5 Ways To Spark Full Team Participation (Team Series 6/10)

How do you encourage active participation from your team? 

Perhaps, you have an important decision to make and you want to get a lot of quality input in pursuit of the strongest solution.  So… you prepare the room, invite the key participants, and get ready to receive an abundant amount of ideas from every team member.  What you actually get instead is a group of mainly silent observers with a few dominant voices.  Indeed, it can be a challenge to get the very best from the group if there is not 100% participation.

Here are techniques you can use to encourage full participation:  

1. Call on quiet people.  Let people know in advance of the meeting that you value their opinion and want to include their voices so you would like to find ways to include them.  When you call on them it is because you are merely eager to hear their thoughts to reach the best decision possible.  This can have the intended effect of creating a safe space where they do not feel singled out and are more interested to share. To work with the style of introverts, you can give them some additional time to write their ideas first.

2. Use a default guideline, such as “silence denotes agreement.”  Author Bob Frisch talks about a common problem in meetings, which is when a potential new plan is discussed and when asked if anybody objects or has concerns, nobody says anything.  So the leader mistakenly assumes that everybody is on board.  A few days go by and some people begin to offer doubts, even though they had those same reservations at the time of the meeting.  To address this challenge, he recommends setting a key ground rule – silence means agreement.  This would prompt more people to open up; otherwise, it is safe to say that if they do not share, it is because they agree.  It is important to note that in a psychologically safe environment, people usually feel comfortable and empowered to contribute.  If this necessary condition is not present, there are other things that can be done to include people’s voices, but it is a temporary fix because psychological safety is an essential ingredient for long-term team success. 

3. Take anonymous polls.  People can write down their questions or concerns and deposit them in a box to be read aloud. They can also use polling websites that would allow them to submit their responses anonymously and have their answers projected for all to see in real-time.  A benefit is that potential problems can be aired for those people who may not want to speak up and possibly be seen as a naysayer.  This technique should be used sparingly because you want to try and have as much open discussion as possible, which is what you get in psychologically safe teams. 

4. Have small group discussions.  People are more likely to participate when they are just talking to one or two others.  After the time is allotted for them to flesh out their thoughts, each group can have a representative to report on the ideas or challenges.  This is also a great way to get introverts involved because it creates a more comfortable space to share.

5. Use empathy to elicit more voices.  Bob Frisch mentioned how people are more likely to speak up on others' behalf than their own.  A question, such as “what objections or concerns might your direct reports or other teams have,” can prompt additional participation.  This distance will allow them to share other people’s possible perspectives that may not have been offered if it was coming directly from them.

Each person on your team plays a vital part.  By not getting them involved, you are neglecting essential resources.  While there is no set way to encourage participation because it is a matter of doing what fits with your team and culture, building phycological safety and having communication norms will go a long way for creating excellence in teams.

Quote of the day: “Not all who are silent do not want to talk.” -Author Debasish Mridha

Q: What’s the best method you use to prompt somebody’s participation? Comment and share with us, we would love to hear from you!

*The next blog in this team series 7/10 will jump into the goal of achieving collective intelligence.

Full team participation can lead to your greatest discoveries

Your Team Needs Universal Agreements (Team Series 5/10)

Effective teams are intricately linked by a common purpose based on shared values and norms.  They believe that they can succeed or fail together.  The healthy teams have rules of engagement – explicit and implicit guidelines of how to work together and the kinds of conflicts they will or will not allow. Some agreements can be broad such as listen like you are wrong, assume positive intent, and be solution-focused. Other agreements can relate to specific activities like team meetings.

Here are some norms that can foster an excellent working relationship among teams in their meetings:

1. Encourage full participation.  Sometimes when you go to a meeting, there is somebody who sits off to the side and never says anything.  However, it is essential for everybody to be heard for buy-in to occur and for the greatest amount of ideas to be put on the table. What systems do you put into place to foster maximum contributions? For some ideas, you can check out my article, “5 ways to spark full team participation.”

2. Adopt the Devil’s Advocate Role.  Some people invoke this term to have license to say something unpopular or distasteful, but a real devil’s advocate provides an excellent service.  It gives people permission to challenge, disagree, and argue productively.  It is an excellent practice to test your idea and make sure it is really solid.  If your teammate is trying to tear it apart, poke holes, and undermine it, and you cannot adequately defend the idea, perhaps it is not ready yet for the mainstream. For this tactic to be effective, you need to have trust and psychological safety. You are more likely to give and receive challenges when there is an understanding that the goal of the tough inquires is to make your ideas even better, thereby benefiting the team.

3. Establish a “disagree and commit” culture.  This idea comes from Tech Co-founder Scott McNealy's larger point - “Agree and commit, disagree and commit, or get out of the way.”  Andy Grove, and most recently Jeff Bezos included this idea in his 2016 letter to shareholders.  Bezos expected and demanded that teammates voice their disagreement.  He also believed that no matter their point of view, once a decision has been made, everyone commits to its success.  He writes, “Have Backbone; Disagree and Commit. Leaders are obligated to respectfully challenge decisions when they disagree, even when doing so is uncomfortable or exhausting.”  If you have two people battling to win the approval of their idea and one loses, that person could be so tied to their plan that they may not want to see the other person’s idea succeed.  But real teammates know how to spar to make each other better and then offer their sincere support and robust commitment because there is a bigger picture and a larger vision at play.  If you notice somebody not jumping on board, they may be elevating the individual over the group agenda. 

4. Speak last as a leader.  This advice was given to former Yahoo CEO Marissa Mayer by legendary Executive Coach Bill Taylor.  He said that when you go first and blurt out your ideas, you rob other people with the ability to share their perspectives.  While you may know the answer, it is vital to contribute last because you give the team the chance to partake in the process, synergize, and get there together, which is just as important as coming up with the right idea.

5. Elect the right people to lead the discussion.  If the conversation is about marketing, it should be led by the marketing department.  Most times, corporate politics can get in the way of the finest ideas prevailing, but the best managers put the person closest to the problem in charge of solving it because they have first-hand experience and unique insights. Innovation is not about only allowing important people with big titles to create, but driving forward excellent ideas regardless of where they originate.

6. Use the Six Thinking Hats Method.  Edward De Bono designed a system for group discussion and individual decision making by the use of six colored hats, which represent a type of thinking. 

• The WHITE hat is logical and fact-based where you analyze data and past trends.

• The YELLOW hat symbolizes optimism where you explore the positives and probe for value and benefit.

• The GREEN hat is creative and provocative where you offer possibilities and out-of-the-box alternatives to standard ideas.

• The BLACK hat is judgment, the devil’s advocate role, or why something may not work.  This hat is cautious and conservative and can be the most powerful but problematic if overused.

• The RED hat signifies feelings, hunches, and intuition. When using this hat, you can express emotions and share fears, likes, loves, and dislikes.

• The BLUE hat is used to manage the thinking process, it could be a meeting chair that directs the conversation and calls on certain hats when there is a lull or when contrast is required.

You can try on certain hats for a specific agenda item to yield a great variety of perspectives to form a more comprehensive picture. 

7. Use the Double Pro/Con Method.  This is great for when you are trying to foster fruitful discussion and see multiple perspectives.  If you have a group of 10, you would divide them into two groups of five.  

·      Each group of five will spend some time depositing ideas into the collective pool and then choosing the best idea they want to present to the whole group of 10.  

·      They will then divide themselves - 2 people representing pro and three people representing con and will discuss for 10 minutes so multiple points are displayed.  

·      Then they will switch roles where the three people are now for the proposal, and the two people are against it. This would be enlightening for the second group of 5 people to watch because they can see the contrasting ideas and tease out the nuggets of wisdom.  

·      You can then invite the second group to go through the method so the first group can have the benefit of witnessing multiple sides to a proposal.

Great teams do not just organically happen. When you are intentional about adding some structure and universal agreements, creativity and excellence can surely abound.

Quote of the day: “In teamwork, silence isn’t golden, it’s deadly.”  -Mark Sanborn

Q: What are some norms that you use which help your team perform at their best? Comment and share with us, we would love to hear from you!

*The next blog in this team series 6/10 will delve into 5 ways to spark full team participation.

As a Leadership Development & Executive Coach, I work with teams to set up universal agreements for peak performance . Contact me to learn more.

Which agreements allow your team to thrive?

Bring On The Healthy Team Conflict (Team Series 4/10)

The ways your team interacts with each other can tell you a lot about the wellbeing of the whole.  One of the healthiest signs of a great team is to have smooth communication, and the way to do that is to have agreements or interaction norms that allow you to define who you want to be together. 

When teams first form, there can be surface-level harmony until they have gone through different seasons and have encountered significant disagreements. At that crucial point, they can reach a favorable resolution in both process and outcomes and cross the threshold to having an authentic team relationship for excellent performance to occur, or they can reach an impasse and remain in the stormy stage where team bonding and results are harder to come by.

To better navigate the rocky stage that every team goes through, expect, and even invite, healthy conflict. 

There is nothing wrong with conflict, tension, and disagreement.  Some people can be so nervous about it that they choose not to engage in a messy back and forth process for the sake of perennial harmony.  This mentality has its limitations because building on other’s ideas only gives you incremental thinking.  Worse yet, Writer Walter Lippmann maintains, “where we all think alike, nobody thinks very much.”  In contrast, when we disagree with each other, we can see a variety of perspectives and shine a light on our blind spots or incomplete ways of thinking.  We need disagreement to improve the quality of ideas and expose the risk inherent in the plan.  Plus, honest and respectful conversations usually yields the best results.  The opposite - passive-aggressiveness, silence, or even insincere contributions can be destructive to a culture.

Author Liane Davey outlined three specific techniques to help embrace productive conflict: 

1. Clarify Roles.  By highlighting how different people’s jobs drive different agendas, it can lead to excellent outcomes. Liane provides an example relating to the sales and production teams being in the same room; the production team might want more standardization and efficiency, while the sales group might argue for the opposite – more flexibility and customization to meet individual client needs.  There is an inherent tension between prioritizing the product for consistent quality versus favoring the customer for optimal satisfaction but likely a hit to the budget.  This is an important step for alerting people that they are expected to argue and disagree because they have different instructions for what they are representing.  This helps to depersonalize things, and you can see how your coworker is not living their life with the sole aim to frustrate you; in fact, they are just doing their job.  Being on the same team means you all want the same big-picture result.  Normalizing the tension will free people to spar in a more empathetic way as they strive towards finding the best answer constructively. 

