How does your company prevent difficult workers from getting hired? (Workplace Conflict Series 3/3)

How you treat people matters more than anything.  Companies should create a culture of respect, and every leader should have an obligation to uphold a no-jerk environment because it allows for great work to be done and it is simply the right thing to do.

The impact of a toxic worker is quite significant.  Experts say, when a team member procrastinates or displays a bad attitude, there is a real risk of social contagion, which drives down the morale and productivity of those around them. Susan Davis, author of Emotional Agility contends, “we all pick up on settle cues from others, and that affects our behavior and actions.” This behavior can lead to poor team efficiency, lower levels of commitment, and less of a focus on the shared goals.  Furthermore, ignoring the issue makes the problem more acute.  According to Allan Cohen, Babson Professor of Global Leadership, when people do not carry their weight, frustration grows because others need to do more.

Knowing this negative impact, here are some things a company can do to protect the culture from toxic workers:

1. Screen them out in the hiring process.  If you determine that somebody could exhibit toxic behavior, perhaps they care only about individual results at the expense of others, do not hire them, no matter how capable and brilliant they may be.  Professor of Management Science at Stanford University Bob Sutton said that toxic people make us less productive.  Maybe you cannot be certain if somebody has a lot of jerk behaviors during the interview, but you can do everything you can to find out more in the hiring process.  Luis Von Ahn, CEO and Cofounder of Duolingo offers this advice.  When you contact their reference, you can ask, “Did he/she work well with others?”  You are looking for a more definitive and enthusiastic response like “absolutely” over a more wishy-washy one – “yeah, for most people.”  Maybe you detect the reference is being coy, you can frame your questions to elicit specific choices.  For example, “what’s more likely - that this person will be a total pushover or a little manipulative?”  “Work more by themselves or inclined to work with others?”  Listen closely to these responses because they can contain the exact answers you are seeking. 

2. Align stated company values with practiced behaviors. If you ask a set of random employees, who are the superstars in the organization and you find out that they are the top producers who also happen to be toxic at times, it seems as if the company is rewarding bad behavior.  So how can you practice what you preach? If you care about teamwork, how are you building that in your incentive and promotion strategy to reward that kind of behavior?  For example, the stated values of Enron in the 90s were communication, respect, integrity, and excellence. They claimed they valued good behavior, but they actually rewarded ruthlessness and selfishness. When you incentivize individual achievement rather than promoting people based on how they elevate others, it contributes to a toxic culture. How about a mixed approach? Part of their compensation can be directly related to how much they have helped others, exhibited through observation and peer feedback, and part can be from their individual contributions.

3. Make the offenders aware of how they are treating people. You can offer “360 reviews” where leaders can receive valuable data from their peers, subordinates, direct reports, and others.  Sometimes it is just that awareness that their behavior is problematic which can be enough to course correct. When Cindy Hess, Partner at a law firm learned of some selfish behaviors she had which were revealed through reviews, she was stunned and took steps to make adjustments. Companies can offer management training programs to help build the cadre of soft skills that help leaders invest in others.  

Another way to raise awareness is for companies to provide a free-market approach where their subordinates have some say in choosing their boss or team lead. At Fenwick and West, Partners choose their associates to service their clients but Associates have every right to say no if they feel it is not a right fit.  They obviously prefer to pick Partners who they enjoy working with, who they can learn from, and who will take an interest in their development and career trajectory.  If none of the Associates are picking you, that exposes a hard truth.  Similarly, if there is a mentorship program and mentees get to pick who they want to work with based on reputation, and again you keep getting passed up, this needs to be explored and addressed.  To make sure leaders know how they are being viewed, the company does anonymous upward reviews were Junior Associates rate Senior Partners.  According to Glassdoor, Fenwick and West is one of the top Silicon Valley law firms to work for in terms of cultural excellence. 

4. Have a Zero Tolerance Policy. You cannot allow demeaning or disrespectful behavior from anybody, including upper management.  When companies act swiftly, it sends a message that this conduct will not be tolerated and employees will be protected.  This does not mean that there will be no hard conversations or people will not get upset from time to time, but that there will be consequences for repeated poor behavior.  If somebody is getting frequent complaints and they refuse to acknowledge the problem or change their behavior, they should be let go.  Studies show the presence of one person exhibiting toxic behavior can bring down a whole team, that it is better to have a hole in the team than to have an additional person that is not helpful. Studies also show that it is actually much more profitable to replace a worker displaying poor behavior with an average performer, as opposed to upgrading an average performer to star status, it is because the one who is showing negativity has a much more damaging impact.

There is no such thing as a perfect culture, but companies can do their best to create an environment that values support, respect, and positive interactions.  We spend so much of our time at work that it is only right to expect that we are treated with dignity so we can give our best performance.

Quote of the day: “I am thankful to all those difficult people in my life, they have shown me exactly who I do not want to be!” – Unknown

As a leadership development and executive coach, I work with people to have difficult conversations, contact me to explore this topic further.

Q: How does your company protect you from toxic workers and maintain an amazing culture?  Comment and share below, we would love to hear from you!

Getting rid of a toxic culture begins with removing a toxic person

How Do You Deal With A Difficult Boss? (Workplace Conflict Series 2/3)

Steve Jobs has had a complicated legacy.  While few would doubt his visionary abilities, many would call into question his leadership style and weak interpersonal skills.  He has been described as deceitful and cruel, even by his friends.  It is known that he cheated his co-founder out of a big bonus and lied about it. While Walter Isaacson was conducting research when writing the biography of Jobs, Apple Engineer Johnny Ives told Isaacson that when Jobs got frustrated, his way to achieve catharsis was to hurt someone.  According to Ives, Jobs felt he had the liberty and license to do it.

Like Jobs, there are hundreds of other leaders who treat their employees poorly.  Research shows that leaders who demean their workers have rationalized their aggression because, at times, they can get short-term results so they feel vindicated in their unsavory behavior to achieve their goals. This problem is compounded when the long-term damage they are causing to others is invisible to them.  Bad bosses may also see the situation in black and white terms, thinking – “I have to use this behavior or I will not get these outcomes.” But there is a big difference between being demanding (having high expectations for others) and demeaning (devaluing other people, even treating them disrespectfully and making them feel worthless).  This tradeoff does not need to exist because it is possible to show respect and set a high bar.  Kim Scott’s Radical Candor uses this exact leadership approach – caring for somebody personally and challenging them professionally.

The impact of toxic bosses can be quite detrimental.  Here are some company consequences: 

1. Negatively affects performance and reduces worker productivity. The presence of a bad boss can cause team members to make mistakes and doubt themselves. In one experiment with a medical team in Israel, a doctor berated his team and said he was not impressed with their medical care and that they would not last in the department for more than a week.  In the ensuing days, the percentage of an accurate diagnosis by the team went down by 20% and the procedures they did were 15% less effective.  When we work with somebody who has abused us mentally, our cognitive abilities decline.  Essentially, working with an angry boss makes us dumber.  In another experiment, students were instructed to walk into a testing room, but instead accidentally walked into the professor’s office.  Immediately, the professor berated the students and said, “Are you not smart enough to see the do-not-disturb sign?” They then took a math test and solved a quarter fewer anagrams correctly compared to the students who were not just lambasted.

2. Less likely to help others.  In that same experiment, people who were just scolded by the professor opted not to help others when they had the opportunity to do so.  In another experiment, as students were leaving the school building after enduring some harsh words, they saw a few classmates drop a bunch of books and choose to keep walking instead of helping to pick them up.  The best teams are collaborative ones so if people are holding back with their assistance, teams cannot reach peak performance.

3. Creates silence and shutdown.  Toxic bosses create an environment where people stay quiet because they want to avoid rocking the boat.  They are trying to stay under the radar because they do not want to be a target for any abuse. This significantly hurts teams and organizations because there is no feeling of psychological safety for people to contribute their ideas, especially when half-formed. Having that environment where you can comfortably share and be supported is a necessary component to reach collective intelligence and do great work.

Responses to Avoid

When you are feeling abused and wanting immediate reconciliation, it can be tempting to opt for less helpful responses that may feel good in the short-term but carry severe negative long-term consequences.  Here are some to avoid: 

1. Do nothing and endure. This decision can eat you up inside and cause resentment.  The discontent cannot only manifest at the workplace but also at home and create an unhappy disposition with the people you care for the most.  When we continuously repress our feelings, it comes out in other ways, often when we least expect it or cannot afford for it to leak out.

2. Fight back at the moment.  It is not the best idea if you have not collected your thoughts, yet choose to unleash them spontaneously for the sake of justice.  After all, you believe that this person simply cannot go around rebuking people the way they do, and you are going to be the person to change their behavior.  The problem with this savior mentality is that it is immediately going to put the person on the defensive and they have been playing the angry-and-public-ridicule game for much longer than you have so picking a fight on their turf may be gratifying at the moment, but most likely does not lead to a productive resolution.

Responses to Consider

Here are some helpful steps you can take to confront your boss thoughtfully and productively so you can decide your next move:

1. Focus on personal impact.  See if you can find a respectful way of letting them know the impact they are having on you.  People sometimes do not see how upsetting, demeaning, and unprofessional their actions are to you, your team, or the organization.   Other people's intentions only exist in their hearts and minds so we cannot assume that we know them. We feel hurt so we think that they intended to hurt us, but when we can disentangle intent from impact and apply curiosity, we can get more information on how best to respond and understand why this is occurring.  The best-case scenario is that they understand just how much you have been affected and take steps to change their behavior.

2. Change teams. If you believe in your company’s purpose and vision but are having a hard time with the manager, see if you can change teams so you are no longer reporting to your boss. If enough people are requesting a transfer, it will become obvious where the source of the problem exists.

3. Change jobs.  If you conclude that the other person had intentions to hurt you or does not plan on changing, and this is typical of what goes on in different parts of the organization, you may want to consider leaving your job.  What is all this heartache and pain costing you?  Find that leader in a people-first company who will not only treat you with dignity but will inspire you and bring out your very best.

The big question that people always ask about Steve Jobs is - did he have to be so mean?  Walter Isaacson would argue that he succeeded in spite of his cruelty, not because of it. The kindness routes are always the better paths to travel down because you will get better results and create stronger relationships along the way.

Quote of the day:  “Having a bad boss isn't your fault. Staying with one is.” -Nora Denzel 

Q: How have you handled a difficult boss? Comment and share with us, we would love to hear your opinions.

As a leadership development and executive coach, I work with people to have courageous conversations, contact me to explore this topic further.

[The next blog in this series 3/3 will focus on what organizations can do to prevent difficult people from tanking the culture]

How do you handle a difficult boss?

Have you mastered the art of working with a difficult Teammate? (Workplace Conflict Series 1/3)

There is always that one person you work with whose job is to make everybody’s life just a little more difficult.  They show nuanced passive-aggressiveness by hinting at what they dislike instead of having clear communication, they take credit for wins they have not contributed to, they dole out blame unfairly, they provide misleading or incomplete information to make your work more cumbersome than it has to be.  They can also display their difficulty in more obvious ways – raising their voices, ridiculing, complaining, and showing an overall foul attitude.  This person may behave this way either because they are unaware of their actions or because they know exactly what they are doing and simply do not care or cannot control it.  Do you know who I am talking about? 

If you find yourself working with somebody who is making your job more stressful and you do not have the power to separate from that person, there are still actions you can take to ameliorate the situation.

