The last article explored the type of leader you want to be while you are managing up. This article will cover some approaches you might be tempted to take but are more helpful to avoid.
Let’s explore what not to do:
1. Don’t bad mouth your boss. While your frustrations may be valid, you will lose credibility when you complain to others. Plus, by talking poorly about your boss to your Direct Reports, you normalize that negative dynamic on your team and that gossip contributes to a toxic culture. Be a proactive leader who aims to improve the situation and not just a complainer who passes responsibility onto others.
2. Don’t criticize publicly. Do not aim to embarrass your boss in front of others. Disagree with your boss privately and in a calm voice. Your job is to make your boss look good and build credibility for them that will ultimately enhance your department, not to score points at their expense.
3. Do not cast blame. Upper management is just as human as you and can make bad decisions. Instead of blaming and focusing on the past, address the issue and be intentional about what you want to be different in the future to avoid this from happening again.
4. Do not share when angry. When you operate from this place of anger and resentment, your reptile brain takes over and clouds your judgment from making smart and strategic choices. Take a reset and aim to take time to see different perspectives and replace the anger with empathy. Stephen Covey would urge, “seek first to understand then be understood.” Put yourself in your boss’ shoes. What are their biggest challenges, and how would they like to be treated? This perspective will enable you to make stronger decisions for the best win-win outcomes.
5. Do not assume your boss knows all the details. You may know the ins and outs of your team and your work, but if your boss is overseeing a few teams and is in charge of 100+ people, it could be hard to have all the specifics at their fingertips. Instead, if you could get good at communicating at the conceptual level and build stories around crucial points, your message will resonate more strongly.
6. Do not take it personally. Just because your boss has not adopted your solutions does not mean they dislike you. The same movies can get glowing reviews by the New York Times and slammed by the LA Times due to their subjective nature. If your boss denies your request to handle the budget even though you have overseen much bigger budgets previously, you may think it is a personal attack. When you take a step back, do you notice that they operate like that with other people, not just you? Zoom out to see the bigger picture before rushing to conclusions.
When all else fails, decide to make peace
If you feel like you have tried everything, that your manager is aware and not making any changes or getting better, that can be a stifling experience. Many organizations still promote people because of their technical success rather than people management skills. To compound the problem, many new managers receive little or no training before jumping into their new roles. The main reason why people leave companies is because of their manager. One sign that it might be time to make peace with the situation and exit is if your manager is harming your health. A study by the American Psychological Association found that 75% of Americans say their “boss is the most stressful part of their workday.” If you are experiencing mental unrest by losing sleep, having chronic stress, or spending more time thinking about your boss, it’s time to go. If you are struggling emotionally and seeing your self-esteem plummet and determine it is a toxic environment, that’s an unmistakable sign that it’s time to move on to the next role or job.
Give yourself the permission to make a career change and fight your fear of quitting. Some people might not have the option to have a gap in their work, but there is no need to suffer indefinitely. You usually have more options than you initially realize, you can have informational interviews with your peers and aim to transfer internally to a better team, or line up a role outside the company. When you make a change, be sure to capture the learnings and what you would do differently next time, so you do not recreate the circumstances you were escaping. If nothing else, by managing up, you will learn what type of manager you want to be and what kind you want to avoid.
Getting good at managing up takes time. While it can be tempting to react by blaming and criticizing to get short-term wins, it is more helpful to take a step back and play the long game by focusing on who you want to be as a leader regardless of the circumstances.
Quote of the day: “We never know which lives we influence, or when, or why.” -Stephen King
Q: What is one approach to managing up that you have taken that was an utter failure? What would you do differently next time? Comment and share below; we would love to hear from you!
As a leadership development and executive coach, I work with people to sharpen their managing up skills, contact me to explore this topic further.
How not to manage up