2. Use personality assessments.  This can highlight differences in what people are paying attention to.  Maybe you have one person’s style who is high on the conscientiousness trait with a keen eye for detail, and another that is high on the openness chart and prone to the macro view.  Knowing your team’s orientation can create balanced groups and lead to productive disagreements.  

3. Set ground rules around dissension.  Ask your team to define the behavior that contributes to productive conflict?  What kind of engagements can improve decision-making and trust, and what kind can detract from it? 

Some behaviors can include: 

·       Be kind:  Disagree with the idea respectfully, not the person. Ad hominem attacks and wild bursts of anger should not be a thing. 

·       Be open-minded:  Do not reject an opposing point immediately, but follow a one-minute rule (accept an idea for one minute before you try and find anything wrong with it).  Think about the possibility – what if I was wrong? How willing am I to change my mind?

·       Be brief:  This allows many ideas to be voiced.  It is also hard to tease out ideas if one person is dominating the whole time.

·       Stay on topic:  This enables each subject to be flushed out before moving to the next issue. Avoid the trap of allowing people to take the conversation in a variety of directions because then it will be really challenging to make progress on each matter.

This sample set of ground rules can create contained chaos and lead to productive conflict. 

While some teams choose to shy away from conflict, the best teams know how to invite healthy conflict because it makes the overall group much more effective.  When you clarify roles, use data to create diverse groups, and set ground rules for disagreements, you cultivate the conditions for the best results to emerge. 

Quote of the day: “Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak; courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen” -Winston Churchill.

Q: How do you get your team to engage in merry conflict? Comment and share with us, we would love to hear from you!

*The next blog in this team series 5/10 will talk about the importance of universal agreements.

As a Leadership Development & Executive Coach, I work with teams to resolve conflict in productive ways for peak performance. Contact me to learn more.

How do you encourage healthy team conflict?

It’s All About A Team-First Mentality (Team Series 3/10)

In today’s driven society, it is not uncommon for companies to have teams filled with talented, ambitious, opinionated people with large egos who want to advance in their careers.

The temptation for people to stand out from the crowd for recognition, promotion, bonuses, and office size looms ever large.  Internal competition creeps in and those company perks become ways to keep score.  The word team, unfortunately, exists in name, but not in practice because it becomes a collection of rivals who want to pursue individual achievement over group success.  If unchecked, these intergroup conflicts can have adverse rippling effects. 

So, how do you encourage your members to act as a team?  In short, form a community.  Phil Jackson said, “Good teams become great ones when the members trust each other enough to surrender the Me for the We.”  Do not just think about your team as a compilation of members who are working towards completing a job.  Instead, see them as much more -  a community that supports each other to be better than they think they can be as they march towards a common goal that they also personally care about.  Teams that act as communities do not have to be best friends and spend all their time together, but they have to know how to integrate their interests and put aside differences. 

The benefits of a community cannot be ignored.  Those who feel like they are part of a supportive network at work are more engaged, more productive, and are less likely to experience burnout.  The simple fact is that teams of people who subordinate individual agendas will always outperform teams that do not. 

Here are some ways you can build community:

1. Understand your role as contributing to the greater good.  Numerous examples can be found in sports.  Shane Battier is known as a no-stats All-Star in basketball, he never scored a lot of points or got a lot of rebounds, but he made his teammates more effective and the opposing team less so.  His team was more likely to win with him in the game and was part of two NBA championships. He knew exactly what his role was, which was not to be the best small forward in the league by merely chasing stats but to do whatever he had to do to be the best for his team, even if it was in a set-up role that did not allow him to accumulate impressive stats.   

Similarly, in 2015, co-captain Abby Wambach, considered to be one of the most successful soccer players -  2x gold medalist and all-time top goal scorer of 184 - spent most of the World Cup on the bench.  She was called upon as a substitute only in the late stages of some games.  She shared how she did not let that discourage her, she always found ways to lead from the sidelines and champion her teammates because that is what was called for.  To win a game, it requires a coordinated effort on and off the field and she always found ways to uniquely contribute wherever she was standing.

2. Share credit.  This is a vital part of being on a team.  Author A.J. Jacobs shared a story about Jonas Salk taking sole credit for coming up with a polio vaccine and when given a chance, did not acknowledge any of his collaborators and predecessors who helped along the way.  Psychologists call this failure to recognize and thank collaboratives the responsibility or self-serving bias.  It is a pitfall that we should all avoid since it causes a lot of pain and resentment among other people.  So, how do you fight against the natural tendency of each member to exaggerate his/her contribution relative to the influence of other teammates?  Choose to elevate and reward cooperation, as well as individual achievement. Encouraging teammates to help each other thrive should garner just as much, if not more recognition. When you consistently catch people doing great things like mentoring others or pitching in on teammates’ projects, that should be valued and rewarded. This gesture clearly communicates the emphasis your culture places on teamwork.

Author and Startup Investor Fran Hauser offers some easy strategies to share credit for team success and to provide appreciation.  When you have a team win, you can do the following, depending on what you think the recipient would most enjoy:

·      Send an email to that person’s boss and CC your coworker.

·      Call out a coworker’s “good job” at a meeting - have the person stand up while everybody else claps.

·      Take a colleague out to lunch to celebrate teaming up on a job well done.

·      Treat a colleague to a small gift card at their favorite store for helping you.

·      Send the person a morning text letting them know you got them a Starbucks coffee if you know they get a latte every morning.

·      Write a handwritten note mentioning their specific contributions that made the team successful.

If a supervisor accidentally credits you with a good idea, you can interject to set the record straight by letting your boss know it was your coworker who came up with that idea.  If somebody has told you an idea in private and you are passing it along in front of a crowd, be sure to mention the source and your information. When you spread the credit, you pass along the love, trust, and pride in the team

3. Contribute as a problem-solver.  Being a part of a community involves having a collective mindset.  Going to a meeting and pitching in on solving a problem, even if it does not relate to you directly because you are invested in the group’s outcome.  It is also about taking ownership of the group’s success.  When you complain, think about it as if you are griping against yourself so instead of spreading negativity, what are 1-2 possible solutions you can offer that goes along with your constructive critique?

While you may not get the chance to choose your colleagues, you can always take steps to improve the dynamic. Simple gestures about asking about people’s days, sending an email letting them know you appreciate their work, and genuinely listening to others can make all the difference in feeling like a community.

“Ego is the ultimate killer on a team,” said Management Guru Patrick Lencioni.  One way to subdue the dominance of the ego is to encourage people to feel like they belong to a community where they enjoy numerous collective benefits when operating together more than they can ever experience individually.

Quote of the day: “Great things in business are never done by one person; they are done by a team of people.” — Steve Jobs

Question of the day:  How do you like experiencing a sense of belonging?  Comment and share with us, we would love to hear from you!

The next blog in this team series 4/10 will explore the importance of healthy conflict.

As a Leadership Development & Executive Coach, I work with teams to build community for peak performance. Contact me to learn more.

What can you build with a team-first mentality?

The Must-Have Ingredients For Team-Building (Team Series 2/10)

In the search to build excellent teams, what are the most important factors to consider?

The last blog focused on the number one component in building great teams – psychological safety.  This article will explore the other important elements involved in a winning team dynamic outlined in Project Aristotle, including dependability, structure and clarity, meaningful work, and impact.

Here are a few ingredients that contribute to excellent teams:

1. Dependability.  It is about making and keeping commitments, which allow individuals to count on each other to get high-quality work done on time.  People crave reliability.  It is a great feeling when somebody claims ownership of a task, and the rest of the team members can dismiss it from their mind because they have confidence that it will happen. 

So…what makes people unreliable?  At times, it can stem from a communication issue – some people can say yes to something just because it is hard to say no.  Or, maybe they initially commit with the confidence that they can safely handle the task, but then run into a dead-end and are too afraid to ask for help.  Regardless of the reason, when you have psychological safety, people feel comfortable saying no to a task they cannot do or are secure in asking for help when they need to.   

One way to build dependability is to show excellent communication: 

·      Perhaps you say yes to a commitment and your world has abruptly changed, talk to your team members immediately so they can be part of the solution.  When you have ownership of a task and cannot complete it, it means recruiting allies to get the job done.  Teams pitch in for each other when emergencies arise.  Do not turn your back on a project because something has come up, find an alternative route to get the job done, even if it involves remedy through others. 

·      Be timely with your meeting follow-ups.  After a gathering, it should not take you days to send instructions, suggestions, or other pertinent information that team members need to do their jobs.  If you know you are going to be unavailable for the next four days, do not ghost your team, let them know of your absence and put a plan in place.  Perhaps somebody else can be assigned to send the meeting notes. 

·      Respond to messages in a timely manner.  If somebody emails you requesting something, do not just choose to ignore them, instead send a message saying you are unavailable and let them know when you would be free.  Perhaps the best you can offer is to jump on a 2-minute call or provide the name of somebody who can help out.  I am not saying that you should be attached to your email, but have a workable plan for the times when you are and are not available.  Imagine for a moment you needed something from somebody, knowing you having several options will make you feel like you are a part of a good team instead of feeling like you have nowhere to turn.

2. Structure and clarity.  People should know their job requirements, how to fill them, and what happens if they are not done.  They also have knowledge of other people’s requirements so they know who to turn to in order to tap into their expertise.  Setting clear goals and having metrics to measure them offers much-needed transparency.  Google uses OKRs (objectives, key results) to hit their short and long-term goals.  Be sure to communicate team goals so all members understand the plan for achieving those targets.

One way you can learn about other people’s roles is to have a newsletter highlighting others’ successes.  When you share what people are doing to advance the team, others can learn more about their roles and responsibilities.  If a weekly or monthly newsletter is too much of a commitment, it can be as simple as a 3-minute share at the start of each meeting.

3. Meaningful work.  People need to work on something important to them.  The meaning they ascribe to their work can be personal - it could be about solving really hard problems, utilizing their creativity, making money to support their family, or doing good work to help their team thrive.  Without meaning and a higher purpose attached to it, work can become mundane and disengaging.

If helping others is the main driver for some of your teammates, you can offer public gratitude to them when they have done something to offer assistance.  This acknowledgment makes them feel good about the work they have done.  If growing their skills is a top priority for other teammates, you can offer to support them with solving hard problems so they feel they are developing their abilities.