It all begins with a clear conversation to increase understanding.  Here are helpful tips when approaching your discussion:

1. Assume you do not know instead of jumping to conclusions.  Management Professor at Babson College Allan Cohen says that it is human nature to make assumptions about other people’s motives, even when we lack real evidence.  It is how our brains work, but this shortcut does not always lead to the right conclusions. Instead of assuming that somebody is trying to make your life more arduous, you can ask: “I don’t know what is going on, but whatever it is, would you like to figure it out together?” “I noticed when I share my opinion, you talk over me, and I’m unable to finish my thoughts, I’d love to learn more about that behavior and how we can work together more effectively.”  When you are curious and sincere, you can uncover information for the best resolution.

2. Give the other person the benefit of the doubt.  It is usually true that each person will think the other is being a jerk and that they are trying to hurt, embarrass, or upset one another. But what if this was not true?  In that case, it is best to apply curiosity and turn the discussion into a learning conversation so you can get to the root of the behavior.  When you assume the best intentions, you are more likely to approach the situation with an open mind and be receptive to the information for real change to occur. There is something important about entering a conversation and putting aside your frustrations and emotions at the moment to think about how you can serve the other person while also handling yourself well.

3. Understand the person’s motives. Asking empowering questions can help you understand your teammates’ motives so you know how to work best with them.  Questions such as, what else is going on for you right now or what is motivating you, can be illuminating.  When you inquire about their interests, motivations, and priorities, you get a better sense of their perspective and can learn about what causes their behavior and how you can work with their style and intentions.

4. Label the person’s behavior.  Neil Rackman, President of Huthwaite Inc. examined the difference between an expert and an average negotiator and found that experts are more likely to label other people’s behavior and confirm their understanding.  If somebody starts yelling during the conversation, you can take a step back and call out their behavior. “It seems like yelling is one of your favorite motivational strategies.  Do you think that is going to be effective here?”  This approach puts them in a logical frame of mind so they can recognize the behavior and adjust.  You can also take a break by saying, “It seems like we may need a minute (in a calm, monotone voice), I’m going to get a cup of coffee, would you like one?” Taking those few minutes will allow each of you to regroup and reenter the conversation in a more productive way.

5. Adjust your expectations.  It can be helpful to know that sometimes people are not going to behave well either because they are having a bad day or maybe they have never been given the tools to learn how to handle themselves well in a professional context or as human begins in general.  For whatever reason people do not show up as their best selves or maybe their best is not good enough, it is helpful to adjust your expectations.  You cannot assume that somebody has the same experience, tools, training to handle situations well or in the way that you would. 

6. Provide choice.  If you find yourself in a tough conflict, you can offer a choice by saying the following, “We arrived at this moment because we may have had different expectations, and now that we have run into the issue, here are some options I can think of to resolve the dilemma, which one do you think is best?”  When you present them with a series of options that you are comfortable with, you give them some control over the process and it makes a difference because people love choices. 

The key to dealing with conflict on the team is to retrace the steps to see how you got here, see each other’s perspective, build understanding, and move forward together on a more productive note.  When you are curious and approach people positively, you may be pleasantly surprised.

Quote of the day: “Show respect even to people that don’t deserve it; not as a reflection of their character, but as a reflection of yours.” – Author Dave Willis

Q: How have you handled a tough teammate?  What’s your favorite strategy for achieving peace with them? Comment and share below; we would love to hear from you!

As a leadership development and executive coach, I work with people to have difficult conversations, contact me to explore this topic further.

[The next blog in this series 2/3 will focus on dealing with a difficult boss]

How do you handle a difficult teammate?

The fiercest opponent we have is ourselves

Some of our best accomplishments come from our sheer belief in our ability to get the job done.  But what happens when we do not believe in ourselves or blindly follow behavioral patterns which consistently hold us back?  As a Leadership Coach, I work with people to remove common internal blocks, which could come in the form of pesky GAILS – Gremlins, Assumptions, Interpretations, and Limiting Beliefs. 

The first step to breaking through these constraints we place on ourselves is raising awareness around their existence and labeling what is happening so we can shatter their power.  The second step is to employ strategies to surmount them. 

Let’s look at four typical constraints and explores steps to address them:

1. GREMLINS - You may know Gremlins as the popular 1984 comedy horror film about a pet creature who spawns other animals, some cute and some evil monsters, but the term traces back to the ww1 era to describe mischievous folklore creatures who caused malfunctions in aircraft or other machinery. Jumping off that notion, gremlins are the inner self-critics or saboteurs that pop up and tell us old stories, negative messages, and worst-case scenarios.  We all have them,  they may sound like this: “you are not good enough, you are not worthy, you are not smart enough, you do not matter, what you say is not important, why try when you just fail anyway.” When the voice within frequently whispers these thoughts, we wither, we doubt, we perform less than we can.  We do this because our Gremlins want us to stay safe by playing small, so we do not have to worry about exposing ourselves to new situations and possibly feeling embarrassed or ashamed at possibly failing. The inner critic is also related to imposter syndrome; I’ve recently devoted a 3-part series to this topic, you can explore more here.

Here are some strategies to combat the Gremlins or Inner Critics:

A. Become curious.  Where do these Gremlins come from?  Go deeper by pondering what is at the root - your anxieties, ego attachment, insecurities, patterns of self-defense? What is the profound message the Gremlin is trying to convey? Consider naming it so we create awareness around its existence. When you can shine the light on it, there is an increased chance that it will scatter.  It grows strongest when it is hidden in the dark and unaddressed because its power builds and unleashes in unexpected times. 

B. Repurpose the Gremlin.  While the Gremlin is trying to hold you back from taking chances, perhaps it can be used for a better purpose, such as prompting you to act. Every time that voice shows up and says you should not do something, it can also be viewed as a powerful reminder to do the opposite of what it is saying.  From that perspective, we should thank the Gremlin for delivering a timely message to spur us to action. So, the next time you are thinking about approaching somebody to start a conversation and your Gremlins try to yield you, filter the message to read – “keep going, this is what you should be doing!” Discomfort is quite natural, it is about feeling the fear and acting anyway.

C. Regain control and take action.  Remind yourself that it is just a voice and that you can decide what you will do with that message.  You have the power to choose your response, to take action even when fear is holding you back.  Joseph Campbell famously wrote, “the cave you fear to enter holds the treasure you seek.”  The best surprises are found in action and not in theory.

2. ASSUMPTIONS - are expectations that because something has happened in the past, it will automatically happen again. Every time I have given up junk food, I have gone back to it so what’s the point.  My history keeps repeating itself and here is the evidence to show that since it did not work in the past, it is not going to play well in the future. Assumptions are based on fear and are a problem because the beliefs can stop us from striving if we are convinced we will fail.  If we have internalized the outcome negatively, we can quickly lose hope.  In Don Miguel Ruiz’s The Four Agreements, the third one is “Don’t Make Assumptions.” Ruiz quite clearly tells us, “All the sadness and drama you have lived in your life was rooted in making assumptions and taking things personally.” When we treat these mental constructions as absolute truths, we allow them to rule our actions and shape our words. What would it feel like to break these destructive thought patterns?

Here are some strategies to combat the assumptions:

A. Challenge them.  Do not take anything at face value, answer the questions - How true is that thought?  What’s another way to look at the situation?  Gather evidence for and against so you can expand your awareness. Knowing you have more options available to you will increase your control.

B. Problem Solve. Think about what we can do this time to get a different approach.  As Einstein said, the definition of insanity is “doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result.”   Who we are now is not who we were in the past so it is vital to think about how we can take new information and apply it to this new context. We are constantly evolving so need to utilize the most updated information in our life equations.

C. Know that failure can be the path to success.  It is said that Thomas Edison failed 1,000 times before developing the lightbulb.  When a reporter asked how it felt to fail that many times, he replied, “I didn’t fail 1,000 times.  The light bulb was an invention with 1,000 steps.”  Clearly, the past does not dictate the future and progress is not linear. When you fail, it means that you are bold enough to take risks and in those courageous acts, you will derive your most valuable lessons.

3. INTERPRETATIONS - are opinions or judgments that we create about an event, situation, person, or experience and believe them to be true.  When our friend does not call us back or a coworker cancels lunch at the last minute, we draw conclusions… perhaps this person is upset with me; maybe she is just selfish or inconsiderate or does not care about spending time together.  It is about the stories that people make up because they may not have access to all the information, so our brain yearns to fill in the gaps. It also speaks to our failure to recognize personality differences and styles. For example, when my extroverted friend is not making eye contact with me because they are looking around a lot, it may have more to do with how they relate to the world in getting their energy externally, instead of my perception of thinking they are rude and dismissive.

Another reason we make interpretations is to protect ourselves.  Melinda Gates shared how she used to sit in a room with experts and felt ignored and that people were condescending to her since she was not the intellectual giant that is her husband, but after years, she knew it was something else.  She realized that she did not know enough science to lead world-renowned experts in global health and that Imposter syndrome kept her from asking questions and thoroughly engaging.  Once she faced her insecurity, she could chip away at it, and begin to ask various kinds of questions to make progress.

Strategies for Interpretations:

A. Anticipate the opposite view to counteract the prevailing negative.  Then name at least 5-10 possible interpretations.  This gets us out of binary thinking and onto more possibilities.

B. Do not assign meaning or take things personally.  Events just are, so it is not until we ascribe meaning do we get upset.  As Shakespeare offered, “Nothing is good or bad but thinking makes it so.” When we learn to not take things personally, we avoid a lot of headaches and it is just a lighter approach to move through life assuming positive intent.

4. LIMITING BELIEFS  - are commonly held beliefs you accept about life, yourself, the world, or the people in it which diminishes you in some way. You may think you cannot be a great leader because you do not have enough experience. That thought can stop you from moving forward and can minimize your potential.

Strategies for combating limiting beliefs:

Challenge the belief. You can ask questions such as - How is this belief true today?  How is it true for you? What is an idea that would help you feel differently?  Roger Banister taught us an essential lesson about breaking limiting beliefs when he became the first runner at age 25 in 1954 to break the 4-minute mark.  Before then, it was believed impossible, but once he did it, he gave hope to other runners.  Just two months later, two more competitors broke the barrier.  Over the years, thousands of male runners have continued to shatter the record, even getting it down to 3:43.

Internal blocks have the potential to prevent us from moving forward.   Once you understand their power and raise your awareness, you will know how to defeat their attacks. A simple shift in perspective can change our day, week, life, and general disposition.  Start small and be ready for significant results.

Thought of the day: “If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.” Dr. Wayne Dyer.

Q: What is your most common internal block? How do you usually overcome it?  Comment and share below, we would love to hear from you!

What’s possible when you manage your beliefs?

Top 11 Ways To Fight Imposter Syndrome (Imposter Syndrome Series 3/3)

We all experience feelings of insecurity, but when we suffer from imposter syndrome, or the belief that we do not deserve our accomplishments, our best energy is zapped.  Yet, we do not have to remain a victim to those feelings; in fact, there are many ways we can healthily deal with this widespread affliction.

Here are some strategies for addressing imposter syndrome:

1. Raise your awareness.  When we notice we are having these feelings, we want to write them down so we can explore further.  How would I describe these feelings?  When do they emerge?  The more we are aware of our anxieties, the smarter we can become about how they operate, and the easier it will be to either shrug them off next time they pop up, or have a planned approach to deal with them.

2. Normalize imposter feelings.  Guess who said these lines – “You think, why would anyone want to see me again in a movie?” “I don’t know how to act anymore, so why am I doing this?”  None other than Meryl Streep.  If somebody as successful and skilled as Meryl can feel these limiting beliefs, we all can.  In fact, some surveys show that more than half the people we know feel like imposters at some point in their careers but they succeed despite their doubts.  Effortless success is a myth, if we have advanced without real striving, it may be a sign that our goals are too small. It is helpful to normalize the initial difficulty and discomfort because achieving hard things becomes easier over time.

