tackle this first thing in the morning.”  If a peer asks you to help by attending a meeting and offering your input but it cuts into your personal time, you can say, “I have a prior commitment, but is there anything I can share with you now briefly to offer help, I’d be happy to?”  Keep the statements brief.   You should also prepare a script for when a boundary gets violated.  You can meet with the person to clarify expectations and reshare your work and non-work hours.   For example, if your peer asks you to do work after your work hours and complains when it is not done, you can respond by saying, “I just wanted to let you know that my availability is from 9-5, I’m happy to tackle this work during my work hours, thanks for your patience.”  Continue to reiterate your message and keep your behavior consistent, so others know what to expect and can adjust.

It is common for your boundaries to be tested and in that case, be prepared with how you want to uphold your commitment to yourself so you can maintain your balance and energy levels.

Quote of the day: “If you’re a giver, remember to learn your limits because the takers don’t have any.” -Henry Ford

Q: How do you respond to your boundaries being tested?  Comment and share below; we would love to hear from you!

As a leadership development and executive coach, I work with leaders to create winning personal energy management systems for themselves and their teams, contact me to explore this topic further.

Maintaining Your Boundaries Is Necessary

How To Set Boundaries For Greater Energy (Boundary Setting series 2/3)

In the last article, we discussed the benefits and challenges of setting boundaries.  This article will focus on the different types of boundaries and effective ways to develop them. 

Here are some common types of boundaries we may have:

1. Physical boundaries.  Let others know how we prefer to operate in our physical environment. This boundary can include your needs for personal space and physical requirements like breaks or rest.  The pandemic has blurred these boundary lines for people for the first time.  Especially if you are working from home, you may not have different areas in your homes for various purposes – your desk is where you do most of your work, but your table by the window is where you do creative thinking, writing, and ideating.  If your physical space is blurred, such as working on your bed, it may interfere with your concentration and quality of sleep because your brain starts associating bed with work. It can be restorative to have a separation.  If you are at the office, what is your norm when people can enter your private office?  Do you put a sign on your closed door, meaning you are in deep work mode?  Maybe you leave your door closed with no sign telling them they can enter if it is important.  Or when you leave it ajar, it means anybody can enter.  Constructing the proper mental and emotional atmosphere can help manage your mind for optimal success.

2. Emotional boundaries.  It relates to honoring and respecting feelings and energy.  It can include how much emotional energy you can take in and how much sharing you limit with specific people.  For example, if somebody aims to have a difficult conversation with you and springs it on, you can respond by saying, you would like to have the conversation when you can be most present.  Their eagerness does not mean that it has to prompt your readiness.

3. Time boundaries.  This is about understanding and protecting your priorities by setting aside enough time for the many areas of your life without ongoing over-commitment.  For example, if you get invited to a work event but know you cannot make it, you can simply communicate your existing commitment and inability to make it.

4. Intellectual boundaries.  It is respectfully considering the thoughts, ideas, and experiences of yourself and others.  Healthy intellectual boundaries also mean deciding on the timing for discussion. If somebody is pushing an unproductive conversation, you can find ways to say that you can respect you have different opinions, and have the desire to move on.  If they press, you can say, let’s circle back when we have more data and schedule another time for this discussion.

5. Material boundaries.  This is about establishing expectations for how your possessions will be shared and treated.  Being clear about what you will and will not share, and how you expect your items and materials to be treated by others.  If you allow your teammate to use your office for the days you are not there and discover stains on the desk, and it is a bit messy, you can share this information with your coworker to bring it to their attention, share your preference, and give them a chance to adjust.  If they persist, you can say, “I cannot allow you to use my office anymore.  I know this is something we discussed in the past, but as you know, I value it being clean, and the last couple of times, it has been out of order, which means it’s additional work for me.”  Communicating politely and firmly is the best way to go.

Here are some effective ways to think about setting boundaries:

1. Identify your key priorities.  What do you want most out of life personally and professionally to be at your best?  When you name those things that are so vital to you, your boundaries will become clear because you can protect that time, but if you do not know what you want, then anything will do, and when somebody asks you to do something, you will say yes without a clear and ready alternative. 

2. Invest in your routine.  I like what Donnie Ecker, a highly respected and accomplished MLB Coach says about this topic. He talks about having a morning routine that is just for him.  He wakes up and spends time on the things that matter; one is personal growth, so he spends 30 minutes every morning reading, eating healthy, exercising, and doing the other things he needs to feel great.  Then when he goes to work, he shifts gears and makes it more about others, so he does not mind engaging in conversations prompted by others about the weather or hunting, topics that mean so much to them but little-to-nothing to him, so he will engage them for a few minutes because he already fulfilled himself this morning and feels energetically ready to give to others.

2. Label hard and soft boundaries. 

Hard boundaries are non-negotiables, things you know you are unwilling to compromise no matter the circumstances.  Because of their importance, they should be implemented as soon as possible and communicated clearly.  For example, if you know you have your daughter’s soccer games on Friday afternoons, and that is when you spend quality time with her, any meetings or work events that you are invited to will not happen on a Friday.  Instead of waiting for that time to be claimed by another, you can mark your calendar as unavailable so nobody can schedule over it.  If you never release that time and broadcast to others your priority, you send a message that it is a clear non-negotiable, whatever may arise.  One communication script can look like this, “I am offline every Friday after 3 pm. I’ve committed to attending my daughter’s soccer game at that time.  I will respond Monday morning.” As Brene Brown says, being clear is kind.

Soft boundaries (or wishes and nice-to-haves) are ones that you may be willing to compromise on depending on the situation.  They are like flexible goals, you have a direction in mind, but you can be more relaxed about the means to achieve the goals.  Maybe you aim to leave the office at 5:00 pm so you can work out, but you are also involved in an important project that you think can lead to your promotion.  Because exercise and this project are both important, you will make a call depending on the situation and day.  You have an intention but are flexible.  While your default is a no, you can also set criteria on when you would justify an exception, perhaps when it is a short-term situation, it impacts the bottom line, or a strategic client relationship.   Similar to hard boundaries, it is always helpful to communicate your soft boundary.  One script can look like this “I’m hoping to log off earlier in the evening. Starting next week, I’ll sign off at 7 pm most days. I have more flexibility on Tuesdays, but for urgent needs after 7 pm, call my cell phone.”

3. Identify work and playtime.  What are your work hours?  Is it 9-5 and if so, what do you do to signify that transition?  Do you have a shutdown routine and a standing appointment to help you shift, maybe you have to pick up your child from practice or you have to walk the dog.  If you work from home, perhaps you change your clothes to invite more relaxation, something noticeable to shift the energy and mark the end of work.

3A. View your breaks as productive time.  Many people measure their productivity based on emails sent, meetings attended, and documents and decks created, but taking breaks contributes directly to your efficiency and productivity because it can be fertile ground for your ideas.  Setting a boundary so you can invest in your wellbeing will make you better. 

Here are the different types of breaks to consider:

·      Daily.  Making sure you are taking your lunch and separating from your desk and possibly going for a walk.  It sounds simple, but many people cannot switch off, so they work through their lunch, neglecting their mental and physical health.  They also deny themselves the opportunity to step away from their work to spur greater creativity and insights that they can bring to their projects.

·      Weekly/monthly.  Making sure you take longer breaks, an afternoon or day off here and there contributes to your engagement levels.  Do you utilize your weekends properly and fully to disconnect and do something completely different or do you use them to work and catch up on emails?  Are you being intentional about learning and investing in your development or are you doing mindless activities that will keep your skills stagnant?  Are you engrossed in energy-creating activities like applying your strengths to a project that will help restore you or energy-draining activities such as doing only things others want?  You have to be mindful of the work that will charge your battery so you have excess to lend to others when necessary.  How you use your time makes a difference, especially on Monday morning and the rest of the week. 