4. Impact. People need to know that their work matters and is making a difference in the world. 

A good way for teammates to feel they are making an impact is for others to regularly share credit or team testimonials of how their performance has advanced their work, the product, or the organization.

Psychological safety, dependability, structure and clarity, meaningful work, and impact were the ingredients that Google deemed to be vital for team success.  While every team is unique and could require different components, it is hard to think about any of these elements not helping to build stronger organizational units. 

Quote of the day: "Teamwork is the ability to work together toward a common vision.  The ability to direct individual accomplishments toward organizational objectives. It is the fuel that allows common people to attain uncommon results."  -Andrew Carnegie

Q: Which aspect is most important to you? How do you find meaning in your work?  Comment and share your thoughts with us, we would love to hear from you!

*The next blog in this team series 3/10 will jump into fostering a team-first mentality.

As a Leadership Development & Executive Coach, I work with teams to strengthen their collaboration for peak performance. Contact me to learn more.

What vital features comprise your amazing team?

To Unite Your Team, Build Psychological Safety (Team Series 1/10)

If somebody was to ask me about the most valuable skill you can develop to thrive in the work world - being an excellent team player is at the top.   A company is not about individuals, it is about a team, and knowing how to work with others effectively will add tremendous value to your life and the lives of others.

On one end of the spectrum, there are dysfunctional teams where personal agendas prevail and sabotage occurs.  On the opposite edge, there are great teams where everybody is growing, rowing in the same direction, and eliciting each other’s best.  The most important part of a great team is that it can satisfy a fundamental human need, which is to feel a sense of belonging through community. 

So, what are the magical ingredients that go into a high performing team?  In 2012, Google embarked on a quest to find out the answer to that question – how to build the perfect team?  They launched a major study codenamed Project Aristotle, inspired by the philosopher’s quote, "the whole is greater than the sum of its parts." They spent two years studying 180 teams and concluded that excellent teams at Google have the following five components: psychological safety, dependability, structure and clarity, meaningful work, and impact.

#1 Quality Of A Great Team: Psychological Safety

Have you ever been in a room with your team where you wanted to contribute or speak against an idea, but you stopped yourself because you thought, this could be stupid, I could get laughed at, people will think I’m dumb, or aggressive, or something worse?  So, you choose silence.  You rob yourself of taking a risk and potentially innovating. This strategy works for you because you are protected from those doom and gloom scenarios that you conjured in your mind.  Psychologist call this impression management, a conscious or subconscious process of regulating information in social settings.

Perhaps, a few seconds later, another part of you pushes through the discomfort and you speak up.  Oops, your worst fear is realized as you are interrupted and even shunned.  There is an absence of psychological safety, a climate where people feel comfortable being and expressing themselves.  Harvard Business School Professor Amy Edmondson says psychological safety is the “belief that it's absolutely okay, in fact, it's expected, to speak up with concerns, questions, ideas, and mistakes.”  Not having this condition can spell disaster, making teams rife with inefficiencies.

Unfortunately, most teams are not as psychologically safe.  Gallup data reveals that just three in ten U.S. workers strongly agree that at work, their opinions seem to count.  With no psychological safety, teams are holding back from interacting and potentially making mistakes.  It is when the co-pilot does not feel comfortable telling the pilot that something is wrong, or it is when the nurse does not want to speak up in the operating room for fear of reprisal from the doctor so the patient’s wrong organ is extracted.  Essentially, teams do not get to be at their best when they feel restrained. 

In a fascinating challenge, Peter Skillman, former VP of Design at Palm and Author Tom Wujec had a team-building competition where participants had to build a marshmallow tower made from spaghetti, tape, and string.  The only requirement was that the marshmallow had to sit at the top.  He ran this competition with different groups, such as kindergarteners, business school students, and lawyers.  The winner…reaching a whopping 26 inches were kindergarteners, while the average score for business school students was 20 inches.  This experiment showed that it is more about team interaction than the caliber of individual skill.  Kindergartens’ felt comfortable to take chances, fall flat on their faces, and try again. There wasn’t even an incentive that they get to eat marshmallows if they won! Business students were censoring their actions, sizing up everybody’s power in the group, and holding back their experimental approaches.  They were ensconced in too much drama and not enough risk-taking. The lawyers…well, they may have been more preoccupied with arguing in and out of their minds.

Edmondson has confirmed that psychological safety predicts quality improvements, learning behavior, and productivity.  When there is an opportunity for you to speak and feel fully listened to, you are more likely to take risks without feeling insecure or embarrassed and know that even if you fail, your teammates and managers will have your back.  Gallup data supports these benefits including, “a 27% reduction in turnover and a 12% increase in productivity.”

Ways To Build Psychological Safety: 

In her TEDx talk, Edmondson offers the first three actions individuals can take to foster psychological safety and I’ve added a few more:

1. Frame the work as a learning, not an execution problem.  It is not just about completing the work but creating space to talk about the work from the beginning.  Thinking about what we can learn from one another through discussion and debate before we jump into task mode.  It is about recognizing that we all have uncertainties and we cannot know everything individually, so we need to listen fully to each other and get all members involved to figure things out and collectively solve problems.  To do that effectively, it is imperative to have all brains and voices in the game.  To prompt your team’s involvement, you can let them know that you are missing perspectives and would find it valuable for them to identify a few.

2. Acknowledge your fallibility and vulnerability.  There will be times when you make mistakes and that’s ok because they will likely yield powerful learnings in which all can benefit.  Being vulnerable and openly sharing your missteps or bad news, will invite others to share, and that builds psychological safety and spreads learnings that prevent avoidable errors as opposed to concealing that information.   As a leader, when you offer small vital disclosures, it allows others to do the same without fear of being penalized.   

3. Model curiosity and ask questions. This practice creates an environment where people can always speak up when they have simple or complex questions.  As a leader, you can ask, “what are 3 questions that would be good to gain a better understanding of this challenge?  I do not want to move on to the next topic until we get some tough questions on the table.”

4. Have clear norms and agreements.  Ask team members what they need from each other to make their fullest and best contributions.  What behaviors would they like to exhibit and commitments they like to make in service of psychological safety.  Talking about these interpersonal interactions before jumping into the business will allow for effective and transparent communication. 

5. Have guidelines for productive disagreement.  Disagreements will most certainly happen.  What is the best way you would like to be respectful of others’ opinions when this happens?  How about when somebody gets naturally defensive, how do you want to handle this occurrence as a team so the exchanges are productive?

6. Ask for help.  Mistakes can be made when people do not seek support, and some people do not feel comfortable because of fear of being judged or feeling like they should know something when they don’t so ask the question will expose that potential incompetence.  So, what are those intentional steps team members can take to raise their hand and get assistance?  Are their designated helpers?  Sharing stories of teammates asking for help can normalize the practice and encourage others to do it and not be judged. 

7. Solicit feedback.  As a leader, do not assume people will voluntarily contribute regular feedback, you want to take steps to promote and encourage this practice to make it safe for them to raise concerns.  You can change the suggestion box to a problem box that encourages them to bring issues so the team can fix them.  If they would like to offer remedies or preliminary solves to those problems, that’s great, but it is not a requirement.  This is so people do not feel pressure to also find a solution to a problem they have discovered.  Some problems are deeply complex and need the minds of the entire team so no need to carry that full burden.

Being a part of a good team is a special experience because you get to be exactly who you are and have opportunities to grow in the process. Surrounding yourself with supportive high achievers will level up your abilities.  The best teams have psychological safety, the conditions where you feel comfortable to take interpersonal risks and know there will be no consequences because it is an environment without judgment; those freewheeling contributions are necessary for innovation.

Quote of the day: “Alone we can do so little, together we can do so much.” -Helen Keller

Q: What does your manager do to build psychological safety in your team?  Comment and share with us, we would love to hear from you?

*The next blog in the team series 2/10 explores the other characteristics that comprise excellence in teams.

As a Leadership Development & Executive Coach, I work with teams to build psychological safety for peak performance. Contact me to learn more.

Psychological safety is necessary for building excellent teams.

4 Common Delegation Maladies To Avoid (Delegation Series 4/4)

When delegation is done right, it is a glorious occurrence.  You can feel proud in supporting your teammate to be successful while also advancing the goals of your organization and spending time doing your most important work.  When it is done wrong, it can leave you embittered and reluctant from parting with important future tasks.  Let’s look at some ways delegation can go sideways.

1. Reverse delegation.  This is when people try to give you back part of the work.  They may come to you and say they cannot find the information and expect you to jump in and rescue the day.  Instead of completing the work for them, you can point them in the right direction.  They need to navigate their hiccups so they can develop problem-solving skills.  Ask the question – what do you think we should do in this situation, and watch their creativity come alive.

2. Over delegation.  Giving your team member a task that far outweighs their capacity would translate into more of a frustration than a learning opportunity.  To decide if the job is right for the person, you can ask these questions:

1. Did I provide the necessary resources?

2. Was I clear in outlining success?

3. Did I ask for feedback and consider input? 

If the answer to any of these questions is no, then it may be a case of over delegation.

3. Too hands-off.  Some managers delegate a task and then walk away.  It is important to stay involved while letting the employee lead the way. Carol Walker, President of Prepared to Lead offers, “While you don’t want to tell people how to do the job, you must be in a position to evaluate their performance and development.”  Clearly, delegation is not the same as abdication so be sure to guide their success. 

4. Lack of clarity. You may feel that once you have shared your assignment to be done that the person heard it in the exact way that you intended.  Brene Brown, in her book Dare to Lead, suggests an effective method for reaching a meeting of the minds by using the simple phrase, “Paint done for me.” This prompts the person to be specific in their expectations and clear in their intentions.  She says, “it gives the people who are charged with the task tons of color and context and fosters curiosity, learning, collaboration, reality-checking, and ultimately success.”   I recommend using this language in the co-creation phase, which was outlined in the second blog of this delegation series. 

Quote of the day: “The inability to delegate is one of the biggest problems I see with managers at all levels.”  – Eli Broad, entrepreneur

Q: What is one delegation challenge you faced in working with a teammate? How would you tackle that same challenge next time? Comment and share with us, we would love to hear from you!

As a leadership development and executive coach, I work with leaders to help them delegate more effectively, contact me to explore this topic further.