3. Flip your script.  You can rewrite your mental programs to serve you.  Instead of being debilitated by imposter thoughts, you can say, “it is common to have these feelings when I am doing something outside my comfort zone, that’s where all the possibility lies.”  Mistakes and self-doubt come with the territory.  If I was not feeling this, then I would be worried because I could possibly be a robot.  When we try something for the first time or are learning a new skill, looking foolish is part of the job.  Eleanor Roosevelt said, “Do something every day that scares you.”  Most of us are rarely feel we are as qualified as we should be because if we were, then we are likely not aiming high enough. 

4. Be kind to yourself.  When you do well, celebrate and reward yourself, do not just keep trucking along.  When you make a mistake, be patient and compassionate with yourself as errors come with the territory.  What can you say to make yourself feel better and move on? Also, be sure to take pride in your achievements. You can reconnect with your younger self. Compare your current success with your past expectations. If you knew 5 or 10 years ago that you would go on and accomplish all of this, how proud would that version of you be? Knowing that you have gotten to this point doing what you are doing, could you have imagined that in the past? It helps us recognize just how far we have come.

5. Reframe failure.  Winston Churchill said, “Success is not final; failure is not fatal, it is the courage to continue that counts.”  What would it be like if you celebrated failure because it meant that you tried, and that is where all the learning occurs?  That’s the approach taken by CEO of Spanx Sarah Blakey.  She shared an experience about when she was growing up at the dinner table, how her dad used to ask her and her brother what they failed at, and then they would celebrate it.  To encourage her team to take risks and fail, Blakey calls failures “oops” and wants her team to learn and laugh about them.

6. Experiment with vulnerability & seeking support.  It is natural to want to keep those feelings of insecurity a secret.  But when you can reveal your doubts to trusted partners, whether it be a friend, mentor, or professional coach, you break its power when you realize you are not alone and get to learn how others tackle the same challenge.  I usually find that there are many more people out there who are eager to help and that can be quite reassuring as there is strength in numbers.

7. Know your strengths.  When I work with clients who experience imposter syndrome, I help them discover their best selves.  Many of us were built to have negative orientations because it is what kept us alive in ancient times because we needed to spot threats.  That’s why now we can easily find our weaknesses while overlooking our most endearing qualities, especially if they come easy to us.  Getting in touch with our strengths can serve as an incredible source of power.

8. Know your life purpose.  Ok, maybe a tall order, but it is nice to spend time pondering.  Mark Twain reminds us, “the two most important days in your life are the day you’re born, and the day you find out why.”  Knowing our purpose and values serves as a stable foundation in those moments when we are simply unsure about ourselves, the situation, and the ever-changing, rapidly-moving world.

9. Challenge it.  When we throw around these assertions, how often do we question them?  Is this true, logical, constructive?  What is the evidence against it?  Do not blindly take those internal scripts as truths. When you parse fact from fiction, you can regain control and question assumptions that are simply false or that are likely not serving you.

10. Recognize the benefits of imposter syndrome and use them as fuel.  An upside of imposter syndrome is that it can motivate us to work harder so we feel we are on par with others. We will rehearse our work for hours to make sure we are prepared and then it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy – because we are working harder, we are getting better, and building more confidence.  It makes us better learners because our humility and lack of confidence drive us to seek others out to learn.  Impostor syndrome can foster a beginner mindset, that is because we want to make sure we are doing great, we are more likely to question assumptions that others have taken for granted and we rethink our strategy to offer fresh perspectives.

A good way to motivate ourselves is to talk to ourselves in the 2nd person.  In a series of experiments, people gave better speeches and made better first impressions when they were randomly assigned to talk to themselves in the second person instead of the first.  Rather than say, “I got this,” you can say, “You got this”. It creates some distance from your insecurities, and it seems as if you are talking to a friend or a coach and leads you to be less nervous and see stressful situations as a challenge instead of a threat. 

11. Recognize the journey. Some people think that when they get to a certain point in their careers, imposter syndrome will disappear, but it doesn’t go away, it just shapeshifts as the bar is always rising.  For example, writing a book was an incredible target for you, but for the next one, you will naturally aim for it to be a New York Times bestseller and will feel those accompanying doubts.  Author Rich Litvin said, “The solution to imposter syndrome is the rather liberating decision to stop trying to get rid of it and instead to get good at it.”  When you are on a lifelong journey, you will always have doubts that will have to be managed.

We all experience imposter syndrome at various times.  While there is no one right approach to begin to combat the feeling, the most important action we can take is to experiment with different methods that can be beneficial for us to perform at our best.

Quote of the day: “What's talent but the ability to get away with something?” —Tennessee Williams

Q: What is the best way you have found to deal with feelings of self-doubt?  Comment and share below, we would love to hear from you!

As a leadership development coach, I work with people to deal more powerfully with these experiences, contact me to explore this topic further.

Take control of your doubts

How Does Imposter Syndrome Show Up For You? (Imposter Syndrome Series 2/3)

In the last article, we talked about what imposter syndrome is and some negative impacts on work and life.  This article will focus on who experiences imposter syndrome, where it comes from, and how it may manifest so we can raise awareness on this issue and take action for positive changes. 

Who Experiences Imposter Syndrome?

When the concept was first published in an academic paper in 1978 by Dr. Pauline Clance and Suzanne Imes, it was described as a mental health issue, a sort of neurosis found in high achieving women from white middle-class backgrounds.  The reason why it was initially thought to be a unique woman challenge is because females were the ones who talked about it.  As it turns out, women and men experience it to an equal degree. 

According to Amy Cuddy, who spoke about this phenomenon in her popular Ted Talk, she received a series of emails from people who had the familiarity, and half were from men.  She concluded that it was not initially captured because men were not discussing it with their family and friends; they were hiding it due to shame, stereotype backlash, or harassment for deviating from social norms.  In one study, when she gave a survey where people had to put their names on it, it seemed like women were experiencing imposter syndrome more, but then when the surveys were anonymous, men were expressing these feelings at the same rate as women, which means men were carrying it around secretly and painfully.  Even celebrities cannot escape the feeling; Denzel Washington, Tina Fey, Maya Angelo, and Neil Gayman have talked about it openly. 

So, where do these feelings come from? Here are some leading theories:

1. Link to Perfectionism.  Some researchers have tied it to perfectionism.  When you are driven to produce flawless behaviors and results, the standard is so high that there is a tendency to be overcritical so unless it is perfect, it is inadequate and always will be.

2. Parental influence.  When parents tell us how great we are, it makes us want to maintain that high expectation bestowed on us.  If we underperform, we think we do not deserve the greatness title.  This can also be supported by Carol Dweck’s research on mindset and the complications that arise when we praise people, rather than their actions.  By saying -  “you are smart,” it fosters a fixed mindset, you either are smart or not;  you only have a certain amount of intelligence so if you struggle with something, you feel like if you were smart, you would not find it difficult.  You think, smart people do not struggle.  In contrast, when you praise the process, you foster a growth mindset, which is the idea that you can improve on the process and grow your abilities.  When you say, “you worked really hard to accomplish this goal,” the person knows it is not something innate, but something they can have more control over because it is based on the effort they apply and not simply their traits.

3. Connected to High Achievers.  When you have accomplished, you feel like there is something to lose and you become even more frightened of failing, especially if you are not used to it, so you may take fewer risks and spend more time on your work.  You think high achievers do not flop so even if you have a remarkable streak of successes, that one stumble can make you question your long record of accomplishments.  For you, it is the feeling that the gig is up and that failure is more representative of who you are, and now others are just learning this information for the first time.

4. Tied to a feeling of not belonging.  People who feel like they exist on the margins in a certain group setting due to their age, gender, race or, sexual orientation can exhibit feelings of insecurity and low self-esteem if they do not think they are included in the crowd.

How does imposture syndrome manifest?

1. Using negative self-talk.  You can be abusive to yourself with your words.  “You are a failure, you are stupid, you never get anything right.”  If you say this to yourself enough, you start to believe it, and it becomes a self-perpetuating cycle; what you say influences directly how you feel and how you behave.

2. Failing to take action.  When your inner critic is saying you are not good enough, it prevents you from taking action.  It’s the voice that stops you from speaking up in meetings or at conferences because you feel a spike of anxiety at the thought that maybe you will ask a dumb question.  You feel stressed rather than energized when you get a new challenging assignment so you refuse the opportunity.

3. Difficulty accepting praise.  You have a hard time receiving praise for your accomplishments because you feel like you do not deserve what you have achieved.   You attribute success to externals – being in the right place at the right time and knowing the right people - instead of acknowledging your unique skills and abilities.  You also think that because something comes naturally to you, it must be easy for others so you downplay your contributions because you believe anybody can do it.

4. Comparing to others.  You often contrast your ability to those around you and think that they may be more intelligent.  When you see the world through competitive eyes, instead of through an abundant mindset, it may make you less willing to share with others and less likely to build stronger relationships.

5. Negatively impacting your leadership.  If we are always seeking validation, we are less trusting of our gut in making decisions. Also, since we think we should know everything, we are less likely to ask for help.  This can leave us in stuck mode. Excellent leadership is about listening to those around you and asking questions for strong learning opportunities.

6. Isolating yourself & increasing feelings of loneliness.  You may not want anyone to know your feelings of inadequacy so you create distance from others for fear of being discovered and you carry around this big secret, thinking that it only pertains to you.  Even when you learn that others have it, you think, their feeling is just a distortion, while your fear is actually real.

We all may feel like we are punching above our weight class at times, that’s natural, the key is to understand where the feelings come from so it does not completely steal our power and suffocate our presence.  Then, we can take action for positive changes. 

Quote of the day: “Don’t compare yourself with other people; compare yourself with who you were yesterday.” -Jordan Peterson, Author

Q:  Have you ever personally thought about the origins of your imposter syndrome?  If you have felt it, where do you imagine its source?  Comment and share below, we would love to hear from you!

[The next blog in this series 3/3 will focus on leading tips to fight imposture syndrome]

As a Leadership Coach, I partner with others to shatter their limiting beliefs and build confidence, contact me to learn more.

What’s your self-doubt message?

Why Do I Feel Like An Intellectual Fake? (Imposter Syndrome Series 1/3)

You have just been told the fantastic news that you have been promoted to lead a team for the first time and while you thought you would have an immediate rush of euphoria, you pause to pay attention to your actual feeling, and notice that you have an overflow of doubt and negativity.  Your mind spins a series of aggressive questions - what if I cannot do this?  What if they find out that I am not that talented?  What if I mess up so badly that I become the first person in company history to get fired on the first day, perhaps even before lunchtime?

Do these worries torment you?  If you are like 70% of the population, you are not alone in this particular type of feeling known as imposter syndrome.  In their study, researchers James Alexander and Jaruwan Sakulku described it as “a collection of feelings of inadequacy that persist despite evident success.”  We have this sense that other people think that we are more skilled and competent than we are, and at any moment, we are going to be exposed as intellectual frauds.

How does Imposter Syndrome differ from good old fashion performance anxiety?

Sure, we all may experience moments of stage freight – right before stepping into the spotlight to deliver an important speech or conducting a high-stakes meeting, we deal with performance interference thoughts that can push us off our game.  And then there is imposter syndrome, which is self-doubt on steroids.  According to Researchers Joan Harvey and Cynthia Katz, there are three core characteristics of imposter syndrome: 1. The belief that you have fooled other people 2. Fear of being exposed 3. The inability to attribute your achievement to internal qualities such as ability, intelligence, or skill.  Instead, you think you got to your position through luck and do not deserve any of your previous accomplishments, you are just living this big fat lie.  Nervousness and some stage fright before big events are different than the perennial feeling of not earning any of your successes.