·      Biannually.  Making sure you are taking vacation 1-2x a year for longer restoration is helpful.  You should know how long you can go without an extended break, and be sure to schedule it.  Although many companies have unlimited vacation time, people do not take it.  Americans leave almost 30% of their vacation time on the table.  For some, it is an inability to pull themselves away from their work, but setting aside that time to disconnect for longer can level up your abilities in many ways because you can finally have the space to think more expansively.

4. Communicate your boundaries to others.  Once you are clear on your boundaries, you should not just assume and expect that people can read your mind and give you what you want, that your boss will not email you after 5 pm, or that your teammate will not ask you to do something that sacrifices your time.   Instead, we have to communicate clearly so others know.  Where people go wrong is never having the conversation and assuming that the other person should get it.   But we do not have the same values, pursuits, and tolerance levels as others.  Their threshold for working time may be much higher than yours, and they may not even be aware they are impinging on your time.  One way to communicate your boundaries is to set an away message on your email, such as out of office (ooo) until tomorrow at 9:00am so people know what to expect.  If your company is globally dispersed, you can also put your time zone in your signature so people will know when you are online.

5. Experiment, reflect, and make adjustments as you go.  It is good to experiment and try many things to see what your ideal boundaries are.  And then, you can reflect on them and ask yourself questions to see if your boundaries need to be adjusted.  Here are some questions you may want to ask yourself:

·      Did I feel more productive and energic at work by shutting off at 5 and being able to go to the gym? 

·      Am I feeling more refreshed when I get home for my partner and kids and giving my best energy, not my reserves? 

·      What positive and negative outcomes have come from the new boundary I have set?

·      What do I need to change or adjust to stay on track and address any negative aspects resulting from my boundary-setting?

·      How do I feel now versus at the beginning of this boundary experiment?

6. Embed boundaries into systems and processes.  Leslie Perlow, Assistant Professor of Business at the University of Michigan conducted a study for a group of software engineers at a Fortune 500 company and tested a quiet time policy where there would be no interruptions three mornings a week before noon and found that the average engineer’s productivity spiked 47%.  When the company made it their official policy, the productivity rate jumped even higher to 65%.  When you treat your uninterrupted time as treasures to guard, your energy levels increase because your work and attention become fragmented, which chips away at your excellence. 

You can always resort to your old ways, but usually, people discover old mindsets no longer serve them for their current needs.  It is important to check in with yourself and make adjustments as you go.  You can see them as a continuum that can slide right or left depending on the situation.  When you step back, reflect, and evaluate your desires, you may discover that boundaries do not limit you; instead, they give you the space to create the life you want to live.

When we set boundaries, we give ourselves power and permission to work and live the way we want and not the way others prefer.  We keep our power when we are firm and clear on our decisions so there is no room for others to come in and temp us from going off track. 

Quote of the day: “No says, ‘This is who I am; this is what I value; this is what I will and will not do; this is how I will choose to act.”  - Judith Sills, Psychotherapist and Media psychologist

Q: How do you set boundaries firmly and caringly?  Comment and share below; we would love to hear from you!

The next blog in this series 2/3 will focus on ways boundaries can get tested and what to do when they are  

As a leadership development and executive coach, I work with leaders to set and reinforce boundaries, contact me to explore this topic further.

The importance of boundary-setting

The Importance Of Boundaries For Your Energy Wellness (Boundary Setting series 1/3)

A big part of managing your energy is being able to set boundaries.   Author Joe Sanok defines boundaries as limits we identify for ourselves (and others) and apply through action or communication.  A boundary could be how we want our partners and peers to communicate with us, when we want our bosses to contact us, or when we prefer to work versus rest.  It is essential for our wellbeing, yet we often do not do it because it is not a typical skill we are ever taught in our formal education or in our upbringing.  Conversations on boundary setting are also something companies overlook, and yet it has a significant cost on their employees’ wellbeing and productivity. 

The benefits of boundary setting are numerous:

1. Maintain your wellbeing and energy.  Author Nedra Glover Tawwab said, “The root of all self-care is setting boundaries.”  Indeed, it begins with defining what we need to feel happy, healthy, and secure, and working to protect those parts as they can boost our wellbeing and allow us to be at our best at work and home.  Without boundaries, we can feel like our resources are being overextended and, as a result, feel stressed and burned out because we move to the beat of others, rather than our rhythm.

2. Maintains your self-respect.  Keeping your boundaries means you respect yourself.  Breaking it shows that your commitment to yourself is not as important.  One of my clients used to take walks outside every lunchtime for 30 minutes for his mental and physical fitness.  When his colleague started asking to meet during that time slot, he stopped his walking routine and initially did not realize the toll it was taking on him.  He conversed with his peer to select a different time of the day, and when it was fine with him, my client was relieved that he could return to walking and feeling good.  If time passes and his teammate keeps trying to schedule a meeting during that time, it would be up to my client to reiterate the message.  You get in life what you allow, tolerate, and reinforce.  If you tolerate disrespect, lateness, being underpaid, or being overworked, you will invite more of it because it sends a message to the other person that it is ok unless they hear otherwise.  When you set a boundary, you teach people how you want to be treated.  Life will organize around the standard you set. 

3. Can maintain good relationships.  While some believe a boundary can cause separation, it can have the opposite effect and strengthen relationships.  In Robert Frost’s 1914 poem Mending Wall, he writes his famous line, “good fences make good neighbors.”  It is a poem about two neighbors coming together to mend the wall that separates their two properties.  The fence keeps the peace with the neighbors, allows each to be free in their space, and knows that the dividing line will limit any grey zones or ambiguity.  They do not have to expend energy worrying about which crops or land belongs to whom because the line makes that clear. 

4. Protects you from emotional and physical harm from others.  Boundaries protect you from takers or needy people who may not have limits on their requests for your time.  Helping others is essential and feels amazing, and at the same time, you want to ensure that help is not taken for granted and viewed as an invitation to request unlimited assistance.  In Jordan Peterson’s 12 Rules For Life, rule #3 is about making friends with people who want the best for you.  He explains how it can be hard to distinguish between somebody who wants help or just exploiting your help.  If somebody is going through a tough time and in a proverbial pit, if you reach your hand down, will they grab it to get on solid ground, thrive and appreciate your help, or will they grasp your arm and pull you down with them, wasting your support and being in a position where you both have to climb out of the pit.  Creating boundaries on what you will and will not accept will protect you and strengthen all your relationships.

5. Maintains your engagement.  Boundaries clarify responsibilities and expectations.  Both employers and employees need to identify, set, and maintain them to keep people engaged, enhance creativity and strategic thinking, and deliver strong performance.  When our time is intruded upon, it can cause us internal chaos and stress, contribute to lost productivity and poor performance and even cause people to quit because they feel they are not set up for success. 

6. Simplify decision-making.  Boundaries help you make decisions in line with your values, purpose, and vision because when you say no to one thing it is because you are saying yes to the things you deeply care about.   It helps you not to invest time in things that do not fill you up.

While clear boundary setting offers many benefits, it is not always easy to set them. In fact, for some of us, it can be some of the hardest type of work we do. Here are some challenges:

1. They may view it as selfish.  Some people are nervous about setting boundaries because they think they are being mean or selfish, that they are just thinking of themselves and not others.  But a way to address any guilt is to reframe the experience because self-care is not the same as selfishness.  Investing in yourself will allow you to maximize others even more.  Also, whether you set a boundary or not, you cannot control what other people think, they may judge you regardless of your actions, so in that case, it is always better to opt on the side of taking care of your needs so you can better take care of others more efficiently.

2. They may have people-pleasing tendencies.  Some people like to give to others because they feel it makes them worthy.  They find it hard to say no to people because they want to make others happy, and be liked.  They equate saying no as disappointing the other rather than viewing it as having nothing to do with the other person and everything to do with knowing their capacity.  Some of these tendencies can be deep-rooted and traced back to insecurities developed in childhood or the way they were taught love by their parents, which is when they are doing things that their parents like (getting good grades and being a good kid), that’s when they got praise and affection rather than being loved for who they are.