Avoid Reverse Delegation

5 Common Delegation Misconceptions (Delegation Series 3/4)

While some managers are aware that it is practically impossible to do everything effectively on their own, they may still choose not to delegate because they hold overpowering preconceived notions.  Shattering these limiting beliefs can be the first step to being a master delegator.  

Let’s jump into top delegation misconceptions:

1. No Time. Many people feel that it is more efficient for them to do it themselves instead of taking the time to delegate, but while there is an initial time investment at the upfront, the long term-term savings can be substantial.  Sure, it may take you an hour to delegate something effectively that could take you 20 minutes to complete, but if it is an ongoing task that they can now do several times a month, how much time have you saved yourself? When you set up systems and structures, it allows for quicker execution for the current project and a general template that you can use for the future. Jenny Black, Author of Pivot shares how delegation allowed her to triple her income in 2013 and helped her learn even more about her business in the process.

2. Incompetent Team.  When you allow people to tap into their capacities, they may pleasantly surprise you.  Churchill said, “if you should influence another, impute a quality to him that he does not have and he will do everything to prove you are right.” Investing in their development and connecting the new skills to their career advancement could be just the impetus needed to get them to engage and level up.

3. You are the only one who can do the best job. Managers who have high standards find it difficult to let other people do their jobs.  They feel if they have to spend time reviewing the quality, it may be easier to do it themselves.  This type of thinking can set a bad tone because it can cause resentment and distrust and even enable delegates to be less diligent if they know their work will be triple checked, and that their boss will intervene at every step.  The better approach is to support the employee in developing their skillset and raising their quality. If somebody else can do the assignment 70-80% as well as you, delegate it so you can free yourself up to do those few tasks that only you can do and so you can advance your skills. It is also a way to break from some possible perfectionist tendencies and move more toward a pragmatic and efficient approach. There is only so much time in one day, ask yourself, where do you want to put your energy? If relinquishing control is a challenge, you can start with the tasks that are simple, routine, and which you have already mastered.

4. You do not want to feel dispensable.  Sometimes there is a need to take on too much to maintain a feeling of importance. Jeffrey Pfeffer, Professor of Organizational Behavior at Stanford Pfeffer calls this self-enhancement bias, which is about believing that passing on work will detract from your importance.  For others, it can manifest in a lack of self-confidence and the fear of being upstaged by subordinates.  However, supporting people to be their best would not only look great for you as a leader, but it is simply the right thing to do. Imagine if you are the leader who is known for consistently getting others promoted?

Accepting that you cannot do everything yourself is a critical first step to delegating.  While there can be some risks in deciding to delegate, the payoffs for your team, your organization, and yourself can be far more rewarding.  It could end up being the decision in which you are proudest.

Quote of the Day:  “If you want to do a few small things right, do them yourself. If you want to do great things and make a big impact, learn to delegate.”– John C. Maxwell, Author

Q: What is your biggest concern you have when it comes to delegation?  Comment and share your thoughts, we would love to hear from you!

The next blog in this series 4/4 will focus on 4 common delegation maladies to avoid.

As a leadership development and executive coach, I work with leaders to help them delegate more effectively, contact me to explore this topic further.

The time to delegate is now

The Subtle Art Of Masterful Delegation (Delegation Series 2/4)

So, you have just made the all-important decision to remove something from your plate and assign it to your team.  Reviewing these steps can make a difference between a successful and rewarding endeavor versus a disastrous outcome. 

Here are some necessary actions to consider in the delegation process:

1. Plan. It is essential to think through what has to be done. Many problems in management deal with taking action without thinking and preparing. The old saying, “A stitch in time saves nine” is echoed by Brian Tracy as he maintains that every minute spent in planning saves 10-12 minutes in execution.  A good start is to write out the goals, objectives, results, standards, deadlines, and a general checklist.

A second step can be to do some of the initial planning work yourself because you will have a much better idea of what the job entails before you pass it off to the next person. If it is the situation where you have been given this task from your boss but only been given partial information yourself, do the best with what you have and be clear with your direct report about the limited information you are working with so you can combine forces and fill in the gaps. The key is to spend some time on the WHAT it is that needs to be done and the vision of success, while offering flexibility in the HOW or the approach to the work. Invite your direct report to create a first draft plan of their approach to ensure you are on the same page in how you are thinking about the work before dedicating massive execution hours.

2. Choose the right person.  Ask yourself, does this person have the ability, readiness/attitude, and time to get the job done.  Have they demonstrated competence in previous projects? Do they have the motivation to learn? Believe it or not, busy people can sometimes be the best choice.  Tracy Dumas, Associate Professor of Management and Human Resources ran a study that showed that people were more productive and focused when they had a lot on their plates.  We tend to respect the limited time we have and make careful choices in how we spend our precious moments.  It is good to tell your team member why you chose him/her specifically, and how you hope to help him/her grow in this opportunity to take on more responsibilities. Will they benefit by doing these budget reports because they will have a greater understanding of how other departments work and can practice presenting dry data in an interesting way? Do not force a wrong fit, if the job is simply well beyond their scope and they do not have the right attitude and skill to approach it, the outcome will likely be disastrous. You can ask them how eager they are to take it on so you can also gauge fit.  People may be highly capable, but if they abhor the task, they may drag their feet in meeting deliverables.

3. Be crystal clear in goals, objectives, results, and standards as you co-create success.

A. Share your goals and objectives. Describe the job to be done (goals), the objectives to measure progress, and the date you need the work completed.  When people know exactly what is expected of them, their productivity increases and their self-esteem grows. In contrast, with ineffective, fuzzy, or vague delegation, it can cause confusion that can lead to poor performance and irritability where they are spending more time doing other activities and less time producing the work that needs to be done. While it may be the case that the job to be done is brand new territory that both of you are exploring, you can still be on the same page on the general direction you are headed, and then make adjustments as your destination nears.  It is like embarking on a road trip out of NY and heading towards California, sure you may not know if you will end up in San Diego or LA or even detour to Austin, but having that general spot in mind will still provide a lot of early momentum and greater clarity as you cruise. When you take action and gain more insights, you can steer in a more precise direction.

B. Determine your key results and set standards. The hallmark of a successful manager is an intense results-oriented approach. While people can be spending a lot of time doing work, it should not be confused with getting results.  As the Pareto Principle goes, 80% of the value people produce will come from 20% of the activity they do.  “The very worse use of time is to do very well what need not be done at all,” says Management Consultant Ben Trigo. Sure, it is possible that employees can learn much about increasing the customer experience, but if their efforts do not manifest into the goal of achieving a 5% increase in satisfaction, it is considered unsuccessful.  Additionally, having a shared understanding of standards of excellence is essential because you could have two different ideas on how an outcome may look.  To avoid confusion, you can paint your picture of success with as much vivid imagery as you can so you both know what needs to be done.

C. Co-create success.  As you are discussing the above criteria, it should be a two-way street. The direct reports should be weighing in on the process and timelines.  Managers should invite them to ask questions, share concerns, and make suggestions. Towards the end of the meeting, have the person repeat back the assignment because there is a chance that they may have either missed part of the discussion or simply misunderstood.  Now is the time to catch the error.  See yourself as a teacher, be patient, and field questions.  It is during this process where you might be able to uncover where the employee is uncomfortable and what resources can be used for support.

4. Utilize these helpful management techniques:

A. Set check-ins. During this time, you can provide guidance on the project and regularly evaluate and compare the results agreed upon.  If they did not complete a task, you could drop them an email to ask how it is going, instead of taking an accusatory approach, e.g., “you were supposed to have that report already.”

What is the frequency of the check-in? It is better to have more early on to make sure the project starts successfully and then once you are completely aligned, fewer check-ins are necessary. Will the check-ins be in person or through email? Does the direct report know they should initiate the email? Are there key questions you want to be answered, such as what progress have you made since the last check-in, what roadblocks have you encountered, and how can I support you? When you discuss the check-in process upfront, it does not seem like you are overbearing and that you are checking up on the person, but that you are putting in a loose structure that will allow you to connect intentionally and keep the project on track.

As a leader, it can be helpful to adjust your cadence for check-in based on a couple of factors. The first variable relates to your team members’ level of experience and track record of success. If you have a seasoned member that has successfully done this kind of work before, you may opt for less frequent check-ins. On the other hand, if you have a team member who has never done something like this before, you might want to explain your rationale for more frequent check-ins, such as “I know this is new for you so I may check in more regularly than I normally would so I can offer the necessary supports and help you be set up for success, how does that work for you?” Another factor relates to the visibility of the project. If it is just an internal assignment with limited risk, you may dial down your check-ins. However, if the project suddenly has the eyes of senior leadership and is deemed highly important, you may want to dial up the check-ins. Be sure to explain your thinking to your team member, something like, “this has grabbed the attention of the senior leaders, I may increase my check-ins to help make this a success. You can also adjust as you go, if great progress is being made, you can let them know that you will decrease the check-in because they are fully driving the project and you have faith in their decisions.

B. Establish a Disaster Plan. Nobody likes to think about a project failing, but we can better guard against it when we do. What’s your plan if something goes wrong? Say a client changes the requirements at the last minute, or a timeline gets dramatically moved, or your key players helping you with the project are out sick for some time; how will you handle the work then? You do not have to have all the answers at this point, but it is helpful to start that dialogue. Your tendency as a leader may be to jump in and rescue, but you want to think about how you will help that team member develop the capacity to handle the complexity themselves and enlist your support if needed.

C. Provide feedback and encouragement. It is important to give regular feedback. Be sure to notice the good work they have been doing and share your appreciation. Practice positive, authentic expectations – “I know you will do a great job,” “I have complete confidence in you.” “I really like the way you handled that potential problem by consulting Dan, you show great initiative.” You can also offer public praise in your meetings by mentioning the successful milestones the person is completing.

D. Empower autonomy and problem-solving.  Give people the freedom to accomplish the job as they will be judged on their results and not a fixed way of getting them. If they run into a problem,  encourage them to try and solve it so they can learn, make mistakes, and figure out how to correct them.  It is helpful to get them thinking about what resources they have at their disposal to explore before coming to you? If they are evaluating three options, have them prepare a “recommendation report” where they lay out the pros and cons of each option, their recommendation, and their rationale for their choice. This approach will help them with problem-solving skills in gaining clarity, being resourceful, and presenting their options concisely.