When we explore the negative impacts of imposter syndrome, we can work towards managing this feeling more effectively.  Here are some of the most detrimental effects:

1. Decreased satisfaction with work.  While some self-doubt can keep us on our toes, push us to take chances, and check our egos as we are reminded of our fallibility, too much of it can diminish our ability to find satisfaction at work.  If we are always feeling an excess of anxiety with every task we do, it will be hard to derive joy.  Even when we have an accomplishment, new situations arise and continue to be proving grounds.  It can also lead to increased workaholism.  If we are driven by this fear of failure and feelings of not possessing the capabilities, we will work harder, overdo things, and burnout.

2. Diminished happiness.  Imposter syndrome does not only hurt our career, but also our health, well-being, and personal relationships.  When work dominates, we neglect our self-care and our connections with others.  Resentment grows and dissatisfaction becomes the pervasive norm. 

3. Prevents presence.  If achieving presence requires us to be in tune with our truest feelings, beliefs, abilities, values, then how can we be ourselves in the moment, if we feel like a fraud?  Imposter syndrome causes us to overthink and second-guess, and it makes us over-fixate on how others are judging us.  Our thoughts are scattered and we find ourselves mentally reviewing our previous few steps and what our rewrite would look like.  This self-monitoring can prevent us from listening to others because we are distracted by our inner monologue, which makes it more challenging to build trust and connections for the highest quality relationships.

4. Keeps us playing small. A chronic sense of unworthiness can breed misery and crush our motivation, thereby holding us back from pursuing our ambitions. We reject ourselves before even granting a chance to succeed. We start to question our personality and wonder if we are even cut out for this job. That leads us to only take on tasks that we know we can succeed in and we do not put ourselves in positions of feeling stretched so our growth potential is heavily capped.

While imposter syndrome is a normal feeling, there are things we can do so it does not unleash a torrent of adverse effects on us and get in the way of our goals and dreams. The next blogs will jump into how imposter syndrome shows up and ways we can fight against it.

Quote of the day: "Everyone wants to be Cary Grant. Even I want to be Cary Grant."  -Cary Grant

Q: In what areas of your life do you experience imposter syndrome?  Comment and share below, we would love to hear from you!

[The next blog in this series 2/3 will focus on the origins and manifestations of imposture syndrome]

As a Leadership Coach, I partner with others to shatter their limiting beliefs and build confidence, contact me to learn more.

The untold damage of Imposter Syndrome

A Better Way To Handle stress in the Workplace (Stress Series 4/4)

We spend an inordinate amount of time being stressed at work.  While some frustrations may be driven by the “do more with less” approach, the struggle to keep up with rapid changes, and a general avalanche of problems, one of our top sources of stress relates to the conflict we have with other people.  The typical responses of complaining, avoiding, or fighting can be absolutely draining.  Recent studies show that in the US, work-related stress is costing the economy over 300 billion per year and can be blamed for 120,000 deaths per year.

How we deal with stress related to coworkers can determine our health, happiness, and productivity. While it is tempting to blame the other person, there is usually not one culprit so an excellent place to start is understanding our role in the situation.

Here are some suggestions for dealing with stress-related conflicts at work.

1. Assume positive intent. In social psychology, the fundamental attribution error or over attribution bias refers to our tendency to judge others by their behavior and assign it to their character but to judge ourselves based on our intent.  When we see someone doing something, we tend to think it relates to their personality rather than the situation that the person might be in. For example, if someone cuts in front of you in line, your immediate reaction could be, "What a jerk!" But in reality, maybe he never cuts lines and is doing it this one time because he is about to miss his plane and hence his brother’s wedding and of course he has the rings! Yet, when we do seemingly obnoxious things, we always have a good reason. It is other people we see as defective, but not us. When making these judgments about others, we increase our levels of stress. Instead, when we focus our attention on their possible positive intentions, we start to see things differently, not only do our stress levels reduce, but we can be surprised by how much more optimistic we can feel.

2. Activate your self-awareness. To interpret the frustration you are experiencing towards the other person, you need to be aware of your emotions which are causing you to feel thwarted or threatened.  When was the last time you made time in your busy schedule to list the ways which others can send you into mad mode?  The more you know about your triggers, the better you can control your temperament.  Sometimes, all it takes is a small discovery that we did not perform well on a presentation to touch our larger insecurity around public speaking, and in that case, it has more to do with us than the comments of others who are just trying to be helpful.

3. Consciously manage your emotions.  Once aware, channel your emotions to be a thoughtful responder rather than an emotional reactor. Lashing out can seem like an easier action, but it is not the more productive one.  One way to be more mindful is to incorporate reflective practices in your life – deep breathing, meditation, yoga, solitary walks, and other activities can go a long way in increasing your self-awareness so you will be able to plan and be strategic on how we will respond. It’s about intentionally choosing how you want to show up, instead of blurting out words that you could later regret.

4. See people as people, not threats.  Building friendships at work can increase our happiness level and provide additional perspectives to check our opinions.  Adopting a collaborative mindset over a competitive one can also create untapped joy.  Try out these words – “we, us, ours” instead of “me, I, mine.”  Ask yourself, “what can I do for the team,” instead of thinking “what can the team do for me?” Consult close friends at work to get another perspective or work with a coach to learn more about your blindspots.

5. Lean into your natural empathy and compassion. Find out how the other person came to their point of view.  How is it different than yours? How is it the same?  The more you learn about somebody else, the more you may discover that you have more in common than you may have thought.  Or perhaps there is a new appreciation for what the person is trying to do which has nothing to do with singlehandedly, or in a larger conspiracy, taking you down!

Instead of just enduring the toxicity and associated stress that we may experience at work, we have a multitude of options to explore, which will create more internal and external joy.  Life is too short to spend time brooding about unnecessary drama.  Take steps to control what you can and not worry about what you cannot. 

Quote of the day: "Whenever you're in conflict with someone, there is one factor that can make the difference between damaging your relationship and deepening it. That factor is attitude." -William James

Q: What strategy do you use to handle a stress-conflict at work? Comment and share with us, we would love to hear your thoughts!

As a Leadership Coach, I partner with others to resolve conflicts in the workplace and create agreements for success, contact me to learn more.

Handle your workplace stress for a healthier and happier life.

How Well Do You Know Your Stress? (Stress Series 3/4)

When stress strikes and impacts your body and mind, how do you handle it?  Learning about your reactions can help you manage it and build resilience in its presence.

Here are 3 leading ways to get to the root of stress:

1. Explore your stress through questioning. Ask yourself:

A. How do I respond under pressure? Maybe you confront, avoid, break down, become irrational.

B. What does stress do to me physically? Beating heart, tightness in your chest or shoulders, sweating, knots in your stomach, or headaches.

C. How does it affect me emotionally? Do I get sad, angry, worried, or have a pervasive out-of-control feeling?

D. What are my go-to distresses? Are they positive: Laughing, meditating, practicing yoga, reading, socializing, or negative: excessive eating, drinking, procrastinating, watching tv, overworking, being rude to others?

E. Do I have a different reaction or destresser for a different trigger or context? Perhaps when it is dealing with family, you engage in emotional eating, but when dealing with a work event, you get angry and condescending.

It is ok to not have all the answers, but embarking on a journey of self-discovery can be the most important expedition you go on.  You can start by prioritizing your self-reflection by journaling daily, thinking regularly on these questions especially during mundane activities like brushing your teeth, or by reading about how other people handle the causes and effects of stress so you can provide a comprehensive solution.

2. Know your values.  Stress can occur when one of our values is being violated so knowing your values can help with an adequate response.  For example, you may be anxious about giving feedback to your team member.  Upon further scrutiny of the situation, you realize that the value that is being tested is your concern with fairness, so you want to make sure you are doing right by your teammate. You ask yourself, “by prolonging the conversation, am I being fair?”  You may realize that when you frame the situation through the fairness value you are much quicker to provide feedback so she can improve and help the team.  Or perhaps, you criticize yourself harshly and are stressed because it is violating your value of self-compassion.  When you can identify the principles that are being tested, you know how to put strategies in place that allow you to use your emotions wisely under stress.

3. Increase your response range. When we are stressed, our brain is wired to be more reactionary and our decision-making faculties are impaired.   We can resort to binary choice-making which limits the options available to us.  In tough decisions, we can reach premature conclusions rather than opening ourselves up to more and better options. A good way to combat this problem is to force yourself to generate several responses, even when you think you only have a few, challenge yourself to have at least 10 and then you can winnow down to a realistic and empowering three. Knowing that you have more options will reduce your stress. 

When confronted with a stressful situation, carefully appraise your core strengths and resources rather than panicking or disconnecting from reality.  Identify the source of the stress, think about the values that are being tested, and increase your range of responses so you can defeat anything that comes your way.

Quote of the day: “I am an old man and have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened.” – Mark Twain

Q: Which value, when violated, causes you the most stress?  What’s your best distressing technique?  Comment and share with us, we would love to hear!

[The next blog in this series 4/4 will focus on dealing with stress in the workplace]

As a Leadership Coach, I partner with others to understand their sources of stress and have a game plan for working with it for increased performance, contact me to learn more.

What do you know about your stress?

Top 8 Ways To Deal With Stress (Stress Series 2/4)

In the last article, we talked about different kinds of stress and associated positive and negative impacts.  The focus of this article will be on ways to manage worry effectively.

Let’s Jump Into Leading Techniques to Deal with Stress:

1. View it positively. How you see it makes all the difference.  A study tracked 30,000 adults in the US for eight years and began by asking people, "How much stress have you experienced in the last year?" and "Do you believe that stress is harmful to your health?" Researchers then used public death records to find out who died.  The results showed that people who experienced a lot of stress in the previous year and viewed it as harmful to their health had a 43% increased risk of dying.  People who experienced a lot of anxiety but did not see it as harmful were no more likely to die.  In fact, they had the lowest risk of dying of anyone in the study, including people who had relatively little strain. Changing how you view stress can literally mean the difference between life and death. 

Furthermore, when you tell yourself, this is my body helping me rise to the challenge, you channel that energy to work for you and not against; you turn stress from debilitating to enhancing. Reframing it can provide a different look and open up an array of healthy possibilities to stare down the tension from an empowering position.

2. Get help. When you share with somebody how you are feeling instead of bottling it up, you can relieve some of the effects. When life is difficult, your stress response wants you to be surrounded by people who care about you, there is a built-in mechanism for resilience found through human connection.   When you reach out to others to seek support, you can bounce back more easily than if you choose to isolate yourself. You may be surprised that the very worry that you are convinced only relates to you is shared by others and more common than you think.

3. Play and laugh.  The best antidotes to stress are play and laugher.  It is hard for the human brain to think about more than one thing at any given time.  You cannot be both pepped up and driven down at the exact same moment so when you find ways to laugh, you are reducing the stress emotion.

4. Get busy. Winston Churchill famously said, “I have no time for worry.”  If you are doing something that involves planning and thinking, it is hard to fit in worry. Sometimes, taking your mind off the nagging worry will allow you to return to the problem on your own terms. What kind of project or task can you work on that will occupy your full attention?

5. Rehearse the worst-case scenario.  Instead of having these uninformed nebulous catastrophic thoughts bounce around in your skull, you can think through the worst-case scenario which can shed new light.  Perhaps we realize that it is not as bad as we are portraying it, or we discover the power we need to get through the toughest times. When we visualize, more information can surface to assuage our concerns and we can plan to mitigate those circumstances.

6. Know it will pass. Believing in the idea that the stress is temporary and that there is nothing life could bring to you that is beyond your strength to endure.  You can also ask yourself… how much is this thing that I’m worrying about really matter in the grand scheme of things?  How much am I willing to pay for this worry, how much have I already paid? 

