We exist in a world that is constantly on overdrive. The plethora of communication devices and apps at our disposal means that our services or input are always in demand. So, learning how to say no may be the most valuable response we can arm ourselves with today.
The effectiveness of the word no comes from its ability to instantly free up time that can be put toward the things that really matter to us. This, in turn, offers further clarity about our purpose, at which time the once daunting act of saying no suddenly begins to feel very natural because it creates the space to fill our moments with value.
In the book, Essentialism, Greg McKeown describes how distinguished Psychologist Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi once reached out to Management pioneer Peter Drucker and several other innovative individuals requesting an interview for his book based on creativity. Drucker responded by saying that he appreciated the offer but would have to disappoint him. He wrote, “One of the secrets of my productivity is to have a big waste paper basket to take care of all invitations such as yours.” A chief reason why Drucker was able to turn down such an enticing offer was because he was passionately driven by his own work.
While we may not all possess the same natural directness as Drucker in rejecting others, here are a few suggestions to offer a no when you are still searching for the right words:
1. Thank the person for thinking of you and simply let them know that you do not have the bandwidth right now. When you remember the things you are currently working on that excite you, it becomes easier to say no because you will not have to shortchange the activities that arrest your attention. Here is another way to phrase your no: “I want to do a great job, but my other commitments I have may preclude me from delivering the quality of work in which I can be proud.”
2. Pause. If you are unsure what to say, you might want to try pausing for three seconds after the request. You do not have to respond at the moment; you can say, “let me check my calendar and get back to you” or “I want to take a careful look at what is currently on my plate right now before I let you know, would that be ok or how does that sound?” Sometimes letting the thought marinate for a little will provide you with even more clarity and just the right words for the appropriate response.
3. Reprioritize. If it is just a case of being overbooked, you can let your boss know that you are happy to make this a priority, but ask which other projects should you deprioritize, postpone, or even abandon to pay attention to the new project. Which resources need to be diverted to this new assignment? You could also ask, “if you could not do the whole project, but just a part, which piece would you want me to do?” “Are their parts of this project that are more important than other parts?” These sorting questions can yield great clarity for both sides and possibly curtail the scope of the project to its most essential.
4. Postpone. If it is a request for a coffee catch-up meeting from a loose connection, you could let the person know that you would love to get together, but you would have to wait until after your project is completed. They can send a message to reconnect in the next season. If a window of time opens up after your project is done and the person is persistent in reaching out again, perhaps they can catch you in a yes-type-of-mood.
5. Set automatic message. You can set up your automated email away message and let others know you are in monk mode until you finish working on your project which already has enormous demands on your time.
6. Be brief. If somebody is trying to schedule a specific time with you and you cannot make it, no need to overshare and give your reasoning. Instead of saying, “I can’t make the meeting because of x, y, z., you can say, I cannot make it at this time, but how about these times…?” The justifications dilute the importance of your time; focus on what you can do rather than not what you cannot do.
7. Delay send. When you receive a message, instead of responding instantly, even though you may want to cross it off your list, you can draft the message, but delay the delivery for a couple of days for nonurgent emails so you establish the expectation of having adequate time to respond. Another way to set email expectations is to put at the bottom of your signature that you will be checking emails during these two windows (9-10 and 4-5) so they know when to roughly receive a return message. Of course this depends on the nature of your job.
8. Share the work. If your teammate is suggesting yet another change to the project, you can tell them to make the revisions and you would be happy to review it so it is a collaborative effort and the ownership is split.
While saying no can have a potential short-term impact on your relationships, it will yield greater respect in the long run because you will be known as a disciplined person aiming to achieve big things. Chinese writer Lin Yutang said it best when he said, “The wisdom of life exists in the elimination of nonessentials.” It is only when you permit yourself to stop trying to do it all, that you can make your highest contribution to what matters.
Thought of the day: “Innovation is saying "no" to 1,000 things.” -Steve Jobs
Q: What is something you can start saying no to immediately so you can dedicate resources to a passion project?? Comment below, we would love to hear from you.
As a Leadership Development & Executive Coach, I partner with others to have difficult conversations, say no, and create boundaries so you can take a proactive approach for greater fulfillment, contact me to learn more.
Get more comfortable with saying no