3. There may be perceived power imbalances.  Establishing boundaries with those who may have more power than you such as senior colleagues or your boss is tough.  You may feel like it is part of your job to say yes.  That’s understandable, but there are ways to communicate an accurate picture of the situation respectfully for more informed decisions to be made.  You can check out my blog series on managing up for more on this topic.

4. They fear receiving a negative response.  Maybe they have been chewed out before when they tried to establish boundaries and are worried the same will happen.  Or, the stakes are too high, they can face retaliation, and they know it can ruin the relationship and they are not ready to go there so they avoid the situation altogether or comply rather than set a boundary.   Sometimes we lack the energy to have another conversation, so we just go with the flow and ignore our needs because we think it is easier, and that might be true in the short-term, but in the long-term it will have more calamus consequences, and lead to resentment and an unhealthy relationship.

Boundaries are necessary for our physical wellness needs. They increase your self-respect, and relationships with others, and maintain your engagement.  While it can be challenging to set them, it’s a muscle that grows easier the more it is exercised.

Quote of the day: “The boundary to what we can accept is the boundary to our freedom.” – Tara Brach

Q: Who do you know that has a firm boundary in place and what do you respect about it?  Comment and share below; we would love to hear from you!

The next blog in this series 2/3 will focus on how to set boundaries.

As a leadership development and executive coach, I work with leaders to set and reinforce boundaries, contact me to explore this topic further.

How do you create your boundaries?

Nurture Your Emotional and Spiritual Worlds For Greater Energy (energy management series 5/5 )

Another big part of energy management is routinely nurturing our emotional and spiritual worlds.  As much as we wake up in the morning to think about making our coffee and what to wear based on the weather, we need to apply the same intentionality to those domains.

Here are some ideas to consider to invest in emotional and spiritual wellbeing to maintain high energy levels.

1. Having a spiritual practice.  The way we may give daily attention to our bodies to take care of it by exercising, we can do things to nurture our souls.  Some people have a prayer ritual where they recite something meaningful in the morning or evening or read a few pages from their scriptures.  This is a way to keep them centered, grounded, and connected to something beyond themselves.  You do not have to be religious to have a spiritual practice, for others, it could be reciting a poem, listening to inspiring song lyrics, or going for a daily walk where you spend time on the bigger picture – why are you here and what are you meant to do.  How are you contributing to something beyond yourself?  Find that practice that uplifts your soul.

2. Having a meditation practice.  Taking time to focus on breathing, understand your triggers, nurture peace, engage your wisdom, and cultivate your sense of wonder can fill you with more energy.  Many of us are unaware of how much in overdrive we can exist, so taking those moments to purify our minds, get rid of mental baggage, and induce calm can contribute to saving our best energy and wellness.  In fact, Google developed a program Search Inside Yourself (SIY) led by Chade-Meng Tan, an early engineer who gathered a team of leading experts in mindfulness techniques, neuroscience, and leadership.  The aim of SIY was to help people develop the skills of mindfulness, empathy, compassion, and overall emotional intelligence to create the conditions for individual and collective thriving.  At one point, they had hundreds of people on the waiting list due to its popularity because people experienced numerous energetic benefits.

3. Connecting with others generally and deeply.  Emotional health requires us to link up with others on a basic level.  Something happens when we are engaged in good conversation, whether it be family, friends, coworkers, bosses, or strangers.  Without having regular connections with others, we can feel lonely, which can negatively impact our health; smoking up to 6 packs of cigarettes a day can be the equivalent.  Connecting with our pets and being able to hug and show affection can enhance our lives and make us feel less lonely.

Even though some of us may have a lot of people around us to interact with, they still need to be quality connections.  How many of us come home feeling exhausted at work and have low energy, so we engage in transactional conversations, we zone out and drift from our loved ones because we are not intentional about putting good energy into maintaining a connection.  Worst yet, we do not ask interesting questions because we assume we know their responses.  Deep connections are about sharing our hopes, dreams, and possibilities with others and feeling fully heard.  Having somebody that you can share your strengths, desires, and goals is essential.  You know when you have a deep connection with somebody, are really excited to see them, and leave the interaction feeling even better.  A lot of research shows that when you have a best friend at work, your happiness and work engagement improve.  The quality of your relationships and conversations makes a difference in your standard of living, so when you take the time to connect deeply, it strengthens your energy.  Take that time to grab coffee or lunch and go outside during your break to connect with others.

4. Having a professional support system.  This is essential for maintaining your health and energic levels. Share your thoughts and feelings and processing events with others when necessary can be life-changing.  It is why many people find value in therapists so they can have a deeper understanding of their tendencies and triggers.  Or, why people work with professional coaches so they can share things they may not share with anybody else and have somebody wholly dedicated to their agenda, in ways that differ from what a friend can do.  It is a trusted partner that can challenge our perspectives, illuminate our blind spots in service of our growth and development, and work intentionally about removing blocks and making progress on our goals, which keeps us energetically happy.

5. Have mentors and role models that you look up to.  Connecting with mentors in or out of your industry who have your back, take an interest in your career development, push your growth, and root for your success.  It is also deeply satisfying to identify role models that you look up to or set an example for you to emulate.  Knowing what you value and admire in them can guide you to move through life with excitement.

6. Express your creativity.  How do you exercise your creativity?  What projects do you do which allow you to express yourself in interesting ways?  When you can build, write, design, and craft something, it makes you feel accomplished and increases your self-worth and energy levels. 

7. Play and laughter.  How do you laugh, enjoy, play, get excited about something, and go after novel and positive experiences, all essential for your heart, energy levels, and a life well lived?  When you schedule play in your to-do list, you are energized for the rest of the day because knowing you will do something fun later engenders a good feeling early in the day and helps you radiate positive emotions.  Maybe you have movie night to look forward to with your family or you can coordinate with a friend to watch at the same time for joint enjoyment or you know you get to play sports later in the day.  And when you find those activities that fill you up and put a smile on your face, your best energy will be transferred to many other spots in your life.

8. Create an environment of positivity.  Reading good books, watching good movies, being around positive people, and having possibility conversations can change your mood and fill you with energy.  Also being thoughtful about spreading that positivity and kindness engenders more of those good feelings.  Spending your time smiling will nourish your soul.

9 Volunteer.  Many of us have a fundamental yearning to matter and contribute and knowing you are making a difference in somebody else’s life is a great way to do that.  What are the causes you most care about?  How do you volunteer your time, resources, and connections for the betterment of others?  What are the ways you multiply others’ best efforts?  Helping others can fill you with joy and happiness.

Your spiritual and emotional health matters in sustaining your energy levels.  What you choose to do to invest in it intentionally will pay dividends for years to come.

Quote of the day: “The mind divides the world into a million pieces.  The heart makes it whole.”  Author Stephen Levine

Q: How do you like to satisfy your emotional and spiritual needs?  Comment and share below; we would love to hear from you!

The next blog in the next series 1/3 will focus on the benefits of boundaries for better energy management.

As a leadership development and executive coach, I work with leaders to create winning personal energy management systems for themselves and their teams, contact me to explore this topic further.

What kind of spiritual practices do you have?

Mind Practices That Will Energize (energy management series 4/5 )

Being in touch with the practices you can do to maintain a healthy mindset and manage your energy will be personal to each person.  If you do not know where to start, you may want to experiment with many different experiences and see which ones work best. 

Here are some practices to test to foster a healthy mindset and maintain high energy levels:

1. Prioritize.  Greg McKeown, Author of Essentialism says, “You can do anything but not everything.”  What are your top 3 priorities right now, and for how long?  When you have too many priorities, it is a paradox of choice, and you can easily get overwhelmed by what you have to do and not know where to start.  Similarly, if you do not know your priorities, you will continue to expend energy on discovery rather than execution.  Those who are laser-focused on 3 priorities can harness their best energy to move the needle, see progress, and feel good about their actions, and that sequence becomes a reinforcing cycle. 