7. Engage in future think. Picture yourself in the future, perhaps 1-3 years from now, and how you will not care about this trivial matter.  It helps us visualize not being in this painful moment but in a more joyous time. When we are so ensconced in the short-term, we are filled with all kinds of emotions, but when we can shift our mind to the long-term, the more rational side can balance the emotional side.

8. System design. If there is a problem that is causing you stress, you can address it by designing a system to combat the problem.  This can involve the following:

A. Have a process: When people panic they make mistakes, they override systems and disregard rules.  If you have a familiar process, you will be less stressed because you have prepared for this before and know exactly what to do. 

B. Get started: Maybe the first thing you do is write down what is causing the problem. You do not even need to devise a solution, you just need to begin. You can even pretend you are somebody else objectively collecting facts for the problem.  When you devote your time to research, worries tend to evaporate in light of knowledge and clarity.

C. Break down the stress:  When you can dismantle something or look at it from a new angle, it loses its force over you.  Don’t focus on the big goal, break it down into small pieces, and pay attention to taking the first step. 

Other techniques can include: getting adequate sleep, regular exercise, mental downtime, taking vacations, doing controlled breathing, practicing yoga, mindfulness meditation, getting acupuncture treatments, walking in nature, journaling, being of service to others, and practicing loving-kindness to name a few.

The main takeaway is that we are not powerless to stress.  When we proactively manage it, we will regain control and find more ways to be happy and fewer ways to worry.

Quote of the day:  “It is not stress that kills us, it is our reaction to it.” -Hans Selye, Father of Stress Research

Question of the day:  What technique do you use that is not on this list? Comment and share below, we would love to hear from you!

[The next blog in this series 3/4 will focus on ways you can learn about the sources of your stress]

As a Leadership Coach, I partner with others to understand their sources of stress and have a gameplan for working with it for increased performance, contact me to learn more.

Reduce your stress with these techniques

Making Sense of Stress (Stress Series 1/4)

There are no shortages of common sources of stress including work, children, finances, relationships, illness, overcommitment, loneliness, family dynamics, lack of work-life balance, and uncertainty, all exacerbated during these quarantine times.  While stress is a ubiquitous part of life, its negative effects do not have to be. The very way we look at stress can completely change its hold over us.

Stress, or this agitation in the body, usually happens when demands exceed capacity. It can come in many different forms. There is the type of stress which you bring onto yourself such as showing up for a meeting unprepared or skipping out on a commitment.  This is pointless stress because it can be avoided or minimized with advance planning and prioritization before the situation turns problematic. There is the stress that hits you like a bolt from the blue and even having done everything right, you could not have anticipated or controlled its arrival.  There is high-level stress that can be debilitating to your performance and there is low-level stress that can be enhancing. There is short-lived stress that provides the accelerating force for you to accomplish a task and there is long-lasting stress that chips away at your health and happiness each day.  The intensity and duration of stress matters, and when both are present, it is a recipe for disaster.

Stress: The Destroyer

The one thing for sure is that too much stress, especially of the acute variety can have deleterious effects.  It can muddle our thinking by crippling our abilities to think long-term, and it can compel poor decision making. University of Pennsylvania Professor and Author Annie McKee says, with chronic stress, “we have more difficulty being flexible or open to new ideas, we start seeing things in simplistic ways and we overreact to minor irritants; everything and everyone starts looking like a threat.” In this state, we are more likely to cause problems rather than solve them.  It is an endless loop – we do not think straight and we pick fights; we lash out, hide out, or opt-out. It gives us tunnel vision, the more stressed we are, the more focused we tend to be and are unable to see the periphery.  Neurologist Robert Sapolsky spent more than three decades studying the physiological effects of stress on health.  He concluded that long-term stress suppresses the immune system, making us more susceptible to infectious diseases and can even shut down reproduction by causing erectile dysfunction and disrupting menstrual cycles. Being chronically overwhelmed and fatigued can negatively impact our performance and can lead to mental health issues such as burnout and depression.

Stress: The Builder

Not all stress is bad, however.  A little bit of stress or a lot for a very short period of time can be a good thing.  Our stress hormones keep us alive!  If something was intent on eating us, our stress reactors would kick in and encourage us to run away. Sapolsky explains, stress hormones are brilliantly adapted to help us survive an unexpected threat. "You mobilize energy in your thigh muscles, you increase your blood pressure and you turn off everything that's not essential to surviving, such as digestion, growth, and reproduction.”  You think more clearly, and certain aspects of learning and memory are enhanced. All of that is spectacularly adapted if we are dealing with an acute physical stressor. Other than keeping us alive, moderate stress can help us develop coping skills and even kick us in the butt to boost our output.  Being unproductive can cause a feeling of stress and sway us in the direction of aiming to get work done. Having that deadline that is tight, but not too tight can spur creativity and motivation. Additionally, those stress states help us appreciate the periods of tranquility and the proactive steps we can take to spend more time in those peace zones.

It is important to notice the difference between stress that causes us chaos and stress that brings great results.  Fostering the good kind of stress and using techniques to minimize and avoid the bad type of stress will take you far. Regardless of the approach, we should never allow the stress termites to eat away at our lives. We have more power available to us than we realize and there is always some type of strong response we can offer.

Quote of the day: “Stress is caused by being here but wanting to be there” -Eckhart Tolle

Q: How have you used stress to achieve peak performance?

[The next blog in this series 2/4 will focus on 8 ways to deal with stress]

As a Leadership Coach, I partner with others to understand their sources of stress and have a gameplan for working with it for increased performance, contact me to learn more.

Embrace the good kind of stress while mitigating the bad type.

Top 10 Tips for Prioritization (Priority Series 5/5)

One of the biggest struggles in the modern workplace is knowing how to prioritize work.  Workloads are ballooning and everything feels important.  However, the truth is that a lot of the work we do every day does not really need to be done.  At least not right away.

Here are some additional helpful tips for tackling prioritization:

1. Apply the Pareto Principle or 80-20 rule to everything you do.  It says that 20% of your activities will account for 80% of your results.  So from a list of 10, two of those items will be worth the other eight combined.   On any given day, do you know your top two valued activities?  Spending 100% of your time on 20% of the activities will make a big difference.

2. Set Deadlines.  It is important to have deadlines for every task; otherwise, according to Parkinson’s Law, work will expand to fill the time available for its completion.  Coined by British scholar C. Northcote Parkinson, he points out that people usually take all the time allotted (and frequently more) to accomplish any task.  When you set an appropriate deadline, you can generally find ways to finish in that time frame. 

However, there might be times when you are unsure how long a task will take.  Do your best to plan and think on paper so you can give yourself a time range.  You can even build in extra time since you are not sure of the exact end time, and if you do not use it, you will be happy with the bonus time. Having an incentive to complete the task by the deadline and not infringe on your free time can be motivating.

3. Go From big to small.  It is good to start with a macro picture - what you want for the year - then go small by thinking about what you need to do today.  The smaller you get, the more energy you can devote to those items.  Mark Twain said, “the secret to getting ahead is getting started, the secret to getting started is breaking your complex, overwhelming tasks into small, manageable tasks and then starting on the first one.”  Each day, you can begin by asking – what is the one thing I can achieve today? 

4. Assess the value and estimated effort.  You can order your tasks by value.  There will always be some tasks that will have a much higher value.  For example, completing a client’s high-revenue project before doing internal work such as designing a presentation template for yourself for the next time you give a speech. Ask yourself how many people would be impacted by your completed work.  The more people involved, the higher the stakes.  

You can also order tasks by estimated effort.  If you have competing items that are equal in value, you can further divide them by the estimated time of completion.  Generally, productivity experts usually suggest the tactic of starting on the lengthier task first.  However, if your style is to complete a series of smaller tasks to free up the mental energy to dedicate all your power to the bigger tasks, you can choose the process that best supports your style.  It can also be motivating to check off a few things from your list before moving on to the weightier items.

5. Be flexible and adaptable.  Uncertainty and change are givens.  Know that your priorities will change, and often when you least expect them.  Since we cannot know the future, new information can force us to tweak our plans.  While that is true that you want to stay focused on the tasks that are important to you, you also want to be aware of the sunk cost fallacy.  In this psychological effect, we feel compelled to continue doing something just because we have already put time and effort into it.  Spending time on the wrong items that will not move the needle will be detrimental in the long run because you will never get that time back.  Life can remind us that there will be times when we have to stop what we are doing and switch tactics to get back on a better and faster track.  Bestselling Author Jim Collins reminds us that a “stop-doing list” is even more important than a to-do list.  We simply cannot do it all, even though we all know many people who try.

What’s your favorite tip for prioritization?

6. Make a decision on priorities.  A big problem that some leaders have is that they do not make any decisions, thereby failing to signal to others what is truly important.  This lack of prioritization is a problem.  Steve Jobs said, “what I don't do, is just as important as what I do.”  Take a couple of minutes in the morning to set your intentions to get what you want from the day instead of somebody else setting your agenda.

A. Actively choose what not to do.  Warren Buffet decided that he would invest only in the business that was absolutely sure of and then bet heavily on them.  He owes 90% of his wealth to just 10 investments.  All the decisions he made not to invest are just as important as deciding on what to invest.  He said, “for every 100 great opportunities that are brought to me, I say no to 99 of them.”  To be one of the best investors of all time, you need to be selective.  So, when in doubt, cut!

B. Choose One.  Having one significant priority will help to add structure in your life.  In the early 2010s, Mark Zuckerberg had a single focus to grow Facebook.  So anytime somebody went to him to pitch an idea, he would respond, “does it help us grow?”  Even if the answers were attractive such as this will make a lot of money or this will help the business, he would ask the same question about growth until he got the answer he wanted.  He had a main goal to focus on growth and made it very clear to all his employees so they were able to filter their requests first before going to him because they knew clearly what he cared about; they knew about his main objective of growth.  He only wanted to discuss one initiative at a time and refused to talk about anything else. 

Similarly, Billionaire Peter Thiel gave everybody one objective to focus on and when his employees wanted to have a meeting with Peter to pitch a new idea, he would ask how the new idea impacted that goal.  They had to connect all their work to that one priority.

C. Choose the “Hell Yes” option or it is a No.  The things that yield a “hell yes” response should get priority.  Derek Sivers uses this approach when making a decision, he only says yes to the things that he is really excited about.  Everything else, including the lukewarm commitments are a no.  So, if you think of activities on a scale from 1-10 (10 being really excited), the activities with a ranking of a 10  would be an easy yes, and any task from 1-9 would be a hard No. Check out my blog on Saying Yes for more.

D. Go for quality over quantity.  You do not have to do 100 things, you just have to do a few things right.  Get clear on your first principles, which are the things you love.  Distinguishing between the trivial many and the vital few is important.  Greg McKewon defines being an essentialist as “the relentless pursuit of less but better.”  Cross something off of your to-do list by not doing it and feel the relief.  

7. Get comfortable saying No.  Once you know your top goals, you want to say no to time killers and non-aligned requests.  Saying no does not mean a rejection of the person, but a way to honor your own commitments to yourself.  You can say, “This is something that I would love to help with and I’m grateful for the opportunity, but I need to focus on other pressing commitments right now.  The good news is I have already lined up a great replacement.” 

The script can be written in many different ways, the important piece of information is that there are a multitude of ways to say no politely, while also protecting your most important time.  Feel free to check out my earlier blog on Saying No which contains more scripts. 