E. Reflect. Afterward, take time to individually review and assess the outcome so you too can learn from your mistakes. Ask yourself how you can tweak your approach for next time. Can you delegate more involved tasks? Should you give them more freedom? Do you need to monitor progress more closely? You can ask the direct report for feedback as well, such as “what part of the delegation process was most helpful? What would be something I do differently to better support you?”

If the job went well, give ample public recognition and praise because when it is broadcasted in front of their peers, it has twice the motivational power.  Remember to be patient with yourself while you practice the skill of delegation.  You are going from the mindset of doing everything yourself to letting other people learn and while it may be bumpy at first, the payoff can be massive.

If you are feeling overworked and also know that there is more your team can be doing, it is the perfect time to delegate more!  By taking the proper steps of planning, choosing the right people, and co-creating objectives and results, you will experience greater collective success and not only ready yourself for more responsibilities but fulfill your most important role as a manager which is to grow the abilities of others.

Quote of the day: “When you delegate tasks, you create followers. When you delegate authority, you create leaders.”– Craig Groeschel, founder of Life Church

Q: What works best for you when you decide to delegate? Comment and share with us, we would love to hear from you!

The next blog in this series 3/4 will focus on 5 common delegation misconceptions.

As a leadership development and executive coach, I work with leaders to help them delegate more effectively, contact me to explore this topic further.

Delegation requires trust

Top 3 Reasons To Delegate (Delegation Series 1/4)

As a star performer, you have just been promoted to a managerial role and might be feeling tempted to continue to follow your usual routine of doing excellent work, while also trying to motivate the team to get results.   You start to notice that you have a pervasive feeling of being buried with assignments and keeping up feels like your biggest challenge.  The best skill you can foster to address this challenge is to learn how to be a master delegator.

Surprisingly, most managers do not delegate.  A 2007 study on time management found that close to half of the 332 companies surveyed were concerned about their employees’ delegation skills. At the same time, only 28% of those companies offered any training on the topic.  It is also quite possible that as a high achiever, you may not even be aware that you are unnecessarily hoarding work; after all, you are used to handling everything and getting results. 

A great way to learn if you are under-delegating is to keep a journal on how you are spending your time and look for patterns of low energy activities.   The most glaring sign that you may be insufficiently delegating is if you are always working long hours and having the feeling of being indispensable.

Top 3 Reasons To Delegate:

1. Maximize your contribution.  There are jobs that only you can do in your senior role so when you can spend more time doing just that and less time on work that can be done by others, you are advancing yourself and your company. Richard Branson said, “managers should delegate so they can put themselves out of business for that job and be free to think bigger.”  Proper delegation allows you to multiply your output and increase your high-value work.

2. Develop your people.  One of the most rewarding and important parts of your job as a manager is to grow your people.  A great way to do this is to motivate them to take ownership of the task, give them autonomy to experiment, learn from their mistakes, and have chances to flourish.  It is advantageous to give the entire job and support them in the process so they can experience control and success. Brian Tracy says that the average person works about 50-60% of their capacity, but the best managers know how to tap into their team’s potential to yield as high as 90 -100%.  Through effective delegation, managers can elicit the highest quality performance and build capabilities and confidence in their team.

3. Grow Your Abilities.  Effective delegation requires you to be a tremendous teacher, communicator, listener, and more.  Jeffrey Pfeffer, Professor of Organizational Behavior at Stanford said, “Your most important task as a leader is to teach people how to think and ask the right questions so that the world doesn’t go to hell if you take a day off.”  The more you can achieve outcomes through others, the more you are able to rise in your leadership journey and take on even more challenges and opportunities in your organization.  Indeed, great leadership involves putting in place a successful system that supersedes your influence.

Quote of the day: “Deciding what not to do is as important as deciding what to do.” – Jessica Jackley, Co-Founder of Kiva

Q:  What was the last thing you decided to delegate so you could have more time to do something else that was even more important to you? Comment and share your thoughts with us; we would love to hear from you!

The next blog in this series 2/4 will focus on setting up the delegation process

As a leadership development and executive coach, I work with leaders to help them delegate more effectively, contact me to explore this topic further.

How do you delegate?

You Survived A Difficult Conversation, What’s Next? (Difficult Conversations Series 4/4)

Planning to have a difficult conversation can be all-consuming that we usually do not think about the aftermath, and what’s needed to maintain the relationship and minimize the potential awkwardness.

Here are some steps you can take following a difficult conversation:

1. Acknowledge the conversation. When you see your coworker, you can say, “I really appreciated the way we handled that tough talk yesterday and am looking forward to working more powerfully with you!”  You can even check in with the other person. “Just wanted to see how you were feeling about our exchange yesterday?”  “Your relationship is important to me and I am happy we had that talk.”

2. Focus on the positive. You can try this, “I love the way we came together to identify a touchy issue.”  You can thank them for engaging in the talk so they feel valued and appreciated.

3. Progress the conversation. Send a follow-up email to summarize the discussion and focus on the outcome that you want.  Clear next steps create significant momentum.  Also, having a written record tracks any differences in memory, perspective, and understanding and can also prioritize accuracy when new information comes to light. 

4. Focus on building the long-term relationship.  Pay attention to building a relationship outside the challenging conversation. What other topics can you explore together that will unearth new commonalities in which to solidify your bond?  The executive decisions that went into season 8 of Game of Thrones is always a scintillating topic guaranteed to yield great discussions.

5. Do it again if necessary. Upon reflection, if you feel like you have something new to share, do not wait to broach the topic. There is no harm in going back and saying something like “I feel I did not get the chance to really explain my point of view. Do you have some time so I can articulate it better?” Of course, that will probably lead to a reply, and thus to a new awkward conversation, but since you have the experience so that will not be a problem anymore.

In every relationship, there is the potential to encounter a massive challenge that can either solidify or break the bond. Choosing to communicate effectively and taking the necessary relationship-building steps after the difficult conversation can go a long way in reaching the next level in your interactions.

Quote of the day: “The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the right place but to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.”  -Dorothy Nevill

Q: What is one thing you did after a tough conversation to restore your relationship?  Comment and share with us, we would love to hear from you!

As a leadership development and executive coach, I work with leaders to have courageous conversations, contact me to explore this topic further.

The aftermath of a conversation

The DOs and DON’Ts of Effective Communication (Difficult Conversations Series 3/4)

Communication is a delicate art because there is a balance between expressing yourself effectively and sharing how you fully feel, while also not offending the other person and turning them away.  When deep understanding happens, it is a beautiful thing.  Even when there is no agreement, as long as there is shared meaning and mutual respect, it is quite a good feeling.

Here are some common things to avoid, which will help to promote a healthy exchange:

1. Do not wait too long. If we avoid the conversation for so long, our frustration can accumulate. Unexpressed feelings tend to fester and can reappear in the discussion in nasty and subtle ways.  It can also be hard for us to listen to the other side properly until we have said our peace. You may find yourself in a situation where you speak out against your boss on an agenda item that is not really so much about that issue, but more about the anger you are harboring for the past several months because you have been passed over for a promotion and don’t know why.

2. Avoid name-calling, blaming, and comparing. Saying somebody is a jerk is not helpful and when you choose to attack the person rather than stick to the ideas, it is a visible sign of an unhealthy exchange.  Saying somebody should be more like this person puts them down and makes them feel bad, which is not accomplishing anything.  If things heat up to an uncomfortable note, you can step away and resume at a later date so the distance can create more perspective.

3. Avoid extreme language. When you say, “you always” or “you never,” it raises their defensive walls and entrenches the characteristic to be more of a personality trait instead of a symptom of their action. A better option is to use safe language, such as, “when this happens, this is how it makes me feel.”

4. Do not judge. By saying, “that is wrong,” you are implying a moral judgment.  Instead, Author Marshall Rosenberg, the author of Nonviolent Communications, suggests that offering an observation is more powerful.  If somebody cuts you off when you are speaking, you should not say, “you are rude” because it is laced with judgment, instead, you can say, “when you interrupt me, it is hard for me to get my point across,” or “when you interrupt me, I feel as if you do not want to hear my thoughts.”

5. Do not assume. It is so common to come to a conversation with a story in your mind. My teammate does not care about my project because he/she does not attend meetings. My boss does not care about my career because he/she has not given me a promotion yet. It is also common to assume we know the other person’s intentions based on our feelings.  If we are hurt, we think they hurt us on purpose. Impact does not equal intent. But when we take an approach with a conclusion set in our mind, we leave little room for dialogue and understanding to occur.  To have a productive conversation, be open to the fact that you may not know the whole story. 

6. Do not apologize for your feelings. By saying, “I feel so bad about sharing this or this is really hard for me to do,” you can take away the focus from the problem and towards your neediness.  

Here are some helpful reminders of what you can do in a conversation to yield the best results:

1. Prepare. Before going into the conversation, ask yourself some questions: What is your purpose for having the conversation? What would be an ideal outcome?  The best outcome is when it is a positive and productive one, such as to forge a better working relationship.  If the purpose is to demonstrate your superiority, such as, I’m going to tell this person how this should be done (because you are stroking your ego and not genuinely wanting to help the other person), you may want to choose a more useful purpose.

2. Check your insecurities first.  Examine the root cause of the frustration, perhaps it has more to do with you and less about the other person.  Maybe you notice that somebody is speaking up in a meeting and taking all the attention.  Is it really about other people not getting a chance to contribute or does it pertain more to your inability to hold a room the way that person can and the way you want to?  Think about what “buttons” of yours are being pushed?  Are you blowing the situation out of proportion?  Is a personal history of yours being triggered?  You can still have the conversation but you need to be honest about what baggage you are carrying that may not be productive. Aim to have an honest conversation with yourself first.

3. Be direct. When having a difficult conversation, be straightforward and get to the point. While it might seem like you are being too harsh diving right into the constructive critique, you are doing the other person a favor. Most of the time, the person you are talking to knows that a potentially challenging comment is coming, so rather than dancing around the subject, just get to it. When you are muddled in your delivery, it can prolong and even prevent a solution. 

4. Say AND not BUT. When the first half of your comments agree with the other person and then you use the word “but” as your transition, you lessen the value of everything that came before.  Instead, you can disagree by using the word AND because somebody does not have to be wrong for you to be right.  Two things can be happening at the same time.  For example, “I know you care about the team and feel overworked which is why you do not respond to emails frequently…” 

5. Be present. Sounds easy but we do not always do it because our attention often gets hijacked.  Research shows that our mind wonders 50% of the time, and when you add the dozens of texts and emails we receive, our focus gets that much harder.  Multitasking screams disrespect.  Instead, show them that you are actively listening by doing small things like making eye-contact and paraphrasing what they have said as it demonstrates your take on the situation and allows the person to correct the record and feel heard.