2. Plan.  When you plan your day, you can ensure your time is spent well rather than mindlessly moving.  There are ways you can work better and smarter.  For example, many people find creating a “tomorrow list” helpful.  The night before, you list the first 3 things you will do in the morning and allocate time to each item.  Even if you do not finish the task, you know you have put in the desired 30 mins. or so on each item, which will help you feel better.  Also, you will start your day with intention and not just waste time figuring out what to do.  The idea is to do more energy management over time management.

In planning your day building in margin or white space is vital, so you are not back-to-back and have no time for those deliberate moments.  These gaps or pauses help us avoid careless mistakes, such as hitting “reply all” when we want to send a direct message to the sender.    White space also helps with transitions from one task to another, and to allow for any potential emergencies or delays that might arise.  These margins restore our energy, they are like gas for our car that will enable us to go the distance, they help us think ahead so we are not running out of stamps when we have to mail a letter. When you have that buffer time, you can regenerate and recharge.  Without this, we live a life of perpetual time famine and rob ourselves of more meaningful and excellent work.  For a deeper dive into planning and prioritizing, you can check out my series on this topic.

3. Give gratitude.  It is powerful to keep a gratitude journal to capture those aspects you are happy about, however small, such as sleeping late, playing with your pet, working on your hobby, and going for long walks.  These activities have the effect of spreading more positivity and contributing to more productivity. Small habits of 2-minute praises or sending emails letting others know they did a great job can make somebody else feel great and be an energy-affirming experience for you.

4. Practice reflection.  What space do you take to look back to consolidate the learnings, and be intentional about going forward differently and better?  How do you like to pause from the mayhem, rise above the day-to-day and see more of the macro trends of your life to see if it is going in your preferred direction?  Planning, setting goals, reviewing them, understanding what worked and what did not, and deducing patterns is an energy-building experience because you can derive meaning from your activities and not have a Groundhog Day feeling where the days blur into each other with no interesting or unique moments.  When you aim to identify your best practices for pausing daily, weekly, monthly, and quarterly, it can make a positive difference in your life.  

5. Create time for mind wandering.  David Rock from the NeuroLeadership Institute talks about the benefits of mind-wandering.  It is time for insights or creative breakthroughs, moments to process the past, anticipate the future, and make connections between experiences.  But mind-wandering can only happen when our brain is at rest and not goal-focused.  Not all downtime activities are conducive to mind-wandering, such as anything goal-focused or that involves multitasking like binge-watching Netflix, listening to a podcast while cooking, social media scrolling, driving while listening to music, and walking with your child, since your attention is also focused on keeping your child safe.  Examples of activities favorable to mind-wandering could be anything NOT goal-focused and only involves one task.  Taking a shower/bubble bath, walking in nature (and not listening to anything), staring at the window, doing the dishes, and doodling. The activities where you are not trying to solve anything can help your mind find the signal among the noise.   The ideal amount of time is 15 minutes a day.  The activities will differ for each person, so it is helpful to identify your preference.   

6. Allocate time for inspiration.  What do you do to stay creative and vitalized in life?  How do you like to think, wonder, and fuel your curiosity?  Are you reading in your field so you know the latest research and trends?  Because our jobs are complex, it can keep us task-focused but when we dedicate time to building our creative capacities, we can be more energized and happier and perform at higher levels with less stress.  What are your favorite ways to wonder, imagine, and get more curious?   You may be intentional about building your curiosity and create 5 questions and ask 1-2 at your next event.  Just writing them down builds that muscle.  Maybe on your next bike ride in the mountains, you spend time in the zone where you visualize, dream, and imagine your best self.  How do you nurture your passions and connect them to your creativity in your personal and professional life?

7. Time for flow states.  Flow, coined by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, is an experience that contributes to a happy and fulfilling life.  It is achieved when we fully immerse ourselves in an activity where the challenge level is just beyond our abilities.  We temporarily lose our sense of self and time.  Athletes have this feeling when playing sports and in the zone.  People may find flow states when cooking, running, gardening, or any activity that has seized their attention entirely and are fully present.  Organizational psychologist Adam Grant mentions one of the best predictors of happiness is having many flow moments.  So it is important to view work as stretching your skills and heightening your resolve rather than exhausting you. 

8. Carve out time for introspection and inner work.  This is some of the most important work we can do as a human and is a great form of self-care.  So many people spend their energy on “outer work” where they generate value outside themselves (going to meetings, analyzing data, taking care of customers, presenting, and partnering with others to complete projects).  If you want to be centered, less frazzled by change and ambiguity, and more in tune with your values, doing inner work is helpful.  This is mindful, conscious effort that we put into organizing and designing our lives.  It is the work dedicated to raising your awareness and organizing your mind to be healthy.  Marcus Aurelius said, “Tranquility is nothing else than the good ordering of your mind.”  When you better understand your mind, you can move towards a more fulfilled and energized life.  Looking inward to explore who we are, and who we want to be, and defining the contribution we want to make to the world is priceless.  Create the time to think about the big rocks and long-term planning, otherwise, you bounce from one pebble to another, staying small and missing the bigger and more critical mark. 

9. Time for learning, growth, and mastery.  It is a fundamental need to feel like we are getting better at those things that matter to us.  When we intentionally set goals and achieve them, we feel better. Progress, whether a significant accomplishment or a small win, fuels our daily motivation.

10. Mindfulness practice.  Mindfulness is about paying attention on purpose and being present.   It is easier said than done, considering that, on average, people are checking email, plugged in constantly, and switching tasks every 10 minutes.  This time confetti takes meaningful moments, shreds them into useless pieces and is the enemy of excellence.  How do you take time throughout the day to take deep breaths, get grounded, and put things into perspective?  Mindfulness supports positive development because when we can empty our minds, and get curious about labeling the things that are triggering us and how we want to handle them, that can be a profoundly healing experience.  Also, expanding our perspective can give us a more flexible sense of self.  Stephen Covey says, if you want to be able to produce, you have to focus on the capacity to produce, and protect that intentional time.

11. Take breaks.  Many people believe that they have to go a million miles per hour and be productive all the time to be the best, but it is during those off periods when you are filling your battery and can go the distance.  Research shows that once you get to 50-55 hours of work per week, you do not get any more productive.  And to maintain the most intense focus is usually around up to 2 hours, after that, our performance drops, and we get less return on our effort.  Taking a short break helps recharge our energy levels, and then we can pivot back to intensity. It is the “go slow to go fast” concept, like going for a bike ride on tires that are half filled will make you work so much harder than if you just chose to stop briefly to fill your tires and then can peddle more easily and work smarter.

When we convince ourselves that there is no limit to how much we push ourselves, we operate sub-optimally.  In the 1960s, Derek Clayton, worked harder than most as a marathon runner.  He would run 160 miles per week, eventually leading to an injury.  So, in 1967 when he started preparing for the Olympics, he took a month off to recover, he planned to run it as a preparation for the next race.  After an entire month of no training, he broke his previous record by 8 minutes and became the first person to achieve a sub 2 hours and 10 minutes, which would stand for 12 years.  Recovering energy is as important as expending it, and top performers know how to fill up on the proper fuel so they can go the distance and they also know how to sprint where they go intense briefly and then rest because that speed cannot be sustained.  The muscles need time to rebuild.

The story highlights the importance of rest and recovery.  For athletes, it is a clear sign to take a break when their body is aching.  But for knowledge workers, when we are feeling emotional or psychological harm (lethargy, anxiety, or depression), it is a sign to recover.  These signals can be more subtle and easier to discount so we power through tough times when our mind and heart are pleading to take a break.   Painful emotions are the body’s natural warning system, and when we disregard them, we put ourselves in peril.  The most creative artists and scientists who are productive are only working 4 to 6 hours a day, they do other things like go on long walks, fish, and play instruments.  Where does your recovery time show up in your calendar?  How do you listen to music, spend time with friends, enjoy quiet meals, and take walks to restore?  Hard work also takes an enormous toll on your life, especially at the expense of other activities.