8. Get comfortable with tradeoffs.  In making priorities, you have to make tradeoffs.  When you say no, it means you get to say yes to something else. Herb Kelleher, CEO of Southwest Airlines, always made these strategic tradeoffs.  He treated every “no” as a yes for his company.  Saying no to one thing allowed him to say yes to something else, such as developing an amazing company culture.  These tradeoffs were not made by default, but by design!  Herb said in an interview, “You have to look at every opportunity and say, well, no … I’m sorry.  We’re not going to do a thousand different things that really don’t contribute much to the end result we are trying to achieve.”  He made Southwest the dominant airline because he said no to destinations that were not point to point, no to serving meals, and no to first-class because they would have all been at the expense of offering cheap seats, which was his main priority.

It is important to be clear in your priorities because if two conflict, you want to know exactly what to do.  For example –being called into the office to work on a project and having a family event to go to, you can decide in advance what you are going to do based on what’s most important to you.  This way, when the decision comes up, it is not as difficult since you already did the advanced decision-making.  

9. Stick to your agreements and beware of boundary creep.  Let’s say you and your boss have agreed that your main priority is to build the website so all other aspects would be taken off your plate.  The beginning of the agreement feels great because you finally have the time for a single focus and you are making significant progress.  Then, a few months later, you notice that additional work keeps creeping in so your normal workload is the way it used to be before the discussion.  When that happens, be sure to correct it immediately.  Your priorities will always be tested, but when you are crystal clear with your boundaries, you can prevent any additional work encroachment.

10.  Choose an outbox over an inbox strategy.  How easy is it for us to lose precious hours of our day swallowed up by emails, wondering where the time went and why we did not accomplish anything? Living with an inbox strategy means that we respond to every request and interruption, we are at the mercy of other people‘s needs and agendas. In contrast, living with an outbox strategy means taking control of our day by setting clear and focused goals and then following that roadmap to get the job done.  Successful leaders know how to get clear on the essentials. 

Prioritization is a necessary skill to learn because sometimes it can feel like information is coming at us like a hose that has no off switch.  The approach of keeping up with the amount of data coming our way is a full-proof fail strategy.  Instead, we have to find ways to be selective in how much we are going to accept, when we will receive it, and how we can discard the excess. 

Quotes of the day: “ It is our choices that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.”  -J. K. Rowling

“Theory is good for the intellect, action is good for the soul” - Robert Reiner 

Q: What is your favorite prioritization tip?  Comment and share with us, we would love to hear what works for you! 

As an Executive and Leadership Coach, I partner with people who want to get clarity on their priorities, contact me to learn more.

To better prioritize, use a system (Priority Series 4/5)

You have done the work of capturing and organizing all your tasks.  Now it is time to figure out what should come first and next, so you attain optimal results for you, your team, and your organization.

Here are some popular systems for prioritization: 

1. Eisenhower Matrix.  Former US President Dwight Eisenhower developed this tool. It is a simple four-quadrant box that helps you separate important and urgent tasks.  Most of us fall into the trap of thinking urgent is important, but there is a big difference.  This propensity likely has roots in our evolutionary history; our ancestors concentrated more on short-term concerns than long-term strategy.  This is because tending to an immediate stimulus like a charging saber-toothed tiger could mean the difference between life and death.

In basic terms, urgent tasks are things that feel like they require your immediate attention.  They can put us in reactive mode, marked by a defensive, negative, hurried, and narrowly-focused mindset.  Think about an email that has to go out in the next 30 minutes, we could feel a little rushed and stressed and maybe will not put the kind of work into it that we would like.  Additionally, it could be an email that we have to do, which is not necessarily central to our goals.

There are two common reasons why urgent tasks occur.

·      First, it can be related to your poor planning. For example, you just finished a meeting and have five deliverables, but you forget to write them down.  About an hour before the next meeting, you remember those tasks and become frenzied to complete them.  This is the type of urgency that can be fixed with more solid planning. 

·      Second, it can relate to other people’s poor planning that puts you in a situation where you have to now react to their demands.  Perhaps your teammates drop in and request information within the next hour.  Just because something is urgent for them does not mean it is significant to you.  Of course, emergencies arise, and it is always good to band together in times of crisis and support the team, but if this is more the case of poor planning and less of a pop-up situation, it should be addressed to course correct for the future.  Having a system to deal with these two common causes of urgent tasks will be helpful. 

Important tasks are ones that support your long-term purpose, mission, values, and goals.  They are tasks that inspire you.  While some important items can be urgent, Eisenhower believed, “What is important is seldom urgent, and what is urgent is seldom important.”  Most people spend a lot of their time managing situations and crises by reacting to other people’s priorities stemming from poor planning.   

Once you have created your matrix and listed all your items in the respective quadrant, you can then behave accordingly. 

·      Important and urgent (Q1): Do these tasks as soon as possible.

·      Important, but not urgent (Q2): Decide when you will do these and schedule it.

·      Urgent, but not important (Q3): Delegate these tasks to someone else.

·      Neither urgent nor important (Q4): Drop these from your schedule as soon as possible and never look back.

The goal is to have only a few items in Q3 because this quadrant is about putting out fires and dealing with tight timelines.  It does not serve anybody to have a sense of panic around completing an item.  The more time you dedicate to effective planning, the more you will notice that in about a month or so, you will have fewer items in Q3 and can focus more of your effort where it matters (Q1). 

2. Ivy Lee Method or the Tomorrow List.  This strategy is a way to rank your urgent and important work by its true priority.  The Ivy Lee method dates back to 1918, when Ivy Lee, a productivity consultant, was hired by Charles M. Schwab, the President of the Bethlehem Steel Corporation, to improve his company's efficiency.  As the story goes, Lee offered his method to Schwab for free, and after three months, Schwab was so pleased with the results he wrote Lee a check for $25,000, worth $400,000 today.  

Here’s how it works:

1. At the end of each workday, write down the six most important tasks you need to accomplish tomorrow.  Do not write more than six.

2. Prioritize those six items in order of their importance.

3. When you arrive tomorrow, concentrate only on the first task.  Only when you are finished, you may move to the next one. 

4. Approach the rest of your list in the same fashion.  At the end of the day, move any unfinished items to a new list of six tasks for the following day.  Repeat this process every working day 

When you spend time in the evening creating this “Tomorrow List,” it has several benefits:

·      Studies indicate that writing down our goals and tasks helps us relax and declutter our minds.  The more we free our minds, the less we worry about when we try to fall asleep.

·      While sleeping, we can subconsciously be thinking about the goals and problems awaiting us, and our mind can go to work solving problems and forging new insights that can be carried forward for the following day and prime us to take action.

·      When we are focused on our plans for the next morning, we save time thinking about what’s first on the docket.

·      Limiting ourselves to six daily tasks (or less depending on preference) creates a constraint that forces us to prioritize appropriately and then stay focused by single-tasking our way through the list.

3. ABCDE Method.  This technique developed by Brian Tracy helps further divide the most important from a list of already important items. 

Here’s how it works:

1. Go through your list and give every task a letter from A to E.  Letter A being the highest priority because if you do not complete it, it can have serious consequences.

2. For every task with an A, give it a number that dictates the order you will do it in – A1, A2, A3.  B are tasks that you should do, but have somewhat important consequences.  Ideally, you should not move on to a B task until you have completed all the A tasks.  C tasks are ones that may have mild consequences.

3. Repeat until all tasks have letters and numbers.

The power of this prioritization technique lives in its simplicity and precision.  It allows you to get clarity on what is truly important to you because you have to decide what goes in the B3 category v. the C1.

4. Eat that Frog or “Hardest Item First” Method.  Once you have prioritized your most important work using whichever preferred method, it’s time to choose how to attack the day. 

Many productivity experts including Brian Tracy suggests doing the most important or most laborious task right away because it will set the tone for the rest of the day.  Mark Twain famously wrote, “If you have to eat a live frog, it does not pay to sit and look at it for a very long time!”  After you eat the frog, you will have the satisfaction that you have already done the worst and hardest thing for the day, and everything else will seem easier.  That emotional payoff can spark inspiration and confidence to tackle other tasks.  For those who consider themselves early birds, it makes sense to do your most challenging item first because you have a tank of fresh energy in which to dedicate.   

5. Warren Buffet’s 2-list strategy.  This is a way to make sure that you are working on the most important goals.  It does not matter how productive you are, if you are going after non-essential goals that are not leading you to your vision, you are not making progress. 

As the story goes, Warren Buffet used this process with his personal pilot to help him prioritize his career goals.  The first step was to write down 25 life goals, big and small, relating to career, education, family, and anything else worth spending time on.  Step two was to circle the top five goals on that list.  Any goals not circled, should be ignored, rather than interspersing them in your schedule for when you have time.  This is so that you are always working towards those big life goals and not spending your time doing non-trivial items.  Be sure to frequently check-in with yourself to make sure your priorities align with your long-term goals.

6. Fran Hauser’s 4 Square Model.  Author and Executive Fran Hauser divides her life priorities into four key quadrants: Career, Friends/Family, Me, and World.  Each box has the top priorities that cannot be moved because they deliver the greatest joy and align with her lifestyle.  80% of her time is dedicated to those top items, anything else that does not fit into that box, she is prepared to say no.  Sometimes it may mean shifting her schedule around so she can ensure that most of her time is spent on these four quadrants.  You can also build in some flexibility and take the average of two weeks instead of sticking to a weekly schedule since some weeks are more demanding than others.

Here are some examples of what it can look like:

·      Career: Reading books, learning a new skill, working with a coach on growth and development

·      Family/friends: Twice per week, family rituals of spending time together, such as working on a project or doing something wildly enjoyable together

·      Me: Personal development goals – could be exercise, more sleep, eating well, meditation, etc.

·      World: Doing charitable or volunteering work

7. Pomodoro Technique.  Developed by Francesco Cirillo in the late 1980s as a time management technique that helps you with your priorities.   It uses a timer to break down work into intervals traditionally 25 minutes in length, separated by short breaks.  Each interval is known as a Pomodoro, named after the tomato-shaped kitchen timer Cirillo used as a university student.  This method has been widely used and similar to concepts such as timeboxing.

Here is how it works:

·      Decide on the task to be done.

·      Set the timer (traditionally 25 mins.) and work on the task.

·      End the work when the timer rings and put a checkmark on a piece of paper.

·      If you have fewer than four checkmarks, take a short break for 3-5 minutes.

·      Once you have completed four Pomodoros, take a longer break (15-30 mins.), reset your checkmark count to zero, and begin with step one. 

This technique can help you concentrate your energy on a big task you have prioritized that you want to devote at least a couple of hours to make a dent.

There are various systems that will help you prioritize work that will move the needle in your life to a place of fulfillment and meaning.  Experiment with the right system for you and get started!

Quote of the day: “The art of being wise is the art of knowing what to overlook.” -William James

Q: How do you prioritize? Which system do you use that may not be listed above?

The next blog in this series 5/5 will focus on top tips for prioritization.

As an Executive and Leadership Coach, I partner with others to get clarity on your priorities, contact me to learn more.

What’s your system for prioritization?

Why you need a daily practice of planning and prioritization (Priority Series 3/5)

The last blog covered the importance of mapping out our high-level plan, including our purpose, vision, and values.  Now we can jump into creating a daily practice of planning and prioritizing.

Author and Organizational Consultant David Allen, a master of prioritization and planning, offers his Getting Things Done (GTD) system for organization.  His 5-step process - capture, clarify, organize, reflect, and engage with your stuff - helps us get more precise with our work.

