Common Pitfalls To Avoid When Managing Up (Manage Up Series 6/6 )

The last article explored the type of leader you want to be while you are managing up.  This article will cover some approaches you might be tempted to take but are more helpful to avoid.

Let’s explore what not to do:

1. Don’t bad mouth your boss.  While your frustrations may be valid, you will lose credibility when you complain to others.   Plus, by talking poorly about your boss to your Direct Reports, you normalize that negative dynamic on your team and that gossip contributes to a toxic culture.  Be a proactive leader who aims to improve the situation and not just a complainer who passes responsibility onto others.

2. Don’t criticize publicly.  Do not aim to embarrass your boss in front of others.  Disagree with your boss privately and in a calm voice.  Your job is to make your boss look good and build credibility for them that will ultimately enhance your department, not to score points at their expense.

3. Do not cast blame.  Upper management is just as human as you and can make bad decisions.  Instead of blaming and focusing on the past, address the issue and be intentional about what you want to be different in the future to avoid this from happening again.

4. Do not share when angry.  When you operate from this place of anger and resentment, your reptile brain takes over and clouds your judgment from making smart and strategic choices.  Take a reset and aim to take time to see different perspectives and replace the anger with empathy.  Stephen Covey would urge, “seek first to understand then be understood.” Put yourself in your boss’ shoes.  What are their biggest challenges, and how would they like to be treated?  This perspective will enable you to make stronger decisions for the best win-win outcomes.

5. Do not assume your boss knows all the details.  You may know the ins and outs of your team and your work, but if your boss is overseeing a few teams and is in charge of 100+ people, it could be hard to have all the specifics at their fingertips.  Instead, if you could get good at communicating at the conceptual level and build stories around crucial points, your message will resonate more strongly.   

6. Do not take it personally.  Just because your boss has not adopted your solutions does not mean they dislike you.  The same movies can get glowing reviews by the New York Times and slammed by the LA Times due to their subjective nature.  If your boss denies your request to handle the budget even though you have overseen much bigger budgets previously, you may think it is a personal attack.  When you take a step back, do you notice that they operate like that with other people, not just you?   Zoom out to see the bigger picture before rushing to conclusions.

When all else fails, decide to make peace

If you feel like you have tried everything, that your manager is aware and not making any changes or getting better, that can be a stifling experience.  Many organizations still promote people because of their technical success rather than people management skills.  To compound the problem, many new managers receive little or no training before jumping into their new roles.  The main reason why people leave companies is because of their manager.  One sign that it might be time to make peace with the situation and exit is if your manager is harming your health.  A study by the American Psychological Association found that 75% of Americans say their “boss is the most stressful part of their workday.”  If you are experiencing mental unrest by losing sleep, having chronic stress, or spending more time thinking about your boss, it’s time to go.  If you are struggling emotionally and seeing your self-esteem plummet and determine it is a toxic environment, that’s an unmistakable sign that it’s time to move on to the next role or job.

Give yourself the permission to make a career change and fight your fear of quitting.  Some people might not have the option to have a gap in their work, but there is no need to suffer indefinitely.  You usually have more options than you initially realize, you can have informational interviews with your peers and aim to transfer internally to a better team, or line up a role outside the company.  When you make a change, be sure to capture the learnings and what you would do differently next time, so you do not recreate the circumstances you were escaping.  If nothing else, by managing up, you will learn what type of manager you want to be and what kind you want to avoid.

Getting good at managing up takes time.  While it can be tempting to react by blaming and criticizing to get short-term wins, it is more helpful to take a step back and play the long game by focusing on who you want to be as a leader regardless of the circumstances. 

Quote of the day: “We never know which lives we influence, or when, or why.” -Stephen King

Q:  What is one approach to managing up that you have taken that was an utter failure?  What would you do differently next time?  Comment and share below; we would love to hear from you!

As a leadership development and executive coach, I work with people to sharpen their managing up skills, contact me to explore this topic further.

How not to manage up

The Pre-Work You Need to Manage Up (Manage Up Series 2/6)

Managing up is a required skill in every job.  Doing this well will allow you to advance your career and bring benefits to your team and the organization.   

Before jumping into best practices for managing up, it is helpful to think about the prework you want to complete so you are in the best position to succeed. 

Here are some critical aspects to uncover:

1. Know your leader’s communication style.  Executive Coach Julie Kantor says, “some bosses readily explain to subordinates how and when they want to communicate.  Others do better when offered multiple-choice questions.  If your boss has not willingly told you, seek agreements on methods and cadence for updates.  You can ask, how often do you want updates: daily, weekly, or only when I have something to report?  Do you prefer phone, instant messaging, email, or face-to-face?”  Getting this information clear will contribute to an excellent relationship, allowing for managing up to occur more easily.  Also, maybe your boss prizes unstructured chat time before diving into the work, whereas you prefer having work updates first and chat time at the end if there is time because it is how you operate with your direct reports.  It is better to adjust your style to fit your boss’ preference rather than impose your will.