Take various recharge breaks.  Rest is when you are not depleting energy; recharge is when you are actively filling your tank.  It is important to know yourself and uncover what recharges you.  This will vary, if you are an extravert, socializing or having conversations in a group with others can recharge.  As an introvert, that can be depleting, rather a recharge for you might be a one-on-one experience.  You want to discover those activities that ignite you. Quilting, working with your hands, gardening, organizing, making art, painting, or anything that makes you feel alive.  And if you do not know, it is ok, you can go on a quest for discovery.  Take a month and commit to having as many conversations as possible to learn about what works for others.  You can also take your time to try several things to see what works for you.

It is important to take different types of breaks that will energize:

·      The 15 min. break scattered throughout your day to boost your energy. 

·      The mid-level recovery break, which is about having great sleep, and taking one day off a week which can make some people even more productive. 

·      Macro level recovery break is about taking vacations that span a week to a month off a year.  Relaxing is the best thing we can do because we get our best ideas when we create space.  JP Morgan said I could do a year’s work in 9 months but not 12.

Having various breaks does not mean we cannot cope with difficult and intense periods when required.

In an interview, Lynn Manuel Miranda talks about how the best idea he had to make Hamilton occurred when he was on vacation, in a pool floating with a margarita.  It was the moment when his brain could completely unplug from the day-to-day concerns so he could let his mind drift.  Daydreaming is fertile ground for spurring creativity.

Get clear on who you want to be on vacation and what emails you will answer, if any.  For some, they want to completely disconnect and be on a beach.  Others who are not wired that way, may find that spending 10% of their vacation working adds fulfillment to their life and enhances the vacation experience rather than fully relaxing 100%.  This is especially true for entrepreneurs who are in love with their work.   You should not just do what works for another but understand what works for you and be mindful not to do any stressful work because it would negate your recharge time. 

12. Identify your downtown desires.  Some people need help figuring out their leisure time.  They take time off, feel weird or uneasy and then settle back into something more comfortable and familiar like work, spreadsheets, and emails.  High achievers are attracted to work because their identity and sense of self-worth come from what they can produce.  It can be measurable and provide a sense of progress, rewards, and accolades.  They can go in the opposite direction and do something utterly mindless like binging Netflix. 

We have a primal need for recreation and fun.  Hobbies and activities make us more interesting and creative.  They can build our confidence and contribute to breakthroughs. What pastimes did you have as a kid?  How do you still do them or return to them?  Also picking up a new hobby puts you in a beginner mindset and helps to cultivate your empathy because you may have been an expert in your field for so long and now you know what it is like to be at the beginning. 

13. Develop effective coping mechanisms.  Stress is unavoidable, so the goal for wellbeing is not necessarily to live in a state of perpetual calm because that is not realistic nor what this modern world delivers, especially to high achievers.  Instead, the key is to move from adversity and stress to safety, calm and back as seamlessly as possible.  A little bit of stress can be good for us, it is just when we are stuck in that stress for prolonged periods that does it do us harm such as increasing our hypertension and blood pressure.  We have a finite amount of intellectual and emotional resources, and stress takes up a big part of that bandwidth so reducing our time there can be incredibly valuable.

To deal with stress, you can develop 60-90 second resets to course correct stress.  They can range from a reminder to think about what you are grateful for, taking three conscious deep breaths, standing up and stretching, looking at a picture of your family, hugging your pet, reading some of your favorite quotes, or listening to an inspiring piece of music.  You want to do anything to interrupt the cycle.

It is great when companies can get involved to support this process.  As part of onboarding at Thrive Global, Arianna Huffington’s company, people are invited to build their reset activity.  And then before a meeting, somebody spins the wheel, and picks one to practice.  It is a great way for people to get exposure to different kinds of resets they can do and helps build community.  You get glimpses into people’s lives and what is important to them, music they love, movies they watch, pictures of their children, etc.  It is a good way to course correct and build social connections.  We want to be clear on how to move from that fight/flight state to a place of peace, strength, and wisdom, and having your preferred reset could be a great way to do that.

14. Create emergency plans.  List your top concerns that could cause you stress.  For example, maybe you are worried that your laptop might crash unexpectedly, can you create redundancy by having a backup laptop (an expensive option) or keeping your data in the cloud to access it and not disrupt your work easily.   Perhaps you know you have a big presentation coming up and it always makes you feel better to review how it went after so you might want to call a friend in advance to let them know you would love to chat after your presentation.  If you ever feel depleted or burned out, it is good to create a plan to deal with it way in advance while you are not in the moment, then it is just about following the steps.  For example, one plan can be, taking the day off, going for a massage, and doing something you enjoy like watching a movie, playing pickleball, or taking a trip somewhere.

15. Use a wellness wheel for consistency.  Wellness is the state of being in good health.  In advance, you can add your favorite wellness activities (shoot for at least 10), and then have a regularly scheduled time for those wellness activities.  This is helpful because you do not have to think about what you want to do at the moment, you just spin the wheel and go for it.  And if you are driven by adventure and excitement, the randomness can add another dimension.

Underinvesting in our mental and physical practices damages our chances for leading the most impactful life.  Many remedies can help, especially during the times when we are feeling most stuck or in a struggle.  Establishing routines in advance of when you need them will be your lifesaver.

QUOTES OF THE DAY: “The greatest weapon against stress is our ability to choose one thought over another -William James

There are many terrible things in my life, and most of them never happened.” -Michel de Montaigne

Q: How do you learn about what you like to do to keep yourself mentally strong?  Comment and share below; we would love to hear from you!

 The next blog in this series 5/5 will focus on the emotional and spiritual realms for maximizing energy

As a leadership development and executive coach, I work with leaders to create effective personal energy management systems for themselves and their teams, contact me to explore this topic further.

Practices and routines for greater energy

Optimize Your Energy By Cultivating A Healthy Mind (energy management series 3/5 )

An important part of maintaining our energy is cultivating a healthy mindset.  When we look at our beliefs and promote the ones that serve us and discount the ones that do not, we show up more energetically.

Here are some things to consider: 

1.  Cultivate conscious leadership.  In the book 15 Commitments of Conscious Leadership, Jim Dethmer explains two kinds of leaders, those who operate above the line (from a place of love) or those who work below the line (from a place of fear).  If you are above the line, you have a mindset of curiosity and learning, and believe that you have the power to choose the life you want to create.  If you function from below the line, you are more interested in being right than learning, mainly see yourself as a victim, and believe life is happening to you; you are choiceless.  You think your happiness lies in external circumstances (situations and other people determining your happiness) rather than assuming you can design your path.

The first step to cultivating conscious leadership is self-awareness; at any given time identifying where you are in the moment without judgment or shame or trying to avoid being below the line because as Dethmer notes, 95% of all leaders spend 98% in that space.  It is more important to recognize that you are there and think about how you want to make a productive shift.  Spending time below the line is a life-draining and disempowering experience because you wonder why bad things always happen to you, and then it becomes a perpetuating cycle because bad things continue to happen.  This is compared to being above the line, where you are empowered and living life from a point of choice.  Your most important moments are now and your next steps because that is what you can influence.

2. Reframe your experience.  Epictetus said,  “it is not what happens to you, but how you react to it that matters.”  Reframing is when you have a different take on a situation.  For example, if you are assigned a task from your boss that you do not want to do, you can agree and feel resentful or you can reframe it by thinking, maybe this person needs assistance, and I have a great opportunity to help and advance my skillset in the process.  This is not about discounting reality but about generating additional interpretations which will make you better for it.  In the Happiness Hypothesis, Jonathan Haight said the reframe is key to happiness because it can give you a sense of well-being in minutes when you transform negative into positive thoughts.