1. Capture.  We need different lists for different purposes.  First, make a master list, where you capture everything you need to do in one spot that is out of your mind.  This thought-download exercise will provide a sense of relief.  Allen asserts, “Your mind is for having ideas, not for holding them.”  If we put things in an external drive, we can free up mental space and be fully engaged with our current tasks and be more present with the people in our lives.  You can create categories of things that are important to you for more significant organization.  You can also have a “someday maybe” list of items that could be interesting to explore eventually.  For example, consider taking the marketing course, look into taking the family to this event.  You can then further divide your work into monthly, weekly, and daily lists.  Don’t worry about the number of items, just get as much down on the paper as possible. 

2. Clarify.  Get clear on all the things you have to do.  Break down your big items into parts.  Instead of having the task of “write a blog,” you can split it into its components parts such as: 1. Create an outline 2. Research 3. Write the first draft  4. Proofread 5. Post.  It seems like a small simple action, but it makes a big difference if it means that you are more likely to start when you know all you have to do is jot down an outline instead of doing all those prerequisite steps for publication.

3. Organize.  You can arrange your actionable items by category, priority, and due date.  As productivity consultant Brian Tracy explains, your monthly list pulls from your master list. Your weekly list pulls from your monthly list.  And so on.  This way, you know your daily priorities align with your bigger goals. 

When completing your different lists, remember the Pareto Principle, that 20% of your efforts tend to produce 80% of your results.  Look for those tasks that bring you great gains.

4. Reflect.  Reflect on your to-do list.  Allen recommends doing this weekly and performing general clean up.  It is a time to see how your week went, what needs to be adjusted, and what needs to happen for the week ahead. This airplane view will allow you to see if your priorities are aligning with your purpose, vision, and goals and if they are not, you can choose to delegate, cancel, or reschedule some of your non-essential tasks.

5. Engage.  Take action – choose your next task from your list and get it done.  If you find that you are stalling, break up the task, maybe the next step is to have a couple of conversations with others to get ideas on how to proceed. Once you take the next step, you can receive additional information that you can act upon for the following step, and so on.

While you are planning, it is essential to be flexible.  What you want today can be different from what you want in the future, so you need to occasionally check in with yourself to make sure your values and goals are crystal clear and current.  Reshuffling priorities and making changes are all part of the process.

The very act of thinking and planning unlocks your mental powers and triggers your creativity.  Choose a process that will allow you to take action on the work that matters most to you.

Quote of the day:  “Cleaning and organizing is a practice, not a project” -Meagan Francis

Q: Which method do you use for organizing your information?  Comment and share with us, we would love to hear from you!

[The next blog in this series 4/5 will focus on systems of prioritization]

As a Leadership Coach, I partner with others to get clarity on their priorities, contact me to learn more.

Establish a daily practice to enhance your prioritization skills

The Importance of Long-Term Planning Before you Prioritize (Priority Series 2/5)

You have just decided that you are going to start regularly prioritizing so you can go big on the things that matter to you. To facilitate your efforts, you first want to devise an effective planning system that will offer greater strategic clarity.

Here are some useful steps to take to create a foundation of planning that will set you up for more effective prioritization: 

Get clear on WHAT you want and WHY you want it! This process includes purpose, values, vision, goals, and objectives.

1. Purpose.  This can be a much more involved exercise, but essentially, why are you on this planet, what are you here to do?  Is your purpose to help others, if so, what actions are you taking to serve that purpose which allows you to feel fully alive?  It will be easier for you to create daily and weekly tasks when you know what you need to do within the bigger picture and when you are going after purpose-driven items, you will love the reasons for choosing what to spend time on.

2. Values.  These are essential pillars that energize you and buttress your purpose.  Maybe your values include learning and service, so having a purpose aimed at helping others seems natural. When you are living your values, you will feel productive in how you spend your moments.

3. Vision.  Three or five years from now, where do you want to be?  If you fulfilled your purpose, what would that look like, what would your lifestyle be?  Paint a detailed picture.; you need to know where you want to go so you can take prioritization steps to support that vision.

4. Set goals and objectives.  Once you have your vision, you want to collect all the things you need to do to accomplish that 3-year plan and capture it on one master list.  Then you can break it down into yearly, monthly, weekly, and daily goals and objectives.  Prioritization happens on different levels. You have the tasks that need to be done today, goals completed in a week, and accomplishments for the month.  Sometimes the lists do not always align, and sometimes it can be easy to default to what seems urgent today instead of what is vital for the long term.  Always choose to take the steps that are moving you closer to your important life priorities – your purpose and vision.

This high-level planning will make daily decisions much easier.  Brian Tracy’s 10-90 rule for personal effectiveness says that when you spend 10% of the time planning,  you save up to 90% of your time in execution.

You may also want to consider this popular ABZ planning method in designing your long-term objectives.  Created by Authors and Co-founders Reid Hoffman and Ben Casnocha, it is an excellent strategy for designing your career while being flexible and having a backup plan for when things go wrong.  Plan A is about your current focus, which can be modified to adapt to small changes.  In case of a dramatic or unexpected change, Plan B launches, allowing you to pivot to refocus your goals and take the next steps to get there.  Plan Z is the fallback position; if all goes wrong, it is something you can comfortably rely on while you get back on your feet and not have to worry about the basics.

When you are clear about what you want and your priorities, you should be able to act decisively when a conflict comes up.  To help with this decision-making, you can set up potential conflict scenarios.  For example, you say that you want to prioritize career advancement.  So if you have an amazing work opportunity come up, but it is on the same day as your friend’s birthday party, which activity will you choose to attend?  When you put a few of these conflicts against each other and know exactly how you will act based on your vision, values, and purpose, you will be less stressed and act with conviction when the time comes.

To begin to prioritize, you want to get clear on your big-picture items – purpose, values, vision, goals, and objectives.  Then you can jump into the daily actions of working from a list and prioritize your most important work.

Quote of the day: “Tell me, what is it you wish to do with your one wild and precious life?” -Mary Oliver

Q: When was the last time you dedicated time to think and write about your purpose?  Comment and share with us, we would love to hear from you 

[The next blog in this series 3/5 will focus on daily practices of prioritization] 

As a Leadership Coach, I partner with others to craft their personal leadership vision, contact me to learn more.

Big-picture planning will make your priorities clearer

The Dangers of Not Prioritizing (Priority Series 1/5)

It can be common to feel like you have a never-ending river of responsibilities. You put in what feels like a productive work session, but cannot quite seem to make a dent in your pile.  Learning to prioritize your most important work will allow you to make meaningful progress in your life.

Choosing not to prioritize comes with some dangers.  Here are a few:

1. When we do not prioritize, everything becomes important.  Greg McKeown, author of Essentialism, shares a story of how on the day after his daughter was born, he was urged to attend a work meeting by a colleague.  Feeling pressured and not knowing his priorities, he left his wife in the hospital and showed up to work.  When he got there, clients looked at him perplexed and could not understand why he was not with his family.  When you are not clear on your priorities and say yes to everybody to please them, you end up doing more damage in the process – in his case - harm to his family, his integrity, and client relationships.  Agreeing to requests seems like you are being helpful, but you are not; it is much more important to know your priorities and act in accordance with them to serve yourself and others even better.

2. If we do not prioritize, we can get overwhelmed with too many choices.  An abundance of options can be problematic.  In The Paradox of Choice, Professor Barry Schwartz argues that having more choices can lead to unhappiness because it can be harder to cut through the noise and make a decision.  But when you know your priorities, you can look past the superfluous because that diamond is shining so brightly in front of you that you do not even see any of the other enticing stones.

3. When we do not have a clear sense of our priorities, we can engage in multi-tasking by trying to do it all.  Our brain can only focus on one thing at a time, so when we aim to go after two or more high priority items, we pay the price in time and effectiveness.  What happens is not multi-tasking (you cannot solve a math problem and share original poetry at the same time,) instead, what occurs is task switching, spending time on one task, and then moving to another.  A bounce between activities wastes our time because we have to reorient our brains to the new job.  We lose up to 40% of task effectiveness and sometimes more depending on the assignment’s difficulty.  Prioritizing helps us focus on one thing at a time for a longer duration, and that uninterrupted workflow can lead to higher productivity.

4. With no prioritization, we live in reaction mode.  If we do not know what we want to do, we may say yes to things that others want us to do.  Jim Rohn said, “If you don’t design your own life plan, chances are you’ll fall into someone else’s plan.  And guess what they have planned for you?  Not much.”  Getting clarity on your most essential work will allow you to feel good about the job you are doing that supports your mission and vision.  

5. A lack of prioritizing can lead to burnout.  We all know those people who consistently stay late at the office or work on the weekends to catch up.  Sometimes, it’s unavoidable, but when it is the norm, it may be due to a challenge in prioritizing.  This activity is not something to wear as a badge when it comes at the expense of quality family or wellbeing time.  Conversely, there are those people who consistently leave at 6:00 pm to go to the gym because they have prioritized exercise, and knowing they have set boundaries garners great respect.

We may have 100 visions a day, but we cannot accomplish them all simultaneously.  Less is more.  Prioritization is a cornerstone of productivity and once you build this habit, it will help with time management and work-life balance.   

Quote of the day: “Things which matter most must never be at the mercy of things which matter least.” -Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Q: What is one skill that you can be excellent in that would have the most significant positive impact on your career?  How willing are you to prioritize that skill development?  Comment and share with us, we would love to hear from you!

The next blog in this series 2/5 will focus on the importance of long-term planning to facilitate prioritization]

As a Leadership and Executive Coach, I partner with others to help discover and clarify priorities, contact me to learn more.

What’s your cost to not prioritizing?

Top 6 Ways to Brainstorm (Brainstorming 2/2)

In the last article, I wrote about how adding guidelines can improve the process of brainstorming, however, there are many different types of brainstorming. Let’s explore six popular ways to spark creativity on your team.

1. Brain Writing. Start by giving people time to think and work alone by writing down all of their ideas.  Then come together as a group and each person shares one idea at a time. When you separate the individual idea generation stage from the group discussion phrase, it allows for many more initial possibilities. You can then narrow down your selections by detecting the overlapping themes and building on these smaller and more concentrated concepts in greater detail.

2. 6-3-5 method. In this approach developed by Bernd Rohrbach in the 60s, six people sit around a table and pass their three ideas to the person on the right who builds on them.  This passing is done five times (or more) until everybody has had time to add to each idea.  They then get together and evaluate and search for commonalities.  This method is successful because it slows down the creative process since it gives everybody in the room adequate time to generate and strengthen before moving on to the evaluation phase.  It also prevents those who want to rush into solution mode because they are uncomfortable with uncertainty.

3. Round Robin Brainstorming. After each person has prepared something to share, the facilitator will go around the table requesting one idea from each person.  The job of the facilitator is to ensure an orderly process so everybody has a chance to talk and nobody evaluates the ideas until all have the opportunity to share.  This approach can be useful when team members have a tendency to stay quiet.  It also provides additional control for those who want to start analyzing the first few ideas before seeing the whole menu presented, they will have to wait until everybody has offered something.

4. Nominal Group Technique. Is a structured method for group brainstorming that can illicit creative answers to specific problems. Team members begin by writing down their ideas, then selecting which ones they feel are best. Once they are ready, everyone presents their favorite idea persuasively and then discussed and evaluated thoroughly. The group can take a simple vote for the ideas that they want to prioritize to further develop.

5. Sentence Stems. These include a series of prompts to get the discussion started.  For example, “we can cut our costs 10% by…?”  “We can become #1 in our space by…?”  Researchers at Google, Facebook, and IDEO have come up with a powerful three-word sentence starter – “How Might We…?” Each word is deliberately chosen, the HOW encourages detailed description, the MIGHT allows for freedom and creativity and the WE invites anybody to participate.  According to Duane Bray, the Head of Talent at IDEO, “How Might We” questions are so effective because they “allow clients to mentally reset and reframe a problem as an opportunity.”