A conversation can be a delicate dance between offering, hearing, and mutually exploring. For the most effective and satisfying conversations, it may be helpful to avoid tactics such as namecalling and judging, while embracing more productive ones such as preparing and being aware of our own assumptions.

Quote of the day: “Be brave enough to start a conversation that matters.”  -Margaret Wheatley

Q: What other suggestions can you add to enhance a conversation?  Comment and share with us, we would love to hear.

The next blog in this series 4/4 will focus on the aftermath of a difficult conversation.

As a leadership development and executive coach, I work with leaders to have courageous conversations, contact me to explore this topic further.

Let’s talk

Your Conversation Just Took A Downturn, Now What? (Difficult Conversations Series 2/4)

So, you have taken all the necessary precautions to have a conversation that you have long put off.  Just when you think that all your preparation is paying off, the conversation spirals out of control and it is devolving into unhealthy discourse.  Usually, it is when a person feels unsafe that they may resort to unproductive methods such as withholding information or forcing their ideas.  Rest assured, all hope is not lost.  If you determine that the person you are speaking to is reasonable, rational, and decent, there are a few things you can do to get it back on track. And if you determine the person is illogical or unreasonable, well, you can always run away.

It is helpful to spot these unproductive tactics that one can use in a conversation:

1. Use of violence. Author Kerry Patterson defines violence as “any verbal strategy that attempts to convince, compel, and control others to your point of view.” When you dominate the conversation, cut people off, overstate your opinions, or make demands, such as “you have to do this,” it is quite harmful.  These tactics violate the safe exchange of ideas because it is aiming to force meaning into the shared pool of understanding and prevents the other person from openly contributing; hence, a mutual agreement cannot be reached. Similarly, trying to get your way at any means necessary by name-calling, manipulating, or acting like you are the only one who has dignity is counterproductive.

2. Use of Silence. This is when a person decides to withhold information, mask their true meaning or withdraw from the conversation. A meeting of the minds cannot be reached if only one side is sharing.

3. Fixation on blame. Maybe you notice that the other person is trying to chronicle all the times when you were at fault and to blame.  It is one thing to cite previous examples to illustrate your point briefly, but it becomes fruitless when the person is hooked on the past and not interested in moving the dialogue forward.

4. Wanting the other person to be a mind reader. You can think to yourself, I just told the person I was overworked, that should have been a clear signal that they should not give me more work. It would be wonderful if we could all pick up on clues, but it is even more incredible when we can say what you mean, instead of dropping a hint and hoping they pick up on it. Being crystal clear is kind.

5. Track switching. This is what occurs when two people are not on the same page so they are talking past each other. You may broach the topic of lateness and the other person ignores it and brings up your inability to respond to emails in a timely manner. Now, there are two topics on the table, so it is essential to tackle them one at a time or progress will not be made.

When disruptive tactics are employed, here are some helpful techniques to make progress:

1. Label the behavior.  If the person is continually interrupting, say so, because it brings the issue to the forefront and raises it as a point of discussion.  They may not be aware that they are behaving in this manner and it is only when you name the dynamic that you notice, which could prompt them to stop.  Here are some examples…

·      If they go off track, you may say, “I see that when I am trying to hash out this issue, we keep returning to this other aspect.  How would you feel about finishing this one topic before moving on to another?”

·      “I notice when I try and share my view, you interrupt me and I cannot complete my thought.  Do you think we can speak in briefer time frames so we can finish our thoughts and hear the other person?”

·      “It seems like there is a real focus on blaming me.  It is not okay to only look at my contribution, but it is necessary to look at both sides of the issue.”

2. Prime. If the person is intent on being silent, it could be useful to keep the conversation going by encouraging them back into the talk by suggesting something you think they are feeling or pondering. When you prime or guess what they are thinking, it allows them an opportunity to respond.

·      You can say, “Are you thinking that the only way to do this is to …?”

3. Contrast. When you see the conversation going in an unhappy direction, you can use a contrast statement, which is a simple sharing of what you do not want to happen followed by what you want.  This will address the other person’s concerns and clarify the real purpose. Examples: 

·      “I do not want you to think that I am dissatisfied with your work, instead I value punctuality and want to work on that.”

·      “I know this is difficult and I do not want to upset you, rather, I want to partner in a more empowering way so we can be happy.”

4. Return to the common goal. If the conversation becomes heated, you can take a step back and remind each other that you are not enemies, but in fact on the same side.  Focus on the common goal you share.  For example:

·      You could say, “We both want this project to go well so we can get our bonuses and be proud of our work.”

·      “I do not want to argue, I want to find a way where both of us can get what we want.”

·      “I know we both genuinely care about making this client happy.”

5. Focus on problem-solving and the future. Maybe your coworker keeps returning to something that happened in the past and every time you shift the conversation forward, he/she rewinds.  You can focus on what you want to bring about, what you want to see, not what you have already seen. Here are examples:

·      “If we put our heads together, we can probably come up with a way to move past this.  Do you have any ideas?”

·      “The goal of this conversation is to work together more powerfully, what is the best way you think this can happen?”

·      “Clearly, you think this is unfair, so how can we fix this?”

To have a fruitful conversation, we need to do everything in our power to do our part in contributing to a positive outcome.  Using some of these techniques can go a long way in creating breakthrough understandings and deepening relationships to be more meaningful.   At the end of the day, if it does not work out as planned, it will not be because of a lack of conversational intelligence or effort on your part.

Quote of the day: “In conversation avoid the extremes of forwardness and reserve.” – John Byrom

Q: How has your communication style changed from when you were a kid?  Which technique did you unknowing use then, how about now?  Comment and share below, we would love to hear from you!

The next blogin this series 3/4 will focus on the DOs & DON’Ts of effective communication.

As a leadership development and executive coach, I work with leaders to have courageous conversations, contact me to explore this topic further.

Avoid ineffective communication

How To Have Difficult But Caring Conversations (Difficult Conversations Series 1/4)

Most people dread the difficult, challenging conversation that needs to happen. This could include giving unpleasant feedback, following up with your boss about a raise she/he said would happen, but has not, or confronting a teammate about their problematic performance and work habits.  If these situations are not handled with great care, it could not only explode in your face but also make the other person feel like their very competency and sense of worth are called into question.

It is natural to want to avoid these conversations because of the potential for things to go wrong. On the flip side, having the conversation can deliver a great sense of relief from the trepidation that fills our mind.  When we are constantly thinking about these delicate and intense exchanges, stress and negativity can consume our thoughts and distract us from our most important work. Instead of avoiding these moments, learning how to tackle them head-on can be one of the best ways to reduce your anxiety and even advance your career.

In his landmark book, Crucial Conversations, Kerry Patterson et al. defines a crucial conversation as a critical conversation when stakes are high, opinions vary, and emotions run strong so thought and care are required for the exchange.

If you plan on confronting somebody with an issue, here are some steps you can take to make it go as smoothly as possible:

1. Make an appointment.  Let the person know the nature of the talk so they can adequately prepare and not be thrown off and perhaps instinctually defensive.  A right moment for you does not mean the timing works for them as well.

2. Share your goal. It is critical to articulate your desired outcome.  Do you want to share how a comment that was made in a meeting impacted you? Maybe an ideal result could be to have that person stop speaking for you. Perhaps you noticed that the relationship had been soured and your goal is to return it to the way things used to be?  Clueing the other person in on your intention would ease their natural defense mechanism and you may even discover that you have a common goal in getting the project completed on time and doing an amazing job, even if you have different visions on how to get there.

The next few suggestions come from a model used in Crucial Conversations called STATE – State the facts, Tell the story, Ask for their perspective, Talk tentatively, and Encourage testing. 

3. State the facts. When you recount the specific things that happened, it lays the groundwork for all delicate situations because they see what went into you forming your conclusions.   For example:

·      When you do not show up for team meetings, do not deliver work on time, and do not share your opinions…

·      When I fail to get a payment from you for several weeks, and you do not respond to my emails…

4. Tell your story. These are the facts plus the conclusion. Once you have shared the facts, let them know how you arrived at your findings so they can fully understand your thought process. For example:

·      When you do not show up for team meetings, do not deliver work on time, and do not share your opinions… it seems as if you do not care about this project or are not putting in the same efforts as your teammates.

·      When I fail to get a payment from you for several weeks and you do not respond to my emails, I worry that you will never pay me.

5. Ask for their story. It is vital to get their take on the story so you have the full picture.  Do not assume you already know it so encourage them to share and listen thoroughly to what they have to say.  If true understanding is to happen and a resolution is to be reached, communication has to be a two-way street. Examples:

·      I’m probably not seeing the whole story, can you help me see what is going on or happening on your end?

·      I’m starting to think you may not care about this team, do you have another explanation? What am I missing?

When the other person is sharing, it is vital to listen with curiosity because valuable insight will be shared for you to navigate the conversation better and build a connection for greater understanding to take place.  When you can stand in their shoes and see their perspectives, you have a better chance of reaching an agreement and satisfying all needs.

6. Co-create success. It is always a good idea to engage your colleague in a problem-solving exercise to make the exchange more collaborative versus combative. Examples:

·      I hear you saying you are okay with this approach, but it looks as if maybe you still have some concerns, is that right, should we talk through them?

·      What outcomes are essential to both of us?  What constraints do we both have that we need to be aware of?  What is important to each of us that the other might not be aware of?

·      I hear you are concerned with getting certain people to leave this team to complete the project.  If we can get the right people, what can the campaign look like?

7. End with a thank you. These two words work in almost any situation, it creates closure in a difficult conversation.

The two other parts to Patterson’s STATE acronym include:

·      Talk tentatively. When you are convinced of the information and act in a forceful, dogmatic manner, you can invite unnecessary resistance.  In contrast, when you are tentative and more open in your approach, you can comfortably include the other person into the dialogue.  Examples can include: “This is my opinion…,” or “I’m thinking out loud here….”

·      Encourage testing. This approach is a way to draw out more of their response if you feel they are not sharing fully. Example: I’d like to take a stab at something here, I wonder if part of the reason why you do not submit your work on time is because you do not feel connected to the team or are not challenged by the work?