3. Avoid rumination.  This term means to chew continuously and is how cows digest their food.  They chew, swallow, regurgitate it back up, chew again, swallow, and repeat.  For a human, it is when you constantly replay an unhelpful track in your mind, obsess over an event, and stress out with each replay.  For example, you and your colleague worked on a presentation, and your peer presented using “I” and not “we” language to give the illusion that they did all the work without your assistance, and you quickly get upset.  You could believe they did it purposely, tried to marginalize you, and instantly feel stressed, angry, and disappointed.  You leave work, head to the gym, and continue thinking about it.  You go home and tell your partner and share how unfair it was.  Each time you mention it, you prolong the negative feelings, and the next day at a team meeting, you erupt, and it devolves into an unproductive blame game.  Rumination is a killer to a healthy mindset and the thief of joy; it puts you in a sour mood, keeps you up at night, disrupts your ability to recover and recharge, impairs your executive functioning, and increases your chances of cardiovascular disease.  Similarly, co-rumination, where you get with a friend and take them through your loop while they are fueling you with the same negative energy may feel like a bonding experience in the moment, but it is unproductive because it stirs up tension in your mind and body.  It reinforces the perception that the world is an upsetting and difficult place with no power to change circumstances.  When you ruminate, it is like picking at a scab over and over again, it simply will not heal until you stop.

Here are some of the most effective ways I’ve found to address rumination:

A. Opt for reflection.  Reflection is more about gaining insight and understanding, rumination is about stewing in negative thoughts.  You can think about what the learning is and what you want to do about it.  You may conclude that a lesson you have from working with your coworker: the next time you ask them in advance how they plan to represent the work that gives you both credit.  You can take the initiative and offer to present it or divide the work where your coworker presents their parts, and you present your parts.  Reflection is powerful and productive because there is a way forward, it does not keep you stuck in your thinking, it keeps you expansive.

B. Create an action step.  You can frame the challenge as a problem to solve.  Identify what you are upset about and how you want to tackle it.  You may want to work backwards, think about what the outcome is and visualize that.  Then think about what you can do now and the most direct route to get there.  Returning to the example of your coworker taking all the credit, your desired outcome may be for you to share the impact of their actions on you and how it would be great for two things to happen.  You email them to set up a time to discuss how the experience impacted you and share your peace.  You can say, next time, you will be the one presenting or ask them to talk to your boss and set the record straight.  They can send a thank you email to the boss appreciating the positive feedback and how they worked equally hard and were crucial to success even though you did not present.  This is a more productive option than stewing and telling the person off.  When you supply an action step, think of one thing you can do (gain insight, adopt a new perspective, or have a conversation), then you can start to shift and feel better about the situation. 

C. Time box the worry.  If you cannot pivot to rest, repair, and recovery because you are still ruminating, you can schedule 15 mins. late in your day or in your work week to worry.  It is a brain hack because once you have scheduled time, it is easier for your brain to let go or dismiss it if it knows it will get taken care of at some point.   

4. Challenge thoughts and assumptions that are not serving you.  In The Work, Byron Katie explains how she suffers when she believes her thoughts so she employs a 4-step process to question her assumptions and promote the belief that there is joy in her all the time.  She asks:

1. Is the thought true?

2. Can I absolutely know it’s true?

3. What happens when I believe the thought?

4. Who would I be without that thought?  

Once she goes through these questions, she does the work to turn around the thought.  Sometimes, it is about letting go of something to make room for something else.  For example, if your boss emailed you and said you did not speak up in that meeting, you may think your boss is out to get you.  You may ask the second question but realize you cannot be 100% certain, and know that when you believe this, it completely demotivates you.  Without that thought, you would be somebody capable of addressing this situation productively.  After going through this process, you remain calm and set up a meeting to learn and discuss with your boss the context of that email.  You may learn another explanation, that your boss likes when you speak up because you add more value and can increase your visibility.  Believing that your boss has no faith in you versus your boss thinking you are not living up to your leadership potential makes a difference in your performance.  Breakthroughs happen when we challenge our assumptions because we have limiting beliefs we do not realize, they keep us playing small and in a box.  In the workplace, it is easy to spot some of these beliefs when teammates say, “that’s not how we do it here,” or “we tried that once, and it does not work in this industry.”  Also when people speak in absolutes and use words and phrases like “I should feel this way,” “I have to do this,” “I must win,” These are signals that people are putting themselves in a box.  Believing that you do not have a choice is one of the most common limiting beliefs; we hold ourselves back and operate with diminished energy when we do not confront these unhelpful ideas. 

To break this habit, make a list of your limiting beliefs and start to alter your language.  Instead of saying, “I have to do this,” you can say, “I get to do this,” and instead of saying, “why is this happening to me,” you can choose, “ this is happening for me because…”.  Who would you be and how would you act if you operated from this messaging?

5. Cultivate an “active and rest” and “strive and detach” mindset.  Including both active and rest energy are essential, it is like inhaling and exhaling.  Descartes savored his rest time, sleeping late, and sitting by a fireplace, reflecting, and writing until late afternoon.  Many struggle with balancing being a high performer, having big dreams, and working with their ambitions while also achieving success and being happy, and cultivating a sense of inner peace.   A great lesson on this comes from a Tibetan Buddhist tradition involving the creation and destruction of Mandalas (intricate designer circles made from colored sand.)  The term is Sanskrit, which means a container/circle of essence.  The Buddhist Monks work hard to create something masterful; they start by sketching a circle outline and then meticulously drop individual grains of sand to create a panoply of colors.  It is a process that can take hours and days.  When completed, they engage in a ritualist process of dismantling the Mandala.  They sweep up the sand and let it go into the ocean, symbolizing the transitory nature.  It is the concept of striving for something great and then being able to detach and let go; and allow the universe to do what it does because when you hold on so tightly to one thing, you cause yourself stress. 

6. Practice the Dichotomy of Control.  In life, there are always things in and out of your control and when you can categorize items in their proper place, you can free yourself from unnecessary heartburn.  The idea is to release energy around the things you cannot control like determining outcomes, and directing your energy on the things you can control such as your preparation and intentions.  For example, if you are giving a Ted talk, you can control what you write and how much you prepare to get ready for the moment, but you cannot control the audience’s reaction or how many views it will receive.  Save your energy for things that will move the needle, and be comfortable with the idea that whatever happens to things outside your control, it is ok; it is all part of the human experience.

7. Cultivate a strong identity beyond work.  Sometimes our struggles occur when we overidentify with one thing.  We may attach our entire self-worth to work, and then when we are experiencing stress at work, our world feels small and in disarray.  When we can foster a strong identity outside of work and have multiple sources of joy, it makes us more successful.  It is ok if work goes south because we have our salsa dance lessons, cooking classes, painting,  and other hobbies that satisfy us because we operate from our strengths.  We also have our loved ones that add energy to our lives.  We can better get through challenging times and transitions when we have many things in our lives to add small moments of bliss.

8. Cultivate authenticity.  When you are who you are in all realms of your life it preserves great energy.  In contrast, it takes a toll when you are happy and humorous at home and show up to work serious and strict.  Embrace who you are, if you are somebody who asks a lot of questions, do not entirely censor yourself.  If you know you are an introvert who gets easily overwhelmed at networking events, take some extended breaks so you can conserve energy and find ways to recharge.

For many of us, having a healthy and robust mindset does not just happen.  It takes intentionality and practice to promote excellent habits that will help us be at our best. 

Quote of the day: “Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.” – Victor E. Frankl

Q: What are your routines for cultivating a healthy mindset?  Comment and share below; we would love to hear from you!

The next blog in this series 4/5 will focus on mind practices that will energize you.    

As a leadership development and executive coach, I work with leaders to create effective personal energy management systems for themselves and their teams, contact me to explore this topic further.

Which practices keep your mind strong?

For More Energy, Invest In Your Body (energy management series 2/5)

A crucial part of maintaining your energy is taking care of your physicality.  Simply, there is a mind-body connection, when you are in good shape, you feel great, and it takes intentionality and discipline to establish practices for maintaining your physical health.  How do you maximize your physical wellness first so you are able to contribute more effectively and easily?

Here are some components to consider:

1. Eating healthy.  Some people may not be aware of the types of foods they put into their bodies and the specific impacts on their energy levels.  Do you know which foods weigh you down and make you lethargic and which foods help you feel good and alert?  If you are unsure, you can work with a nutritionist to discover ways to eat healthy and maintain a balanced diet to be at the top of your game.  Simple changes like making sure you drink enough water throughout the day and a glass before a meal so you feel full quicker can alter how you show up.