1A. Understand their listener/reader style.  You can adjust your style in response to your boss’ preferred method of receiving information.  Peter Drucker, often described as the founder of modern management, divided bosses into “readers” and “listeners.”  If your boss is a reader, they like to get information in report form so they can read and study it.  In that case, you want to include important points in your memo and then discuss them.   Others are listeners, they work better with hearing information presented and being able to ask questions immediately in real time.  In this case, you may want to verbally share to have that back and forth and then follow up with notes of what has been discussed.  This contributes to creating fertile ground for managing up to occur.

1B. Understand their preference for updates.  Some bosses prefer to be involved in decisions and problems as they arise.  These are high-involvement managers who like to keep their hands on the pulse of the operation during critical moments, so it is best to be proactive in including them.  Other bosses prefer to delegate and be less involved.  They expect you to come to them with major problems and inform them about any significant changes.  When keeping these bosses in the loop, be clear on what you are doing and if there is anything you should be doing differently, let them know you welcome their input.  This critical information will allow you to move to the next stage and not waste weeks of work because you did not allow your boss an opportunity to weigh in earlier.  Managing up will be easier when these processes are established.

1C. Have the expectations discussion.  Many people assume the boss will magically know what information to give their subordinates.  Some are naturally good at this, and some are not.  Be proactive at the outset and ask.  What are your expectations from me?  What is a good way to exchange feedback?  Do not assume that just because you like to receive feedback in a particular way from your direct reports, it will be the same style as what your boss will want from you.  Be proactive in uncovering expectations that will set you up for managing up success. 

2. Understand their decision-making style.  Do they make decisions intuitively and change their mind a lot, or do they prefer a more fact-based approach and need lots of data and time to arrive at an action slowly, or any combination of the two?  When you are trying to influence, you can use their style to shape your approach.  Maybe they want to be in control, so you would give them information about what you are doing and offer choices about the next steps so they can make the ultimate decision.

3. Understand your manager's strengths, weaknesses, and motivations.  When you can go to them on a topic that utilizes one of their strengths, they can help more efficiently.  When you go to them in an area of weakness, you may be disappointed.  In that case, it can be a good opportunity for you to be proactive in taking more of a leadership role.  For example, maybe your boss is not strong at creating team bonding events, you can volunteer to take the lead on that.  Furthermore, knowing what they care about and advancing that interest can be helpful.  Dr. Julie Kantor, Executive Coach says, “It pays to figure out what motivates your boss, do they need to look important? Find ways to help them talk about their successes.”  If your boss’ boss cares about retention and building community, you can link the team bonding event to a larger and more critical initiative that would bode well for your leader.

4. Know your leader’s realities.  What numbers are your boss being measured on?  How is their boss defining success?  What are their goals and pressures?  How does your work fit into this bigger picture?  You can exhibit upward empathy and learn about what the specific work is like for your boss, what makes it hard, and what might you be unintentionally contributing to the difficulty level.  Without this information, you might be flying blind so your efforts to manage up would likely be fruitless.

5. Know the organization.  Some organizations are more hierarchical so it can feel threatening to have direct reports speak up.  Find out the informal rules so you can be more clued in on how to operate within the existing structures before you aim to make changes.

This kind of preparation can be used to develop and manage a healthy working relationship - one that is compatible with both work styles and strengths so you can do great work together.

Quote of the day: “Think twice before you speak because your words and influence will plant the seed of either success or failure in the mind of another.”  -Napoleon Hill

Q:  What is one way to learn your boss’ key stated and unstated priorities?  Comment and share below, we would love to hear from you!

[The next blog in this series 3/6 will focus on managing up for project work]

As a leadership development and executive coach, I work with people to sharpen their managing up skills, contact me to explore this topic further.

What do you know about your leader’s style?

We All Need to Manage Up (Manage Up Series 1/6)

It is quite common to have a different perspective from our managers and want to find effective ways to speak up to alter outcomes.  Toeing the line between skillfully influencing regardless of your position and not overstepping in a way that disrespects your leader and damages your reputation can be tricky. When we can hone the skill of managing up, we can make a positive difference in our teams and in our organizations.

Harvard Business School Professor John Kotter defines managing up as the process of consciously working with your superior to obtain the best possible results for you, your boss, and the company.  It is a way of customizing your work style to best suit your managers for optimum collective success.  It can also refer to your tactics to build a strong relationship with your boss to make work easier.  Sue Shellenbarger in the Wall Street Journal writes, "Managing up, or building smooth, productive relationships with higher-ups, requires understanding and adapting to your boss’s communication and decision-making style.”  Clearly, the approach you take to manage up matters.

Mastering this skill has copious benefits.  You can effectively shape the agenda by better advocating for what you want, asking for resources, and promoting your team’s successes.  The organization benefits as well.  When you have a strong relationship with your manager and know a good method to be heard, you can achieve more win-wins.  Instead of contributing to a culture of silence where people do not voice their views, you can create a conduit for great ideas to see the light of day.  Organizations want people who can vigorously campaign on behalf of their team with excellent intentions to impact productivity, morale, and retention positively.