An effective conversation does not just include pure content, it is also about the way the information is presented and the intention to reconcile the difference in a caring and fair way.  The best approach to a satisfying outcome is to get as much information as you can so understanding can occur.  Indeed, a difficult conversation can be an opportunity for connection.

Question to consider: What is a constructive approach you have taken to handle a challenging conversation? We would love to hear your thoughts!

Quote of the day: “One good conversation can shift the direction of change forever.” –Linda Lambert

The next blog in this series 2/4 will focus on what happens when your difficult conversation detours.

As a leadership development and executive coach, I work with leaders to have courageous conversations, contact me to explore this topic further.

We need to talk…

4 Keys To Unlocking Your Emotional Intelligence

Have you ever stopped to think about the relationship you have with your emotions?

Emotional Intelligence (otherwise known as EQ) is the ability to recognize, understand, and manage your emotions and influence others.  It is about how we handle ourselves and our relationships, especially in times of stress.  While the term was created by two researchers – Peter Salovey and John Mayer – it became popularized by Daniel Goleman in his 1995 book of the same name. Goleman cites research showing that EQ counts for twice as much as IQ and technical skills combined when determining success.

Having a high level of EQ will help us respond effectively to triggers or stressful situations.  A trigger is something that sets you off and can potentially destabilize you.  For example, you’re in a meeting and your coworker embarrasses you in front of your boss by sharing how you missed your deadline.  Welcome to your trigger!  You are trying to fathom what just happened…did that person really just throw me under the bus and then drive over me? The emotional part of your brain takes over and you are flooded with adrenaline and cortisol, the same neurotransmitters and hormones that have evolutionary and narrowly protected us from bear attacks by freezing, fighting, or fleeing.  Your logical brain temporarily shuts down and you lose the ability to think rationally because you are deep into threat mode. Instead of responding deliberately and thoughtfully, you blurt out something you may not want. 

If you are not careful and have not been cultivating your EQ, you can unknowingly think and behave in ways that impact your relationships and the experiences throughout the rest of your day and well after.

Here are some ways to raise your Emotional Intelligence:

1. Become aware of your triggers. Pay attention to the times when you experience stress or overwhelming emotions and frustrations, and discern patterns.  Is there usually someone or something that sets you off? Maybe it is that coworker who never reads emails and asks you questions that have already been covered.  Perhaps it is the team leader who piles on the work and significantly underestimates the time it will take to complete it.  Maybe it is two seemingly unrelated requests that actually are connected because it has to do with the fact that your plate is full and you are unable to service them. By identifying your triggers in advance, you can properly plan out your response and use your emotional intelligence wisely when you are in that situation.

Author Anne Grady offers some helpful questions to ask to learn about your triggers: 1. It makes me angry when…?; 2. I become overwhelmed when…?; 3. I feel offended when…?; 4. I think it is rude to…?; 5. At work, I wish people would…?; 6. It makes me crazy when…?; 7. I get irritated when I come to work and…?

2. Investigate your emotions for information. Strong emotions are not bad and they do not need to be pushed down or controlled, rather they need to be explored.  Our emotions evolved as a signaling system, a way to communicate with each other and to better understand ourselves.  Knowing what we are feeling and why we are feeling it will increase your EQ response so you do not shoot off rapid-fire responses that are reactionary.

The inquiry can begin first with labeling the emotion by asking, what am I feeling?  Anger, frustration, disappointment, sadness, embarrassment?  Each emotion gives us specific insight on how to best address the situation. Second, we want to find the lesson in the emotions so we can make better decisions.  What is the emotion telling me?  Maybe you are constantly stressed at work, but when you dig deeper, you realize that the exact emotion is disappointment in the work that you are doing.  You have labored just as many hours at another job and did not feel depleted, instead was more energized by the work.  The constant arrival of that emotion can shine a light on a deeper problem and propel us to change.

3. Use your emotions to your advantage. The ability to harness those emotions and apply them to tasks like thinking and problem-solving can be incredibly beneficial. A healthy dose of frustration can be good, leading to creativity and determination. Anger can be valuable if we use it as an alarm clock to wake up and bring about immediate change; we can direct the frustration toward meeting our needs, not punishing people. 

4. Calibrate your emotions. The stronger your emotions, the more likely they are to distract your behavior and potentially cripple you.  If you learn ways to tone them down, they can help you better respond to your triggers.  A great strategy for this is to employ a breathing technique where you take three deep breaths and exhale slowly so your body is feeling more relaxed and you can offer a proper response and not an impulsive one. You can also count to 10, drink a glass of water, go for a quick walk, or mentally travel to your happy space to fill your energy bucket so you have more positive emotions in which to tap. You can also get curious and ask questions to learn more and also buy yourself time to let some of the raw emotions diffuse.

Emotional intelligence determines how you interact with others, maintain relationships, stay motivated, make decisions, manage your emotions, influence others, and much more.  The more you can get a hold of your emotions, the more you can use them to push you forward instead of hold you back. 

Quote of the day: “Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret”- Ambrose Bierce 

Q: When you are triggered, what technique do you use so you can respond thoughtfully instead of reacting impulsively?  Comment and share with us, we would love to hear!

How well do you know and can manage your emotions?

4 Ways to Thrive as an Excellent Mentee (Mentorship Series 3/3)

Congratulations, you have been given the gift of mentorship, now what can you do to make the most of this exciting opportunity for growth? 

Let’s jump into some tips:

1. Make Meetings Count. Creating an agenda before your scheduled meeting and giving your mentor adequate time in advance to prepare and view any related materials can make your time together more productive.  Before meetings, spend time with yourself to get some clarity by crafting strong questions that you can ask during the session.  Some queries may include - What are your high-level goals? What’s one thing in your path that you want to overcome or achieve to get to a different level in your career?  What is a topic you definitely want to address and do you have a shortlist of 3-5 questions that will get you greater clarity on that topic?  It can also be helpful to include meeting time to share your progress towards the goals you have made in the interim. Quantifying your status can add significant momentum; if you are 60% on your way, what would it take to get the other 40% completed?

2. Create Mutual Value. The ideal mentorship is when value flows both ways. While it is wonderful to receive positive energy from your top supporter, give thought to how much energy you are projecting in the partnership. When you share your ideas and resources, you can inspire your mentors to reflect differently on their business or development path.  Connecting the dots from the mutual work you are doing can help them to glean insights relevant to their work. Mentees can do their part by asking mentors what they want to learn or know more about so mentees know what information to offer if they stumble upon it.  The best mentorships are when learning and energy is a two-way street.

3. Be Curious and Receptive to Feedback.  Experience gives mentors a different vantage point to see a lot of what you may not.  When your mentor shares information on what you may be doing right or what may not be working, be open to that feedback and ask questions around it.  This inquiry can serve as an excellent check on your blind spots.  The best lessons can come when you operate under the premise, “what if I am wrong?”

4. Be Responsible and Dependable.  Great mentees are organized, efficient, and engaged.  They honor deadlines, adhere to appointments, keep commitments.  They pursue all leads discussed in the meeting and report back.  They provide timely updates and offer no gaps in what they say and what they do.  They are proactive in thinking about how to solve the problems that they share. They know they do not need to fashion full-blown solutions, but that the outlay of time and energy of thinking about the problem can positively surprise their mentor.  These behaviors go a long way in building a trusting relationship.

5. Be intentional about connecting.  Professional relationships are so much stronger when you can have that human alignment.  Spend time on small talk to scan for different topics that can yield common interests to strengthen the bond.  You can talk about what you did over the weekend or any trips you may have planned or a great piece of content you consumed in the past week that had an impact on you.  You also want to be curious about the person’s career.  For a first session, you may start with some more broad questions and then narrow your questions to go even deeper and get more specific as the relationship develops.  Some questions you may ask – how did you rise in your career?  What were some of your key turning points?  Knowing what you know now, what advice would you give yourself when first starting out?

While mentors can give you advice and guidance that help you more easily travel up the ranks, at the end of the day, you’re responsible for your own decisions and success in life. Making the most of your mentorship can yield explosive benefits.

Quote of the Day: “Our chief want in life is somebody who shall make us do what we can.” — Ralph Waldo Emerson

Q: What types of values do you think would be helpful to bring to the mentor relationship?  Comment and share your ideas.  We would love to hear!

As a Leadership Coach, I partner with others to support them in their goals, contact me to learn more.

Mentees have great responsibilities as well

A 4-Point Guide to Thrive as an Excellent Mentor (Mentorship Series 2/3)

Given how important mentorship is, it is surprising the limited guidance on how to be a great mentor.  While mentorship comes in many flavors, common approaches can be distilled to help others develop. 

Let’s dive into some tips to maximize your contribution as a mentor:

1. Connect to Other Mentors. While it may be true that the best mentors know the industry and profession well and can shepherd you in these areas, it’s not the full story.  Anthony Tjan, CEO of Boston Venture Capital explained “Rarely can one person give you everything you need to grow.”  In this case, mentors should establish a mentor group so they can share techniques and resources, support each other, and occasionally refer their mentee to another based on a selected area of expertise.  The Firm Credit Suisse does a multiple purpose mentorship when assigning a new analyst to projects because they realize that the analyst needs more support than a single staffer can provide.  An employee stated, “What I learned in onboarding is only 40% to be successful, but having access to several VPs allowed me to gain the other 60% quickly.” 

2. Guide the Soft Skills. According to the Harvard Business Review, in an interview of more than 100 admired leaders and mentors, one crucial characteristic stood out – the best mentors do everything they can to imprint their goodness onto others so they can be fuller versions of themselves. When mentors focus on character rather than competency, it makes all the difference. Sure, mastering skills is an essential element, but so is the soft skill investment - helping mentees live their values and increase self-awareness, empathy, and capacity for respect.  These are the traits that can engender the best relationships.

3. Be an Energy Giver.  Anthony Tjan mentions the benefit of considering how an idea might work instead of it not working.  He shares the 24x 3 rule for optimism. Each time you hear a new idea, see if it is possible to spend 24 seconds, minutes, or a day thinking about all the reasons why it is good before you critique any aspect of it. While it has been said by Economist John Keynes that the world prefers conventional failure over unconventional success, what would it be like to help your mentee encourage exploration in the latter direction? Optimism and belief in the person can go a long way.