2. Exercising regularly.  Having a regular exercise routine will keep your energy levels high and maintain your longevity.  The University of Vermont found that just 20 minutes of exercise can boost someone’s mood up to 12 hours.  You can do many things to promote movement and get your heart rate up.  

2A Gym routine.  Having a strength-building practice or taking classes can give you a great workout, introduce you to many kinds of exercises that help with cross-bodying training, and provide possible seeds for a new hobby to flourish.  It has the added benefit of being a social experience and can be incredibly motivating when you find the accountability to exercise together.

2B. Walking.  Walking is a great and simple exercise that keeps you active and sharp.  Many excellent leaders knew and incorporated the copious benefits into their daily routines. Thomas Jefferson talked about how walking helped with clearing his mind and being the object of his relaxation.  Similarly, Ernest Hemingway mentioned walking as a way to develop his best thoughts.  Because the nervous system only has a certain amount of bandwidth, walking is a great way to calm it down, even for 10 minutes.  A recent study shows that walking for 1 hour daily reduces the risk of major depression.  Doing it in nature is especially helpful because it reduces stress while increasing the ability to be more creative and have playful thoughts.  Attention Restoration Theory (ATR) “suggests that mental fatigue and concentration can be improved by time spent in or looking at nature.”  ART proposes that exposure to natural environments encourages more effortless brain function, thereby allowing it to recover and replenish its directed attention capacity.  Because you are in an environment with lower cognitive abilities, you slow down your brain, retrain it, use different parts, create more connections, and have better reflections.

2C. Practicing Yoga.  This exercise yields some of the best mental and physical benefits, such as relieving stress and tension, improving focus, managing difficult emotions, and unlocking creativity.  Physically, by practicing various poses, it builds strength, flexibility, and balance.  There is also the mental component of paying attention to what is happening in your mind when you are holding a challenging pose for too long.  With each position, your mind will react and it is good practice to choose how you want to work with that reaction.  It is about this beautiful balance of knowing when to strive with the right amount of struggle to be at your best and when to be at peace with where you are at any given moment.

3. Sleeping restoratively.  Having excellent quality sleep is one of the most significant differences you can make in your energy levels and performing at your best.  It is essential for your cognitive performance because when you sleep, you consolidate and retain all new information and learnings from the day, connect disparate pieces of information, and unleash creative problem-solving.  The toxins accumulated throughout the day get cleaned when you can rest.  This process is essential to keep your brain healthy and reduce Alzheimer’s.  Many people disrupt their sleep by having their phones next to them.  There are many things you can do to have better quality sleep.  For more on this topic, you can read my sleep series. 

3A Napping.  Napping for a short time can boost your mood and productivity and give you mental clarity, increasing your productivity.  Many people may feel like they do not have time for a nap in their day, but if 15-20 minutes can mean a supercharged next 2+ hours, it could be worth it to slow down to go faster.

4. Breathing deeply.  It is a great way to calm your nervous system and restore energy.  There are methods of breathing that can nourish your brain.  In Breath, James Nestor argues how we breathe matters and that there is a right and wrong way to do it. The right way to breathe can boost blood pressure, athletic performance, and balance our nervous system.  Nasal breathing (or inhaling and exhaling through your nose) is more proper and efficient than mouth breathing, which can be harmful because it causes the body to lose 40% more water.  Your breathing pace also matters; slow and deep are essential.  He mentions how 5.5 breaths per minute are optimal.  The most critical element is ensuring you take your time exhaling to get the stale air out of your system.  Many people like the Box Breathing method, where you inhale for 4, hold for 4, exhale for 4, hold for 4, and repeat.  Many Navy Seals use it to stay calm and focused during intense situations.  Buddhist monks use proper breathing techniques to lengthen their lives and reach higher levels of consciousness.

5. Partaking in regular self-care body rituals.  There are various things we can do to prioritize ourselves and take care of our body for a shift in energy and mood.  Going for a massage can be a relaxing feeling that calms our nerves, reduces stress, and restores our body, especially after any intense strain on it, such as prolonged exercise.  It creates peace and calm and sets us up for what’s next.  Taking the time to get a haircut, or going for a manicure or pedicure for our hands and feet can keep our bodies looking and feeling great.  Bubble baths with candles and music, saunas, and hot tubs can offer unique relaxing experiences. 

Taking time to care for your body matters.  It will contribute to your mental fortitude and keep you moving through life with higher energy levels.

Quote of the day: “No [persons] have the right to be an amateur in the matter of physical training.  It is a shame for a person to grow old without seeing their beauty and strength for which their body is capable.” -Socrates

Q:  What is your favorite form of movement, and how does it impact your life? Comment and share below; we would love to hear from you!

The next blog in this series 3/5 will focus on cultivating a healthy mind for greater energy. 

As a leadership development and executive coach, I work with leaders to create effective personal energy management systems for themselves and their teams, contact me to explore this topic further.

How do you take care of your body?

How Do You Optimize Your Energy? (energy management series 1/5 )

When are you at your best, where you are doing excellent work and showing up for others because you have a full tank of the right type of energy or fuel to get work done?  Many people drift through life unaware of their energy levels or how to harness them to thrive.  Yet, energy management and being intentional about keeping your levels high are keys to long-term effectiveness.  In The Power of Full Engagement, Tony Schwartz argues that it is more important than time, money, or any other kind of management.  

Here are some helpful ways to effectively manage your energy:

1. Get clear on the fundamentals.  Have you defined your purpose, values, vision, strengths, and goals?  These categories will set the framework for all other things to follow and will be an energy multiplier when you spend time on activities aligned with these pillars.

1A. Purpose & Legacy.  Purpose is your reason for waking up in the morning; it’s aspirational and has a movement orientation.  If money was no question, it is the thing you would do because you are intrinsically driven by it.  Too many people get caught up in the day-to-day that they become disconnected from what makes life truly worth living.  Spending too much time on work not aligned with their purpose can be a depleting experience. Tuning into yourself and what you deeply care about will keep your tank full.  One framework to capture your purpose is Ikagi, or in Japanese, the reason for being.  It involves 4 components:

·      What you are good at

·      What you enjoy

·      What the world needs

·      What you can get paid for

When you discover things that fit into these four quadrants, it can be an energy-building experience.

Another approach to thinking about your purpose is to think about your legacy.  What do you want to be known for 100 years from now?  Apple Executive Angela Ahrendts had a great answer, she said “somebody who uplifted others as a wife, mom, and leader.”  There is so much power in service.  Ralph Waldo Emerson notes, “To know that one life has breathed easier because we have lived…that is to have succeeded.”  Making others’ lives easier is a good guidepost for a satisfying life.   Once you are clear on your legacy, you can arrange your day to be in alignment and experience fulfillment as you live your purpose, even if you do not get to witness the impact.  A line from the play Hamilton captures this nicely: “What is a legacy except planting flowers in a garden that you never get to see.” 

1B. Values.  These are your motivators in life, the elements that you find most important and that drive you.  For example, if you value learning, you will spend so much time on that activity because it is something you care about and enjoy.  If you value adventure, the more you explore, the more energy you will have.  It also helps with decision-making because when you make choices in accordance with your values, it brings you greater happiness and peace.  Living your values is a great way to build energy and not expend it on trivial aspects.  

1C. Vision.  Do you have a vision for your life?  Where do you want to be 1, 3, or 5 years from now?  It is fine if you may still need to figure out all the details, but when you know where you are generally trying to go, it is an energy-building experience because you are taking meaningful steps in the direction that matters to you.  A common regret of leaders is that they wish they were not always so overwhelmed by the present that they spent more time thinking about the future. Take time to sketch where you want to go.