Choosing when to speak up is not always easy and straightforward.  Here are some situations that could be helpful to chime in:

1. When it is at the cost of the company’s mission and integrity.  If something is happening that is damaging the company’s reputation internally or externally, it can be essential to get involved.  If you know that corners are being cut and there is a negative impact on customers or other stakeholders, your manager will want to know this.

2. When your motives are genuine.  If you have already checked in with yourself and ruled out jealousy or other less envious motives, and it is really about the benefit to the team, organization, or stakeholders, it is a good time to manage up to share constructive concerns collaboratively.

3. When you have established trust and credibility.  When you have shown yourself to be a dependable person that delivers consistent, timely, and excellent quality work, you will be in a good position to manage up.  If you are not a model of what you seek, your message will be harder to convey and be heard. This reminds me of Jordan Peterson’s rule 6: set your house in perfect order before you criticize the world.  While I disagree with the word perfect, the underlining sentiment of being an example of what you are trying to change is powerful.   Nobody wants to listen to somebody who cannot do the thing they are advocating.

4. When there are massive communication gaps.  You may have assumptions that your boss has a view of you that is inaccurate.  You may want to check in, clear the air, and frame the perception that more precisely depicts who you are instead of them filling in the gaps so you can speak up and align on a shared reality. I had a client who was working on a massive project, culminating in a pivotal stakeholder meeting where a decision had to be made. When the boss viewed the invite list, she said the list looked random and did not understand why some attendees were present.  My client wanted to take a moment to zoom out and inform her leader of the broader picture, that she had been talking to all those stakeholders regularly and had an excellent explanation for each person’s attendance.  Having that conversation to loop her boss in was essential because while they may have initially thought my client was careless in their selection, they were, in fact, deliberate. 

5. When it is for the leader’s benefit.  Business management expert Patrick Lencioni advocates managing up to benefit the leader.  He said, “do not expect that the manager is leading exactly the way they want.”  He shared a story of when a direct report came to him as a great example of managing up.  Lencioni promoted somebody who was not team-oriented, which violated one of the company values.  So, the direct report went to Lencioni and said, I know you have a lot on your plate, but I noticed an inconsistency that I wanted to share and learn more about the reasoning behind the decision. You talk about teamwork being important but just promoted the least teamwork-focused person, so I think to address the disconnection, we either should change what we believe or move him to another place where he would be a better fit.  Lencioni shared that he was happy to have that blind spot bought to his attention and believed that if you only hear about frustrations when your team hands you a resignation letter, it is unfair because it does not give the leader a chance to course correct.  

Another client of mine had a similar situation speaking up regarding their boss’ blind spot.  The boss would think out loud at meetings and share fleeting comments to the team about possibly doing more research.  Some team members would interpret those passing thoughts as requests, and a couple of people would work on the same project and waste time and resources.  Others would view those thoughts as just verballing processing and would not do anything and the boss would wonder why no action was taken.  So, my client shared this observation with their boss, “I noticed this phenomenon happening where your verbal brainstorming is creating confusion and might be wasting time, I’m wondering what if, at the end of a meeting, we share one thing to investigate and one person to do that so there is clarity and no overlap?  How would that work for you, or what would you add to reduce the confusion?”  Before sharing your idea, you can even invite your boss to share possible solutions before you offer yours.  This is a great topic to manage up because you are proposing a process change to improve the business and inviting a co-creating experience.

When NOT to manage up:

1. Personality difference with no business benefit.  If you simply do not like your manager’s style and changing it would make your life easier but have no positive impact on the business or other team members, then it is misusing the spirit of managing up.  For example, if you want your manager to be more optimistic and less realistic because that is your preference, you may be unable to change that.  It is good to ask yourself, how is my request impacting the business other than it’s annoying me?  If their approach is leading to hours wasted, unnecessary confusion, and a lack of direction for you and the team, that’s different.  Tapping into the bigger reason we are here and how we can align to make the business successful is a good guide to managing up.

2. You think you can be leading better.  You may believe you can do the job better than your manager, many of us feel that way from time to time and that can be ok, but when you take action to undermine your boss or try to win or be right at your boss’s expense, that is crossing the line.  To be successful at your job, it is helpful to support your leader publicly and make them look good rather than asserting your will.  And if you believe you can do a better job, great, do your best to get promoted based on the quality of your work and your integrity and when you get that promotion, you will get a chance to lead in the way you want, and your direct reports will follow you based on your style and the benefits that you deliver.

When you can learn the skill of managing up, it will make you a more effective contributor.  The best indicator of managing up is when there is a triple win – you win, your manager/team wins, and the company wins. 

Quote of the day: “Example is not the main thing in influencing others. It is the only thing.” – Albert Schweitzer. 

Q:  When was the last time you had to manage up?  What worked that you would want to repeat?  Comment and share below; we would love to hear from you!

The next blog in this series 2/6 will focus on helpful prework to do to manage up.

As a leadership development and executive coach, I work with people to sharpen their managing up skills, contact me to explore this topic further.

How do you manage up?