6. Sketch Storming. This is the combination of drawing and writing to visually present your ideas.   Some concepts can be too abstract and difficult to describe in words so using diagrams and drawings can be helpful.  The depictions may even illicit multiple interpretations and fun, creative offshoots.

Whichever method you choose, the key is creating an environment of psychological safety so people can be encouraged to take risks in their thinking and silliness. You can choose to start with a fun warmup game.  Management Professor Leigh Thompson conducted a study on this subject and found that groups who shared funny or embarrassing stories about themselves came up with 26% more ideas and were 15% more creative than the groups who did not.

The best creative groups are not just the sum of their parts, but the totality of their experiences. When you can effectively implement methods that elicit people’s best, ideas blossom. 

Quote of the Day: “Creativity requires the courage to let go of certainty” -Erich Fromm

Q: What’s your favorite brainstorming technique? Comment and share below, we would be overjoyed to hear from you!

As a Leadership Development & Executive Coach, I work with teams to facilitate processes for brainstorming & creativity. Contact me to learn more.

Which brainstorming methods yield the greatest results?

Brainstorming: From Broken to Better (1/2)

Does brainstorming ever feel like a waste of time? You believe it is necessary to get your team's input on a topic, but the session usually turns into a few people bickering, and the other participants remaining silent.   What’s going wrong?

When Advertising Executive Alex Osbourn developed this specific technique in the 1950s, the concept seemed obvious and simple - toss out as many ideas as possible without regard for being right or fear of criticism.  As it turns out, there are inherent problems with the design.  Psychology Professor Art Markman draws on research which shows that people who follow his method come up with fewer good ideas, compared to if individuals were to generate suggestions alone. 

Here are some challenges with basic brainstorming:

1. When people work together, their ideas tend to converge early on.  When one person throws out an idea, an anchoring bias occurs, where others tend to affix their ideas to the first ones.  Their minds are influenced as they start to think in similar ways about the problem.  In contrast, when they have time to work alone first, they diverge in their thinking because everybody takes a slightly different path when working through the problem while not being shaped by other ideas.  To reach the most creative solutions, it is much better to start with a large number of proposals and winnow down as opposed to having the first few thoughts dominate the process, thereby starting with a smaller sample in which to work.

2. Only some voices are heard.  According to Rebecca Greenfield of Fast Company, only a few people do 60%-75% of the talking, which can prevent other fresh ideas from surfacing. Even worse, if one of those people happens to be the boss, others could rally to support that view as a way to curry favor. Some may even censor themselves because they may feel like their ideas are not as worthy as those of the boss.

3. This method favors extraverts over introverts.  It is a natural tendency for many extraverts to blurt out ideas, even if they might not be fully formed because as they are sharing, they are processing and arriving at what they really want to say. It is their style. Contrastly, most introverts usually like to take time thinking more deeply about an issue and may go through several internal edits before they feel comfortable sharing.  The domination of a few loud contributors can cause others to remain silent because of fear of looking stupid by contributing an idea that has not gone through their personal vetting process or because they do not feel comfortable sharing freely in this way since they yearn for that uninterrupted thinking time.

In my experience in working with teams, not many people take the time to set up guidelines before they engage in a brainstorming session, they want to jump in and figure it out on the go.  With just a little bit of structure, the process can yield much higher efficiency. 

Here are some helpful steps to make the most out of your sessions:

1. Organize the logistics.  According to Author Brian Tracy, the ideal size of groups is 4-7, and the optimal length should be about 30 minutes.  Chose a facilitator to ensure that each person can have the same amount of contributions and to step in when guidelines are not being followed. Be sure to create those norms that work best for your team. Elect a recorder to capture all the ideas for revision and reflection.

2. Go for quantity.  The goal is to generate the greatest number of ideas in the time allowed.  There’s a direct relationship between the number of ideas and quality. In the book Originals, Adam Grant argues that creative people are no more creative than anybody else, but what separates their effectiveness is the number of ideas they put together and while many of them may fail, they just need that one from the bunch. Do not aim for 3-5, go for 15-20, or whatever may seem like a stretch for your team. Sometimes the last idea offered in the final minute is the breakthrough one.

3. Be positive and build. It is essential to avoid criticizing or judging. When you treat every idea as a good one, even seemingly absurd ones, it creates a safe space for people to give freely.  Always be thinking about how you can encourage and build on other’s ideas because it could take you to interesting and surprising places. This is the approach of improvisation, which is called, “YES, AND.” The idea is that when your partner introduces a crazy idea or scenario, instead of rejecting it, you go with it and make it even crazier. Essentially accepting what they say as truth and building on the reality that they set however asinine you think it may be.

4. Go for the ridiculous ideas. It is not uncommon for one bizarre idea to be combined with another crazy one to create a revolutionary third idea.  Lighten up, this process should be fun, silly, and at times, have you stitched over in laughter. After all, if we can’t laugh when in an imaginary and creative space, when can we?

When we put careful thought into brainstorming, we can create an environment that extracts the best quality from the team, while also fostering a feeling of fun, connection, and being a part of a powerful creative process which can deliver untold meaning and purpose.

Quote of the Day: Creativity is contagious - pass it on” -Albert Einstein

Q: What other guidelines would you add to maximize effectiveness in the brainstorming process? Comment and share below, we would love to hear from you!

The next blog will explore the different types of brainstorming for maximum team performance.

As a Leadership Development & Executive Coach, I work with teams to facilitate processes for brainstorming & creativity. Contact me to learn more.

How do you spark creativity on your team?

Optimize Your Nighttime Routine for Sounder Sleep (Sleep Series 4/4)

In the previous articles in the sleep series, we covered the harmful impact of sleep deprivation, tips for a more successful snooze, and the importance of daytime decisions to improve your quality of sleep.  To conclude our blog series, let’s jump into strategies for creating an optimal nighttime routine, or a series of automatic steps to take, to help you fall asleep more easily.

Here are some suggestions to include in your nighttime routine that could help you relax and prime you for sleep.  Whatever you decide that comprises your routine, it can be helpful to set an alarm to kick it off about 45 minutes before bed.

1. Start strong. You can begin the routine by listening to music or a podcast while doing your bathroom business.  Beginning with an enjoyable activity will allow you to look forward to the process instead of instinctually trying to delay it. Maybe you have a dedicated audiobook that you get to enjoy each night and look forward to picking up the story where you left off.

2. Stretch. Doing a series of relaxing, low-impact exercises like yoga or gentle stretching in the evening can help promote sleep. The key is to draw your awareness to your muscles and feel them getting tired.

3. Breath. These exercises are another way to relax your body. When we are relaxed, our breathing slows.  Researchers have found that the relationship is bidirectional, when we deliberately slow our breath, our body relaxes and can more easily fall asleep in a calmer state.

4. Read in bed.  Some studies show that reading for as little as six minutes lowers our heart rate, eases muscle tension, and reduces stress by as much as 60%. The more relaxed our mind and body are, the more we can ease into restorative sleep.

5. Journal. Take time to write a few sentences about the events that you experienced that day. When you dedicate moments to actively reflect on your day and put your experience into words, it gives you a sense of control and makes it easier to quiet your thoughts. Not keeping a journal is like spending the whole day painting a portrait and not bothering to step back and examine what you have made and where you want to go for next time. If you are not reflecting on your day, you are not learning or improving how you live.

6. Foster Positive Thoughts. While lying in bed and ready to fall asleep, focus on the positive.  Research from the University of California took a cohort of people who were having a hard time falling asleep and divided them into three groups and timed how long it took to fall asleep.  Group 1 was not given any instructions and took about an hour. Group 2 was told to try and forget their worries; they fell asleep in about 40 minutes. Group 3 was asked to think pleasant thoughts, they fell asleep in 20 minutes. Focused thinking on something positive like an upcoming vacation, a good movie, an adventure with a friend can help with lights out.   The more specific your thoughts, the better, e.g., thinking about the colors you see and the surrounding objects will engross you in the experience and relax you.

Setting yourself up for excellent sleep does not just happen when your head hits the pillow, but in the series of choices you make leading up to bedtime. When you can start and end your routine on a positive note by doing one of your favorite activities and writing in your gratitude journal, you are priming your mind for a quality snooze.

Quote of the day: “If you can't sleep, then get up and do something instead of lying there and worrying. It's the worry that gets you, not the loss of sleep.” ― Dale Carnegie

Q: What’s your favorite nighttime routine to prime you for the best sleep of your life? Comment and share with us, we would love to hear!

As a Leadership Development & Executive Coach, I partner with people to grow their leadership ability so they can live their best life and develop others more effectively. Contact me to learn more.

What’s your nighttime routine?

For Quality Sleep, Make Better Daytime Decisions (sleep series 3/4)

Getting good quality sleep does not just happen when your head hits the pillow, but from the moment you wake up.  Our behavior throughout the day and the choices we make, especially in the last few hours of our day can significantly impact our ability to get great rest.

Here are some practical things to do during the day to improve your sleep:

1. Control Stimulants.  As a general rule, it is best to cut off caffeine by 2 pm. Try to give yourself at least eight caffeine-free hours before bedtime. Nightly alcohol also disrupts your sleep quality.  Some people may believe a couple of glasses of wine can help them fall asleep quickly, which may be true, but the problem is that sleep hinders the REM stage, which is the most restorative.  That’s why even when getting many hours of sleep after a night of drinking, we wake up exhausted because alcohol has gotten in the way. The rule is if we are going to have a drink, make it at least three hours before bed; for two drinks, at least four hours before sleep.

2. Get Sunlight Exposure. The more daylight you soak up, the happier and the more alert you will be, which will allow you to sleep better at night since some of that energy has been expended earlier.  Even if you may not be able to get outside, sitting near a window can also help.  Studies show that on average, employees whose offices have windows get 46 min more sleep every night.

3. Exercise. Even as little as 10 minutes of exercise per day can dramatically improve the quality and consistency of your sleep. For one thing, it is because movement tires the body, which increases the chances that you’ll be sleepy when it is time for rest. Sleep specialist Matthew Walker recommends visiting the gym after work rather than before because it is a great way to reduce stress after a day at the office.  The movement helps burn off any tension, which enables you to wind down more easily and relax when you get to bed. Taking more walks can help boost your energy so the next time you need to make a phone call or have a meeting, why not combine it with walking?

4. Eat Well. The food we consume throughout the day has a surprisingly strong impact on our sleep. In particular, eating saturated fats and sugar is associated with a harder time falling asleep. Fat requires the body to work overtime, which makes it more difficult for us to feel comfortable. Regularly eating a cheeseburger and french fries – especially for dinner – causes your sleep quality to suffer, and frequent sugar intake raises energy arousal. Accordingly to an Australian study, spicy food may also disrupt your sleep.  In addition to the higher fat levels, it can increase your internal body temperature, which needs to lower for you to have restful sleep. If you eat these foods too close to bedtime, your body expends energy in digestion rather than helping your brain fall asleep. Many studies would advise not eating at least 3 hours before bed.

The choices you make during the day can have a major impact on the quality of sleep you have. When you are eating healthy, exercising, getting appropriate sunlight, and avoiding stimulates like caffeine or alcohol late in the day, you are creating the conditions for the best sleep of your life.

Quote of the day: “Dreaming permits each and every one of us to be quietly and safely insane every night.” ― Charles Fisher

Q: What are some productive daytime activities that help you sleep better at night?  Comment and share with us, we would love to hear!

The next blog in this sleep series 4/4 will focus on optimizing your nighttime routine.

Are you inspired by the way you lead yourself? As a Leadership Coach, I partner with people to grow their leadership ability so they can live their best life and develop others more effectively. Contact me to learn more.

Make healthy eating choices for better sleep