1D. Strengths.  Are you clear on what your talents are and how you deliver value?  When you operate from a place of strength, you can do your best work and produce more joy and vitality.  A Gallup study reveals people who use their strengths daily are 3x more likely to report having an excellent quality of life, 6x more likely to be engaged at work, 8% more productive, and 15% less likely to quit their jobs.  You will be drained when working from weaknesses and on tasks that are not enjoyable or even frustrating.

1E. Goals. What do you want to accomplish in the short and long term so you are living your purpose and moving closer to your vision?  How often do you set goals and make your activities align?  I sometimes conduct a goal audit with my clients who are depleted and do not know why.  When we list all the committees, task forces, or special projects they are a part of; they realize that they are spending more time on urgent than important tasks.  Their life is filled with energy-sucking activities.  Having clear goals will allow you to be more strategic about how you spend your time.  Decision-making becomes easier if requests on your time are not in accordance with your goals; you simply say no to preserve your energy.

2. Defining and measuring success.  A big part of managing your energy is taking time to define what success means to you.  Many people may not be conscious of it; they may be using a definition they received from their parents or society.  Is it having a lot of money, climbing the career ladder to land a fancy title at a big organization?  Is it about fame, power, recognition, and luxury? If this is the case, what’s the cost? If it means working 18-hour days and not seeing your family, would you still label that successful?  For others, maybe your definition of success is about running your own business, having a family, living a high-quality life, and doing work you love. Maybe it is about traveling the world and allowing places, people, and ideas to fuel your creativity. Only you know.

Whatever it is, you want to be clear on the underlining motive.  You want to be VP by 40, maybe that comes from your desire to achieve and feel validated where you finally believe you can be worthy.  It is common for many of us to have been shown love by how much we have accomplished so we move through life as an adult with that same script acquired when young.  Or, maybe your motive is about delivering more value.  It is helpful to tease apart your hidden motives and find the source because if you pursue the goal for the wrong reason or somebody else’s, you may end up lacking meaning and purpose, which can be an energy-depleting experience.  You will feel more fulfilled if your goal is more about service and impact. I had one client who had a lucrative finance career but lacked something.  When they got more in touch with their true intentions, they went into teaching and service and became much happier.

My first definition of success came from my parents who taught me to get an education and have a safe job with a pension; they prioritized security above all else.  Combining their penchant for job security and my love of learning, I saw teaching as the perfect first profession.  As I started getting more in touch with my entrepreneurial energy and considering starting my own leadership coaching and facilitation business, I battled challenging scripts loaded in me when I was young, I thought maybe I was crazy to give up something so predictable for a possible wild card.  My family at the time thought I was foolish, and that I should be content with teaching because I have a job for life, especially during global uncertainties.  Bucking pressure, I leaped and having had my own business for several years, I could not be happier and more alive.  I get to combine my values of learning, impact, service, growth, creativity, and entrepreneurship and spend my waking moments helping others achieve their potential and accelerating their learning and leadership excellence.  I dedicate so much time to the intersection of developing myself and others, and it is exhilarating.  I had to relinquish that definition of success for one that was more in alignment with who I was.  Wayne Dwyer said, “Don’t die with your music still in you.”  If I never took this risk, I would have been living an incomplete existence because I would not have that conduit to express and share my gifts.  When you speak your desires that are true to your soul, you get to live authentically, powerfully, and fully.

Once you have established your definition, you want to measure it.  I measure success by how many people’s lives I positively change and the energy-building interactions I have, and I get feedback through verbal and written validations, which signal that I’m on the track I want to be.  I also measure it by pursuing excellence and flourishing, meaning and satisfaction, striving and peace, and purpose and contribution.  When I am clear on those metrics, I can focus on playing my game and not getting distracted by comparing myself to others and their goals or what they do in their games.  

In 5 Regrets of the Dying, Bonnie Ware, a Palliative Care Nurse transformed her life by learning about the regrets of the people she cared for.  For many, they wish they had the courage to live their lives and not the ones others wanted for them.  Specifically, they had not worked so hard, had the courage to express feelings, stay in touch with friends, and let themselves be happier.  While some say comparison can be the thief of joy because you can make yourself miserable by desiring what others have, it does not have to be that way.  If you have an abundant mindset, you can be happy for others and appreciate your pursuits.  You can use comparison as a tool for learning and motivation and find joy in avoiding stagnation.

3. Establish work-life flow.  You can design your work life based on the fundamentals above and your definition of success.  Whether you call it work-life balance, work-life integration, or work-life flow, it is vital to think about the major categories in your life, such as family, career, health, finances, and play, and map it out to see how they would fit together, which will allow you to make better choices based on what you care about and how you want to spend your time.  Purpose becomes more essential when we contextualize it with the other aspects of our lives because there is usually this critical mix of dreams and duties.  And the goal does not have to be to achieve balance which is hard because it means all aspects have to be equal; it is about rhythm, flow, fulfillment, and being intentional about your choices.  Without this, you fall into default mode, where you are moving along but not being deliberate, and it is depleting.  Once you have identified those vital aspects, you can organize your time based on how much you want to spend on each category to feel vitalized.  What is the proper allocation to feel like you are winning at work and succeeding in life?  We feel incomplete when we can have significant accomplishments at work, come home and feel like we are not the family person we want to be because our significant other and kids tell us that we are never home.   Or when we are not exercising and eating well or doing the things that restore us because we are singly focused on work.

4. Setting morning and evening routines.  Athletes, musicians, and performers usually have a routine that sets the conditions for their best performance.  They may make sure they drink enough water, have a clear focus, and visualize what they want to do.  Similarly, we can have morning and evening practices that maintain our daily physical and mental energy.  What does your morning routine look like, and does it set you up on a high note to embrace your day?  Does it include waking up from 8+ hours of sleep, a healthy breakfast, time sustaining your soul through reading, listening to something positive, meditating, planning your day, connecting with loved ones, and other things contributing to charging your battery?  Similarly, how is your evening routine - do you spend time with loved ones, plan for the next day, do breathing exercises, listen to something inspiring, meaningfully connect with loved ones, read in bed, and be sure to get your 8 hours of restorative sleep?  How you start and end the day makes a big difference to your energy because it provides a solid foundation to go the distance and better deal with stress.  Too many people treat life like a sprint and aim to survive rather than having consistent habits that continually restore you.

5. Match your energy levels with the appropriate activity.  Being effective is not about doing more but being strategic in working and harnessing your best energy.  In When: The Scientific Secrets of Perfect Timing, Daniel Pink talks about the time of the day having a significant impact on our performance.  Most of us have a peak, troth, and recovery cycle, where we have the highest energy in the morning, dip in the afternoon, and then, experience a second wind.  If this applies to you, you should do your most demanding and best thinking during your peaks, such as writing and designing programs; your shallow activities, such as administrative tasks like sending emails during your troth; and having meetings and socializing during your recovery time.  You want to match your biological makeup to your work for maximum results.

Everybody is different, we just want to be in tune with how we are through the day because it matters in the quality of our thinking and decisions.  So, reading books about the importance of being a part of the 5:00 am club, where you wake up early to get all your work done may be damaging to you if you are not a morning person.  Research shows that most car accidents occur from 2 pm-4 when people are tired, and energy is low.  Judges are more likely to grant parole in the morning when their thinking is fresh, but as the day goes on, they are less likely to do it because it requires more consideration, they are fatigued so they choose a default option of no parole.  How we structure our day based on our energy will impact our performance and mindset throughout the day.

With intentionality, you can optimize your energy and live your desired life.  It all starts with taking the time to do the introspective work, being honest about your current reality, get clear on who you are and what you want to be doing that fills, and not empties your soul.

Quote of the day: “A person doesn’t need brilliance or genius, all they need is energy.” – Author Albert Greenfield

Q: What are your most energizing practices?  How do they map to your purpose? Comment and share below; we would love to hear from you!

The next blog in this series 2/5 will focus on investing in the body as a gateway to more energy.  

As a leadership development and executive coach, I work with leaders to create effective personal energy management systems for themselves and their teams, contact me to explore this topic further.

Manager your personal energy for great success