4. Handle Power Responsibly. Since mentors are in the dominant position, do not wield power inappropriately.  Mentorship malpractice can happen when you take credit for mentees’ ideas, discourage them from seeking additional mentors, usurping lead position on their projects, or when you encourage that they further your personal projects rather than have them develop their work.  The relationship is about the advancement of the mentee, and these actions serve to isolate them from broader learning and development.

Mentors are bestowed with incredible power to share their wisdom and teachings with others, and rewardingly,  their positive impact usually reverberates well beyond their time spent together. 

Quote of the Day: “We make a living by what we get, we make a life by what we give.” — Winston Churchill

Q: Who is your mentor?  What makes that person so incredible?  Comment and share below, we would love to hear from you.

The next blog in this series 3/3 will focus on how to thrive as an excellent mentee

As a Leadership Coach, I partner with others to support them in their goals, contact me to learn more.

How do you mentor others to maximize performance?

The Incredible Power of a Mentorship (Mentorship Series 1/3)

The art of passing knowledge and expertise from one person to another through a mentor relationship has been a time-honored tradition.  Socrates imparted wisdom to shape Plato’s success, who then assumed the mentor role to guide Aristotle. In a more contemporary mentorship relationship, Oprah Winfrey had this to say of her mentor Maya Angelou “She was there for me always, guiding me through some of the most important years of my life, mentors are important and I don’t think anybody makes it in the world without some form of mentorship.”

Recognizing this great opportunity, corporations have made this a well-established practice. The Association for Talent Development reports that 71% of Fortune 500 companies have formal mentorship programs while many more support informal initiatives.

The benefits to participants and organizations are clear.  According to research from mentoring software firm MentorcliQ, 89% of workers participating in a mentoring program said it allowed them to contribute to the success of their company; 94% believed that a mentoring program demonstrates an organization’s commitment to providing career options and opportunities; and 83% admitted that their mentoring experience positively influenced their desire to stay at their organization. 

What are the best tips for setting up a successful mentorship?

1. Set Clear Expectations. While you think you have been perfectly matched with just the right mentor, do not assume that you are on the same page.  Let your mentor know what you want to get out of the relationship, for example, if you are looking to gain specific knowledge of other parts of the company or how to maintain work-life balance for a high achiever, let them know your distinct goal.  Otherwise, your mentor might assume you want to know how to move up the ladder or be a better leader, which could also be the case, but when you offer a specific goal, you can target your efforts for the greatest progress.  At the same time, ask your mentor what they want out of the relationship.  The best connection is when mentees fully understand their mentor’s vision for success.   When alignment occurs at the outset, the transition is much smoother.

2. Establish a Cadence for Communication. Confirm the frequency of scheduled meetings and whether it is ok to call/email in between meetings. Perhaps big issues can be saved for those pre-planned times, but if an emergency should appear, what can you do to devise thoughtful questions to yield yes/no responses to save time?  Adapt to your mentor’s style, if they do not check voicemails, do not leave one.  Establishing clear ground rules can improve efficiency.

3. Develop an Authentic Relationship and not a Transactional one.  Part of building trust is getting to know each other, so make sure to allot some time each meeting for relationship building because it will enable you to serve each other more fully. Simple questions such as - what is your family like, your life outside of work, your hobbies - can create additional entry points for genuine bonding over commonalities and potentially spark different ways to collaborate.  Frankly, this way is more fun and should be prioritized.

4. Have a Backup Plan.  It is not uncommon to have a conflict or a falling out in the relationship.  Maybe you want to shift the focus of the mentorship but your mentor does not. Perhaps, you have taken the initiative to set up the meetings, show up prepared, but your mentor is not responsive or prepared. Maybe there is a personality clash.  If these situations arise, it is possible to avoid or repair problems.  Have a plan on how you will address issues so spats do not escalate into bigger complications and the relationship can be back on track.

A strong mentorship can be truly a one-of-a-kind life-changing experience because the mentor can help you flourish in your personal and professional life.  Likewise, the mentor can learn new insights through the interactions. The organization reaps the benefits as well when they invest in their employee’s growth.

Quote of the day: “One of the greatest values of mentors is the ability to see ahead what others cannot see and to help them navigate a course to their destination.” -John C. Maxwell

Q: What do you seek most from your mentor relationship?   Comment and share with us, we would love to hear!

The next blog in this series 2/3 will focus on how to thrive as an excellent mentor

As an Executive & Leadership Coach, I partner with others to support them in their goals, contact me to learn more.

Mentorship makes all the difference

Learn By Unlearning

In a world where people are battling with information overload, so much of the emphasis appears to be on learning something new every day.  But what if I told you there could be just as much benefit in unlearning?

Typically, when we are thinking about learning, we approach it from a purely additive perspective – which means taking in new information with the goal of building on your current knowledge base.  But learning can also involve subtraction. In fact, the best kind of learning also includes our ability to unlearn.

Often, our unwillingness to unlearn causes us to carry around old mental models that may be irrelevant or ineffective.  For example, in describing the people who purchase their products, business leaders may still use the word consumers, which can be so transactional.  While in the more collaborative world of today, it is far more powerful to think of them in more personal and synergistic terms such as customers or even co-creators.  Unlearning in this instance provokes a simple shift in language that can help change our mindset to suit current times better.

If our dominant paradigms have served us well in a previous time, but are now outdated and thus obsolete, we must make changes by unlearning.  When we do that, we essentially step outside of one mental model to adopt another.   Three years ago when I was in India, I got the chance to drive a tuk-tuk, an auto-rickshaw usually used as taxis.  Other than adjusting to the dizzying swirl of the Indian streets, I was sharing a road with no markings, few traffic lights, and littered with cyclists, cars, pedestrians, and cows, all while quickly learning the controls and driving on the left side.  At the same time, I had to unlearn driving on the right because at that precise point, that knowledge was not serving me well.  Choosing to unlearn things even temporarily or indefinitely can be a valuable asset and help to reassure a bunch of nervous tuk-tuk passengers.

Mark Bonchek, founder of Shift Thinking recommends three tips to unlearn:

1. Recognize that the old paradigms are obsolete.  Sounds simple, but incredibly difficult since we can be unconscious to this fact, in the way fish are to water.  Even if we do notice, it can still be hard to admit it because that could mean starting over and giving up control over the knowledge we once had.

2. Find or create a new archetype that can better achieve your goals.  You can start with a language shift (customers rather than consumers) which can lead to a mindset change.

3. Be patient.  Unlearning is not a linear process so even when you think you are not gaining ground, you are.

Progress requires learning and unlearning.  Indeed, becoming the best version of ourselves compels us to continuously edit our beliefs and update them to fit the changing times and/or perspectives.

Quote of the day: We can't solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them. -Albert Einstein

Q: What is one thing you would do well to unlearn? Comment and share with us, we would love to hear from you!

The importance of unlearning

5 Tips To Have Meetings that Work

It has been said that a “meeting is in an event where minutes are taken and hours are wasted.”  While this is often a common gripe, perhaps meetings themselves are not inherently a waste of time, instead, it is how we organize them that really is.

Most of us have likely been in a meeting where we felt like our time was being poorly spent.  First, it does not start on time because the facilitator is nowhere to be found.  Then, the topics seem to be disconnected and it quickly becomes apparent that the leader did not adequately prepare, therefore, no clear goal is in sight and conversations run amok.   So, the stress builds as time goes by because it becomes obvious your time would have been better spent churning out valuable work elsewhere. 

The fact that these challenges are so common makes you wonder why managers are still having meetings in the first place.  The answer: Because meetings are important and there is a better way!  Management Leader Brian Tracy argues that as workplaces grow more complex and performance tasks become more interrelated, it is essential to meet to problem solve, share information, exchange viewpoints, connect, and bond.  When done right, a meeting is not only a powerful tool for management, but it is, dare I say, an enjoyable experience.

Here are the Top 5 Essentials to Keep in Mind when Running a Meeting:

1. Prepare!  90% of success is determined by preparation.  Before you decide to have a meeting – ask the question – is there another way to hold this meeting or solve this problem?  If the answer is no, only then, begin by defining the purpose of the meeting in 25 words or less.  Answer this question - if the meeting worked out perfectly, what would the result be?  Put the objective and goals on a written agenda sent out in advance so attendees can show up ready to contribute. And, if you can gain input from your team on some of the most pressing issues that should belong on the agenda, that’s great too! Meetings should not just be about information sharing, rather that valuable time should be used mainly for problem-solving.

2. Honor people’s time.  There should be no exceptions to the rule of starting and ending on time.  If you do not get to finish, table it for the next session.  If somebody is late, do not recap the information because, not only does it waste time, but it also conveys the message that lateness is acceptable.  Vince Lombardi, the famous football coach who won multiple championships, believed strongly in punctuality and even went a step further because he thought being on time was not good enough.  He said, “if you are not 15 minutes early you’re late.” It boils down to a simple act of respect – when you are late, you tell people that their time is not as valuable as yours and that erodes confidence.  When you are on time or even early, it creates assurance and a sense of dependability.

3. Set up discussion norms. These can help guide the conversation.  For example, Bob Frisch of the Harvard Business Review says a good norm to have is to tell the team that silence denotes agreement.  This encourages people to open up and get more involved.  Other guidelines such as keep your ideas brief, be mindful of how much you speak, don’t interrupt, and always be kind to each other, can bring out the best kind of conversations. If some people, such as introverts need more time to process and a written channel to share their thoughts, that’s fine, choose the structure that suits your particular culture and individuals so they can thrive. 

4. Wrap up a meeting effectively.  Save the last few minutes to summarize the main points and assign ownership for each task with deadlines.  Implicit contracts are worthless unless they are actionable and able to create accountability.

5. Send notes after the meeting.  Send clear and concise meeting notes within 24 hours including decisions made and the next steps.  A single page is fine. The notes should state each topic discussed, key takeaways, and a list of actions to be taken. As the Chinese proverb goes – the palest ink is better than the best memory. 

When a meeting is properly planned and executed, it creates a productive environment to engage in creativity, problem-solving, and healthy conflict.  These sessions can bring a team closer together and engender greater respect for each other, the leader, and the organization.

Quote of the day: “You have a meeting to make a decision, not to decide on the question.”  -Bill Gates

Q: What is your best tip to improve meetings? Comment and share with us, we would love to know.

If you are interested in having a training session on creating effective meetings, please contact me to talk more; I’d love to learn how you organize meetings in your company for optimal success.

Make meetings count